I, too, am driven nuts by the fact that men don't know how to handle an alligator snapping turtle. You can slide your hand under the plastron (that's the bottom part of the shell, the top is the carapace) to lift them up and grip the front rim of the carapace right behind where the neck comes out, they can't reach there. Do not hold them up by the tail for more than the briefest amount of time, it's painful and will only make them mad.

Thats why I start every conversation listing my inadequacies