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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PeakOk2085 on 2023-09-24 17:20:41.
I (28f) have been estranged from my whole biological family since I turned 18 and moved out of my parents house. Growing up my sister (27f) was the favorite and liked it a lot. Our parents favored her over me in everything and would often speak like I was years older than her instead of 16 months older. When she was a teenager she became especially manipulative and wormed her way into my friend group to push me out and gloated about it. They clearly weren't real friends to have it happen. But it was the satisfaction she took in doing that. We didn't have extended family really so that made it feel all the more isolating.
I decided to have a fresh start when I turned 18 and never regretted leaving them behind.
I met my husband a couple of years after moving out and his family became mine. I also made some great friends in college and life has been so much better.
One of my husband's cousins was raised in the house with my husband and siblings. When I met him the cousin was no longer in their lives. He'd had a lot of issues from his parents abandoning him and always struggling with joining the family he hadn't know prior to moving in with them. My husband and my ILs mentioned him a lot. I always wondered if I would meet him and then he reached out to my husband's parents and he made plans to come to dinner a few weeks ago. When he showed up he dropped the bombshell that he got married and wanted the family to meet his wife. I was shocked when I found out my sister was said wife. Our parents would never have approved of him for her. They were judgmental assholes when it came to foster kids. It was another thing that made me disgusted with my parents.
The whole dinner was awkward once they arrived. My sister made some snarky remarks toward me and was trying to crawl up my ILs butts. They were not as welcoming to her as they had been with me. But they also know our history and her reaction to me showed she hadn't changed. The whole dinner bothered her. She had never been in a place before where I was beloved and she was the outsider. Yet she was then.
She confronted me about the dinner a few days ago. I didn't expect to hear from her but she got my number through her husband I guess and she ranted at me for telling my ILs about our history and "turning them against her". She also accused me of hogging them and making her life difficult. She even admitted it wasn't how things go with and she's supposed to be the one everyone likes and that I should help her out because I owe her more than that. I told her to grow up and stop acting like I owe her anything after she was so shitty to me. I ended the call but she texted me a bunch after with her anger and claiming I was being petty and a dick to her. Her husband also talked to mine and said I could have been a little nicer. My husband told his cousin that I was nicer than she deserved.
AITA?