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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Remarkable_Young9590 on 2023-09-16 12:40:34.
My dad was really late getting my stepmom gifts and cards for her birthday this year. He normally takes me (15m) and my half siblings (4f and 2f) to the store for us to pick these things out but it was a crazy few months for us. When we did go the card selection was not super great in the store and they had no stepmom birthday cards. My dad wanted me to either share the mom card with the girls or get my own mom one for her. I said no way and told him we had to find something else because I was not giving her a card with mom on it. He argued that there were no stepmom cards in the store. I suggested we get one online and see if we can get it the next day or try other stores. Dad tried to get the card despite my protests and I warned him I would not sign it or take part in giving the gifts if the card from me says mom.
The background is my mom died after giving birth to me and my dad raised me alone for 9 years. He met my stepmom and she's nice. She has tried to be mom and even offered to adopt me but I said no thanks. My dad wanted the adoption to happen and had a bunch of talks with me over why. I said I liked my stepmom (true at the time, didn't love her yet) but I didn't think of her as my mom and didn't think she would ever be, even though yeah I don't remember mom at all. He asked me if I could give it a trial period and I said there are no trial period adoptions. You can't always reverse those. And I know from looking up my states adoption laws and we don't reverse them here unless you were basically adopted illegally. I love my stepmom now but I still wouldn't say she's my mom because even though she still does mom stuff when I think of mom, I think of the woman in the photos and videos I have seen. I might not know her because she died when I was literally just born. But for 15 years she was the only mom I thought about. I still have a good relationship with my stepmom even though it does upset her that I rejected the adoption.
Anyway, the card fight lasted for about an hour of us walking through the store before my dad was like fine, we'll get her a generic card and you can be proud of yourself when her feelings are hurt. Fast forward to the next day and my stepmom's feelings were hurt. I wrote stepmom in the card but it wasn't on the outside. She and my dad talked in private after and she was upset and crying about the card.
After that whole moment my dad came and told me I should be ashamed of myself. He said I had hurt her feelings for no good reason and buying the mom card would not have hurt me in any way. But not buying it and handing her a more generic Happy Birthday card broke her heart. I said we could have tried other places and he said I could have let the mom card go this once. I argued that it wouldn't be just this once if I did it one time, because it would still hurt her to go back to stepmom cards every other time I'm sure. He said I was still in the wrong and that he hopes I'm damn proud of myself.
AITA?