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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Downtown-Soup-1782 on 2023-09-18 15:14:42.

My husband (31m) and I (27f) are about half way through pregnancy with our first child. I was adopted at birth. They couldn't have their own children. With that being said, my mom has been super involved in my pregnancy wanting all the details since she never got to experience it herself. So far it hasn't been an issue. She hasn't wanted to go to my appointments with us. I have sent her weekly updates on the size of baby and what new things baby is developing that week along with sharing all of my weird pregnancy symptoms etc. But, a friend of hers told her how cool the ultrasound scan is that you get half way through the pregnancy is and since then, my mom has wanted to come to this appt with hubby and I.

A little bit of background. My grandmother was an extreme narcissist and because of this my mom will show those same narcissistic traits. Particularly, when she disagrees with a feeling you have about her. It was like walking on eggshells as a child and I learned to hide my feelings and lie about them in order to survive. Since then she has started taking medicine for her depression/anxiety and things have been a lot better. But she still has times where she will revert back to gaslighting and manipulation. Needless to say, she was never really the emotionally available parent.

I don't want her at my ultrasound. For one I want to enjoy the moment with my husband just the two of us. And my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage. This pregnancy my biggest fear is going to this ultrasound and finding out I had lost the baby. After the miscarriage, she spent the next several months critisizing the amout of pregnancy tests I took.

Here's where I might be the ass. In order to protect her feelings, I lied. I told her I could only have one person in the room with me. I knew I had pissed her off when she stopped talking to me. At this point, I didn't know she knew I had lied. So I thought maybe if I tell her while she can come in during labor, just not the pushing part, that it might make her feel better. Her response to this was "I don't believe I will be there for any of it. I will just see the baby after ya'll get home." So I tell her I'd like for her to be there and the invitation is open. She replies that she does not feel welcome or wanted and she will "back up and stay out." This is when she says she knows I lied, that there can be 3 people in the room. I admit I lied and explained my reasoning and offered to video chat instead. She just keeps saying how its not like shes a stranger, implying she is not important to me, and how this has been so very very hard for her. I finally gave up trying to reason with her and told her I love her, she is important to me, and if she decides she wants pictures to let me know. I have not heard from her since. I can't help but think I could have handled the situation differently. However, if I hadn't lied the blow back would have probably been just as bad.

AITA for not wanting my mom at my u/s?