This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top_Cucumber9443 on 2023-09-26 15:58:01.
(Long-time lurker here, never made an account but I felt the need to get outside opinions on this)
I (30M) recently moved to a new city for a job. My office is large and coworkers are all friendly with one another. Thankfully it isn't a "team-building exercises" office, but colleagues go out to dinners after work together, get drinks, go on weekend trips, etc.
Some background on me is my parents are both first-generation immigrants from Germany (we are now in the United States). I was born and raised here, but we make regular trips to visit my parents' family in Germany. However, my parents brought a lot of their upbringing and heritage over with them. Now, I'm not saying this is normal for ALL Germans, but it's definitely normal for my relatives - my family does not believe in being friends with classmates/colleagues.
My parents only have one friend each. Growing up I was told by my parents that you should never be friends with people you are forced to see every day. I rebelled a bit and then realized he was right when friends at school started being dramatic or annoying for no reason and decided to keep a divide between class/work and friends. I've never been without friends, but I am still working on creating a new friend group here. In college I had friends but they were never in my department/classes and I intend to keep this divide in my professional life.
A few different people at my office have been inviting me to come hang out with them outside of work. It's a daily thing at this point: "come with us for lunch today," "come to my house for a small wine-cheese night," "I'm hosting a holiday party this weekend," "let's go out to the club this weekend!". Frankly, it all sounds like hell on Earth to me. I have zero interest in getting to know these people beyond basic work courtesy and working relationship info.
One coworker would not take no for an answer and kept pushing as to why I could never make these plans work. Eventually, I caved and told her it wasn't that I couldn't make it to these events, but that I had no desire to. I told her that I did not believe in work friendships and was perfectly content to limit my work relationships to "business acquaintances" status. I assured her it wasn't a "her" issue, and referenced my upbringing/culture as the main reason I felt this way.
She has since been acting offended, telling coworkers to not invite me to things because I think I'm "better than them.” I frankly don't care - I've gone to my boss/HR and given them the run-down and they told me I'm in the clear and that they only care about my work, not whether I'm buddies with my coworkers. However, they advised it may be easier to just cave and attend these events to "keep the peace." I refuse because I don't think I should force myself to be uncomfortable just to stroke the egos of my coworkers, but their urging has made me reconsider my position. AITA for not wanting to be friends with my coworkers?