This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/GreedyIndependence65 on 2025-12-10 19:27:02+00:00.
“Alright, get your seats.” The massive hamster like creature demanded from the podium in front of the classroom.
The students, young adults from dozens of species around the galaxy, slowly found somewhere to sit, or at least remain still during the lecture, for those unable to sit.
“Now, your homework for last night was to read about an important event in galactic history, named by the Terrans as ‘Operation Poker Face.’ Again, do not confuse this with ‘Operation Lady Gaga’, which was unanimously declared a war crime by the Galactic Council.” The lecturer spoke as the students finally calmed.
“Excuse me, Instructor Zermon, but after the required reading I was curious about Operation Lady Gaga. Did the Canadians really do that?” a tiny, scaled student inquired.
“They did, but we will not speak of it anymore. The school administration has declared such conversations to be harassment and intimidation of the victim species.”
“Whoa, Canadians sound awesome!” a male voice echoed through the large teaching hall.
“I assure you their actions were not awesome.” the Instructor Zermon chided, “By bombarding Larvana, the molten home world of a sapient lava species, with ‘water balloons’ and justifying it by saying ‘they looked thirsty’ the Canadians killed billions. Their apology afterward only added to the outrage when they claimed, ‘nobody said not to’. Anyway, no more questions about Operation Lady Gaga. Now, on to the subject at hand.”
Instructor Zermon was caught off guard as he noticed a human seated near the front of the class. “No sense letting an opportunity to make his students uncomfortable go to waste,” he thought.
“You there, human, did you complete the assigned reading? Give us a summary.” Instructor Zermon said, pointing a clawed digit at the young man.
“Well, it was about 200 Terran years ago. The Terran Federation was new to the Galactic Council and faced an unwinnable war. Everyone knew humanity faced extermination by the Xerlon Empire. Unable to mount any real defense, the Terran Federation claimed to have a weapon capable of detonating stars and having seeded all Xerlon stars with the weapon. But, the Terran Federation…” the young human male spoke before being interrupted.
“Right. Xerlonian, continue from where the Terran left off.” Instructor Zermon demanded, pointing at the Xerlonian sitting across the room.
“Uhh, well, the Terran Federation was lying. They never had such a weapon. An unstudied, unclaimed star exploded at the end of its life cycle. The Terrans used this lack of awareness by the Galactic Council to claim responsibility. While many believed the Terrans were lying, nobody wanted to test the theory, including my people.” The Xerlonian spoke softly.
“Indeed. It seems neither of you are as dumb as you look, nor as foolish as your species history would suggest.” Instructor Zermon said with disdain.
“Now, tell me class, how long do you think the Terran Federation managed to maintain this ruse?” Instructor Zermon asked.
“Not long” a voice like thunder boomed throughout the room, “someone must have figured it out soon after.”
“It seems the rumors of stupidity among the Rokite species are unfounded. You are correct. Less than ten Terran years after the beginning of Operation Poker Face evidence was brought before the Galactic Council proving the Terran claim of responsibility false. Yet, the Terrans doubled-down on their claims, offering a second exhibition of stellar annihilation.” Instructor Zermon shouted, just to be heard over the echo of the student’s voice.
“Stupid humans! They tricked the galaxy once, and then, despite not actually having a weapon, they hoped for such luck again?!” the Xerlonian spoke with arrogance.
“Yes, the Terrans are uniquely stupid, but they are also uniquely conniving. You see, the Terrans knew someone would eventually test them. So, in the years following their claim, the Terrans researched and built a device in a far-off star system that could detonate the star. As the Galactic Council watched, the Terrans fired an inert tungsten rod through a warp gate and into the star. Of course, without the Galactic Council’s knowledge, their device, which took months to construct and was hidden behind the star, triggered, detonating the star.” Instructor Zermon announced with a look of mischief.
“And everyone believed them… again.” A small voice from an avian looking student mumbled.
“Correct, my dim-witted protégé” Instructor Zermon began, “But, what is more important is to ask, how did the Terrans develop such a plan, you suppose?”
“Because the Terrans are liars, cheats, and soulless beasts!” a Larvanan student screamed in fiery rage.
“They are, indeed. More, they are the best at it. Terrans have perfected the art of lies and misdirection. In the time before Terrans developed FTL, they had performers, called magicians. These people performed what they called ‘magic’. While it was nothing more than tricks and sleight of hand, the Terrans adored this type of entertainment. Despite knowing they were being lied to, Terrans would be amazed by the talents of the magicians. No other known species in the galaxy has a culture which includes celebrating a known liar.” Instructor Zermon said while meeting the gaze of the lone Terran student.
“So, the Terrans just had some of the ‘magicians’ trick the Galactic Council once again?” an unknown student inquired.
“No, there was no need for that. You see, the Terrans leaders, called politicians by the Terrans, are the greatest liars in their civilization. It was second nature for the Terrans leaders to develop a plan to fool the Council.” Instructor Zermon explained.
“Alright, fine, they fooled the galaxy, again. But, today we know it is another ruse, why does everyone still fear the Terran Federation? Let’s just invade and end this game.” The Xerlonian announced.
“Tell me, my disappointing student, how many species in the Galactic Council have enjoyed 200 Terran years of peace?” Instructor Zermon inquired.
“None. Of course, none, except the Terrans. The galaxy is survival of the fittest.” The Xerlonian insisted.
“And what do you suppose the Terrans have done with this period of peace?”
“We researched, built, and prepared.” The Terran student interrupted. “Today the Terran space fleet outnumbers nearly all Galactic Council species combined. Sol, our home star system, is so heavily militarized that every planet, moon, or asteroid large enough is armed and armored. Asteroids too small to be of use as a platform were harvested for raw materials.”
“Correct, your species, once dependent upon the greatest lie in galactic history, is the unquestioned military superpower of the galaxy. At least, so we all believe.” Instructor Zermon said as the class session ended and students began to leave.
Walking back to his desk, Instructor Zermon summoned the Terran student.
”You failed to turn in your report on the dynamics of the post-war economic conditions on Zoltude. As a result, I can not allow you to pass this course.” Instructor Zermon stated without concern.
“What? No, I turned that in days before the due date!” the Terran protested.
Handing the Terran a stack of assignments, Instructor Zermon said, “Look for yourself, it’s not there.”
Flipping through the hundreds of assignments, each written by hand on physical paper, the Terran student suddenly stopped.
“But, Instructor Zermon, my assignment is right here…” the student spoke.
Looking at the paper shown to him, Instructor Zermon relented, “So it is. My apologies, I could have sworn it wasn’t there.”
“No worries, Instructor, but I need to go. I’m going home to Quebec for the weekend.” the Terran said as he ran out the door.
With that, Instructor Zermon was alone in the classroom as he found himself wondering how he had not seen that assignment before.
Author Note:
Absolutely not becoming a "series." I enjoyed the previous iteration and just felt like it needed a proper ending. Enjoy!