Hi everyone, I'm currently going thru a breakup with someone that seems to be a narcissist (no diagnosis but their behaviour seems to point that she is) and I think is the first time I dealt with someone like that.
We had a fallout after she had an argument with her family and friends during a party that I attended to at her place, she stormed out of her place completely drunk and left me there in a weird position, her friends where bitter and told me things about her and it matched with things I saw by myself but wasn't sure so I didn't make a big fuss about them and that broke me completely since I'm deeply in love with her.
Her friends and I just stopped talking to her after her rude behavior and actually expected her to apologize to me or give me an explanation but she didn't budge and just kept on partying and not talking at all to me for almost a week and whene she did talk was to tell me that how did I dare to distrust her.
She has been on and off with me and calls me in the middle of the night piss drunk to tell me she loves me and that she misses me and then she'll go cold again, we'll spend a night together and then cold again and that's driving me mad since I already tend to overthink everything or day dream a lot and is literally torture in my brain I cannot take the thoughts out of my head since I'm hyper focusing on that only and is making me feel a lot of pain and solitude.
Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? Are narcissists attracted to ADHD folk? Do you have any ideas or strategies that have worked for your to bring yourself back to a more normal state?
Thanks in advance for your responses
Edit: I wanted to ad as well that she's a transgender woman and I had a crush on her since I was a teenager (she's kinda popular on social media in my country) she actually made me realize that I liked trans girls and somehow we bumped into each other again now that I'm an adult but now I'm having these thoughts that I might not find someone that understands me and she made me feel like an outcast again, I introduced her to my family and made it clear that I fell in love of her goofy moments in privacy and her eyes it was never a sexual thing like really was pure but now I'm totally shattered I've been drinking every weekend in order to catch some sleep and it's scaring me a lot
I think this seems more like a BPD person, but - narcissism too.
As you are asking for advice, mine is:
About narcissists - never ever allow them to have any degree of control over you. Similarly to people grown cowards TBH.
Did you have a honest talk, without substances, on all the conflict parts?
If there's avoidance of that, nothing you can do. I have, eh, some experience in my life too. Just move on.
Also, about substances - stop drinking. Try limiting yourself to something like tea without sugar and buckwheat, and maybe something like salted turkey broth with some pieces of turkey meat eaten separately. Maybe milk.
At least that's what helped me to regain ability to sleep after my losses and traumas.
I have a friend with diagnosed BPD and she said it could be BPD but that she might have narcissistic traits, in hindsight she had a rough upbringing like you know she's transgender an she transitioned on the early 2010s when there was not a lot of acceptance and awareness of lbgtq people plus she was raised by a single mother so it could explain why she developed BPD.
I've asked her to talk out things when she's sober but she flat out avoids the confrontation like while drunk she'll tell me to go to her place and stay with her and only when I got fed up and popped in her place without asking again I was able to see her in person after weeks of no physical contact. I think she doesn't wants me to bring up uncomfortable situations to the table which I have a few, like people around her showing me that she was on a dating site for trans women for a while already, and I mean myself in willing to work out things if possible but it feels like I'm doing everything and destroying myself in the process (also I know 100% that was her cause she used a picture of her in my car and never posted that pic in social media)
Myself I definitely need to stop drinking every weekend since I'm fearful of becoming dependent to that I'll give the tea a try and try to manage my anxiety in a healthier way.