Why I don't identify as a lesbian anymore (medium.com)

submitted 4 months ago by Grail@aussie.zone to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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[-] Melody@lemmy.one 36 points 4 months ago

I mostly agree here.

Although; I have a slightly different experience as well that makes me highly distrustful of people who tout being 'sapphic' as well; as I've seen quite a few people who identify with that label participating in the same kinds of toxic and exclusionary behavior that the self labeled 'lesbians' that are referenced in this article are participating in.

In general; excluding members of the rainbow who are less numerous than our identity group is; is in fact punching down on them and is not cool. If you bear any label in the whole spectrum; you should at least try to know better, and reject exclusionary behavior.

Of course people will be exclusionary to the extent they can get away with it. Don't let them get away with it when you see it. Call it out and educate them kindly if possible; especially those who should know better.

As someone who is as deeply queer as she is transfeminine; I do experience some strange bouts of gatekeeping; especially around people who think I am inherently less feminine than they would prefer.

[-] Grail@aussie.zone 9 points 4 months ago

Yeah, I always hated the word sapphic as well. Seems like people just reinventing the word lesbian all over again for exactly the same reasons, thinking it'll end the exclusionism to let the exclusionists take the more common word without a fight.

I think maybe the correct strategy is to go scorched earth. The exclusionists can have the word lesbian, but now lesbian means transphobe. Let them have it after poisoning it. Because I used to think we had to fight them to keep the word meaning something good, but I was just struck with the futility of such an exercise when I realised it never did much good in the first place.

I'm gay. My femininity doesn't make that something special, doesn't set it apart from any other form of gayness. Gay is gay. As much as 20th century misogynists would have refused to believe that and forced the lesbian label on Me because "gIrLs CaN't ReAlLy Be GaY"

[-] delawen@floss.social 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

@Grail @Melody I use sapphic as a way to refer to both lesbians and bisexual women at the same time. Not to be exclusionary but as a way to refer to a common ground. Wlw could also be used, but that's hard to pronounce when talking.

[-] Grail@aussie.zone 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Back in the 20th century, people used the word lesbian to refer to gay and/or bisexual women. Nobody said the word lesbian as if it didn't include bisexuals, except for the many people who didn't believe in bisexuals at all. This exclusion of bi women while acknowledging they exist is a newfangled trend, and it doesn't make any sense.