I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. From what you described, I completely understand why life feels especially shit right now. You’re depressed, and that’s ok. Many of us (or nearly all in this sub) have felt similarly. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks hard. Change is the only thing we can always expect. But I promise you will feel better if you do these things:
First: get enough sleep every night and exercise 20+ mins every day (even a 20 min walk counts). One or two missed days is ok, but consistency is the ultimate goal.
Next: relentlessly focus on gratitude for the things in the world that you find beauty and pleasure in. Birds, sunrises/sunsets, rivers/lakes/oceans, gardening, hiking, music, dance, etc.
Finally: get mental healthcare if you can. Psychiatry and therapy. They will help manage symptoms and learn valuable coping tools for when you’re feeling flooded with emotion.
There’s obviously a lot missing from this reply and I expect you’ll find things that resonate with you as you move through your journey. Stay attuned to those things and cultivate the tools/ideas that you identify with. Those are your personal set of happiness keys. Thank you for reaching out to strangers on the internet and good luck <3
I’m sorry that my response added to your pain