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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Think_Wolverine3536 on 2023-09-21 20:03:31.
My brother is a deadbeat dad to two of his kids, his oldest two sons. He abandoned his ex and went out of his way to make sure she didn't get child support out of him. By the time his oldest would be old enough to start figuring shit out she moved so they could have a fresh start and not have to worry about possibly finding out how much he didn't want to be their dad. She also cut me out of their lives, which I got. The younger brother of the guy who was giving her and her kids the middle finger after creating both those kids is probably not someone you fully trust.
The boys and I have contact now that they are both adults. My brother is not aware of this. We are mostly estranged and I don't think very highly of him. I'm a single dad and would never abandon my kids.
My brother got married 5 years after he abandoned his sons. His wife wanted to meet me when they got engaged and made a very big deal out of us not being close and me saying no to meeting her several times. She pushed me on the reason why and I said I didn't respect deadbeat parents. She said he wasn't a deadbeat and his ex kept him away from the kids. I told her that was a lie and he had gone out of his way to sever his obligations to those boys. She didn't believe me. I told her I was present during fights between him and his ex. That I had heard him say he didn't give a shit about those boys. She dismissed what I said.
They got married and now they have some kids together. I don't even know how many for sure.
A few weeks ago she reached out to me and said my brother had admitted to abandoning his older sons and made sure she never got a cent from him. She was saying how wrong that was but now that she knows she feels like the kids should all meet and she's going to find the boys and tell them they need to meet their siblings. I was like are you serious and told her she should not track down the kids he abandoned to tell them they need to meet the kids he didn't abandon. She defended what she wanted and said her kids deserve to know them and two grown men should want to know their family.
I told her she had no business interfering in this when it has nothing to do with her. I reminded her that yes, her kids are related biologically but leave it for them to decide in the future. Do not try rubbing this in their faces. What she doesn't know is my nephews already know my brother had more kids. They don't care. They have said they will never want a relationship with them.
She said it has everything to do with her and I'm being an ass. AITA?