Hi everyone, I'm currently going thru a breakup with someone that seems to be a narcissist (no diagnosis but their behaviour seems to point that she is) and I think is the first time I dealt with someone like that.
We had a fallout after she had an argument with her family and friends during a party that I attended to at her place, she stormed out of her place completely drunk and left me there in a weird position, her friends where bitter and told me things about her and it matched with things I saw by myself but wasn't sure so I didn't make a big fuss about them and that broke me completely since I'm deeply in love with her.
Her friends and I just stopped talking to her after her rude behavior and actually expected her to apologize to me or give me an explanation but she didn't budge and just kept on partying and not talking at all to me for almost a week and whene she did talk was to tell me that how did I dare to distrust her.
She has been on and off with me and calls me in the middle of the night piss drunk to tell me she loves me and that she misses me and then she'll go cold again, we'll spend a night together and then cold again and that's driving me mad since I already tend to overthink everything or day dream a lot and is literally torture in my brain I cannot take the thoughts out of my head since I'm hyper focusing on that only and is making me feel a lot of pain and solitude.
Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? Are narcissists attracted to ADHD folk? Do you have any ideas or strategies that have worked for your to bring yourself back to a more normal state?
Thanks in advance for your responses
Edit: I wanted to ad as well that she's a transgender woman and I had a crush on her since I was a teenager (she's kinda popular on social media in my country) she actually made me realize that I liked trans girls and somehow we bumped into each other again now that I'm an adult but now I'm having these thoughts that I might not find someone that understands me and she made me feel like an outcast again, I introduced her to my family and made it clear that I fell in love of her goofy moments in privacy and her eyes it was never a sexual thing like really was pure but now I'm totally shattered I've been drinking every weekend in order to catch some sleep and it's scaring me a lot
I went no contact with my narcissist mom. I have ADHD. The final straw was when my grandma (her mom) was dying of bone cancer, and my mom had just got her second divorce. Instead of staying with her mom and being palliative care, and saving money for both of them. She moved to a very expensive apartment near me. When I already had a move planned. I told her I was moving and that she should stay at my grandma's and help her out. For 4 months she begged me not to move to my dream job and stay with her because she was so lonely in her new town. Like what the fuck. You just left your mother, in her dying months. Where your sister and your brothers and their family live in this massive support network. To a city where your child has told you they're leaving? What the fuck?
I sold everything I owned, moved in with my gramma, called the job and asked if they'd hold the position for a few months while I get care setup with my aunts and uncles. Mimi died 5 weeks later. My mother didn't show up to the funeral. I never talked to her again.
I think about my mom every few days. But I'll never speak to her again. People have no meaning to her.
Going no contact was the best decision I ever made.
I have no idea what will work for you. But I've grown and become a better person without having to expend so much energy on my mom. You might find the same benefit in your situation.
You have value, you matter. You must have qualities another partner would be interested in. Or else your ex never would have tried to be with you in the first place. Beware though as soon as you're showing competence without her she'll lovebomb the shit out of you.
Good luck.
That sounds horrible really I'm sorry you had to go through that and I cannot even imagine how it should be to deal with someone in your family with those traits. But definitely I feel that once I manage to break the loop in my head I'll have a lot of development emotionally and psychologically.
Also thanks for your last words, I need to remind myself I'm a good person and have a lot going on for myself and as well it already happened as soon as I stopped beging her to talk she came back trying to catch me and the cycle repeated itself I need to cut her completely from my life and detox.
Thanks again and courage for you as well.
You'll find a way through all of this. If you can afford it, a therapist may help.