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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Arcabellum on 2023-09-23 03:48:28.

Hi everyone - first ever post, so I apologize for any formatting issues.

Background:

• I’m a 27(m) and GF is a 25(f)
• Dating for 3.5yr
• Living together for 5mo

I just had a spirited conversation with my GF, arising from me being out late with a good buddy of mine.

Last night the three of us went out for a bite to eat and a few drinks. Afterwards, we all ended up back at our place to throw on some warmer clothes before heading out to grab another pint. At this point the GF indicated that she was tired and wasn’t going to join us, and that buddy and I are on our own. At this point, it’s ~12am.

Buddy and I ended up walking to a bar down the street, where we had a single pint and chatted until ~1:30am

I messaged the GF when we were walking back to keep her in the loop. This was met with a text saying “really?? It’s 2am and you’re still out??”

Her concern is that I should have no business nor interest in being out beyond 11:00, as my college days are long behind me. And that when I am out late, it shows we are on different paths and that it makes her feel like she’s back in college; like she’s my “roommate rather than teammate” and “it feels like we’re living different lives”.

To clarify, I’ve had two late nights (2-3am) in the last two months. So this is not a pervasive issue.

She says “well do you see me out with my friends at those hours” but in actuality, since we moved here 5mo ago, she has seen her friends maybe twice - and I’m being generous with that figure.

To further complicate this issue, she refuses to discuss this matter in-depth and simply shuts down; using her go-to spell card of, “I’m done talking about this”, and insisting that I “just don’t understand” and that she “doesn’t need to explain or validate why she feels the way she does”; with me being an asshole for trying to understand the reasons behind her concerns so we can attempt to resolve the issue.

I’m confused here. I feel bad that she feels the way she does, as that is never my intention. However I don’t know if that’s a reasonable response on her side, or if this is really that serious.

So, AITA for:

• Thinking a curfew is unreasonable
• Believing this isn’t a pervasive issue
• Not viewing this as a serious issue
• Trying to understand her concerns

Thank-you in advance, everyone