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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ImportantRevenue9493 on 2023-10-02 03:12:26.

My cousin J. got pregnant when she was 19. She was out of high school and lived with our grandparents. It was not a good time for her.

Her half brother and I were both in grade twelve and we had jobs. We decided to help her out. Of our own free will. No one asked us to or asked is for money. We just love her and knew she needed support. She had a girl named Calli. We helped buy diapers and formula. We babysat so J. could work and go out every once in a while.

J. Met a nice guy and married him two years ago. He has two kids from a previous relationship that he gets on the weekends.

Calli is 12 now and I still hang out with her.

Lately J. has been asking me to take out her stepkids when I take Calli out. I told her no. I don't really know those kids and I don't really want to be responsible for them. I like spoiling my little cousin but that's it. She has been great practice for when I have kids. Plus I love being a bad influence on her. I just took her skeet shooting and we are going to an ax throwing place where you can also use knives or throwing stars.

J. says that I'm creating a schism between her kids because Calli comes back from hanging out with me and the other kids get jealous. She says I should take all the kids or stop doing stuff with Calli. Calli heard her and she may have picked up some language from me because she was very vocal about her displeasure.

My mom thinks I should take the kids. I said I would if she would come keep an eye on them around the axes, knives and throwing stars. She said we could take the kids to a bouncy play area. I said she could take the kids there while Calli and I did our thing and we could catch up after. She said I was missing the point. I don't think I need to include those kids.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Still-Ad3011 on 2023-10-02 02:48:05.

I'm a Latina woman married to a white man. We have an 8-year-old daughter with curly hair. I love her hair, and she loves it too.

Last weekend, I noticed she was upset and quiet. I asked what happened, and she didn't want to tell me. I insisted, and she started crying. She told me her father had made a joke about her hair. He said her hair looked like a rat's nest and that she should straighten it or cut it. He said it was just a joke and that he loved her hair, but she shouldn't tell me about the joke.

I was furious and confronted my husband. I started arguing with him and said he was being prejudiced and had hurt our daughter. He apologized and said he didn't mean to offend anyone. He said he was just trying to make a joke and didn't see any issue with her hair. He said I needed to stop dwelling on his mistake and that I was overreacting.

I didn't accept his apologies and continued to argue with him. I told him he had no idea what curly hair means to our daughter and our culture. I said he should respect it and not make such jokes. I said he was foolish for making our daughter feel bad and for making her hide the truth from me. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throw_thebeergirl on 2023-10-02 00:13:23.

I (28F) work as an apprentice at a local brewery and am an aspiring brewmaster. I've somewhat earned the reputation of being "the beer girl" in my social circles, (which I have mixed feelings about, but I digress).

Recently, my partner Rob (28M) and I discovered that we are pregnant. We're not flashy people and don't necessarily want our announcement of our pregnancy to be a BIG event, but as of right now, only Rob's mom knows because we agreed we're not quite ready to open up the floodgates yet.

Rob and I are good friends with another couple, Dana (26F) and Todd (27M). This past Saturday, Dana had a birthday party. It was something of a big, intensely orchestrated occasion, with many guests, planned games, and food.

Around midway through the night, I was chatting with Todd and Dana, and Todd brought out a large crowler which, according to him, contained the "best festbier [he] had ever had." He urged me to try it.

I told him no, that's okay, I don't feel like drinking tonight. Todd knew this was out of character for me though, especially this season, and continued insisting I try some.

Todd was being kind of loud, and other people started turning their attention towards our interaction. At this point I was getting flustered and started losing control of my social skills (I have severe social anxiety and bad at thinking on the spot), and somehow, I ended up just blurting out that I was pregnant.

Silence. One good friend finally broke the silence with an "Oh my gosh, congratulations!" The collective conversation at that point became about my pregnancy, people asking about due date, etc. I could see from all the way across the room Rob eyeing me, looking rather disappointed.

Meanwhile, Dana's mood inmediately dropped. For the rest of the party, she displayed a sour, withdrawn demeanor, despite Todd trying to continue the games that they had planned. Finally, at the end of the night, while we were eating cake, Dana suddenly got up and left abruptly to go out on her deck,. Todd followed her. You could hear the muffled sound of her ranting/crying about something, all squeal-y and distressed, Todd attempting and failing to comfort her.

On the way home, Rob and I had a big fight. He said he couldn't believe I thought it was okay to announce our pregnancy like that, especially without him. I tried to explain that there was a big part of the conversation that he didn't see, but in response, he says I could have made a million other excuses instead of resorting to the pregnancy. He accused me of being attention-seeking and just looking for the first opportunity I could find to turn the "spotlight" on myself. From there, things between us exploded.

So basically, Rob and Dana are absolutely furious with me. Todd meanwhile, over texts to Rob, has been much more understanding, but Rob says it's just because Todd is kind of an easygoing dude and can't empathize with why something like this would matter to Dana. So Reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SlowRecording9146 on 2023-10-02 01:26:24.

I am a married woman with a husband who sometimes makes jokes that bother me. He says it's just a joke and that I shouldn't take it seriously, but I think he's being disrespectful.

Last weekend, we went to a family gathering at his parents' house. During a private conversation, he made a joke that really upset me. He said I should stay in the kitchen with the other women and make lunch for him and the men in the family because that was my role. He laughed at his own joke and expected me to laugh too, but I didn't find it funny at all.

I got angry and told him he was being sexist and that I wasn't his maid. He said I was overreacting and that it was just an innocent joke. He said I had no sense of humor and that I should relax.

I walked away from him and went to the living room. His sister (my sister-in-law) noticed that I was upset and asked me what had happened. I told her the truth, and she was furious. She said her brother was an idiot and that she was going to talk to him. She told the other women in the family what he had said, and they were all outraged. They all went to talk to him and criticized him for the sexist joke. He felt embarrassed and tried to justify himself, but no one accepted it.

When we got back home, he sulked and said that I and the women in the family took his joke too seriously. He said it was just a joke, and I shouldn't have said anything. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/beigewoodtable on 2023-10-02 01:31:08.

My boyfriend (m35) and I (f33) have been together for a bit over year and living together for 5 months. Overall, we’ve both shared that we enjoy living together. When it comes to daily housework, we do a good job of sharing tasks like washing the dishes, making the bed, laundry, etc. There are certain tasks I find myself doing more, like cleaning kitchen surfaces and sweeping, and tasks he does more like mowing and grocery shopping.

My issue lies with the less frequent, but equally important tasks. Things like changing the bed sheets, mopping, scrubbing the toilet, wiping down windows and mirrors, wiping off furniture surfaces, cleaning the shower, dusting baseboards, etc. He has done them just a handful of times since we’ve moved in. He sees me doing them, so he knows they are things that need to be done, and theyre overwhelming completed by me. I’ve brought up to him multiple tjmes that id like him to contribute more. He usually became defensive or gave excuses. He says because of his ADHD he doesnt notice when it gets dirty or forgets. In the end, he says he will do better and then takes up some of those tasks for the day, but theres no long term improvement.

Today i found myself again working my ass off on these chores. i approached him again about my frustration and he got very defensive and downright angry. we both escalated quickly and it turned into mutual yelling. He again cited his ADHD as the cause. i said he does amazing at managing his adhd in his career and in other tasks by using strategies like setting reminders, alarms, putting things into a calendar, etc. He should implement them for housework too if he cant remember. he told me to write him a list of what needs to be done and when. i said no because im not taking on the mental load of being the household manager and sent him a video about how it is unfair when women have to manage and delegate tasks and schedules for their spouse to do their share of the work. Eventually i just sent him a chore list and schedule i found online because im not sitting down for an hour to make one.

the fight dragged on and at one point he brought up that i do things that annoy him too.. like when i left a candle burning and a throw pillow got a burn mark (we were both in the room when this happened and the pillow was accidentally nudged from the bed to the nightstand). i thought that comment was unrelated to the real issue. it ended in me saying i wasnt going to end up in a misogynistic household where the woman is expected to do most of the cleaning and manage when others clean.

am i being unreasonable? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FionaLawrence365 on 2023-10-02 00:41:23.

I (44f) am married to my husband (45m). I love him dearly, and we've had a great relationship, with very few arguments or fights. He has a kid (15NB) from a different relationship who I love as my own child. I have lost my uncle, father, grandma, sister, and my child. I have a memorial piece for each of them, but for my child (20 when he died) I have a full sleeve full of his favorite things, his name, bday, and death date. It takes up my shoulder down to my wrist, and has very little room. Its filled with birds as he loved birds, chess pieces (the focal point is a full black king with his name, bday, and death date near it as he was a king before he passed) and a lot of other things he loved. It was heartbreaking for me, and with this tattoo its kind of like he's still here with me, and he never knew his step-sister as he died before they met. Hubby and I were still in the dating stage by then, not serious yet.

Anyhow, I have a few smaller tats other than my memorial pieces, but they're very tiny. I do have room on my body for more. My husband asked me if I'd get his kid's name tatted on my sons memorial piece. I told him no. He asked if I'd consider getting it somewhere else. Again, I told him no. He asked why, and i told him that I don't tattoo names for people who aren't dead, or are not close family. He accused me of not loving my stepchild. I told him I did, but its not the same and I don't want to ruin my sons memorial piece. He then said "Oh come on. You don't want kids and have tattooed yourself for other men, so the least you can do is get a tat for me and my child."

My jaw DROPPED. I told him smt like "My uncle is my bio family, and was very close to me growing up and you know that. I'm not branding myself for you. The reason why I don't want anymore kids is b/c I lost one to schizophrenia. It has a genetic component and i had other family members with it so ik its me. I can't watch another kid suffer. And also, we're too old at this point."

My step-kid barged into the room at this point and told their father to stop. He told them to stop defending me, and to defend him. My step-kid said "It's mom's body and no one else's! That's such a shallow and low move of you to bring up her family! Just stop!" and then turned to me, took my hands in theirs and said "Mama please, don't do anything with your body you don't want too. I'm so sorry." and then hugged me. I gotta admit I cried at that and gave them a hug as my husband stormed out screaming, calling me all sorts of vile names for "branding myself for another man" and all sorts of vile shit.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Natural-Cause-3661 on 2023-10-02 00:13:04.

My entire life, I’ve been compared to my older sister. Got an A on an assignment? Sister got an A+ and a national award. Scored a goal in soccer? She got recruited to play on the varsity team as a freshman. Have a crush on a guy in high school? He worships her and follows her on Instagram and likes every photo. Only one teacher my entire life actually treated me like an individual. To everyone else, I was just “X’s Sister”, and treated like dirt for not being her. Our parents can’t get through a sentence without mentioning her and her accomplishments. It’s like I’m invisible, even though I’ve done some cool things too (I have a moderate internet following and have spent a lot of time improving my guitar and songwriting skills).

She left our small town and went to an ivy league school, and that just made her legend around town even bigger and more annoying to deal with. While there, she met a guy from a super wealthy family and started spending all her holidays traveling with him instead of coming home. So I basically haven’t seen her since she was 19 and I was 16. This has been genuinely good for me, it would have been better if everyone would stop talking about her all the time, but I’ve been able to control my reactions and most people don’t know that I have any problems with her.

Now she’s planning “the wedding of the century”, literally a $60k blowout bash, and I’m a bridesmaid (“wear whatever you want! But it has to be a stupid shade of powder blue! And no patterns! And wear your hair in a ponytail!”). But I don’t want to go. I don’t even want to be in the same room as her, much less attend her four day celebration/attention fest. She keeps asking me if I’ll be able to make the bachelorette party, and our parents are putting pressure on me to book my flights for the wedding and bachelorette. They’re devoting all their time this year to planning her wedding with her future in-laws, and I’m left behind to take care of our pets. They don’t even check in with me while leaving me home alone with high need animals, and I’ve had to drop plans several times to petsit and take them to the vet.

I just want to RSVP no and skip the wedding. My boyfriend is supportive, but thinks it would be a bit of an asshole move, because I have plenty of experience bottling up my feelings and getting through things like this, and she will only get married once.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BackgroundAd7040 on 2023-10-01 23:33:11.

I'm white, (Italian, Polish, Jewish) my kids are multiracial, (White, Black, Native American). My hair is maybe 2c I guess, like loose spirals and I've had people "boing" it, it's a little aggravating, but I usually go with it. I get a lot of "Jew Fro" comments from all kinds of people, I can tell when it's lighthearted and when it's not. But I've always knocked people's hands away when they go for my kids much curlier 3a/3b hair, or give them a piece of my mind if they do it because then there's a racial component to it.

Anyway I was at the grocery store with my eldest. We live in a predominantly Black neighborhood. An older Black woman smiled and said he had lovely hair, and reached out to touch it while I was saying thank you. He angled his head away and she stepped closer, saying she just wanted to feel how soft it was and I said he didn't like people touching his hair. She kept her hand outstretched and looked at me confused (which made me feel bad), and said she just thought it was really pretty, and kept trying to touch it, even though he was clearly very physically uncomfortable. I said again that he just doesn't like it, and a Black man behind us interjected and said it wasn't a big deal and "white people touch OUR hair all the time", then two other people chimed in, all while my son looked like he was going to cry because the woman petted his hair anyway while three people were telling us how rude we were being to her.

After we got home I apologized to him for not physically stopping her, but I felt like I wasn't able to or people would turn it into something else like they already were. I can't grab a tiny elderly Black woman's hand and forcefully tell her no without being treated like the aggressor.

I understand that white women touch Black women's hair without asking, and that the microaggression is painful to deal with, but I'm not sure why I'm always made to feel like it's horrible of me to tell Black women they can't touch my kids hair. It's literally the same entitlement, the same treating a person like an animal, and also making me feel like I'm not allowed to say no.

Edit: someone in the comments accused me of lying because I "described a crowd of Black people surrounding us", but I didn't. I said we were in a grocery store. Sometimes there are multiple people in aisles or sections. We were front and center in the produce section at the front of the store, I'd honestly be surprised if the drama went unnoticed. It's the only grocery store in the neighborhood, it's obviously gonna be pretty packed

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Available-Economy-46 on 2023-10-01 22:27:30.

This is an anonymous account. I’m 65 and terminally ill. My husband passed many years ago. I have two children, one son named Michael, and another named William.

Michael is very distant and has always been a wanderer. He has not walked a straight path and lives a life with little to no obligations/responsibility. His daughter, Lily (19), is very close with me and is currently working two jobs and going to nursing school. We recently found out that she’s expecting her first child. She has nothing to lean on as her father is mostly uninvolved. Her mother is also estranged and not in her life.

William is the exact opposite of his brother. He’s lived a very admirable, typical life thus far. His stepdaughter (only child) is almost 27 now. She has a very large financial cushion as well as a large family on her mother’s side to fall back on. We are not close and she was never interested in maintaining a relationship with me (she came into our lives as a late teenager and was civil, but not affectionate). I have no ill will for her; she’s a very smart and hardworking woman, but we just don’t have that same bond or tie.

When drawing up my will and last wishes I made sure to leave something to everyone. Be it family heirlooms or silly keepsakes, everyone will have something to remember me by. Michael’s stepdaughter will receive vintage books that I know she appreciates as we’ve communicated about it before. She’s very into collectibles and reading. She does not want or need money.

Lily will receive most of my savings and money. I do not trust Michael with large sums and William is not in need of it. Lily is very much in debt and struggling, and I know that she would benefit from the boost to eventually buy a house and pay for her child’s needs. This decision was not made lightly and I fully trust her to use the money wisely.

William and his wife do not approve of the decision (not their place, but it is taking a toll on me emotionally). They believe that their daughter deserves more, if not half, of what I’ve decided to give to Lily. Their daughter herself does not care and is grateful for what she’s been allocated for the day I inevitably go. It’s causing a rift in the family and is taking a severe toll on my emotional and physical health. I do not know exactly how much time I have left, just that it’s not much, and this is not how I envisioned my final months going. I’ve heard that they’re making plans to try and contest the will when I do pass. I know that there’s no room for such things and that it is bulletproof, but it’s extremely hurtful.

AITA? Could I have divided this any better?

Edit: I did not proofread, listed William as Michael in the last paragraph. Fixed.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HousingRoyal844 on 2023-10-01 21:50:02.

Obligatory throwaway because my main has identifying info on it.

I (35M) am getting married to my long-time partner (32M) next spring. It will be a relatively smaller affair, as half of my family is no longer in contact with the other half due to family drama, and half of my partner's family is homophobic. We are committed to celebrating our love with those who love and support us the most.

As my partner and I were making the guest list, we decided we wanted our nephews/nieces in attendance if possible, including spots as ring bearer/flower girl, etc. We decided to invite children above the age of 7 to the ceremony and meal portion of the reception. Around 9 pm the children will be taken by grandparents/anyone who does not wish to dance or party to a hotel suite we have reserved, where they will watch movies and stay for the night.

My partner and I agreed that we did not want my brother's son, my eldest nephew, at our wedding. For lack of better phrasing, he's become increasingly homophobic over the years. First, it started innocent enough - "why aren't you with a woman," "boys can't date boys," etc. Just common misconceptions of youth. Then it escalated to "being gay is gross" and "that's unnatural." Finally, it culminated in him telling us not to hold hands around, or even touch, his younger brother because we are "trying to turn him gay." I also have checked his social media accounts and have seen him calling people the f-word and saying truly horrible things about gay men specifically.

We have no idea where he got this attitude from. My brother has always been my biggest supporter since I came out and my SIL has very close gay friends and family members herself. They are both appalled by his behavior and have apologized multiple times.

We decided to not invite my nephew to the wedding - I only want positive energy there that day and I doubt he'd want to watch two men get married and kiss at the altar anyway. I told my brother and SIL while we were out at dinner and my SIL looked incredibly sad and asked if I would reconsider. She said he'll never learn to accept gay people if he doesn't see how normal gay people are, including at a wedding. She thinks it will show him that "love is love." I said that was a nice thought but it wasn't my job to risk my happy day by inviting someone who has made it openly known that he finds me and my partner "disgusting." I told her the decision was final. She accepted it and said the rest of the family would attend, but commented that he'll for sure hate us after he finds out he wasn't invited.

I feel confident that I didn't overstep, but I also worry she's right that I'm only going to further alienate him. My parents also feel it is unfair to invite the entire family minus one person who also happens to be a minor. AITA for not inviting him?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Defiant_Primary_4188 on 2023-10-01 20:17:48.

My (F24) sister Leah (F27) is 4 months pregnant with her first baby. Her husband works in merchant navy and left a month ago.

Few facts about us, we have a good relationship normally. We are not super close but no issues either. Just living our own lives. She does not drive. Its too much work and makes her anxious. It used to be fine since she usually work from home and goes out only once every couple of weeks for grocery shopping or for client meetings.

But since her husband left, she has been calling me to go hang out with her. We live 30 mins away. She wants me to take her baby shopping, furniture shopping, help remodel her home, bring her out whenever she has cravings, rub her foot, help her with chores when she is too tired etc. I don't want to.

First of all : Shopping has never been my thing. Walking for hours looking at different things is just exhausting to me. I am a internet buyer.I told her that she can maybe ask one of her friends. But since she basically was burrowed at home for the past 4 years, she is not in touch with her friends. Our parents live 3 hour away.

I told her she can wait and take mom with her then. She wants me to drive mom here since mom refuses to take public transport or drive here. Dad does not want to drive her here in his off days.

I said its same for me. I dont want to spend my off days driving them around either. (Mom would not stay here since she has work back home).

I am already the one taking my sister to her appointments. I don't want to spend my life helping her with her pregnancy and her baby. (Lets be realistic, her baby daddy will be at sea 8 months a year, she will need help)

I suggested she move back near our parents so she has support. She is refusing to and is asking me to move in with her to help her.

I said no. I have my own life.

She and mom are forcing me to reconsider saying she is my sister, family helps family and it takes a village to raise kids.

I told her she decided to have a baby and her baby is not my responsibility.

She is super mad at me and calling me selfish.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TheMadScientist97 on 2023-10-01 19:56:44.

(26M) My spouse (23F) had multiple seizures back-to-back Wednesday night and had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. She aspirated water into her lungs causing an infection (Pneumonia) and had to be intubated and sedated for 4 days, including catheter and all kinds of tests. She had just woken up at about 1pm and was very confused and hallucinating slightly from the anesthesia. So, I wanted someone here she knows to keep her company and help her instead of a stranger. This conversation started at 12:30am on day3 Friday night in to Saturday morning.

Me: Can you and/or FIL stay with Spouse tomorrow between 3 and midnight till I get off work? Idk if they are gonna try to wake up her not but she’s having the mri tomorrow. And her lungs are getting better so hopefully they can.

She messages back 12:40PM on Saturday:

MIL: FIL will be back from town soon and I will see what he wants to do I'll get back with you very soon. (Next text) I will be there at 3:00

I then receive this message at 3:08pm

MIL: I'm about to leave and take FIL the car so he can go to the hospital he'll be there about 4:30.

Me: Wtf alright. I really need one of you here by 430, I cannot afford to miss another day of work. (Spouse can’t work due to seizures)

No response until 5:35pm… MIL: FIL is about to head that way.

Me: Lol if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to, I just need to know so I can call my boss. I’m 2 hours late already and it’s probably gonna be another hour till he gets here. (It was)

MIL: He just left. You don't have to wait on him to go to work I don't know what you're mad about but you don't have to wait on FIL for you to go to work you could have already gone to work. He left he’s on his way.

Me: Yes I do have to wait because your daughter can’t take care of herself, I’m feeding her, draining mucus out of mouth, I’m mad because you told me 3, then 430, then at 530 you say he’s leaving? It’s very frustrating.

MIL: She has nurses there as well. If you were not there that's what they get paid for as well. Do you think they would just let her be alone with no care. No reason for your frustrations. He had to wait for me to get back to take the car I left Granddaughter’s birthday party early so he could. So I would appreciate you not being that way to us because we've been down this road we know what happens in the in the hospital. You have choices people still have to work and they still have to do things and he is on his Way. I'm not going to argue with you. He is on his way.

Me: Lol people do have to work, no reason for my frustration???you could’ve told me you were at a party, or at least updated me along the way but whatever cool thanks bye.

MIL: I don't appreciate your tone. I gave you a time frame and he's on his way.

(FIL also wasn’t there when I got off work, no telling when he left.)

I just sent her a thumbs up emoji after that. Their daughter was unconscious and on life support for four days in the icu and this is the conversation I get. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Euphoric-Exam509 on 2023-10-01 22:05:56.

This happened on Friday. I'm so beyond upset right now and have gone NC for the immediate future with my Mom.

My (36 M) sister Jane (34 F) have no relationship. She's my sister by blood only. I'll try to be as unbiased as possible here, but she did some pretty crappy things when our Father died. Things like withholding information about his estate, attempting to sell his home and split the profits with his fiancé against my knowledge, not actually being physically there when he died in hospice, etc. Afterwards, she would continuously gaslight me to the point that I went NC with her back in 2018. My life has been so much better without her in it.

My Mom Brenda (60 F) is not a fan of this. She was divorced from my Father and, even though I loved him so much, I have to admit that he wasn't the greatest parent in some aspects (we lived with him). My sister and I not having a great relationship is, mostly in part, his fault. Brenda doesn't like that her two only children have a dead relationship and is constantly trying to fix it.

After being in therapy, I've started learning how to erect and enforce boundaries. I don't like it when my Mom attempts to "fix" our relationship and I call her out on it (gently) each time. For example, a few weeks ago, she mentioned how she wasn't going to name neither me nor Jane as the executor until we "fix our shit". I calmly told her I didn't think that was appropriate to say or do and that I didn't like how she isn't taking into account my feelings and why I chose to go NC with Jane.

My wife and I flew in to go visit Brenda this past Friday. My wife and I recently had a son a year ago so we wanted to visit his grandma. We walked in and were met with half the family standing there (including Jane who was sitting) claiming that they were doing an intervention. On my relationship with Jane. I was speechless. I looked at my Wife who was just as flabbergasted as I was. I said I'm not doing an intervention and this is enormously inappropriate. My Mom went into this tirade of how I'm a grown adult and this behavior is childish. I need to make up with my sister so we can put all of this behind us.

We immediately left. My Mom followed us out while asking why I couldn't do the adult thing and just talk to my sister. Baby was crying. We got into the car and booked a hotel. I booked a new flight for tomorrow and I'm trying my best not to look upset for the baby. My wife says she had nothing to do with this and would never sanction it if she knew. My wife's phone and mine have been blowing up non stop with the family accusing me of being a "drama queen" and hurting my Mom's feelings.

The only family member I didn't go NC with is my Step Dad who sent me a simple apology text.

With all these text messages, I'm starting to doubt myself. My next therapy session isn't until next Friday and I'm not sure how to feel. AITA for going NC with my Mom?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Donttouchmywater_ on 2023-10-01 21:13:59.

I F(27) recently started working with James (20). It is very obvious that James has a crush on me - and he has told me that himself numerous times.

I have to work with James because of our respective jobs (his department needs my department). So, each time he confessed his feelings for me, I simply brushed it off saying things like “you know I don’t like younger men,” “perhaps you should look at women closer to your age range,” and “James, can you please stop? I just want to do my work.” Each time he has ignored me.

If I don’t respond to him instantly, he gets very annoyed and will send a passive-aggressive email copying all of our supervisors. Something along the lines of “Hi OP, any update on this? I know you’re busy servicing others, but please don’t forget me. It’s urgent.”

This has been going on since May.

Three of my coworkers came to see me 2 weeks ago and told me that I need to speak to him about his behavior because it is getting worse - to the point where he sits in my cubicle and waits for me to come back if I’m not there.

I didn’t want to talk to him about it at first because he’s young, this is his first corporate job, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but they convinced me to.

So, I decided to have a serious talk with him last week but he avoided me. Every time I saw him in my office space, I’d ask him to sit with me so we can have a serious talk, but he shrug it off and said he’s busy.

I left it alone.

Yesterday, we both worked and the office is usually clear on a Saturday. He came up to my cubicle while I was eating and sat next to me. He had his lunch and juice in his hand. I politely asked him to come back another time as I don’t like people watching me when I’m eating. He said “it’s just me though, don’t worry” and sat down anyway. He opened his food and he started eating.

I got annoyed and just started to take a big gulp of water. Half way through my drinking, he takes the water bottle from my mouth, covers it and throws it in the bin. He then said “that’s enough water. Are you ready to talk?”

I got so angry I just picked up his food and slammed it in the bin face down. I then told him to get the hell away from me.

He told me that I’m overreacting but left anyway.

This morning I got a call from my supervisor telling me that I have a meeting with HR tomorrow to discuss what happened.

I told my other coworkers about it and they all think that I should have just went to HR and not stoop to his level - and that throwing his food away was different from him throwing my water away - making me an AH.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Alternative_Sky_175 on 2023-10-01 20:46:25.

Throwaway account because my family members are on here. I (f38) and my husband (40) have had a bad year. He had major surgery and I looked after our 6 year old and 2 year old for the last 6 months, while helping him recover and working full time. My parents helped out from time to time but they are in their 70s so I only ever asked them to mind the kids maybe once a week and never for more than 2 hours at a time. They are in creche otherwise.

A close cousin sent out wedding invites last week. The wedding is next year on the other side of the world to us. A trip of a lifetime basically. We decided we should treat ourselves for once and go.

I told my parents we going and they seemed to be happy for us at first. Then out of nowhere today they called me. Apparently my mother has been upset for days that we’d even consider leaving the kids and travelling so far away. They said they weren’t up to minding them at all. I said we were never going to ask them that, we had other relatives lined up. They said even so, they’d still feel totally responsible for them while we’re gone and if anything happened to them we’d be too far away. They said we needed to rethink the decision to go.

My SIL would have happily taken them, she has kids the same age and they adore each other. But my parents think our kids wouldn’t be happy there and ultimately they’d end up looking after them.

I feel totally disrespected as a daughter and mother. I was made to feel guilty for upsetting my mother and for considering leaving my kids for a week. So am I the asshole for considering going to this wedding in the first place?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Live-Importance9800 on 2023-10-01 19:28:29.

I(F29) am getting married to my fiance(M31)

I am very close to my family however my fiance doesn't get along with them. I've told him multiple times that he needs to learn to get along with them because they are an important part of my life but he never does.

Well recently he informed me that he would rather not invite my siblings to our wedding. I called him crazy and told him that I would rather have a wedding without him than have one without my family. He got angry and called me an asshole and he is sleeping on the couch now and refuses to talk to me

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DingosAreMean on 2023-10-01 18:54:58.

To give some background. I have 3 kids. A 12 year old boy. A 9 year old boy. A 6 year old girl. I also have a 17 year old stepson that moved in with us when he started high school. I am Jewish, my husband is agnostic but was raised Jehovah's Witness, and my stepson is agnostic. We are raising the 3 kids we have together in the Jewish faith.

My husband and his sisters have a complicated relationship with religion. They were raised JWs until my husband was 11. His mom died a few years before that and his dad ended up leaving the church. They went to a nondenominational Christian church after that. My husband's younger sister has a 15 year old daughter, who I will refer to as Kayla from now on.

Kayla is a great kid. She is big on social justice issues and dreams of being a civil rights attorney. She is always striving to educate people on issues. We have had great conversations about race (my husband and his family are black) and sexuality (she is pansexual). The issue of religion is a big one though. She has openly told me she thinks it is gross that I am raising our younger kids with religion and that I still celebrate around my stepson, even though he isn't Jewish. FWIW, my stepson says he doesn't care about religion and likes being included in our celebrations. We also celebrate traditional Christian holidays like Christmas because my husband and stepson love Christmas. After I sent out invites to my son's bar mitzvah she made a social media post about how religion is nothing but brainwashing kids and how she can't wait to see religion eradicated. I said something to her about it and she followed that up by making another post about how religious people are always trying to quiet everyone else and how she will never be silent in the face of the oppressor. I told my husband that if shs feels this way about me then I really don't want her at a religious celebration. I only mentioned it to my husband and our best friends so far and my husband is upset that I am trying to exclude her. I feel like she clearly does not respect religion and therefore should not come to a religious ceremony. I haven't said anything to her yet. Should I or would that be an asshole move?

Edit: thanks fir the comments. I decided that I will have a talk with Kayla on being respectful at the bar mitzvah. If she feels like she won't be able to keep her religious opinions to herself then she should she stay home because we want this to be fun. If she feels like she can be quiet about it then she should come because we would love to celebrate with her.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mysterius-Mode69466 on 2023-10-01 17:52:37.

I'm going to remain kinda vague on the details here but I really need to know if I'm the asshole in this situation. So I, 20m, and my best friend 20m, go to the same college. Same degree, same department. Recently he got called in for an interview for what is essentially his dream internship. I was very happy for him, but that's when it all started to go downhill. After scheduling the interview, he pulled me aside (we live together) and asked me if I could do him a favor.

He needed three references for the interview and was struggling to find a third. He wanted to put me down as one and wanted to lie saying I used to be a professor of his. I told him that was a bad idea, as they would probably check this and he said he highly doubts they will. I told him no, and he seemed shocked and asked me why I wouldn't do it for him. He pointed out that he had done this for me in the past, but I countered by saying it was just some fast food job in the summer.

The reason why I was so nervous to do this for him is that the internship is involved with the graduate program we both want to attend, and I am scared that if I get caught impersonating a professor by the people in the department, I can kiss my chances of grad school and possibly even my undergrad degree goodbye. He said I was overreacting and being paranoid- I told him sorry but I wasn't comfortable doing it. He just said that was really disappointing and I figured that was the end of it.

A week passes, and he says he killed it in the interviews and they loved him. I was happy for him. Then one day I was coming back from the gym and low and behold my phone rang. It's one of the people from the department- they wanted me to describe my experience with my "previous student" and describe what type of person he was. I was honestly caught really off-guard and said I think they may have the wrong number as I'm a student at the university and not a professor. The lady seemed very surprised and apologized before hanging up.

When I got home I told my friend about it, asking why he would still put me down as a reference after saying I wasn't comfortable lying for him. When I told him what I said and how I reacted he just sat on the couch with his head in his hands and said he couldn't believe I wouldn't just say a couple sentences to cover for him. He didn't even get angry, he just seemed distraught. He didn't get the internship and now he won't really talk to me and it's been very awkward. I hate this. We've been friends for 10+ years.

AITA for getting my best friend rejected from his dream internship?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Bossy_Aussie_ on 2023-10-01 20:31:26.

So, I have an 8 year old cousin, who we'll call Katie for the sake of the story.

For my 16th birthday, my best friend Jasper gave me a heated blanket because I mentioned how my room can get freezing whenever it wants. It basically a red blanket that plugs in, you pick one of four settings and it auto shuts off after 3 hours so its not a fire hazard. Safe to say, I love this thing. I'm actually using it right now lol

So two days ago, my aunt and uncle and Katie came over for dinner. I asked Katie if she wanted to play a game on our switch, she excitedly said yes so we went up to my room and set it up to my TV. Just my luck, my room was freezing cold, so I set up my heated blanket for Katie and I while my heater slowly heats up the room.

When they were about to leave, Katie came running to me with the blanket, asking if she could take it home. The thing is, they have two dogs who ruin stuff in 2 seconds, while she doesnt take the best care of her stuff either (understantable since shes 8).

I took nicely took it from her and said no in the nicest way possible. I told her that it was a birthday gift that Jasper gave to me. She looked disappointed but smiled. She's met Jasper, and aside from her parents and I, he's gotta be her favourite person, and he absolutely adores her. (She's told Jasper and I that we need to get together and get married so that she can see him more often lol).

She ran to her parents and got her stuff on, and my aunt and uncle asked why I couldn't just give it to her. I said again that it was a birthday gift from Jasper. They just said that I could've given it to her and Jasper or I could get another one. I don't wanna give it away since it was a birthday gift from my best friend, and he had a hilariously hard time getting it. (He paid for it, but he had to ask his mother to order it, and tried his best to not mention that it was a gift for a girl, since you can probably tell how shed respond lol).

I stood my ground and told them that I would not be giving it to them, and they just huffed and left. Later they texted me saying that I was an AH and I should've just given it to her. I was older, and I should've been the bigger person. The thing is, Katie had literally no problem with me saying no, so I have no idea what their problem was, but the way AH was thrown around it reminded me of this place. So reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Content_Plate1802 on 2023-10-01 19:18:02.

I (F27) work in a team of 5. One of the members, lets call her Ava is pregnant. Our company allows only 6 months paid maternity leave.

Ava has been having a rough pregnancy and has been ordered bed rest by her doctor. She is only in her second trimester. But she has already been calling in sick a lot and has extingushed her paid sick leaves. Her and her husband is renting and are not doing great financially. They need her income for the next 5 months till baby is due and she can officially go on paid maternity leave.

Our boss asked us to figure it out. We cannot actually do our work remotely. To enable her to work remotely, we will have to dedicate hours of our work time working on behalf of her physically and gathering info she requires. It will be very difficult to do and to complete our own work, we will have to work additional hours. Our company don't pay overtime.

All others in my team already have family and kids. I am the only one without kids or as others said, responsibilities. They asked me to do the additional work to help Ava out.

I said no. I sympathise with Ava. But she made a decision to have a baby and I cannot work extra hours everyday to help her.

They said I was being an AH for not helping. I told them if they cared so much, let us all help together. Then everyone will fewer extra hours to work.

They complained they cannot since they have family to get back to and responsibilities. I said I have my own life too. Either we all help together, taking turns or we dont help. I am not going to sacrifice all my days for her.

None of them want to help and I let our boss know. He hired a temporary replacement for Ava.

Ava and rest of my collegues are calling me a AH now.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Extreme-Reaction-471 on 2023-10-01 18:21:01.

I have a four year old daughter. She is in her princess phase. My SIL and I differ on a few things but one thing we differ on is boy and girl clothes/toys. I am not even strict with it, when Emma ( my daughter) was little she wore all types of clothes since she is baby and she doesn’t care. At the time SIL would give baby boy clothes and I didn’t care.

The issue is she keeps doing. Emma is really clearly a girly girl. She likes dresses, she plays with fake makeup, she has a fake kitchen set. She has some boy toys like trucks and what not but they collect dust. I have talked to her before

It was Emma’s birthday yesterday and SIL gave her guy clothes. My daughter made a face when she saw them. I waited until after the party to give them back. My daughter made it retry clear to me that they were ugly and won’t wear them

We got in a huge argument and she called me a jerk for staying with gender stereotypes. I am doubting myself on this.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/britcassy on 2023-10-01 17:34:35.

I’ve seen a few posts related to similar wedding situations but none with twins so wanted to ask.

My fiancé recently surprised me with a proposal on a trip in Iceland (Sept 2023). I said yes and we excitedly started discussing wedding visions. It’s important to mention my twin messaged me a seemingly random date for Aug 2024 while I was on vacation. When I questioned it she simply said “my wedding” This exchange of messages took place before my fiancé proposed to me.

After our trip, we attended a dinner at my parents house with family, my twin, and her fiancé in attendance. She got engaged Sept 2022. Over dinner everyone was curious on when we were planning on getting married so we honestly answered “maybe July 2024” I will also say before our response together, I jokingly said “Aug 1 2024” and everyone laughed including her fiancé. I did explain it was a joke afterwards just to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t serious.

My fiancé actually picked the time of year himself. When he explained all his reasonings I agreed we could look for dates in July. Later that week I had a call with my twin and she brought up the joke date asking if I was serious. I explained no it was a joke. She asked if we were serious about July to which I told her yes. She told me my fiancé and I were being disrespectful and she expected an apology from him for choosing that time of year because we knew she already had a set date in Aug. I explained we did not pick that time of year with any intentions of hurting her feelings or being malicious or evil. She did not care. The phone call ended after she explained she could not put into words correctly how she felt and she would contact me later.

She never reached out so I waited until the next day to call and talk to her. I asked if she’d had time to figure out the right words so I could understand how she felt. She told me she didn’t need to explain anything because she’d already told me she felt disrespected. The call then devolved to her basically screaming and yelling at me. She requested that I not talk to her about wedding related things until I have a set date and venue with a deposit put down.

The basic message I got from her is she does not want me to get married before her even if it’s only by a month. Other than that it is very hard to get her to clearly communicate exactly how she feels or what she means by what she has said.

There are other conversations that took place between the dinner and the last phone call with her but I feel I have included the most important information.

One of my fiancé’s reasons for that time of year are specific to a family member’s health. I did not tell my sister this as I did not feel it was my place. Since then my fiancé has had a discussion with her fiancé and disclosed that information.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/New_Possibility_9820 on 2023-10-01 18:32:44.

I gave birth to my second child a few weeks ago. I already have a son and this time I had a daughter. My husband and I named her Alannah. We announced the name and did not expect any real reaction to the name. But my sister had an almost immediate reaction of OMG why would you name your child Alannah?! and it was so confusing to me because it was such a strong reaction. I told her we thought the name was pretty and would grow nicely with our daughter. She told me it was the worst name ever and I was so shocked that I didn't even ask her at that point why she hated it so much.

We didn't speak for a week and then she said we needed to talk. I agreed because I was still so taken aback by her reaction. She showed up at my home and overreacted more to the name. She was saying it was so shitty that we chose the name and how could we do that to her niece. I asked her what she was talking about and asked her why she hated the name so bad. I was wondering if she'd had some terrible experience with an Alannah unbeknownst to me. But all she could say is the name was ugly and an easy target for being made fun of. I asked how and she said it was pukey and nobody should be saddled with such a terrible name. She said we needed to change the name before our daughter got too old. She said she didn't know what to say to me knowing I had chosen Alannah as a baby name.

She was giving me nothing reasonable, at least to me since I do not think Alannah is exactly an easy name to be bullied over, so I told her her reaction to the name was over the top and totally rude to my husband and to me. I told her she might not love the name but she did not need to go so hard on us for giving our daughter the name.

She told me I was rude and should listen to her when she's trying to save my daughter from torment. And that I should trust her enough to believe her and not criticize her.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/spongelated821 on 2023-10-01 16:00:02.

Ok, heres a little backstory, my gf (18F) and I (18M) have been dating for a good 4-5 months, but have been close friends for our whole lives almost. Now to my issue at hand, she has this friend who is supposedly gay but has said multiple times that he does not know what he is and is genuinely confused about his sexuality (i know this information because i know him personally but we're not really friends). She is very close with him, and when we are together sometimes i get ignored and they spend time together without counting me in, they get into little playflights even in front of me and while i have said countless times that she has to set boundaries and she would always say she would but the next day she would go back to normal. A few days ago, they took it a step too far and to get to the point i told her she either cuts him off completely or i am done with her. With much hesitation she cut him off but keeps saying my solution is stupid and wrong and it doesn't make sense to cut someone off like that and ignore his existence. I wrote this because i am starting to think i am in the wrong but at the same time i think i have the right to do this 100%. Thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AnonUser65432 on 2023-10-01 15:37:59.

My (39F) husband (41M) has a successful online business. He attends a marketing convention every year which is 15 minutes from our house, & this year he’s flying in his 7 remote staff members to attend the conference with him. A few months ago, he asked me what I thought if he rented an Air BNB for him & his staff to stay in, so I said “uhh, I think that’s fine. The only reason I’d be uncomfortable with it is if there were women staying in the house as well.” Well, later that evening, we brought the topic up again, & he said yes some of them are women, so I said no. The conversation was dropped, but then a few months later he says he's spending the night there & that he told me about it. I told him even if he did, that I certainly didn’t remember, because I would have told him again that I wasn’t comfortable with it. The main reason I’m uncomfortable is because I don’t think it’s a good idea legally for him to stay at an Air BNB with female employees (there are two unmarried Fs in their mid-20’s on his staff). The reward doesn’t outweigh the risk of any perceived sexual harassment issues, in my mind. The Air BNB is only 20 minutes away from our own house. He’s able to stay at the house hanging out with them as long as he wants. I just ask that he came home to sleep.

So the team arrives, everything is going fine, H & his team are going to the conference together, hanging out until all hours in the evening, & then coming home to sleep. H dropped a lot of money for a VIP tour at a major amusement park for the last day, & he wanted me to come too. Two nights before that scheduled outing, I get a fb message from one of his employees (F), asking if I could spend the night at the AirBNB the night before the outing. In the morning, H admits that he told his employees that I wasn’t comfortable with him spending the night, & how about she (the F) should message me to try & convince me. I about flew off the handle. He totally threw me under the bus, & he didn’t even tell them it was because of legal reasons. Also, I saw this as a complete breach in privacy & trust between a H & a W. I write a very nice reply explaining the reason, & she responds “oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way, makes sense!”. Apparently the next morning, she reads my message aloud in the car with everyone in it (including my H). Which, I’m somewhat glad for (since now everyone knows the reason), but also, how awkward for everyone.

Today is the day of the VIP event. I rearranged my entire schedule beforehand to be able to go to this, & now I just feel the entire thing is so awkward. H is very apologetic about the whole thing, really wants me to go the VIP event today. I know he wants me to go to be with me, but another part of me knows it’s because if I DON’T show up today, then that will & more fuel to the gossip fire among his employees. I just don’t want to be the butt of a joke. AITA in any of this situation? Am I overreacting?