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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SlenderBeach on 2023-09-20 04:19:54.

We are doing IVF, which means that we will know the sex of the embryos.

I was born female. I am substantially older than the average Redditor, which means that when I was growing up there were no words to describe non-binary or trans people. The only word that existed in my community and the only word I could find in the earliest days of the internet when looking for it was "transvestite", which I was not, so I grew up as a girl/woman but hating every minute of it.

To this day, I present as a woman, because if I were to change now I would probably lose my career and my family.

On top of that, but separate from it, I also work in a heavily male-dominated industry. We are talking easily 90%+ male. At every step of the way, I have been discriminated against for being female. I was literally shut out from many opportunities, and I think the world is terribly unfair to quantitatively-minded females.

There are other traumatic experiences I can't describe here, but suffice it to say, I cannot personally recommend being female to anyone. I just can't see why it would be a good thing when you are objectively treated like shit.

However, I am nothing if not fair: I recognize people have different preferences. I am lucky enough to have some mtf trans friends. So hopefully a female child would, statistically speaking, feel differently and actually like being female, and if not, hopefully they could do something about it and not have a life of misery like I did.

Be that as it may, I do not think I am the right person to raise a female child because it would be too triggering. Sometimes when people have preferences over the sex of their child, it's because they imagine that if they have a female child they can do X with her while if they have a male child they can do Y with him. That's not it for me. For me, it's simply that I have too much trauma around having been born female.

My partner vehemently disagrees and thinks we should not care about sex at all. I agree that we should live in a world where sex does not matter, but I think that there are too many situations where if we had a female child, the world would treat that child horribly, and I would not be able to cope with that let alone help the child. I recognize that the world being unfair also means working with male children to teach them to do better, but I think I would find that less triggering. I also recognize that the child could always change their own sex, but I am not concerned about that because if they felt that freedom in a way that would be living my dream so of course I wouldn't be against that - it would be a beautiful example of how much the world has changed, even if it is still imperfect.

Given we are doing IVF, we have to make a choice either way. My partner knows about (some of) my experiences and why I feel this way but they don't really relate to it. AITA?

Edit: For context, while this is a live issue and we disagree, my partner and I love each other very much and will stay together no matter what, even if that means not having a child because we don't reach agreement on this. We have been discussing this for what feels like a long time now with little progress. We're both committed to discussion and coming to a shared agreement and the default is that if we don't agree we don't have a child.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MentalTrade on 2023-09-20 04:41:36.

My (22F) and my bfs (23M) cat is 2 years old and I love her with all my heart. I say “our cat” but she’s really mine. She’s lived with me her whole life. I have taken care of her. She loves me so much and you can really tell. She cuddles every night with me to go to sleep. I love her with my whole heart.

My bf recently came to me with the idea to travel to Australia for a year, two years from now. I loved the idea. I was completely on board and told him that I want to go however if I can’t bring my cat then I’m not doing it. Well I just found out that I can’t bring her because of the breed she is. I don’t want to go anymore. It simply is just no longer is an option for me. I told my bf this. He asked me if he applies to jobs there and gets offered one that I wouldn’t move with him. And I told him no. He then proceeded to tell me that he would break up with me at that point. He thinks I’m prioritizing the cat over my life and living experiences. I have no issue with travelling and leaving my cat for like a month (I have done that once before). But a whole year without her would break my heart. She’s basically my baby. I don’t feel like I’m really that crazy with my pet. Do I just leave my pet behind and move to Australia for a year? Or do I stand my ground and maybe only travel for a month somewhere?

AITA for choosing my cat over my bfs and my experiences in life? Or is he ta for expecting me to drop something I love so much to travel?

TLDR: bf wants to go to Australia for a year and I don’t because I can’t bring my cat. He thinks I’m crazy

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comfortable-Bison419 on 2023-09-20 02:42:54.

I don’t think I’m an AH but would like some input. I (F31) have a brother (M23) who is going to have his first baby. My family, meaning my mom, dad, sisters, my husband and myself, are all happy for him. We met up at my moms house early September for dad’s birthday and he and his girlfriend were mentioning the upcoming gender reveal in October. I told him a specific date in October that I had already an event to go to. A friend of mine is celebrating her birthday by bar hopping downtown in a party bus. We are all going to share the cost since it was quite expensive. He assured me that it was going to be on a Sunday. Time skip to yesterday he sent off the invitation to the gender reveal via our entire family’s WhatsApp group chat and it was the exact day of the party. I responded by asking why was it on Saturday and that I had a previous commitment that I had RSVP to. His respond was “ I guess a party bus is more important than a gender reveal.” I reminded him that we had already talked about it. My aunt chimed in reminding us that it is her and another cousin’s birthday. He said that he will not change the date because some if his girlfriend’s relatives are coming from other states. Will I be the AH if I miss his gender reveal?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ogaquafina on 2023-09-20 05:21:35.

We’re watching a show and he comments on this woman’s body saying “she’s too big to wear something like that hahaha”. I told him I didn’t like when he makes comments like that (which he does frequently whenever we’re watching TV). I also told him that I mostly wanted him to get out of the habit of making these remarks because we have a toddler and I would never want him to think it’s ok to talk about other peoples bodies, especially women. Husband gets all upset and tells me I’m being dramatic because “I know he’s just joking around” and that I’m an AH for bringing our son into the conversation.

So, am I the AH for telling him not to comment on women’s bodies in this manner?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/username1122567 on 2023-09-20 06:30:10.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (29M) had a dinner date tonight and I decided to dress up a little more than I usually do. Now admittedly, I just started my period so I was more emotional than usual. I was feeling a lot of anxiety all day, so when I got to his place I gave him a disclaimer: “Hey, Ive been feeling really anxious all day and I just started my period so I’m a little emotional. I really need you to be nice to me tonight.” He said no problem.

On the ride there he went on and on about how hot I looked in my dress. Not only was he calling me beautiful, he was treating me noticeably nicer. Just being more chivalrous than he normally is. I thought this was just bc i asked him to be nice. At some point he says “Oh I’m sorry. I’m just eating all the chips over here.” I chuckle and say “Baby you always do that.” And he says “Yeah, except you’re beautiful tonight.” This comment hurt my feelings because I felt like he was saying tonight is different from other nights bc I’m not usually beautiful. I know this could definitely be reading too much into it so I try to laugh it off and jokingly say “Okay don’t start f*ckin up now.” He says “I’m not allowed to say you’re beautiful?” I say “Well it’s just the way you said it kinda made it seem like I’m not usually beautiful.” Then he snaps at me & says “I swear you just be wanting to start shit.”

At this point bc I’m extra sensitive I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I genuinely wasn’t trying to start anything. A few minutes later I try to change the subject. He just says “Are you upset?” He sounds really mad. I say “A little, but I’m getting over it.” He says “So am I not allowed to call you beautiful?” I say “No, it’s just the way you said it implied—“ He cuts me off: “YOU implied.” He’s clearly angry now. He says “You know what? I’m over it. Just take me home after this.”

Once again I can feel the tears in my eyes but I know if I cry it’s going to make it worse. After a while I try to break the silence and lighten the mood by joking “Hey, maybe we should put this on AITA together.” In the past we’ve loved reading these posts together. I thought he would laugh. But he blows up. “Do whatever the fck you want I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit about who’s right. If you need to put it on there just to make yourself feel better be my fcking guest.” From that point on I’m just quiet. After the date he walks ahead of me all the way to the car and I drive him back home in silence.

I know that it’s possible he didn’t mean anything bad by his comment, but all I really wanted was for him to say something like “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.” Maybe even to just say he was sorry? I don’t really know. I think I mostly just feel disappointed because I told him how vulnerable I was feeling and he still blew up at me. I don’t think I’m without blame in this scenario, I know I didn’t handle it the best. But am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Strong-Farm-7377 on 2023-09-20 05:28:22.

My husband (32m) and I (29f) planned a week vacation to New Orleans (in the US). We (but mostly I) have been planning this for months.

Back in March, I told him I would plan most of it, where to go, and what to do, all he has to do was make sure he had the week off and buy the plane tickets. I spent the last few months researching what to do. I booked the hotel room, made reservations at places we wanted to try, I made a list of all the sites I wanted to see.

Every few weeks, I would check in with my husband to see if he had asked off and bought the tickets yet, he would say he was waiting for the plane ticket prices to go down. Three weeks ago, I reminded him again and he said he had got off of work for the days but had forgotten to get the tickets. He looked online and the tickets were close to $1500/ticket. He said he was going to wait some more to see if they would go down.

Last week, I asked if he had bought them yet and he said no. We looked again and the prices were still high. He said he wasn't willing to spend that much on them and asked how much money I would lose if I just canceled everything instead. He offered to have a nice staycation instead. I told him I was not willing to cancel everything because I spent so much time planning it. We argued and we didn't come to a conclusion. I wound up buying just one ticket for myself and when i flew out Saturday, I told him I was still going and he acted all surprised that I didn't want to stay home with him.

I am in New Orleans now and he is blowing up my phone saying that I am an AH for still going without him. He was trying to get a ticket to come too but I told him if he came, he is getting his own hotel room because this is now my vacation away from him. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Rizeopsfw on 2023-09-20 04:55:09.

My(15m) mom lost her parental rights over me a couple of years ago. Terminated. I still visited her once a month with my dad’s permission and supervision but only after she quitted drugs and booze. Just to make sure she is staying sober and hasn’t relapsed.

She then got married to another guy who has a 3 years old son.

Yesterday, my mom asked me if I could give him my stuffed shark, one that my girlfriend bought for me. I told her no. She said I’m too old for that stuff but I repeated my ‘no.’ She said he is my brother and I should make sacrifice for him, since his dad doesn’t have any money.

I told her it’s not my job to take care of him and she got upset, saying I should at least consider being there for him some time in the future. Am I the asshole for not considering that?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Leading-Sandwich-314 on 2023-09-20 01:34:52.

My whole life I was extremely close with my grandparents. I spent most days with them as my mother was a young single mother and she worked and went to university. My grandparents always told me that when they pass they will leave their house to me as a kickstart for my young family.

A few years ago my grandparents started getting sick, it started with my grandfather getting dementia. His illness took a great toll on my grandmother who was his primary caregiver. I spent most of my free time visiting them and trying to help them with anything they needed around the house like cooking, cleaning, and some repairs. My grandfather's illness progressed rapidly and eventually he needed constant care.

A few months later my grandmother ended up having a hard time breathing and had to go to the hospital to be checked out. Turns out she had stage 4 lung cancer. Her health deteriorates rapidly and within 2 months she passed away. My mother who has been living on the other side of the country for the last 8 years came home seen her mother for the last week of her life. At the same time my grandfather's family (bothers and sisters) along with myself were taking care of him and arranged for him to go into a nursing home.

My mom decides shes moving home to see her father more while he is still alive and decides to move her family into my grandparents house. This isn't a problem with me as I have a house I am renting nearby and I would rather them use the house than have it empty. They were also paying the mortgage so it basically saved me from having to find another tenant to cover the costs.

Now a few years have passed, and she bought a bigger house to suit her family about 20 minutes away. So now we are selling the house and she immediately assumes we are splitting the money 50/50. I asked why she would think that? The house was supposed to be left to me, she knew that was my grandparents wishes. Our whole family including great uncles and aunts knew the house was to be left to me.

The shitty thing is, my grandparents never left a will, and my mother as next of kin has full control over the estate. She says I should not be greedy and that she could keep the entire amount when the house sells and I should be happy I am getting half. I want to keep the peace with my mother and I don't want to be greedy. But I can't help but feel like I am being extremely betrayed. Should I just not worry about the >60k to save my relationship with my mother?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Big-Dependent2366 on 2023-09-20 03:57:34.

I 26,f, have been with my Fiancé Jim for 5 years now. He has met my family, but has never been to their home. He has no idea what my parents do for work, nor has he ever really asked. I just said my parents owned their own fragrance business and left it at that. Growing up, my family was very well known in the community. They were very wealthy and powerful, and while that may sound like an ideal situation to be born in for most, it made my social life very difficult. Everyone I knew was sucking up to me because of my parents, or hated me because of them. It was hard to find genuine friends who didn't care about my family's status.

When I moved for college, I went across the country, and made sure to have a fresh start to conceal my connection to my family. I really wanted to be treated like a normal person for once. People just saw me as a nice and genuine friend who worked opposed to a girl who had everything handed to her just playing around. It was a wonderful experience and during this time I met Jim. I never hid anything or pretended, but I just left out details about my family because I really didn't want that to change how he viewed me.

His family is upper middle class, father is a therapist, mother is a lawyer. His mother has always hated me, and insisted I was a gold digger because I must've "recognized his family name" (his family is well known in the college area, and were minor donors to the school) and clung to him to make him like me. Stating she could see through me and the "act I put on" ie, the love for my Fiancé.

I always denied this and kind of put up with it. Earlier this month I found out I am pregnant. I had no idea that I could even conceive so this was amazing news. We arranged a dinner as soon as possible to announce our pregnancy with our miracle baby. To keep it short, it did not go well. His mother in law accused me of "Baby trapping" him to gain access to their wealth, and that the baby was probably not even mine and why I am so quick to rush into marriage with him. She then went on to say that I come from a bloodline of drunks and wh/res who probably have to receive community assistance.

This is when I had had enough and dropped the bombshell that my family was actually the owners of x company, and I grew up in multimillion dollar homes, went to a prestigious private school, and was a part of certain societies / clubs. When she called me a liar, I pulled out my centurion black card and threw it on the table.

She then swapped to saying I was trying to deceive them so that I could get away with hoarding my family's wealth to myself, get out of paying for things, inviting their family places, ect. His family said they would not support our marriage or attend the wedding.

He's been different since, but understands why I did this and I'm hoping we can get over it. He asked me to apologize to his mother, stating she was not entirely wrong. But was she not? I don't think anyone deserves an apology here.

++ He doesnt think shes in the right, he just wants me to try and smooth things over with her. He has always described her as a narcissist and I see it. Its more complex than just, him siding with her. I just don't want to apologize and give in if its not deserved.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OkCanary8009 on 2023-09-20 03:33:06.

I (F23) have an older brother we'll call him "Alan" (M28). I consider my brother my bestfriend. Alan and I have a tradition of spending Sunday nights together. We play videogames, chat, drink beer nd just chill. We can't hang out that much anymore since I'm a college student and he's busy with work but we mantained this little tradition.

Alan married "Tara" (F28) a women he meet in college. They have been married for two years. I really liked Tara and she makes my brother happy, I never really got to be bestfriend with her but she's very cool. A day, my brother asked me to talk. He explaines that Tara feel kind of bothered by our tradition but he didn't explain why. I thought it was because she wanted to spend the Sunday nights with him. Welp, fair enough. I asked him if he would prefer that we stop these moments for a while so she didn't get mad at him, which he refused and said that he already spended a lot of time with her. It kinda puzzled me but I said "Okay, fine".

The big problem starts here: I was visiting Tara and Alan (by Alan's invitation), everything was going smoothly until Alan went to the store to buy some snacks & beer. Tara became serious and asked me to talk. I said "Yeah, sure". She started to explain that she didn't want us to hang out that much anymore. I got confused and asked her why.

Tara then began to say that she finds it is innapropiate since because Alan is not a female. I found this response so funny but weird lmao. I asked her why would it be innapropiate and what does sex has to do with this. She says that she feels uncomfortable to think that her husband is spending time with a female. I politely asked her if she was insinuating that things could happen between me and my brother just because our sex, she answered with "I believe so". I found this so disgusting to be honest. I told her that she was being ridiculous and creepy. I couldn't be alone with her anymore so I took my things and got off their apartament. I called my brother later and explained that I had other things to do.

AITA? I spoke about this with my mom and she was also super confused also. But she said that calling Tara concerns "ridiculous" was mean and that maybe she experienced something and this is why she got triggered by my closeness to my brother. This had me thinking.

Look, I would have totally taken a response like "I just want to spend more time with him", I would have totally distanced myself a little so I wouldn't be a problem in their relationship. But I felt totally offended by the fact that she suggested something sexual could happen between me and my sibling.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lynngrillo on 2023-09-20 01:39:05.

I was out and got a call from my son. “Mom, the Chinese food you ordered is here.” But I hadn’t ordered Chinese food. I told him to go knock on the neighbors doors to see if it was delivered to the wrong house. He checked the neighbors on both sides and across the street, but none of them had ordered the food. It was pretty clear it had been delivered by mistake as we often order from this place. My son put the bag of food aside and left it untouched.

After I arrived home, about an hour later, I got a text from the delivery driver saying he had made a mistake and delivered to the wrong house. He said his boss was going to make him pay for it and it was a $50 order, and then he asked if I would pay half. I said I didn’t feel I should pay for something I hadn’t ordered, but told him the food was unopened and that he could have it, so at least he could eat what he would be paying for. This went back and forth for a while with him pleading for me to split the cost. I felt bad, because he made it clear he really couldn’t afford it, and I was considering whether to help him out, but a little later I got another message saying that the boss said it was “okay because I am an old customer.” I don’t know whether he meant I’m a “long-time” customer or I’m literally an old customer (both are true) and that was the end of it. I still felt bad for the guy, but should I have offered to split the difference since he did not want to come get the food and ultimately we did eat it later that week. What would you have done?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Rude_Ad930 on 2023-09-19 21:59:59.

I have a temporary disability placard for symptoms related to my ptsd that are a bit heightened because I recently found out I’m pregnant and having to stop most medications I used (antipsychotics, antidepressants, anti anxiety and sleep meds). I’m physically fit by military standards but because of mental health issues from my service I’m getting discharged.

I haven’t used it until today when I had to pregnant pee asap and made a emergency stop at a store and tried to get as close to the store as I could and made a run for it. When I came back out there was a older gentleman standing near my car. As I approached he asked if I was the woman that just ran into the store. I said yes and he ripped into me about how much of a piece of shit I was for taking a handicapped spot when I was clearly able bodied enough to do a full sprint into the store. He even told me he deserved the spot more than I did because of his age.

I felt really bad because I assumed I took the spot from a elderly handicapped man and apologized profusely . It was for nothing though since he told me he didn’t have a handicap placard but compared to me he had more reason to have the spot than I did and that he was tired of able bodied young people taking advantage of things like this. Dude even asked what disability I had (I refused to answer because it’s a personal) and said he was going to call the police because I’m clearly abusing someone else’s placard.

I’m not going to lie…I’m very sensitive right now and was on the verge of tears and I’m prone to panic attacks because of the ptsd. I told him I’d get the documents for the placard to prove it’s mine and he said he would still call the cops. I got In my car to pretend to look for the documents (I just really didn’t want to let him see he made me cry) and as I got into the car dude started walking to the front of my to get my plate number. I got hit with a intense urge to run and I just backed out and drove away in a panic. For a guy the deserved the spot more that I did he was healthy enough to run after my car at full speed while trying to stop me.

AITA for making use of my placard? I parked a few blocks away because I was reaching a level of panic that would make it dangerous for myself and everyone else if I kept going. I am a lot calmer and I feel guilty for even thinking I could use the spot.

Edit… i was trying to leave out the reasons for my mental health causing physical symptoms that I could be considered temporarily disabled but I guess for context: I’ve had a psychogenic nonepileptic seizure before. Basically my ptsd got so intense it caused a physical seizure. The Docs are really concerned that without the meds that would normally stabilize me and the hormones I could be prone to more of them and cause damage to myself and my baby. Rather be proactive than reactive

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fluid-Source-1846 on 2023-09-20 02:55:59.

I posted a few pictures of me, my ex wife, my ex wife's husband, my wife and my sons who are 21, 19 and 15 (with my ex wife) and my other sons who are 10 and (from my wife) on my Instagram.

I know my older sons are good-looking and it's not their fault. They could probably pass for young Brad Pitts. After we posted the picture on our respected accounts, a mom of my 10yo son's friend left a comment "I never met the middle one (meaning my 19yo) - very hot!"

That comment pissed me off. So I replied that she's disgusting for leaving a comment like that about a teenager. She's like 40. She quickly took off the comment and I posted on her account about what kind of mother leaves comments on another parent's social media page about how hot their kids is?

My 19yo is still a kid and didn't find the comment appealing. My ex told me I completely overreacted and that she would had handled it privately and I overreacted. Later the mom said she meant to wrote "I never met the middle one - #hotmoms!"

I said that made no sense. My older two might be adults but I'm fiercely protective of them.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/icantbelieveyourbs on 2023-09-20 00:52:19.

I’m getting married in April next year in an intimate wedding ceremony with just my immediate family, my fiancé’s immediate family, & our bridesmaids/groomsmen there. We’re renting an Airbnb for 3 days that hosts all 25 of us. Casually hanging out the first 2 days, the wedding ceremony is on the final day of our stay there, & the wedding reception is on the night of our wedding in another location with 100+ people aside from the original 25 in the wedding party.

My fiancé & I wanted this weekend to be adult-only. 2 of my bridesmaids have kids but have planned/are planning childcare for that weekend & support our “no kids” rule. My mother strongly insisted I invite my sister’s 2 kids (& emphasized they are my “only niece and nephew”), so we reluctantly decided to include them in the ceremony as a flower girl and ring bearer.

Fiancé & I still want to do one adult-only event and decided the reception will be adults-only, which he & I are paying for entirely. When I explained this to my mom, INITIALLY, she was willing to miss the reception & watch the kids as she doesn’t drink & the kids go to bed early (our reception will be a nighttime event past their bedtime).

My sister, however, called me “rude and inconsiderate” for this decision, implying it’s wrong for me to not want my “own niece and nephew at the reception”. She is thinking to not even attend the wedding at all, even though 1. Her kids will miss the RECEPTION, not the WEDDING, and 2. I explained that my mom is willing to watch the kids during the reception.

I talked to my mom to tell her my sister is upset, thinking my mom would support me. Guess what? My mom FLIPS on me, telling me she won’t come to the wedding either if I’m going to exclude her grandkids like that. She went from “I’ll watch the kids” to “you’re a bad person” in a span of 10 minutes, which I suspect has something to do with my sister having a side conversation with my mom while I was talking to them both? Anyway…

My fiancé reached out to my family (my mom, dad, sister) & explained that we need to have a discussion about this as a family. My dad explained they are traveling for the next 2 weeks, & once they return, & we all have time to “cool off”, we will arrange a family discussion. He seemed neutral in his response but didn’t state where he stands in this.

I’m disappointed my mom and sister feel this way and insisting things go THEIR way for MY wedding. My fiancé and I are not changing our minds. As much as I have my fiancé and his family’s support, I’m sad about my own family possibly not being at the wedding over this (especially as my dad agreed to officiate our wedding). I also don’t want to sacrifice my boundaries for an event that is extremely special to my fiancé and me.

With that said…. AITA?

I won’t have a major update until after we have our “family discussion”. Until then, any input is appreciated!

EDIT: While I am sad about their choice, if they can’t come, I understand & accept it. Explained this to them and they still don’t seem happy. Wanted to clarify this.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad_Consideration702 on 2023-09-20 00:29:59.

My wife Dee (28F) and I (27M) recently had our first baby, Almond (4 months). It wasn’t an easy delivery, but she’s recovering and we are both back to work. That’s neither of our first choices, but was necessary to help because of our financial situation. My wife has a sister, Cecilia (21) who lives with their parents about 12 hours away.

My wife and her sister are from a culture that heavily emphasizes intergenerational households, and certain postpartum rituals. Because it was important to my wife to have family support, we all agreed Dee would come stay with us for a bit to help out with the baby.

I expected her to stay a few weeks, but we are going on four months and my wife and I recently got into an argument about how much longer she’d stay. Dee attends college virtually and does not have a job; she is home all day. She cooks, cleans, watches the baby, and is overall great.

The only problem is I want to be doing those things. Call it toxic masculinity, but when I imagined having a child, I thought it would be us working together, not us and her sister. Cecilia has a bath waiting for my wife when she gets home, only takes her preferences into consideration when cooking meals, and handles most of the night duties unless Almond needs to be fed. I’ve told her twice to please wake me when the baby cries; she’s told me that she won’t unless I move to the guest bedroom, because it’s important for my wife to get rest.

I told my wife I want her out of the house by the end of the month, but she thinks it’s a terrible idea. Without Cecilia, we are entirely without support. I suggested one week on, one week off until six months, but she says that’s too long of a drive to ask her sister to make. I feel like I never get a chance to be alone with my wife and child.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comfortable_Can826 on 2023-09-19 23:16:38.

The bacon flavoured powder is just salt and spices. I double and triple checked. It is vegan, halal, and kosher.

I had people over to my house to play board games last weekend. It was z potluck and BYOB but we provided snacks.

One of the snacks was popcorn and one of the flavour powders we had was "bacon". We also had cheese and salt and vinegar. We had butter and margarine for anyone who wanted as well.

One of my boyfriend's friends is vegan and so is his partner. We made sure there were vegan snacks.

Both of them loved the bacon flavoured popcorn until someone told them what it was.

Once again the popcorn was 100% vegan. Popped in canola oil and with vegan flavour.

Both of them went off on us for serving them meat. I explained that the flavour was just salt and spices but they only got louder. I eventually got sick of their shit and pulled out the container of powder and asked them what ingredient they objected to. They read the label and went red faced. They said I wasn't clear when I said it was "just flavour". I'm pretty sure that is a full explanation and I said so. I asked them why they couldn't ask to see the package before scarfing down bags of popcorn.

They called me an asshole and left. My boyfriend thinks I was harsh. I think they are idiots.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/iCraveAttention on 2023-09-19 22:12:50.

I'm going to skip most of the backstory and just jump in.

My wife has wanted to have kids for a while and I've been putting it off, but now that I'm 30 (the age my parents had me) the idea has grown on me a bit. So earlier this year I told her we could probably start trying in 2024.

That said, I've been asking my wife for access to her student loan accounts for a while now. She just keeps putting it off and I've kind of let her since she's generally responsible with money. Last week I finally forced her to give it to me since I said we wouldn't be able to start trying for a baby until I've looked at her accounts to get a full picture of our finances.

Anyway, what I saw pretty much sunk my battleship. Not only is there a lot more debt than I thought, there were multiple private loans, including one for 20k on a variable rate interest (currently about 9%).

I did some math and the total principal across all her loans is a little over 90k. This includes credit cards and car. I estimated the total payments to about $150k over 10Y if we were to continue to make the minimum payment like she does.

I've basically put together a plan (that I haven't told her yet) which is along the lines of:

1. I'm going to sell some stock and pay off her credit card ASAP.

2. She's going to have to start working in the summer (she's a teacher)

3. Once my car loan is paid off next year, I'll start putting those payments towards the principal balance of the variable rate loan.

Over 5 years we should be able to pay off all the loans that are above 6% interest and lower the monthly payments by about 75%. Basically get rid of all the high interest private loans and just continue to slowly pay down the federal loans.

I just know she's going to get very upset and it's going to start a big fight about how I said we could start trying, but it seems insane to me to have a kid with that much debt especially when we already have practically no savings.

So WIBTA to delay having a baby for 5 years because of money?

I don't think I would, but I know she's going to think I am. I feel like I'm just being pragmatic about it.

Extra info I'm sure people will ask about:

Our finances are basically entirely separate. This is because I pay for rent, utilities, groceries, date nights, etc. We have a joint account, but rarely use it for anything since there's no joint expenses.

We've been married about a year. Together for 8.

My wife wanted to get married and have kids like 5 years ago and I had pushed it off for a while.

I guess it's EDIT time:

Here's some answers to questions / info, since this is getting more attention than expected...

Wife is 28. She's a teacher. She makes a little over 60k. I make about 100k.

The 5 years thing is just a general idea. Realistically what I want is to pay down the non-federal loans. But at the end of the day all I want is to have some level of financial security where we won't be completely fucked if I lose my job, so as long as we can get there then it's all good.

My sister recently had a kid, two of my friends are pregnant, and I'm down to join the dad squad. I'm not putting this off because I'm not ready, I'm putting it off because not being completely financially fucked is more important to me than having a kid.

Additionally, thanks for the advice so far. I'm reading everything and will respond when I can.

I like the idea of getting a fertility test and will definitely be incorporating that into the plan.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/More-Vehicle393 on 2023-09-19 22:07:16.

My ex bf and I were together for almost 2 years (our two year anniversary is in 2 weeks). My ex bf broke up with me because he’s grieving his mothers death with is 100% valid. He didn’t grieve all the way and the emotional toll and stress of that and worrying about me took a toll on him.

He broke up with me and said he doesn’t want to hold me back from anything. I love him and don’t want him to feel like I’m not going to be there for the worst moment of his life.

We might get back together one day because we’re both still so young and need to grow as people before we get back together.

That being said of he doesn’t want to hold me back, if I flirt with out people, go on dates with other people, makeout with other people, or download any dating app, we are permanently broken up and can never get back together.

Before he told me the dating apps clause, I downloaded tinder and starting talking to guys. I didn’t want any hookups, I just wanted to talk to people who haven’t seen me cry in the shower. I deleted the app because the conversations were honestly boring.

It feels like I’m still be controlled. It’s not a breakup if you are still dictating who a person talks to and what they do.

We’ve gone on a break before and I made out with a guy because we were on a break and I told him about it. He was the most pissed and hurt I’ve ever seen him. I’ve apologized and tried to make up for it as much as I can. This happened a year and a half ago. He’s worried this is going to happen all over again. He also says that he just doesn’t want to see me like that.

I’m going to honestly admit I’ve cheated on him in the past by flirting with other guys while we were dating, but we’ve talked about it and moved on. He says he forgives me.

I honestly don’t know what to think and how to move forward. I don’t want to be dating other people but I also want the freedom to talk to other guys at parties. I really need some input on this.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/sash019 on 2023-09-19 21:12:03.

( this will be a throw away account since I don't want my fiancé to see this cause I don't want him to blame himself or feel hurt. I'm also sorry for any English spelling or grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.)

My (43 f) mother and (47m) father have disproved my fiancé( 24 m) for the past two years because he is a atheist.

However I'm a 22 year old who was brought up as an catholic. My fiancé and I have been dating for three years, I finished university quite earlier than my fiancé, we plan to marry eachother after he finishes uni ( his parents want to pay for it no matter how much I said my fiancé and I could manage)

I never told my parents about my fiancé the first year of dating but when I told them they immediately forbidden me to date him since he isn't Catholic, of course I ignored them because I didn't care. But they treated him like shit for the whole two years they known him and he is too good for his on good because he always tried to be on their good side.

When I told my parents that I'm engaged to him, we fought and they told me if I don't break things off with him I would be disowned. I felt pissed and told them they can disown me then cause I want nothing to deal with them. My eldest sister called me a bitch for picking a man over family.

I just wanted to know if I'm in the wrong, I won't stop being with my fiance but I just want to know if I should've handled the fight with my parents better and if I should apologize or something of sorts

(If you wonder why I didn't listen to my parents about not being with him in the beginning I began to hate being Catholic because my parents used to send me to a boarding school who had gotten the green flag to punish you by parents. For example hitting your wrist with a rular 10x if you asked or talked about another religion )

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Interesting-Gas-943 on 2023-09-19 22:49:33.

Pretty much the title. My younger sister is getting married. She is a content creator/infleunster/vlogger/whatever you want to call it. One time a few years ago she made a video with my kids at Disney, I gave her permission to post it. I felt really uncomfortable and violated on behalf of my kids afterwards with how many random strangers viewed and commented on my kids, even saying things like that my son is their favorite like he's a cartoon character, and said not ever again. My sister has been respectful of this for the most part (occasionally she has tried to hint that such and such dance or prank would be so funny with them). She doesn't spend a lot of time around our kids though, because we live in different states.

Here's where the trouble comes in. My sister is getting married. Companies are paying her to use certain items and she is also getting discounts from some vendors. Obviously this involves quite a lot of the wedding and the lead up to it needing to be posted online.

My sister had asked that my oldest daughter (10F) be a flower girl/junior bridesmaid. Before we asked our daughter if she wants to do it we asked my sister to confirm that our daughter won't be present in any of the wedding content she posts online.

My sister believes this is an unreasonable request. I said it's simple, just ask the videographer and her fellow content creator friends in the party not to film daughter and take photos with and without her. But my sister feels like this will lead to things looking "weird" and "inorganic" and that it's an unreasonable request for her videographer and her friends. We said even if he accidentally gets her they can blur her face, and it shouldn't be that hard to avoid pointing your phone at one specific person. She disagrees, so we said then unfortunately daughter will not be participating in the ceremony.

My wife and I believe this should be easily doable and it shows that my sister at least partially wants my daughter involved simply because she wants a cute kid to be in the wedding content. However my sister is framing it as us being terrible and forcing her to "choose" between her career and our family. The thing is that as I said she's not super close with our kids... she's great when she's here and it's not like I expect a 29 year old to be overly invested with kids or anything, but it does feel pretty inauthentic to now claim they're soooo close that it would be "heartbreaking" if daughter wasn't in it.

I just don't view this as having to make a hard choice. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Foreign_Tree_5626 on 2023-09-19 22:20:34.

She (31F) started talking about how one of her friend's going to invite us to a wedding, and since then I (32M) dreaded the thought of a bachelorette party for the friend.

Said friend essentially had an affair without the sex and my wife seems to have taken a supportive stand to these endeavours. Since they became friends, she started to express interest in open relationships and she gets upset if I show the slightest hint of jealousy. She said things like if I'm going to be jealous she just won't tell me what happened on any company parties she attended. She once said if I don't pull myself together (when I had a serious case of burnout) she might just open our relationship one-sidedly. She once told me her friend told her if she wanted a similar relationship to her affair she would cover for her.

I know learned that a bachelorette party is already in the planning and there will be a Chippendale there.

I try to not be jealous, or behave hurt when she goes out. I try to be supportive of her socializing, cause I know it's hard for her and she does not have many friends and it's hard for her to make me ones.

She's otherwise a shut-in pretty much and has given me no reason to doubt her or be jealous. WIBTA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Accurate-Dragonfly86 on 2023-09-19 22:00:51.

Hello Everyone,

I (15F) have two siblings "Alana" (14F) & "Harry" (12M), Harry has always been the most favoured child by my mother (40F) that has no problem in showing just how much she prefers him.

Harry is a total bully and a little jerk. My mom coddles and enables this behaviour that happens mostly towards Alana. Harry mistreats Alana because she's much more "quirky", Alana is also a high-functioning autist and Harry picks on this to continue bullying her. Calling her things like "weirdo" "freak" "stupid" etc. My mom never minds these things and encourages it.

I have tried to speak about this with my dad (43M), he is a doctor, meaning that spends much less time with us in comparasion with my mother who is a housewive. He says he'll "Look into it" but never does, at least of my knowing. My father is much more understanding but he prefers to remain quiet and in peace than intervene; because it could lead to make our household "unpeaceful"

The problem starts here; Alana and Harry started to argue since she didn't let him borrow one of her Funko Pops. Alana asked Harry to get out of her room and to please leave her alone. My mom intervened and commanded Alana to let him borrow it and to not be selfish. Idk what happened then but Alana pushed Harry out of her room ans slammed the door in both my mom and Harry faces. Later, my mom didn't shut her mouth and continued to complain about how bratty Alana was and how she never stopped to throw temper tantrums.

I told my mom that it wasn't Alana's fault that she was a bad parent and continued to enable Harry bully her. Since that, my mom has been giving me the silent treatment. My father tells me that I was rude & that I shouldn't speak to my mother like that.

AITA? I could get that my mom doesn't understand very well Alana, but she also does not try to understand and comfort her. Was I too harsh?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ProudCauliflower1533 on 2023-09-19 21:45:05.

My friend Alissa is getting married in a few months and I'm the Maid of Honor planning her bachelorette trip.

I am in a group chat with all of her friends (Alissa is not in this group) so I can plan stuff. At the beginning of the month, I asked the girls to send me their payments for the airbnb by the end of the month. Some have sent theirs, others not yet but I'm taking care of it. I forward all the payments to Alissa since she is booking the airbnb and then the rest of us are paying for the rest of the trip.

Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.

Today she messaged me with an update saying she reached out to the remaining girls and told me when they were planning to send it. I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back to take care of it as I'm the one planning it, and it made me feel like she thinks I can't plan the trip.

I told her to back off and asked her why she doesn't trust me, and told her to stay out of the planning. She got offended and told me that I'm taking it too personally and that it's her bachelorette and she's allowed to text her own friends. Now it's a been awkward and tense between us.

My mom told me I was rude and aggressive for telling her to back off, but I feel like I'm a bit justified. Imagine being told to do a job and someone just does it for you. It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/outofsightoutofmind3 on 2023-09-19 19:45:28.

My boyfriend (23m) and I (22f) have been together for 2 years. It was his birthday a week ago and I surprised him with a party with all of his college friends and work friends. The party took so long to prepare and I was so excited.

When he got there, he was super excited and immediately went to his friends and I understood that because he hadn’t seen them in so long. After a while, I went to see him while he was with some college friends and asked him if he was having a good time. He pushed me away saying that he was in the middle of a conversation and to stop bothering him. He told me that in front of all his friends and I had never been so ashamed. So, I told him to stop talking to me that way especially in front of people. He ignored me and continued talking to "his boys".

I was hurt, so I just stormed off and left his party, even tough I was the one who prepared it for him. He got home the morning after (he didn’t tell me where he slept), and told me that he couldn’t believe that I left like that and "embarrassed him" in front of his old buddies. He never even thanked me for the party. It’s been a week and some people told me that I overreacted and others told me I didn’t react enough. Anyway, AITA for walking out of his birthday party?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Ease-6947 on 2023-09-19 18:01:34.

I(m26) have been in relationship with my gf(f27) for almost 2 years and things are going pretty well. Last week was my sister's(18f) birthday so i decided to give her expensive concert tickets as a gift. My gf knows my sister and they get along really well so she asked me if she can also pitch in the gift so it was 70-30%.

But one of my sister's very wealthy friend offered her 6 times more money for that same ticket and my sis gave up that immediately because it was damn good deal. Yesterday my sister took both of us in very nice restaurant for dinner and that's where she told us the entire thing. I was happy for my sister because she got extra money and also treated us in nice place but my gf was not happy. After dinner when we were alone my gf showed her disappointment. She said we gave her the gift and she didn't even appreciate it. I told her after giving the gift what she does with it its her choice and also she even took us for nice dinner too then a small argument happened between us. So am I the asshole here? (Also English is my 2nd language)