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this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2024
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Loneliness is a very real problem as you age and being a huge dick to your kids is how it starts.
Yeah, and then imagine you are 20 years old and read on social media that your father says you are 'dead'.
It's beyond my comprehension. I had this phase in my teens when I was harassing LGBT people (I'm a terrible person, I know), but even for me in my teens it's unacceptable to proclaim one's child because she decided to transition. That's on a very different level of hatred.
I think that people can evolve as they mature. Recognizing that you don’t like the person that you used to be and taking steps to be a better person doesn’t make you a terrible person at all.
I also did and said a bunch of things in my teens that I abhor and regret as an adult, but I think that I grew into a respectable person and speak out against the very things I have said as a child.
But the fact that we evolve and mature doesn't make us less terrible. We are those people who did and said these things, even if in the last several years we were ok human beings.
We are whole and we can't say that we are the people that were existing last 15 years, but the person before wasn't us, it was a dumbass.
I grew up in a racist household hearing some truly awful things, and parroted the vile shit I heard from my dad. I was a late teenager before I realized how fucked up my family actually was.
So pardon me if I completely disagree with you that I’m not “less terrible” than I was 30-40 years ago. The person I was back then is long dead.
It's my personal experience, so I was wrong in generalizing it, I guess.
But imo this mindset of having yourself dead for some time leads me to spread the victim mindset on my entire life eventually. This is not healthy and I'm trying to avoid it at all costs.
I just wanted to reinforce my opinion that you can (and I have) absolutely become a better person and left the shitty version of myself behind.
If you’re set on being a better person than you were before, then you’re progressing. There’s a quote attributed to Plato, and I don’t know if he actually said this or not. I think this rings true no matter what though.
“Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow”
Keep being better and you’ll get through the guilt of who you may have been before. Be a voice for those you may have slighted earlier in life. It gets easier as time goes on, I can promise you it does from personal experience.
Thanks for your perspective, but it doesn't work for me that way.
Yes, I'm trying my best to become a better person tomorrow, but it doesn't come from nowhere. I did a lot of awful stuff, it was me, not someone who's dead right now. It was me all the time.
When I try to rationalize that behavior I always find myself in a loop where I jump from "nope, it was not me, it's my parents' influence" to "I've been rude to my gf today because I haven't had enough sleep". That's a victim mindset and I've been in therapy for far too long to relapse today just because I want to feel good about myself.