I used dating apps for 10 years. Got maybe a dozen replies and 1 date. So I'm looking at like a .00001% success rate. It's heartbreaking how unattractive that makes me feel.
It's not you, it's the apps. They're set up that way to get you to pay for them.
This is the best summary I could come up with:
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“I’m always in a state of flux.” Lacey’s approach might not suit everyone looking for love, but she is one of a growing number of people rejecting swiping on a screen and taking their dating lives offline.
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Many say the apps feel like work and there is a genuine sense of burnout as people struggle to commit to what is essentially hours of admin a week alongside their day jobs and other responsibilities.
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“You really have to set some standards – people can be so keen to help that they tend to overestimate how good-looking or interesting their mates are, or they try to suggest the only single person they know, no matter how unsuitable – but it has worked quite well.
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The benefit of meeting someone vouched for is also driving Clare, 38, from Bath, to explore her options, after having signed up to numerous dating apps over the years, only to quit after a few months each time.
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She has done slow dating at Shambala festival, with an emphasis on doing exercises that could help to make emotional connections, including questions like, “What are you most proud of in your life?” and “What’s the biggest challenge you’ve overcome?”
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“You have the opportunity to meet heaps of other cute, single people in real life with no stuffy or awkward first-date vibes because if you don’t click with someone, you can just excuse yourself and chat with someone else,” she says.
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The original article contains 2,349 words, the summary contains 269 words. Saved 89%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!
This lines up with the experience of single friends I've seen. I wonder how much of it though is that those who are left on the dating market are on there for a reason?
Namely they select for avoidant types who when trouble arises are more likely to embrace singledom
I'm anxious attachment style, but latterly maybe do tend towards fully avoidant because I can't face anymore pain. Not a great position to be in at 35.
The discussion of this same article on Hacker News is shockingly redpilly.
No it isn't. Those things are nothing but trouble
TBH app based dating has entirely ended the possibility of dating for me. It’s just not worth the effort and constant rejection. Add on being lower than normal attractiveness, and 5’5” to boot, it just isn’t something that makes it worthwhile anymore.
I’m no catch myself, and would need to do a lot of working on myself first if I wanted to date, but it’s not something that seems worth the effort now. It’s been so commodified that I just don’t have the will or want to put in the work.
My advice to people here is usually all the same: stop worrying about it. Do stuff that you enjoy. I don't even want to say work on yourself, because it implies that you are actually doing that in order to find somebody. Don't even do that. Just do what you want to do.
Find meetup groups you want to do for you, not for the possibility of meeting people. Find ways to have fun. Work out because you want to be stronger and healthier. Sign up for community college classes on topics you find interesting.
If you do meet someone interesting in the process, cool! But don't let that be your focus.
And yeah dating apps all suck for many, many reasons.
This is a most excellent place for technology news and articles.
