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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AgitatedPrize391 on 2023-09-16 22:24:29.

Please read my comments before giving a judge because I have more background.

I (39m) gave my daughter (10) an iphone SE two days ago, me and her mother (37) have been separated since she was 5. Well my daughter is really into privacy and she set a passcode on her phone, I have the code written down on a notebook that includes passwords just in case she forgets. Yesterday her mom texted me and asked what the passcode is, I texted back saying why does she want to know. She said that she wants to check who she is in contact with and what social media’s she using, I told her that if our daughter isn’t telling her then she shouldn’t think that I will tell her because a kid deserves privacy, and I can easily check who she’s in contact with when she visits me and if anything is wrong I’ll tell her.

Well she told me that we need to know as soon as possible and that she could be foolish and put herself in danger within the time that she is at her place, (our daughter is at her mom’s for 4 days but I do see her in those 4 days because her school is close enough to my work and I sometimes pick her up to go to cafes or parks for an hour or two before her mother picks her up) I said “i can check her phone even on days you have her because it’s on school days” she got frustrated told me that she has the right to know and hung up, I asked my daughter if she even wants her mother to know her passcode and she said she doesn’t know but she wants her phone to be hers only and less people knowing is better.

So AITA?