My only hobby is shopping, even if I can't afford it I prefer to not eat if I can get new shoes, jewelry, clothes... I don't understand how I ended up like this.

As a kid I was the complete opposite... I didn't demand any toys. But I guess my teenage years were too traumatic causing me so much self-consciousness about myself.

Now I have a very high maintenance appearance, clothes, jewelry and stilettos make me feel better about that void. The compliments I receive on the street feed this fake ego I'm building.

I've become so selfish I think I care more about getting what I want more than I care about people. People are disgusting and evil and deserve all the bad that happens to them, but a nice dress? There's nothing wrong it could do.

The only reason I have friends is so that they praise my appearance. There's no point in looking good if no one notices it.

All my life I've been led to believe that unattractive men will treat you better or are more genuine. Mainly movies like The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and many others where they depict a pretty girl with an unattractive male partner/protagonist where she falls in love with him because of the way he treats her.

Who would have said life is not like in movies? But for some reason we will still have this stereotype in mind.

The truth is I've been treated worse by guys who were unattractive in comparison to guys who are attractive. Specially when they make you feel bad about yourself which never happened to me with an attractive guy. They never made me feel unattractive or lesser than them.

Nerdy guys have been the worst in my experience, no flowers, no gentleman behavior or trying to be interested in your interests. Many awkward silences and only interacting with you for sex.

This is just a tendency, not a rule. Just never believe that someone's appearance is related to their personality (even if it's in a positive way).