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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OkAdhesiveness7090 on 2023-10-06 13:32:15.

Me (22F) am marrying Tom (24M) in 2 months. For some background info, We don’t have a lot of money for a big wedding ceremony/celebration but it has to be done in 2 months since one of our relatives is visiting from the army and it is very important that she’s there (we don’t know how long until she comes back). We’re just gonna get married legally at a courthouse by signing the papers and have a small dinner with immediate family and VERY close friends. In the family side, both of my parents are coming but i have no siblings. On his side his parents and 4 siblings are coming.

I am only inviting 2 friends that I have been very close with for 5+ years, he is inviting 3 friends that he has been friends with for 10+ years. Like i said, close friends. He has meet my friends multiple times and I have met his. We like each other even if i don’t have a lot in common with his friends still. It’s important to know his best friend Logan has a very young baby with his longterm girlfriend (I have also met her a few times, not as much because of being busy with the baby understandably) who is also coming to the dinner to celebrate our wedding.

The problem comes when, this morning, Tom told me he wanted to invite his other friend’s girlfriend. Let’s call this other friend Joe. Joe has only been with his girlfriend maybe a month or so and just got out of his previous relationship less than a month before he entered this new one. Tom says that it’s not fair Logan’s girlfriend is coming but Joe’s isn’t and that he doesn’t wanna tell him he can’t bring her. I told him we both haven’t met this girl and don’t even know her name. I myself didn’t even know he was dating somebody else until last night. And i reminded him it’s only an intimate dinner with family and friends who at this point are also family to us.

He got irritated at the fact that i didn’t wanna invite his gf saying it would only add 1 more person and it’s not like we’re suddenly inviting 10+ more people. I told him there’s still 2 months before the wedding and if we both meet and like her beforehand, she’s allowed to come. He then said that we work long hours and might not find a chance to meet her and wouldn’t be a big deal to meet her at the dinner. I told him i wouldn’t want a stranger there even if it was one of my best friend’s new gf/bf. He believes that if it was about my friend’s, I’d be okay with the idea, which i wouldn’t be either way.

He got mad and said “I just won’t invite Joe at all then” like i didn’t just say i’m flexible with her coming if we meet her beforehand. I told him that obviously Joe will attend i explained AGAIN just don’t feel comfortable with her there since everyone else there is basically family and she’s a stranger to us right now.

He said i was making a big deal out of nothing and left for work. So AITA?

Edit for extra info: there are no plus ones and Logan’s gf is being invited as her own person rather than +1, this is what we had agreed on.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/danthpop on 2023-10-06 15:01:32.

So this is something I've been struggling with as someone who considers myself a mental health advocate.

I'm a photographer. I primarily do weddings but I also do all kinds of potrait shoots; a lot of families, newborn photos, engagement pics, pregnancy shoots, things of that nature. When I get particularly good photos, I like to display them in my studio, with the client's permission of course. I typically do a consultation before these types of shoots so we can get an idea of exactly what the client wants and I can set up my studio space accordingly, and it was during one of these consultations that this happened.

A couple I'll call "Jen" and "Harry" came in for consult about an engagement shoot. Quite early on in the consult, Jen excused herself to the bathroom and didn't come back. Long story short, it transpired that she was having a panic attack in the loo. What transpired is that Jen has severe tokophobia (fear of pregnancy and childbirth) and was triggered by the photos of pregnant people and newborns I have displayed. I apologised that she'd been triggered in my studio, and then Harry asked if to would be possible for me to remove any pictures featuring a pregnant person or a newborn when they came back for their shoot. Now, technically it is possible for me to do this but it would be very inconvenient as my studio space isn't very big and there's not much free storage, so realistically I'd have to take these photos down, move them elsewhere, then bring them back after the shoot, which is a lot of faff on my end. I explained this (in much more professional terms) and suggested that they might instead want to look elsewhere for their shoot. I provided a list of other photogs I know who don't do pregnancy or newborn pics, so might be better able to accommodate them. They took the list and left and I thought all was well.

However, they have publicly posted on social media stating that I discriminated against them because of Jen's mental health condition and that the section on my website where I say I can make accommodations for health issues and disabilities is a lie. This made me feel awful, because it's not my intention, and what's worse is other people were agreeing that what I did was really wrong and that I'm an asshole for how I acted. I haven't responded publicly to the post yet, though I've sent them a private message asking if we can talk about it (haven't heard back yet). I'm just now really paranoid that I did the wrong thing and made an asshole move. From an objective standpoint, do you guys think I did?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lanky-Issue6806 on 2023-10-06 06:01:04.

My (19m) brother, (24m) loves travelling with his gf and acting cultured. They're the type of people to go to Italy and try to pronounce Mozzeralla correctly, and mess it up horribly, or try to talk to locals like they're a local or something and they mess it up horrible because its pretty obvious their tourists. Now for the story.

Me, my brother and some of his friends were playing poker, and having friendly conversations, bringing up stories, the likes. And my brother who recently came back from Sri Lanka brought up how a local "harrased" his gf when they tried to buy something at a shop, and she told the elderly lady there the price was wrong and that she wanted the real local price, and apparently she didn't have great english so his gf was "working" with her trying to get the price right and some guy at the back of the shop got up and told her to fuck off, in what he says was definitely American english. She said excuse me, and he got up in her face and told her that he wasn't gonna let someone speak to his grandma like that and told her to leave. And my brother who was on a call immediately hung up and tried to defend her and he got up in his face too apparently and lifted his shirt to show a switch blade and told them to leave, too which he did.

I chuckled a little, because the idea he was aboutta fight a dude in his own country IN HIS OWN CITY, AT HIS OWN SHOP, was a little funny. and before he could start yellin and askin me why, I said bro you kinda deserved it. He said "excuse me". I said well you got in an old ladies face and argued over what, maybe like a dollar usd or something. He said, we did our research, we know the price was wrong. I said idk man but getting in an old ladies face and yelling at her in a language she doesnt understand is kinda wild. He said yk what, just get out. I said "excuse me" he said yeah, get outta my house, grabbed my cash out of the pit ( we werent rlly playing each chip was cash, but whoever got the most chips would win the cash and we put in 20 bucks each), shoved it into my face and kicked me out. He's left me on delivered and I'm starting to think I over-reacted

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/T1METR4VEL on 2023-10-06 12:31:14.

Yesterday was my girlfriends birthday. We are both 30. The night before her birthday I treated her to a dinner. At this dinner I also arranged for her to get candle and be sung to by the staff. Then we went home where I gave her a birthday gift which was a monogrammed item she really wanted, plus a related gift certificate to a a cooking class for two. We spent the night together. In the morning before she left for work I gave her a big kiss and said happy birthday.

Throughout the day we texted about our schedule and stuff going on as we planned to meet up later for drinks with her friends. At drinks, she complained to her friends how screwed up it was that I didn’t send a birthday text. And kept going on about it.

From my perspective, we went to dinner the night before just the two of us, I got her a gift and a handwritten birthday card, and then we planned to also hang out at night the next day. A birthday text seemed totally unnecessary in my mind as I am spending tons of time with her and celebrating her birthday in person with her the night before and the night of.

Am I wrong for not sending a birthday text, or is she being immature?

Thank you

Edit: forgot to add I also am treating her to a magic show tonight. So that’s dinner and a gift Wednesday night, out with her friends Thursday night, Friday night magic show just us two.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mission-Ad8815 on 2023-10-06 13:44:41.

So we have two daughters 12 and 14. Let’s call them Emma and Abby. Both girls gets 10 dollars a week to use for what ever they want. Now Abby has learned to save, instead of buying whatever she wants she will save up and get nicer things. She just got a lamp that throws stars on the ceiling.

Emma doesn’t save she will buy really cheap things that just kinda break after a bit. I have explained this so many times to her but she wasn’t getting it so I am letting her learn it by experience.

Back to the lamp, Emma saw it and was really upset she didn’t have one. This turned into her being upset that her sister has nicer stuff. I sat her down and explained that she was able to buy the nice stuff since she saved her money for it. She asks if I could get it for her and I told her no since she will need to save up for it.

She has been pouting at day but when I explained the situation to my partner they were pissed. We got in a huge argument and they think I am huge jerk for telling her all this.

I need an outside opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute-Technician7754 on 2023-10-06 11:18:47.

A few weeks ago my mom told me she wanted to sit me (16f) down and for us to talk about the stuff we have going on. Our relationship has been tumultuous since I was 10 or 11 and my mom told me she wanted us to get back on track and to figure stuff out.

BG: My mom remarried when I was 9 after my dad died when I was 6. My parents were only 19 when they had me and married while my mom was pregnant. My mom came from a household with a lot of steps and halfs and baby momma's and baby daddy's. She wanted something different for herself and for me. She and my dad had been together for two years at that point and they loved each other so marriage wasn't an issue. Sadly dad died when I was 6 after getting sick with the flu.

My mom met her second husband when I was 8 and married him when I was 9. They told me he was going to adopt me and I said no. It was the very start of our relationship issues. Mom and her husband did not listen to me and we made it all the way to the court and the adoption was going to be approved but then the judge wanted to speak to me and I said I didn't want it. The judge surprisingly listened.

That's when stuff got bad. But it really got worse when I refused to call her husband dad and refuse to acknowledge him as just my dad. She also yelled really loud at me for saying half siblings instead of just siblings.

When we spoke she told me how much pressure she felt on her shoulders. She said she was judged a lot as a kid for being a stereotypical black kid with stereotypical black family problems like the mostly deadbeat dad and the revolving door of men and kids with all kinds of moms and dads. She always dreamed of having a nuclear family and when dad stood by her and they got married she was so relieved they could have that. And she said the judgement came again though because they were so young having me. She went on to say that when she remarried, it was important for her that I embrace her husband as my dad because of the respect and love it shows and to the outside world it shows she's actually a good mom and they were wrong.

She brought up how people judge us. That I have gotten comments about not calling her husband my daddy from busy bodies. She told me she gets them and worse because they blame her for it. She also brought up the fact that her dream was always to have a nuclear family and that I could help us have that and just accept that my family had to change after death and embrace everyone fully as though they are meant to be here and that my refusal to say sibling/dad makes it look like they aren't meant to be here. She asked me to consider all this for her, for her dream and so people won't judge her.

I told mom she can't have the family she wants anymore. I said she can still have a family. She already has that. But she can't make us something we're not and I don't want us to be the family she dreams of. Mom was pissed and yelled at me again and she has been visibly angry ever since.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cool-Matter4062 on 2023-10-06 06:17:47.

I57f was married to my husband for 27 years. We split up 6 years ago due to him seeing a younger woman, and also cheating on me countless of times during our marriage. We have 3 adult children together and grandchildren.

I hadn’t heard from him in the last year and a half, and a few days I got a call. He told me he only had a few weeks left, cancer, and asked if I would come see him. He said he was afraid to die alone and had always hoped he’d be next to me as he went. I said I’d think about it, but I knew in my mind I wouldn’t. I guess my ex husband told my kids he had asked and they asked me if I was going to go, which I had said no I didn’t think I was.

They were super distraught about it, and angry, and continued to tell me how he had no one except us, and that I’d be horrible if I didn’t go see him. That yes he cheated, but I shouldn’t let him die alone and scared and that I was being immature and petty about such a big thing.

It is true, he has no family except for our children, and I. I do feel badly for him. But we’ve been divorced awhile now. Witba if I decided not too?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/keysanami on 2023-10-06 10:07:11.

So I’ve had a close friend for years who is Muslim and I’ve never seen her drink, she said it’s because drinking alcohol is against her religion. I’ve never had an issue with it and included her on outings anyway, she would be the sober one/DD and it would work out. No judgement.

Last weekend our other friend was driving us when we went out and my friend ordered a drink. I asked her why since she never has and it was kind of out of character for her, and she said she just wants to try drinking. So we did. I found it fun to teach her how to drink and what drinks to have and what to avoid as a beginner. And showing her how to pace herself. We stayed safe ofc and I had a blast.

But eversince then she got really distant and sending one word responses to texts and seemed kind of pissed. When I asked what was wrong she told me I don’t respect her religion by encouraging her to drink. And that I should have stopped her. But I figured her views changed on alcohol, I’m raised catholic and I definitely don’t follow everything.. so if she wanted to drink why would I stop her? AITA for not stopping her from drinking?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CrankyNurse68 on 2023-10-06 05:41:56.

A little background: Last Thanksgiving I found my uncle dead in his apartment. He had been dead a week and it was 80 degrees in his apartment so you can imagine it was not a petty sight. When I called work to tell them I would not be in for the the next 3 days I was threatened with a write up because it was a holiday weekend. Told them to do whatever they felt they needed to do. I never received any acknowledgment or collection. Now one of our managers grandmothers had died and a card is being circulated as well as an envelope for a collection. I told them to NEVER approach me again for anyone who had lost a loved one based on the way I was treated. Some are calling me an AH.. I think my response is perfectly justified and want to know what Reddit thinks

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ImportanceWorldly270 on 2023-10-06 01:17:29.

I (F59) have two sons, 30 and 21. The younger one is in the autistic spectrum. He is high functioning, but there are a few circumstances he has a hard time dealing with, and one of those is going alone in public, the other one is cooking, He cannot cook and he refuses to learn because he is afraid of using the stove.

Lately he has been toying with the idea of moving out and living as an independent adult. (For context, per my country’s law, my husband and I are his legal guardians, despite being 21, because he is disabled). Now I think he can handle most of the independent adult life, he has a remote job that pays well, and he is pretty good at keeping his space clean. But it worries me that he doesn't cook and he can’t go out in public alone.

So, my husband and I told him he could move out with two conditions: he needed to learn how to cook, and he needed to learn how to go alone in public. That was a couple of weeks ago, we stopped cooking his meals and told him he needed to go alone everywhere he wanted to go. It’s not going well, he hasn't even tried, he simply doordash everything or eats stuff that doesn’t require cooking on the stove, and avoids going out in public, he has been locked in his room since.

Now, my older son came for a visit this weekend. Apparently my younger son wanted to go to the zoo, but he knew his dad and I wouldn’t take him, so he called his brother. I told my older son not to take his brother to the zoo, if he wanted to be an independent adult he should be able to handle going to the zoo by himself.

My older son said we were being absurd, that his brother was not going to magically learn to go out in public alone, and then he took his brother to the zoo. When he dropped his brother back, we got into an argument over this. He said that by stopping taking him to places and cooking for him, I’m punishing his brother for suggesting he wanted to move out. I told him this is not a punishment, any independent adult needs to know how to cook and how to go out in public alone. He says he agrees but that we need to take baby steps here to help his brother be able to do these things, instead of just stopping doing it for him out of sudden.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here and my husband agrees, but my older son is acting as if we are assholes. So, reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WinterL22 on 2023-10-05 21:44:53.

As the title suggests, my husband (31) is leaving me (30) and my 18 month toddler to go on a trip with his mother while our house is being renovated.

Background: We were waiting for our home renovation permits for 2 years (delayed via pandemic) and we finally started to work on the place this year. I got pregnant during that time and gave birth to my son a year a half ago. I was going to return to work, and have my parents look after him. However, my parents are overwhelmed and elderly to take on a toddler full time, so I decided not to work and take care of our son.

This November our home will be completed (there were delays) and we can finally move in. However, my MIL wanted to go back home (China) to see her grandparents and take a vacation with them to Hawaii in November. Since my MIL is recovering from a minor surgery, my husband wanted to accompany her.

I told him 'no' because we're going to move in during that vacation time and we can't pay for two homes (We borrowed a mortgage for renovation and are leasing a place now). He insisted that he needs to go help his mom and this is the last vacation he can travel with his grandparents.

I would be a bit more lenient if that was the reason, however his extended family is going on the trip too (+ 5 people) so there would be plenty of help. I told him that he shouldn't go and that I needed him here. He brushed off my concerns saying that my parents can help with toddler while he is gone and I can manage the renos and moving on my own.

That turned into a heated argument and he ended the conversion with 'You can't stop me'. Since then he has been stonewalling and not helping me take care of the toddler.

I just don't know what to do now.

Info: My husband is the type not to speak up about any 'weakness' or 'needs' that he has. I do admit that these last two years, it has been the toddler's needs over his. I myself haven't had much time 'self' time, while he had time for recreation and video games since I take on a majority of the mental load. I don't think it is out of jealously and I know why he wants to see his grandparents since he adores them. It is more along the lines (to my belief) that as a father, his wife and son should be priority. I do understand that he wants to see his grandparents, and if it was any other time, I would have said 'go on a head', but I need him here. It is just bad timing for the vacation and he just wanted to go.

Info: Yes, we are paying for two homes but we cannot afford it since our mortgage rates have increased and we need to delegate the funds to the new home.

Info: Initially my parents were going to take care of our toddler until he turns 3. But after taking care of him for a few days straight, they realized it was taking a toll on them, so I took over. However, I really need to work to support the mortgage, but my husband doesn't want to pay for childcare since my parents are retired and can do it for free. I asked him multiple times if his family can help and each time he says no and our conversation ends there.

Info: Just for clarification I did not outright say 'no'. I informed him that the vacation period was during the move in/home completion time and that he should prioritize that first. He stayed silent, which meant he understood. However, it was not until that his family finalized the dates that he bought tickets for the trip. He knows how important having our own home with our son is, but as many responses say, I am not that high on his hierchy.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/danishviking28 on 2023-10-06 03:47:07.

Ladies and gents I'm looking for feedback...

A good friend of mine (I also work with) has been asking me to work a shift for her so she can go on a vacation with her mom. The date she is asking for is two days after my wedding. She has been invited to my wedding so she is aware I'm getting married. When she asked me I didn't think much of it aside from no??

But now the more we talk it's more like "it's fine I didn't want to go on vacation anyways" or "well idk if I can go to your wedding or not because I'll be working you know" (she finishes work at 2pm on the wedding day, the events don't happen until 5pm all in the same town, and I said she can be late since shes invited to the reception). I booked my vacation for my wedding over a year ago at this point and she didn't book for vacation until about 3 months ago. She also regularly goes on vacations with her mom...

Am I over reacting for being mad at this? Even my boss and the person doing the schedule are bombarding me about it saying "oh you're sure you don't want to work?".... NO I DONT WANT TO WORK I'LL BE GETTING MARRIED!

edit: I should clarify this will be our "honeymoon" we won't be out of town but we've made plans to go to events, spend time with friend and family, etc

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwawayaccounterat on 2023-10-05 23:52:30.

I (25M) had this girl I have been friends with since kindergarten. Our parents were best friends and we have been through high and hell together. I will call her Julie (27F). I realized I had fallen in love with her when I was only in middle school and we started dating my freshmen year of high-school. When she broke up with me I was devastated but we continued to be friends. In my senior year of high school I met my now fiancé Autumn (22F) which I fell hard for. I remember during my prom when I posted pictures on Facebook of me and Autumn at prom she called me crying and asked me for a second chance and I felt so guilty and for a moment thought about taking her back but just seeing Autumn made me realize she is where my future is. Going into my early 20s I would still see her at family gatherings and she’d invite me to hangout with her and our old friend group but it didn’t feel the same anymore. I was/ still am in love with Autumn and every time me and Julie hung out she would always try to cross boundaries with me, it got to the point where I told her that I couldn’t be around her anymore because it felt disrespectful to my girlfriend knowing she still had feelings for me.

Fast forward 4 years later and she has passed away. This caused a dark cloud over my family because my sisters, mom and I are very close with her family. When she was sick she wanted me to visit her and I did. She confessed that even though we haven’t spoken in years she’s still very much in love with me. I felt really bad for her but I didn’t know how to respond and I just sat in silence. I feel almost guilty for not being able to love her back. My fiancé Autumn had also come to the hospital with me and decided to wait in the lobby but was met with dirty looks from Julie’s sisters. Me and Autumn were basically being treated like insensitive AHs. As always I am unfazed but Autumn cried to me the other night after I told her Julie had passed away. She told me if we have to postpone the wedding we can but I refuse. I told her I spent a fortune on our wedding and she always comes first no matter what.

My mom, sisters and Julie’s family think I am being a terrible person considering I won’t be able to make it to Julie’s funeral with it being days before my wedding. I have mixed feelings now so AITA?

To add some clarity, we are leaving town a week before our actual wedding date and already booked an AirBnB

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PixelPioneer89 on 2023-10-06 02:55:43.

I (F22) have a sister (F26) who is 36 weeks pregnant. Our grandma (79) is very excited as this is her first great-grandchild. She does however have a history of going too far with certain things. She does not believe in boundaries, such as how my sister has expressed she does not like having her back randomly rubbed. Our grandma insists that she automatically gets to do all she wants as she is the grandmother. She has also bombarded my sister with several questions about the pregnancy, even things my sister did not feel comfortable talking about but insists it's her "right" to know. We've talked to our mom but she just says it's because she's old.

My sister has brought up the plan for her birth. Grandma said she was so excited to witness her great-grandchild be born. My sister apologized profusely and said that she only wanted it to be her and her boyfriend in the delivery room and no one else, not even our mom. She has not felt well her entire pregnancy and knows labor will not be a good time for her and doesn't want people seeing her in such a vulnerable state. For a minute grandma genuinely thought she was joking and got super upset when she realized she was serious. She asked my sister how dare she "deprive" her of the experience of watching the birth of her first great-grandchild. She started crying and went on about how selfish she was. My sister explained time and time again how she wanted her own privacy but grandma said there's no reason privacy should apply to the grandma. This was two weeks ago.

Grandma has since bombarded us, our mom, and my sister's boyfriend with calls and texts demanding she be in the delivery room as it is "her right." (she has a history of playing the "it's my right as the grandmother" card). We saw her again three days ago and she would not let the matter drop. She began crying again saying how dare my sister be so cruel to her own grandmother. My sister was getting so angry and heated and started yelling. I tried the same way as my sister but she would just not listen. It got to the point where I told her "Grandma, you need to stay in your lane. It's her delivery so it's her choice and you have to stop being so entitled." She gasped and burst into tears and hysterics. She asked how dare we treat her so poorly. She's said I have now created a drift between us and her forever. She left and we haven't heard from her since.

My sister is completely on my side and actually thanked me for standing up for her. Our mom however says I was way too harsh and that it was a b*tch move on my part. Our dad also found out and ripped me to shreds over the phone (parents not together). They both genuinely think I've ruined the relationship for good.

I really need an outside opinion. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/fabvanfan on 2023-10-06 01:26:01.

I live in a co-op that has both disabled and non-disabled residents. I came up with the idea for a peer-support/help exchange roster, where people could help each other out if interested.

Another resident and I set up a meeting to share the idea, get feedback, and potentially some money out of our "social fund" that people pitch into at the beginning of every year to finance group activities. The day of the meeting my wheelchair battery almost completely stopped working, and even though my co-presenter and I had agreed to arrive 15 min early, the meeting was almost about to start by the time we arrived, due to my wheelchair moving so slowly. I was right behind her, attempting to enter the room when she let the door close in my face. I gestured for her to hit the auto-door opener because there was only one on her side of the door. She neither let me in nor told anyone that I was outside waiting for the door to be opened. Instead she told them I couldn't make it because of wheelchair problems so people we pretty surprised when I finally found someone to push the door open for me.

Later on my co-presenter admitted to doing this purposefully, she said "why would I tell them, you already made us late I wasn't going to allow you to disrupt the meeting any more." (We weren’t late, just not early, and once able to enter, it took all of 45 secs to join the group.) She also admitted to wanting to replace me with someone else because my wheelchair problem had frustrated and annoyed her. Note: this project is titled Advancing Accessibility and Good Neighbourliness, and the ideas all mine. I asked her not to use the language & materials I'd produced and she said "I'll use whatever language I please" and said I was "deluded" for thinking people wouldn't understand why she couldn't "let" me attend that meeting. (Anyone not using a wheelchair could just stroll in, I was the only she could've one kept out like that.)

It feels so unfair and underhanded, so I really want to inform the rest of our neighbours who went to the meeting about what she did. Part of me thinks that's petty because it happened months ago (she only just admitted what had happened) and I still did get to attend the majority of the meeting.

Am I the asshole for wanting to exposing her bad behaviour, thus potentially torpedoing a project that could help other people with disabilities? Should I swallow my pride and try to work things out with her to try to salvage some hope of progressing a cause I believe in?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Some_Eye_7848 on 2023-10-05 18:39:45.

I met my boyfriend's son (13m) two months ago. He's a great kid and treats my kids (F10 and M11) really nicely, which I'm grateful for. It's my ex-husband's week with the kids, so I'm staying at my boyfriend's place. I found out they have a tradition of watching a horror movie a night in October until Halloween.

His son lies in bed with him but will go to his room when it's over. Well, last night, they both fell asleep before the movie was over, so I turned it off and tried to fall asleep. It felt weird having a teenager in the bed with us, so I shook my boyfriend awake and asked him to tell his son to go back to his room. He told me he understood and woke up his son, who wasn't as understanding. He begged to stay but lost the battle and went to his room. I felt like I had messed up whenever he didn't say "I love you" back to his dad. I understand he was upset, but I don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with a teenager.

This morning, he wouldn't talk to me. I assumed my boyfriend told him why he was kicked out, so now he's pissed at me. My boyfriend and I took off today, so we both went to drop him off at school and like last night, he didn't respond to his dad saying, "I love you." he just said bye quietly and got out of the car. Like I said, I felt uncomfortable, but was I right to do it? He’s a teenager and probably doesn’t snuggle with his dad often like that, so I’m afraid I ruined a moment. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Technical-Star8164 on 2023-10-06 00:56:10.

I (30F) am the maid of honor for my sister (32F)'s wedding. We're planning a bachelorette weekend in Vegas since my sister has never been before and has always wanted to go. We plan to be out of the hotel as much as possible, making the most of our trip.

One of the bridesmaids (28F) recently asked in the groupchat about accommodations for her dog, a fifty-pound Australian shepherd.

I was confused...she wanted to bring her dog?

The bridesmaid said the dog was an ESA (emotional support animal) and that she likes to have her dog there on planes (we live on the east coast and will be flying to Vegas).

We literally flew to Istanbul together not six months ago without this dog and there was no issue whatsoever. And when we get to Vegas, does she plan on just...keeping her dog all cooped up in her crate the entire time?! The hotel we're booking does have dog-friendly rooms, but doesn't allow pets to roam freely around the hotel room unsupervised - the dog would have to stay in that crate for god-knows-how-long each day. That can't be great for the dog. On top of that, our other younger sister coming on the trip is very allergic to dogs. We don't have the money to just let this one bridesmaid book her own room for just herself and the dog to prevent my younger sister having an allergic reaction. Unless this bridesmaid was willing to pay for a room herself, I told her she couldn't bring her dog on this trip.

I thought that was going to be the end of it, since this was definitely reasonable on my part (in my opinion), but this bridesmaid is now being super pissy with me and saying how it's sooo wrong and horrible of me not to let her bring her ESA. Bearing in mind she's been absolutely fine without the dog in the past on much longer flights. Bearing in mind I even told her she could bring the dog IF she was able to pay for a room of her own so that my sister doesn't have a reaction.

Reddit, please just put this one to bed. Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dangerous_Secret4445 on 2023-10-05 21:58:55.

I (27F) have been with my now-fiancé (26M) for nearly four years. Prior to knowing him (I'll call him Matt for the story), I had a past fiancé - I'll call her Amy.

Amy and I were high school sweethearts, our parents were the closest of friends (still are), both our families supported our relationship despite living in a pretty conservative area, and by the time we were 19 we got engaged. Before we could get married, though, Amy was struck and killed by a drunk driver that year. Her parents and I helped each other through what was the darkest year of our lives that year, and I still think of Amy's parents like a second set of parents to this day. They've helped me so much throughout my life before AND after Amy's death, and they were nothing but happy for me to finally get a second chance at love. I want them at my wedding, and they'd love to be there.

Matt's never been overly thrilled about the subject of Amy. I think deep down he's a little insecure and compares himself to her, even though I seldom talk about her and have always made it abundantly clear that it is HIM I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

When I brought up the idea of having Amy's parents, who are like godparents to me, at our wedding, Matt was very unhappy. He thinks it's weird to have my ex's parents present at my wedding to him, even though they've always been supportive of our relationship, and it's not exactly like my ex is in the picture anymore. Matt also thinks it's going to invite trouble from certain members of his side of the family who are...let's just say...rather biased against "non-traditional" relationships. I told him that if it's his family members he's worried about, we shouldn't let the bigotry of a few people hold us back from inviting the people we love most to our special day. I owe so much of who I am and what I have to Amy's parents, who have always looked out for me, given me advice, and even helped me out financially so I could get my first house. I insisted to Matt that they be present at my wedding.

He continues to argue with me about this to this day. Matt still thinks it's weird that I'm inviting them because I was engaged to their daughter, and that it reveals to his more conservative family members that I'm not straight. He feels like I'm not validating his needs enough.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jellysandwhichh on 2023-10-06 01:36:45.

Throwaway acc bc my husband follows my main

I’ll try my best to not make this long. I honestly don’t know even where to start, this whole situation has left me feeling embarrassed and frustrated. My husband(27) and I(26) have been together for 7 years and married for 3. Long story short, my MIL has always hated me and always made harsh statements about my appearance. I always brushed it off and gave a simple nod to her comments never trying to give her the reaction she wants. For the past couple of weeks my MIL has been making remarks about my daughter’s appearance and how she doesn’t resemble my husband(for context, i’m hispanic and my husband is white). Ive tried explaining how genetics work and it always ends up with her acussing me of sleeping around.

This has made me completely upset and i’ve tried speaking to my husband about it for him to simply brush it off and say he’ll talk to her about it. This all came to ahead, when my husband told me to get dressed since we were going to this restaurant that I love. I was very excited since we haven’t went on any dates since my daughter was born 10 months ago.

When we got to the restaurant , they seated us at a table for 4, i found it strange but never thought much into it. Not even 15 minutes later, my MIL and FIL came. I was hoping they were going to sit somewhere else , but as luck would have it they sat with us. Before we could share greeting with each other, my mil went on a huge rant about my daughter and how i’m forcing my husband to raise another man’s child. She said she won’t allow her son to raise someone else’s garbage baby and how she wants a paternity test done. I turned to my husband thinking he’ll defend me but he held his head low and said he agrees with his mother. I was in complete utter shock since my husband has never mentioned having any doubts of our daughter being his, if he would have voiced his concern i would have 100% did the test to restaure his worries. Without saying anything i got up and walked right out the restaurant.

My husband didn’t even try to go after me, he just saw me leave. I ended picking up my daughter from my parents house and heading home. Not even an hour later my husband comes home yelling at me for embarrassing him at the restaurant and how could I be so selfish to embarrass his mother. I tried telling him the fact he thinks our daughter isn’t his , hurts badly and he just scoffed. We ended up getting into a bad argument causing me to pack my stuff(and my babies stuff) to stay with my parents. His family and friends have been blowing up my phone calling me a dirty stank and so much more. the only person who’s on my side is my FIL. I spoke to my friend about it and she said I was the asshole for leaving the restaurant without explaining myself and how i owe them an apology.

Now i’m conflicted on this if i really am the asshole for. i’m honestly confused because my husband had 10 months to voice his concern and speak to me about it maturely instead of involving his mother.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Accomplish_Mission on 2023-10-05 22:34:14.

My daughter is getting married in 2 weeks. To give some context, her mum and I fucked up a lot during her childhood until we divorced with fights, trying to get her (and our son) to hate the other, etc, etc. After we divorced, I (and her mum) had to work more and was unable to spend much time for her, feeding into the resentment. She ended up going to her grandparents a lot and she basically views them more as her parents which I accept. She moved out of her mums and stop visiting me as soon as she turned 17 or 18 and she eventually moved to the US for work. I tried reaching out with casual phone and social media messages (like asking how she's doing, wishing happy birthday, congratulating her on promotions etc), which she either didn't reply too or replied basically. Eventually on a blog she set up, I learned her true feelings like feeling agitated about my messages and valuing her grandparents more and wishing I'd stop. I did and eventually on facebook, out of the blue, she sent me a youtube music video about someone leaving a failed relationship which I guess conveyed to me her feelings and I decided to close the book and accept full responsibility for fucking up. My daughter from the blog has gotten support and she's doing really well in the US.

Anyway, with that context for my daughter's wedding which she is having in the US, I got not texts or any messages about her wanting me or her mum to come. I'd understand the guests probably are very limited between her friends in the US and family (and other friends) in the UK so I'm perfectly fine and understanding of not being invited.

My mum (her grandmother) though has different thoughts. She knows the relationship between me and her is basically non existent but not that we've basically both accepted that for the best. She confronted me (She and my dad and her other grandparents have been invited and have tickets). I explained I never got any invites and that guest numbers are gonna be limited. She thinks I could just book a ticket easily in the time frame. I tried to explain to her that I can't and it turned into a massive argument with her saying I'm not putting any effort in, don't deserve her etc. I explained to her why I think it's for the best and that I'd rather be at home with my dog than going thousands of miles for something I'd probably be barred from. This made her more angry until I told her to leave. She then other relatives including my sister who went completely at me in a phone call.

I know I fucked up a lot and I expect the comments to be ruthless in that regard which I hope to be able to take. But in regard to the situation at hand, do you think I am in the right for respecting her wishes and wants for her wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Trick_Ad_42069 on 2023-10-05 21:22:46.

First off, my wife and I do very stupid, silly pranks on each other. It’s a love language. She loves to be pranked. It’s never anything humiliating, denigrating, demeaning, etc. If you’re familiar with the show New Girl, her pranks to me are on par with Winston’s “too small” pranks. They’re just silly. Mine to her are a little bigger just because she loves it so much. Like once I found out how to change the background on her car screen and took a picture of my butt and put it on there. She laughed about it for hours. I changed it back.

About 2 years ago when she was having a giggle fit, she told me her idea for a “big” prank. To switch someone’s deodorant stick with cream cheese. She laughed so hard about it that she cried. She said she could never do that but how funny would it be?

Well, I saved it in my back pocket. It had to line up with her needing a new stick of deodorant and me being able to do it without her noticing. So yeah, two years later, I finally got things going.

Unfortunately… her sister came to stay with us. They use the same deodorant, and her sister mistook the cream cheese one for hers. She put it on. I cannot understand how she didn’t immediately notice it, because I tested it on myself and it wasn’t a pretty sight (I do have hairier pits than she does). But apparently it took her at least until she went to the store, in a sleeveless top, and yeah…

She rained down on me like hellfire, yelling about how I humiliated her and how disgusting it was and she’d have to take “like 5 showers to get the stench of hot cream cheese off.” She told me that I was childish and stupid. My wife was, at the time, out of the house, so she thought I did it on purpose. I tried to explain it to her and apologized a million times and she just kept laying it on me.

When I told my wife, she didn’t remember that she’d been the one to come up with it. She laughed but said that I should’ve known better and I should have remembered her sister would be there.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HeyCaptainJack on 2023-10-05 23:48:19.

Weird question but I have 4 sons. They are 14, 12, 8, and 4. The older two are biological and the younger two were adopted after a birth complication made us infertile.

I was at the park over the weekend with my younger two boys. I got to chatting with another couple and mentioned that I had 4 boys. She said something like, "Oh, you poor thing. I wanted a girl too but he (pointing to her husband) didn't want to have a 3rd." I told her that I didn't try for a girl and that if I wanted a girl we could have put that in our adoption paperwork but we didn't have a gender preference. I had no strong desire for a girl and love having sons so she has no reason to feel sorry for me. It rubbed me the wrong way that she said "poor thing." Like my boys aren't good enough for me and she said it right in front of them. They already have to field questions about being adopted. They shouldn't have to feel bad about their gender too, you know?

Anyway, the lady got upset, told me I was being rude for no reason, and walked away. I spoke to my SIL about it and she also felt I didn't handle it correctly. She has 3 girls and 1 boy and said it is just a normal thing people comment on. She said people will tell her that her son is going to be feminine because he only has sisters and she just shrugs it off so I should have done the same.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TopTunaMan on 2023-10-05 20:51:37.

I (28M) work as a software developer for a tech company. My contract clearly states that my working hours are from 9 AM to 5 PM, Monday to Friday. I've always been diligent about my work, never missing a deadline, and often finishing tasks ahead of schedule.

Two weeks ago, my boss (40M) started sending me "urgent" emails on weekends, asking me to fix bugs or add new features to our ongoing projects. The first time it happened, I thought it was a genuine emergency, so I worked a few hours on Saturday to resolve the issue. However, this has now become a recurring theme.

Last weekend, I received another "urgent" email on Saturday morning. I checked the email, and it was about a feature that was not due until the next Friday. I decided not to work on it and spent the weekend with my family as planned.

Come Monday, my boss called me into his office and berated me for not taking the "urgent" email seriously. He said that in the tech industry, we need to be "flexible" with our time and that I should be available to work on weekends if needed.

I calmly explained that my contract specifies my working hours and that I had already made personal commitments for the weekend. I also pointed out that the feature was not due until the following Friday, so it could have waited.

My boss was not happy and said that my "lack of dedication" could affect my upcoming performance review.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mylec7 on 2023-10-05 22:10:05.

I have lived here for over 15 years and have a considerable amount of equity. It’s a cute house, good neighborhood and my payments with insurance and taxes is under 1k a month. My wife says she never felt this was her house, and wants to sell so we can get one together. (Married 5 years) I am reluctant to sell because the housing market is crap and we would be paying almost double for something similar. Also, I see it as a nest egg for when we retire. We can sell it and live off the profits for retirement. I have told her we can make whatever changes she would like in order for her to feel more at home, but she’s not come up with any ideas. So, AITA for not wanting to sell?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/After-Cow-2738 on 2023-10-05 18:55:23.

I have a dilemma and I need an external opinion about the subject.

My father passed away when I was 4 and my brother, Sam, was 2. 2 years later, my mother met my stepfather, Jack. He is an amazing man and when I was 10, he and mom got married.

He never made us miss anything, he helped both me and my brother throughout our whole life. He was our father figure, he taught us how to approach life and always made sure we knew we could talk with him about anything.

I am 29 now. 4 years ago I met my husband and last month we got married. Everything went fine, the wedding was amazing and the honeymoon was just perfect.

When I came back, though, my mom and my brother were acting weird. They weren't cold with me but it was clear something was wrong so I asked about it.

It took a bit of convincing but they confessed that they were a bit disappointed with me because I didn't ask Jack to walk me down the isle ( nobody walked me down the isle, I went alone. It's not a big tradition in our country. Most people do it but some don't.). I said that I didn't know he wanted to do it, we never talked about it.

My mom and Sam told me that months before the wedding Jack confessed to them that he would have really liked to walk me down the isle but he didn't want to push this request on me so he didn't say anything. They told me that the two of them had heavily hinted about me asking him about it and, yeah, after they told me, I remembered a few times when that happened, I simply didn't catch the hint at the time.

I felt like crap and went to talk with him but he simply shrugged it off, said that he wasn't upset about it and that he is happy I was able to do the wedding as I wanted to. He said I was a beautiful bride, we hugged. I'm still worried about it though.

AITA for not asking him to walk me down the isle?