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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Peter-Mayfield_MR on 2023-10-02 20:58:35.

I work for a company that values ‘team cohesion,’ and every year, a “mandatory fun” day is organized, where attendance is seemingly compulsory. It’s classic corporate team building bullshit (ice breakers with people I've known for years, falling over and being caught, that sort of crap)

The event was announced with less than a week’s notice, and my manager, "Greg", emphasized its importance, insinuating it would impact our performance evaluations (I didn't really understand this but nodded along). I was frustrated and felt coerced, as I have a bunch of ongoing projects and pressing deadlines, so I expressed my concerns to Greg, explaining the inconvenience and the impact it would have on my workload.

He was dismissive of my concerns, asserting that the event was crucial for team building and that missing one day of work wouldn’t hurt. I agreed to attend. They day before I was stuck working late, and ended up deciding fuck it, I'm not going to the teambuilding event. That evening I pinged a colleague I'm friends with saying as much. I slept in till like 9am the next day, worked from home and was pretty productive all things considered.

This wound Greg up. The next day he confronted me, accusing me of being uncooperative and antisocial (fine but I don't see why I need to socialise with my colleagues, especially when it all feels so forced). He was very aggressive, basically shouting at me in the office in front of the team. I said I'd be happy to come to more reasonable social stuff, but I won't be going to team building days since they're a waste of time - would be easier and nicer for us to just get lunch somewhere instead.

After all of this Greg effectively punished me by telling me I'll be getting coffees for the entire team (people just do this for themselves normally) for the next week. I'm a mid 30s senior software engineer, not some intern, so this is pretty embarrassing for me.

I get that I shouldn't have decided I wasn't going so last minute, but the day is a complete waste of time and going would have meant I'd have been working Saturday most likely. I also think that Greg is trying to embarrass me with coffee duty, which doesn't sit right with me.

So, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FaithlessnessMost944 on 2023-10-02 18:12:41.

Some context ive ended up with custody of my nieces a few months ago since my sister couldn't take care of them any more. While I was ok with taking them in temporarily until she got her stuff together so that the kids wouldn't be taken away by cps. However my job requires me to travel a ton and really doesn't leave much time for a work life balance even without having to take care of kids full time.

So I decided the best option would be to send the kids to full time boarding school out of state so. Ive already run this by my sister and shes fine with it and hasnt objected.

However ive getting a lot of calls from from their dad about wanting to see them and stuff and ive told him multiple times that i cant really do that for him. He doesn't have custody since he didnt try and get custody and let my sis have full custody.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Calendar-155 on 2023-10-02 18:08:35.

Hi, I'm planning a lovely bridesmaid entourage for my wedding consisting of: my beautiful sister and cousins. We are all on very good terms.

Today I told my sister I thought of navy blue dresses for bridesmaids. I sent her a couple pics very enthusiastically. I thought it's elegant. Matches with the suits and gives a nice pop to the white wedding dress on pics.

The response from my sis was instant. 'You can't be serious! I won't wear that. Everyone will hate that. Or is it that you want all of us to look like shit? I heard there are weddings where the bride wants to make bridesmaids look intentionally bad. That's probably your plan.''

She said her 'color type' is 'autumn' and navy looks the worst on that complexion. My cousins, she said, are also autumn and I will make them look the worst too.

After my heart sank I started looking for alternate colors on this 'seasons color wheel' thing. I sent her a couple of alternatives suggested. Different deep blues. She replied that she then doesn't want to be my bridesmaid but wants to be pretty. She would attend all the getting ready with the girls but won't wear the matching dress.

I read this happens in bridal parties. There is usually one difficult person. The suggestion is to ask them to step down as bridesmaid... for me it obviously didn't come to that as my sis stepped down without discussion.

Her pov is that I should care about people feeling good at my wedding and I don't have much empathy.

I cried for a bit then I told my sister honestly that after this I will have a sad and angry feeling every time I'd look at her at the wedding. In her pretty dress, being satisfied with herself at my expense. And maybe it's best if she's not there then.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AITA_parkingspace on 2023-10-02 16:27:08.

i am currently 38 weeks pregnant. i live on the top floor of a block of flats with no elevator, meaning i have to walk 4 flights of stairs every day, which as i’m sure you can imagine is exhausting for me.

Parking for the flats is very limited. There’s nowhere local to park, apart from one car park round the back, which is strictly residents only. Each person has to pay for their space which is then allocated with a number matching their flat. There are signs clearly stating this, but it is never checked or enforced. Besides this though, the nearest parking is a good walk away down some dodgy side roads.

Now this happened last Wednesday, when i got home from work and there was a car i had never seen before parked in my space. i didn’t think anything of it as maybe a neighbour had visitors who parked there without realising or something like that. It was a little bit frustrating, but no big deal. i wrote on a small piece of paper “please do not park here, i pay for this space and am heavily pregnant” and stuck it under the cars wiper. i parked my car down the side streets, and by the time i walked to my apartment, i was tired and my back was starting to ache from all of the stairs too.

Anyway, Thursday when I got home from work, there wasn’t anybody there, so i assumed i was right, a neighbour had guests and it was a one off that someone parked there. Or maybe they read my note and parked elsewhere. However Friday, i got home from work again and there was the exact same car as 2 days ago in my space. I was especially tired this day and just not feeling it, so i walked up to the car and let down the front 2 tires. This time, i didn’t leave a note.

Later that evening, i heard someone talking and went so i could hear the conversation better. It was a man speaking to someone saying that he was stuck as he had 2 flat tires and was unable to move his car. He seemed angry about it, so i didn’t say anything.

Saturday morning, his car was still there, but it was gone later that evening. I told my husband about it, and he said i am a massive asshole and even though i pay for the space, i shouldn’t mess with someone else’s car, i should have left another note instead.

I don’t think i was being unreasonable though, so AITA?

edit: im from the uk and we can’t call tow trucks here.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/sunnygirl_shit on 2023-10-02 14:50:28.

My cousin who is 33(f) is married to a 36(m). They have two kids one from her previous marriage the other with him. They also have her brother who lives there 39(m). I have been diagnosed with bipolar. I however am 27(m) single no kids and I live alone. I recently had to move to her town bc I was going to get evicted due to being manic. I’ve been really working on myself this year and I just had a huge depressive episode that I caught in time and am now working on getting back to where I was.

Growing up I was responsible for watching my grandma and she watched me. I also had to cater to my mom’s needs and then in high school and after I had to take care of her. This time right now is the only time I have only had to worry about me. And my future.

She recently asked me if her husband took a different shift would I watch the kids from 3-5 I said “not at this time bc I’m not there plus I have a shit ton of appointments” she said not right now.

I want to figure out my future. Go to the gym,get healthy mentally,physically, and spiritually. Maybe even go back to school. If I tell her I don’t want to am I am asshole?

I want to add my cousins brother LIVES there and helps out less than I do.

Edit: she try’s to isolate me away from family in our home town. She has excluded me from a huge cousin trip bc she needed someone to watch the dogs but one of my other cousins said other wise. She just wants me to be able to take care of her. She has 2 other adults in the house that can help. I’m one person and have no one.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pollock701 on 2023-10-02 17:56:58.

Two years ago my sister married her high school love after they were together for about 8 years. For their wedding I bought them a pretty expensive couch (7.6k$) because it was on their wedding wishlist for the closer family. Back then she was absolutely stunned by the gift and said it was the best one she got. However, they got divorced around half a year later and I still have no clue why. But after a year break, 6 months ago they got back together and a while ago they decided that they want to marry again. And again in a church with a big wedding like the first time. I have nothing against that but today she send me and my family another wishlist for this wedding and my family, who all gifted her stuff worth around 500-600$ last time, don’t have a problem with that. But since my gift was more than 10x expensive than that I informed her that she’s not getting another one unless it’s a gift card about 100$. She completely freaked out and said that’s her wedding and how I could be so selfish. My family is on her side so I don’t know if iam the asshole or not?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TheLandofPears on 2023-10-02 17:27:28.

My first time making a post like this. I will try to keep it brief, but descriptive. My husband (26m) and I (26f) recently bought a house. It’s a 4 bedroom, 3 bath. It’s a large house and the bedrooms are decently sized. We have 3 kids so each of our kids gets a room. Daughter is 8, oldest son is 6, youngest is 4. They all share the upstairs bathroom. My husband and I have the master bedroom and bathroom. My brother and his wife, along with their 1 year old son, are visiting for Thanksgiving for 2 weeks. We told them we would give them our daughters room as it’s the largest and has a queen sized bed. Our daughter will just sleep in one of our sons’ rooms. We were planning on making it look really nice in there for them. Giving them new sheets and bedding, making sure that all of my daughters things are put away, etc.

Anyway, my mother says that my husband and I are being extremely rude and inconsiderate for not giving them our master bedroom and bathroom. She said it’s just not right that they will have to share the upstairs bathroom with our kids while they’re here. I honestly did not think we were being inconsiderate at all. My brother was very happy when I told him they could stay with us, because they wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel/Airbnb. He didn’t seem at all like he minded they would be in our daughters room.

AITA??

Edit to add a bit more background: My parents and my brother and his family both live across the country. My sister and her husband, along with my family, live within 30 minutes from each other. We decided that we are having Thanksgiving here. So my sister is having my parents stay with her. To put it nicely, my sister is a suck up. Always has been with my mom. So she offered for my parents to stay in their master bedroom and my sister and her husband will stay in their other bedroom.

I feel like that bit of information might be pertinent to this. Just because I think my mom is basically implying that my husband and I are not being as accommodating as my sister is towards them.

2nd edit: My daughter and I talked and she told me she is fine giving up her room for the 2 weeks. She is so excited to see them and she said it’s not a big deal to her. My daughter is 8, oldest son is 6 and youngest is 4. Oldest son has a twin bed in his room, youngest has a bunk bed in his room from when the boys shared a room in our old house. I am giving my brother & SIL our daughters room since it’s largest and has a queen bed. I am probably going to have my two sons just sleep together with the bunk bed. And then put my daughter in the room with the twin bed. So she at least has her own space and privacy.

Lastly, yes 2 weeks is a long time lol. But my brother and I are very close and we only get to see his family about once a year. It’s a sacrifice and of course it can be stressful. But my whole family is so excited for them to be with us.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwawayOCDcleaning on 2023-10-02 17:18:46.

My (28F) husband (32M) has OCD which has become worse in the past few years, and this manifests in him constantly moving items around the house. I try to be mindful of this because I know he can't help it, but I just don't have a solid grasp on what sets him off and what doesn't, especially because his preferences always seem to change.

He describes this behavior as "cleaning," or when he's annoyed with me as "cleaning up after me," although it's really nothing of the sort. It's not even really organization; the things never get moved to a designated place, they just go to wherever his whim dictates, whether that place makes sense or not. This results in me frequently losing important items like keys, bills, and things that I'm actively trying to use.

I wouldn't have nearly as much of a problem with this behavior if he cleaned the house in more meaningful ways, but he doesn't.

Sweeping and vacuuming? All me. Dishes? All me. Dusting, cleaning the toilets and shower, any kind of cleaning that actually involves removal of filth? All me. He doesn't usually see me clean because I strongly prefer cleaning when he's out (I work from home, he commutes), but it really should be obvious how much that I contribute.

But that's not how he views things. A couple days ago, as he was doing one of his "cleaning" sessions, he started berating me about "never doing anything to keep the place clean," and that he "cleans up after me all goddamn day." This set me off because I had just spent a long time earlier that day painstakingly scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom toilet.

I said that I had a hugely disproportionate housekeeping workload and that his habit doesn't count as "cleaning" to anyone but him, that the house would be a sty if he was the only one taking care of it, and that he needs to actually start contributing to housework instead of just shuffling stuff around and making me lose my things.

Ever since that argument he's been very short with me and avoiding me. Was I in the wrong here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AITA-Y23 on 2023-10-02 16:44:34.

I am a professor at an American university, and I specialize in bioinformatics. One of my PhD students, "John" (not his real name) is a lieutenant colonel in the USAF. John and I get along real well. He is a genius at his field, and he's got a very relaxed, friendly personality. I call him by his first name, and he has no issues with this whatsoever. I also like to crack jokes with him from time to time, you know, just so he and I can decompress from his rigorous studies.

I was chatting with my older brother last night. My brother is a Marine Corps veteran, and I told him about John, and how I feel John is going to change the world. My brother wasn't really nasty or anything about it, but he did let me know that the proper way to address John, at ALL times, is "lieutenant colonel [last name]". My brother told me that, as John has been in the USAF for 19 years, I owe a kind of reverence towards him, and that essentially means treating him differently, and much more formally, than civilian students.

AITA? I kind of feel like my brother is just messing with me.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chaiselounge_76 on 2023-10-02 15:23:46.

Hi, I'm separated with a 19 year-old son.

My husband works in engineering and was a generally level-headed person. He had some depression and anxiety issues, which led to me moving out during the pandemic.

I tried to develop more interests and stay active at that time, which included working out. I befriended my personal trainer, and after a year or so, she began to include me in her social circle.

For the last few years, I became healthier, came out of my shell, caught up on fun activities like dancing, meeting people, etc. Today, I am in very good shape, have a variety of friends, and sometimes get mistaken for being in my 30s.

My question comes from the fact that my son occasionally stays over at my apartment, even though he's in residence at college, and more often visits his father at the house.

The issue is that my lifestyle has changed since we all lived in the same home.

Among other things, I am busier, wear more flattering or "active" clothes, drink socially or will try pot with friends, and date casually.

These activities have caused awkwardness with my son, even though he will not have a direct conversation about it.

Most recently, he showed up intending to spend the weekend at my apartment. This was a surprise, as my friend was already there hanging out with me.

Because my friend is a 26 year-old guy, it led to a tense conversation about whether we can have "normal" visits anymore.

I said that no one should decide what's "normal" for me, including my son, and asked him how we could make the situation better.

He refused to explain his feelings or make any suggestions, stormed off, and has been radio silent since then.

I wonder if anyone has dealt with similar situations? I feel happier, healthier, and more confident than I have in many years.

What is there to do if this becomes "upsetting" for my adult child, especially when my attempts to talk about it are met with anger and silence. Have I done something wrong, aka, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwra_4440 on 2023-10-02 15:39:44.

I work from home most of the time and during my lunch breaks I'll tend to quickly make lunch and then go for a walk to get some fresh air. My girlfriend sometimes works from home and sometimes works in the office. She was off work sick today so was spending most of the day in bed. The weather was really bad so I decided not to go out on my lunch break.

I made my girlfriend a hot drink and asked if she needed anything and she said she was fine. I sat with her for a while when I ate my lunch and then went into the living room. I put a video game on and thought I'd go on it for 30 mins before I get back to work. My gf came into the living room and asked if I was being serious. I asked what she meant and she just said she's feeling really unwell and I'm in here gaming.

I mentioned that I had asked if she needed anything and spent time with her so it's not like I was ignoring her. She said it's just rude that I'm sitting on a video game when she isn't well. I asked what else she wanted to me to and she just shrugged, repeated that I'm being rude and not really caring and went back to bed.

AITA for playing video games during my lunch break?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Choice_Cherry_9641 on 2023-10-02 15:12:05.

I (22 f) have lived with my roommates (RM1 27 f and RM2 30 m) for nearly 3 years. They got married in May and are expecting their first baby in December.

We all co signed a lease and are still contracted another 8 months (6 months after the baby’s due). I for one adore children and even work in a child care centre.

My roommates have always been incredibly lazy. I cook everyone’s meals, clean the dishes, vacuum, mow the lawns and pick up after THEIR dog that is always pooing inside and gets into everything. (I also agreed to an outside pet and we are not met to have any according to our lease agreement).

All of our friends were excited about the pregnancy and I was at first too. But now I’m filled with dread.

At this points it’s important to note that RM2 hasn’t held a steady job in 3 years. So they always “tight” on money, unless the spending benefits them. While RM1 has 2 jobs, but is always off “sick”. I use “sick” as this was an issue even before the pregnancy. There have been multiple occasions where I have had to cover their rent and groceries (and I’ve never been paid back).

RM1 spends most of her time laying in bed complains that she’s too ill to work or help around the house, but is ok to go out 3 nights a week and continues to play weekend sports. And RM2 always has an excuse to why he’s not helping or he “will get to it later”. As a result I’m completely burnt out from maintaining the house, working 2 jobs, studying and looking after my 27-30year old children.

When ever someone offers them any advice or assistance during the pregnancy they’ll reply “but OP will help with the baby”. And the closer it gets to baby’s due date, the more they shift the responsibility of their unborn child onto me: “OP will babysit” “OP will buy this, that etc”

And the comment that pushed me over the edge was “If we’re too tired we’ll move the cot into OPs room, she can deal with it”.

To which I replied they shouldn’t have a baby when they can’t look after themselves, and that I refuse to responsible for their kid. This made RM1 cry, but I don’t feel bad, it was long over due to be said, but they’re now mad at me saying that I’m “too young to know the stress of having kids”. Half our mutual friends are on my side, and the other half are just mad that I said it, rather about what I said. Am I the asshole?

The easiest solution would be to move out, but currently everything in my area is out of my price range. I’ve even applied for a few places on my own but am unfortunately unsuccessful due too lack of rental history, and the one I due have is ruined due their dog being inside, despite countless efforts to move him into the yard.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MountainShenanigans on 2023-10-02 12:28:42.

AITA? My husband & I had planned a family outing on the lake boating with my nephew "Bubba" (37), his wife & kids, along with other family. Bubba initially called to cancel due to a planned shoulder surgery as it would likely be too soon to go while recovering. I agreed and told him I would call and move the reservation another month away, so he would have more time to recover. However, by chance my husband saw a FB post by Bubba 3 days in advance of the outing revealing that he rescheduled the surgery for the same day as our outing (which was fine) but he never informed us (which imo was rude as hell as the boat rental was considerable $).

Despite being a bit pissed, we just chose to let it go, as we also had a big trip to Yellowstone for our 40th wedding anniversary planned with him and the family coming up. We then learned from my brother (his father) that Bubba might not be able to go due to financial issues. So we offered to help him with the trip so he could still go. However he never responded to our text message.

Up till the day we left, they never did respond. They just completely ghosted us. I was pretty upset about this, but my brother said, "You just have to let it go. It's not anything you've done; my children are just terrible communicators. They do the same thing to me, it drives me crazy sometimes!"

After the trip, at a family BBQ my brother held, neither Bubba nor his wife brought up the boat outing, Yellowstone, our anniversary, or apologized in any way. Most of the time, he sat on the couch focused on his phone. He did, however, give me a hug on the way out the door and a verbal "love you."

So, after a long discussion my husband & I came to the conclusion that neither Bubba nor his wife really cared about us or our feelings. We were simply a nuisance that they had to navigate. So for our sanity, we decided we wouldn't shun them of course, but we would no longer go out of our way to pursue a relationship with them, as it would only lead to further heartache. We kept friends with them on FB, but removed them from our feeds, as it was just too painful seeing their posts all the time.

However, out of the blue, I just got a text from Bubba, personally inviting us to his 10th-anniversary celebration via FB. Wow. Both my husband & I are incredulous. They completely ghost our invite for our 40th anniversary in every way possible, and then turn around and want us to celebrate their 10th! I responded "thanks" to be polite, and then on FB, I chose "Maybe" on their invitation, as I am hoping for an apology. Cause hey, if you apologize to us before your anniversary for ghosting us on ours, I'd be happy to go. Just one apology is all I need. Even if it sounded insincere as hell, I’d accept it and never bring up the issue again.

So by not going, unless there is an apology, are we the assholes? Or are we supposed to be okay with this? I don't want to be an ahole so I am reaching out to Reddit for an unbiased opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tiny-Fisherman-963 on 2023-10-02 11:13:40.

My partner's sister (well, his ex-sister in law - its complicated!) booked a party for her 50th birthday on the day of my birthday. It was completely by accident, she's lovely. She said she understood if me and my partner had plans that day.

When my partner told me about the party he said "its on your birthday, are you ok to go to it and we'll celebrate your birthday the weekend after?" and I have to admit my gut reaction was no. I dont particularly want to spend my birthday at someone elses party where I wont know most people and because we have a 3yo I will be on mum duty all night because his parents will be there so wont be able to baby sit (my parents dont live close). I wouldnt be able to drink and would have to leave early to put my daughter to bed. I know from experience that my partner wouldnt sacrifice having a drink and wouldnt assume the lion's share of the parenting duty so I can let my hair down.

I didnt want to tell my partner he couldnt go so I said i'll go out with my friends and he and our daughter go to the party. My friends dont live local and I dont see them often so if he goes to the party with our daughter and stays over at his parents i'll have the house to myself and everyone can stay.

He agreed but from the get go has complained about this. "I'll have a crap night because I wont be able to drink, i'll have to leave early", "why dont you want to spend your birthday with me" etc etc. On the night of the party my daughter apparently cried all night and clung to him, he couldnt chat to people, had to leave early and go to bed on his own. He says he essentially "couldnt celebrate Amanda's birthday with her" and its my fault. I saw my partners dad earlier that day and he didnt wish me happy birthday, nor did his mum text me which she usually would. I text her to say thankyou for my presents and she didnt reply. I get the sense that everyone is pissed off with me. Am I the asshole for wanting a night out on my birthday?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/idfk_me_ig on 2023-10-02 14:22:12.

I (21F) have been married to my husband (28M) for 3 and a half years now and I’ve went through so many cars. We decided with a baby on the way and the fact that he has a car, in his mothers name, but still his car that I wouldn’t get a car until this year’s taxes came through. The reason being for this is because we would have to buy it up front and his car note is $400 a month so we can’t afford another car note. The reason for not being able to afford another one is because I’m the only one working. We decided it was best for him not to work due to pending child support from his ex (there was never a paternity test and he believes the kid isn’t his) and the prices of child daycare when the baby was born would be too much once child support is taken out. So, every time we argue he always uses the car as leverage, saying I won’t be allowed to drive it or I’d have to find a different ride to work. Keep in mind, his only source of income is when he donates plasma, so he only occasionally pays for gas for the car while I’m paying for most gas, oil changes, car notes, and overall maintenance for the thing(I have all bank transcripts for proof of this). Well now it’s time for the car note to take and we got into it, he telling me that I need to find a ride to work, I don’t wanna pay the car note if he’s gonna hold the car over me like this nor do I wanna pay for anymore maintenance for it. Keep in mind too, I also pay the other utilities with the help from my roommate (M27). So what do you think? Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Substantial-Rule6222 on 2023-10-02 13:44:52.

I live with my boyfriend and I have been meal prepping. It has been wonderful. I learned I am fine eating the same thing in a week and it actually saves me money. This week I am having salads for lunch and yesterday I made a lot of spicy chicken that I will use for quesadillas and maybe nachos, until Thursday.

The problem is my boyfriend hates it, he gets sick of eating it after one or two day. He comes home from work really late also so him cooking isn’t great for it. I told him the quesadilla plan we got into an argument.

He called me inconsiderate for making the same meal everyday.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AccurateChallenge712 on 2023-10-02 13:15:30.

I'm 16f. I was found in a crack den at the age of 4, with no record of me anywhere up to that point and it had appeared a though there had been no adults around for days and despite investigators turning up at the property for several days, no one was ever there so my biological parents are presumed dead or incarnated.

I grew up in Foster care and this week I'm going to be adopted by my parents of the last 3 years. Over the last number of years, there's been a movement to reform adoption and social care because kids should be kept with the parents or whatever.

On Friday I telling a group of friends about my upcoming adoption because I'm really excited. Katie, 17, had a baby last year and put it up for adoption. She got annoyed at me for talking about my adoption and said that I should be reunited with my biological family, even if its not my parents, I could go to like a cousin or an aunt or something. She said its because adoption is traumatic and both the bio parents and child will be traumatised and the only people that will benefit are the rich people that buy kids.

I told her it's not my fault she gave her baby away and regrets it but my incubator abandoned me so clearly didn't want me in the first place, whereas my parents paying thousands to adopt me do.

All of my friends think I'm an asshole because Katie ran off crying and isn't in school today so I seem like a massive asshole and they won't talk to me. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/VegetableShine8843 on 2023-10-02 10:38:14.

This might be a bit of a weird background but hang on until I (16F) explain. My parents were young when they had me. My mom had no family of her own and from the age of like 12, when she and my dad first got close, my dad's family became hers too. My parents dated all through high school and had me right after graduating. My mom died in her sleep when I was only 6 months old. She was 19.

My dad was never interested in me and he and my grandparents fought a lot from the time I was born to the time my mom died. They were disgusted with his lack of love or concern for me. They wanted him to be a better father than he was being and apparently pointed out my mom was the same age as him and had stepped up. But he wasn't interested. After mom died my grandparents were terrified that my dad would fuck me up. So they made a deal with him. They would get legal custody, they would raise me, and they would give him some money every month for him to do what he liked. I know it sounds strange but they saw it as a way to keep him from me unless he was serious about being a dad.

I never actually saw him at all when I was little. A couple of years ago I saw him from a distance for the first time. He had some woman with him. They later got married. I would see them around but decided to still keep my distance. His wife knew about me before they even married. Now they're having a baby girl and my aunt was told by the wife that they wanted to name their baby Serenity, which is my name. She spoke to me about it because she wanted to warn me.

The second I heard about this I hated it. I saw so many issues because we would have the exact same name... I have no middle name and my aunt said they had no plans to use a middle name either. Our last names would be the same too. Plus it felt like the sharing a name could be used by some people to push for me to be in the child's life.

I asked my grandparents if they could convince him not to do it. They spoke to him and he was saying he just wanted his wife to be happy. They told him he could forget about the money if he does, since it would be fucking me over. I think my grandparents also hated the idea that he was sending a clear message that he never loved me by just using the name for the kid he wants to raise. My dad ended up backing down.

His wife was pissed and she blamed me even though he said it was my grandparents who intervened. She said she knows I must have said I didn't like it or something and whatever I did, I was a selfish little c*** because I took away her chance to name her child what she wanted. She said Serenity was a name she chose when she was little and always wanted to use it. My grandparents came home while she was ranting at me and made her leave.

My dad and his wife are no longer welcome at all. I can't get what she she said out of my head. So I feel like I need to ask... AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AdeptTelephone743 on 2023-10-02 10:57:36.

A good friend (M29) of mine (M28) is getting married in 5 months and asked me to be his best man.

Where we are from it is common to ask the best man to buy the wedding rings out of his pocket (not the engagement ring that is usually pricier, that's done by the groom). This is usually instead of another present.

I was up for it, however from what I understood the bride wanted a wedding way out of their league (financially speaking) and instead wanted a huge wedding where instead of the presents each invited person pays an entry fee.

I am honestly against this kind of things but whether or not I consider it a good idea is not the point of this post. After all it's not my wedding.

The entry fee is of 500 euros, per person, to make up for the Michelin star chef, the location, the live music, the cathedral for the cerimony, and from what I understood the bride wants to arrive to the place on a white coach with god knows how many horses.

This information was handed out only after people confirmed that they were going to attend (the reasoning being that the more people there are the less it's going to cost per person and they wanted to know the number prior to that).

This is causing quite a few people to withdraw from the wedding, since most people aren't willing to spend 1k per couple for a meal.

This in turn is causing the price per person to go up, more people from pulling back etc and basically bride and groom are arguing with a lot of people that "abandoned her" and are about to "ruin her special day etc".

I thought that, since I had to buy the rings, I was kind of excluded from this "entry fee" thing. Apparently I was wrong and now both me and my partner are expected to pay up another 1K euros total.

I already live abroad, therefore to get to the wedding I had to get plane tickets on top of the rings that I already ordered but I don't think that me and my partner can afford another 1k euros on top of that.

I told my friend that I am willing to leave him the rings but I can't come to the wedding if that's the price of it.

I already booked the holiday and the flight though, therefore I would still be up for a drink before the wedding, to hand him the rings etc.

Also I told him that I am still up for the stag do and if he wanted to find another best man and keep the rings I already ordered it would be completely okay for me.

He was understanding however the bride was quite angry and she called me back saying that I am an AH because I am abandoning my friend at the altar as everybody else, that I am a terrible best man and that despite what he said I devastated him and ruined his day.

The wedding is in 5 more months but apparently it's too late for them to cancel people and me agreeing to to is causing them to spend more money, on top of having fewer people.

So what is it, AITAH for not going?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/buckleup_ on 2023-10-02 07:04:14.

My sister (31F) got married last weekend. As is customary with most weddings, they also hosted a post reception after-party that close friends and younger family members were invited to. My husband and I (32M, 27M) were invited but we turned it down — our sons were sleeping back in our hotel suite with a babysitter and we weren’t really prepared for more loud music and drunken antics.

As we were heading out of the venue and chatting with some cousins + mutual friends between me and the newlyweds, we all agreed on how we kind of just wanted to chill out and maybe have one or two more drinks before the night was over. I offered to let them come back to our hotel room as long as everyone agreed to stay relatively quiet.

My husband, myself, and six others came back to our room. We all shared a bottle of wine, talked until about 1 A.M., then they left and we went to sleep.

I woke up today - a week later - and had received a text from my sister saying she didn’t appreciate that I hosted an “after party” of my own. Four out of the six people that joined us in our hotel room were ones who had been invited out with my sister and her husband, so she accused me of stealing her guests— apparently only three people went out with them. She’s also upset that I clued the non-invitees into the fact that there was an afterparty at all. I explained the vibes were totally different and the guests I “stole” likely wouldn’t have joined her anyway. Still, she’s upset with me and claimed I was pulling my “typical golden child antics” by “stealing her thunder.”

My mom says she sees both sides so I’d just like some outside perspective. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ogbruh1400 on 2023-10-02 04:23:00.

For some context, I am a 18yo M living with my parents. My Mom recently helped me get a high paying job somewhere, which is way better than the fast food job I had not too long ago, which I am very grateful for. Recently my parents have had financial issues, which I have willingly paid for, such as the AC going out, washing machine breaking, car problems, and many more. In total the cost reached over $1800, which I was told I would be paid back for, but recently my dad told me i’m not getting any of it back. Even though I was salty asf about it, I decided to let it go. Yesterday my parents received a letter in the mail stating they were kicked off housing for reasons I can’t say. Before they had received that information, I was planning on moving out march of 2024, but now my dad is telling me that if I don’t stay an extra year to help pay bills, “i’m not loyal to the family and I might as well leave soon.” I told him i’d stay longer to help, but i can’t promise that i’d stay a year, and he’s still trying to tell me I don’t care about the family because of my decision. I understand the severity of their situation, but i can’t guarantee that i’ll put my life on hold for a year, because he can’t pay the bills. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwra_thatcoco on 2023-10-02 06:33:58.

Btw: am being purposely vague for the sake of anonymity.

I (30F) am in a very competitive surgical residency. Around this time of the year my allergies like to mess with me and I get nose bleeds sometimes. (Nothing too serious, but usually if I blow my nose a lot there’s blood spotting). Well one of my coworkers (31M) who’s a good friend noticed this. Well about a week ago he saw me blowing my nose again and jokingly said “Are you doing cocaine or something?”. I said no and explained my allergies and we just laughed. Now whenever he’d see me blowing my nose he’d say “stop doing that coke” and I reply something like “no” or “can’t stop, won’t stop”. (TO BE CLEAR I AM NOT DOING COKE AND HE KNOWS IM NOT, ITS JUST JOKING AND WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARENT AROUND)

Well a couple weeks ago, a fellow resident (30F) who is in our year overheard us say that when she was outside the room we were in I guess and she reported me. Then I got called in and questioned, I explained the situation & how they can literally see on my medical chart I have a history of allergies, but they still drug tested me which of course came up negative, but I’m still gonna have to get drug tested routinely for the next month “just to be sure”. I was told I’m not in trouble or anything and can continue work, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing! Well I ended up finding out who it was that reported me. And I was so pissed because I literally could’ve gotten fired and my whole career would’ve been on the line.

Well a few days ago, I invited a most of my colleagues to a big event I’m having in a few weeks. I never confronted that colleague and have just been keeping my distance for the sake of professionalism and definitely did not invite her. The day after I sent the invitations out (which was a flier through direct message) the colleague approached me and asked me why didn’t I send her an invitation, guess she heard about it from others. I was honest and told her it was because she falsely reported me and almost got me fired. She said she was just trying to do what was right and I can’t blame her because the risk that I was high and operating on patients is too great. I said “I understand where you’re coming from, but instead of asking me about it you went directly to our superior and almost cost me my career., which you haven’t apologized for”. She said she wasn’t gonna apologize for doing the right thing. Then I said I had to check on a patient and walked away.

I get she was trying to do the right thing, but she ended up doing it to the wrong person and thinks she’s in the right. Well I disagree and don’t want her at my event now, but I do feel kind of bad for excluding her and am curious to if she is right and if I’m just being stubborn.

So AITA for excluding my worker for after she reported me and almost got me fired?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GFLicenseThrowaway on 2023-10-02 05:13:22.

My (28m) GF (26f) is always late. Always. No matter if it's 5 mins up the road or catching a plane.

Before we get into it, no she isn't on the autism spectrum, she doesn't have ADHD or time blindness.

She just DAWDLES. ALL. THE TIME.

She snoozes her alarm at least three times every morning, then lays there going through her social media.

Eventually she gets up and takes a long ass shower, dresses (Which takes her forever, and she usually sits wrapped in a towel on her phone), then lingers over her coffee. 9 times out of 10 she's running late for work, and ends up speeding to make it on time.

Naturally, she's gotten a number of speeding tickets. I've tried to help her - eg putting her phone where she can't reach it from bed so she has to get up to snooze it, but she literally just grabs it and goes back to bed.

You try to get her to move her ass and she just digs in her heels and takes even longer. Her response to people calling out her lateness is "better late than dead on time".

Anyway, again, she was running even later than normal for work, and really had to speed to make it. A week goes by and sure enough, massive speeding fine in the mail.

She now has to hand in her drivers license because she's got so many demerit points, she'll be without one for 6 months.

Instead of just dealing with it, she TELLS me "I'll need you to cop this one and say you were driving so I don't lose my license" and of course, I refused, telling her she needs to live with the consequences of her actions and maybe she should stop speeding, and wake up earlier.

This argument went on for a few days until she finally conceded, then proceeds to tell me "well, you'll have to drive me to and from work until I get my license back", and I tell her I won't be doing that - her work is literally in another direction than my work is from home, and doing so would add another two hours of driving per day. She says it shouldn't matter as my work has flexible hours, but I stood my ground and refused, and said she can take public transport - there's literally a bus stop 2 mins walk from our house and the bus stops maybe 5 mins walk from her work, and it's quite regular,

She says she hates public transport and refuses to ride it, so I said then it's Uber for her, or organise a car pool, but bottom line, it's not my responsibility.

She called me an AH and is giving me the silent treatment, said a decent boyfriend would go to those lengths for her and that it's only 6 months.

So, am I AH for not "saving her license" and refusing to drive her to and from work for 6 months?

TL,DR: Gf is always running late, speeds to work, gets caught, loses license, expects me to cop the blame so she can keep her license, I Refuse, she then expects me to drive her to and from work but it's literally out of my way, says I'm the AH.

EDIT: We live in Brisbane, Australia for those wondering

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Logical-Carpet-4381 on 2023-10-02 04:55:29.

My wife Jane (34F) and I (38M) have been together for 5 years. She also brought my step-daughter Emily (9F) into our marriage. We have her for four days a week (M-T) while she's at her dad's Fri-Sun.

From the beginning, Jane told me Emily doesn't need a second father figure as she has her dad to fill that role. I was only supposed to be a trusted authority figure in case she ever needed anything. I didn't mind and try my best to respect that boundary. She's a sweet child anyway and doesn't cause trouble so it's not like I have to discipline her. Her father is also a good dad.

Emily's dad recently got married and his wife has two kids of her own who are at their place Wednesday to Saturday and at their dads' Sunday to Tuesday. Emily and her new step-siblings don't get along at all. They're always fighting and it's pretty toxic.

Emily's dad asked Jane if they change their custody schedule to match his step-kids' to keep the children apart. It's not a big deal in and of itself because we don't live far from each other so picking and dropping is no issue and she can easily be dropped off to school no matter where she stays. The issue is my wife agreed to it without consulting me.

Jane is currently doing a certification course for the next 12 months and they have classes on Saturdays from 9-5pm. She asked me if I can babysit Emily on Saturdays, but I can't because I play golf with my brother and sister on Saturday mornings from 8am-1pm. This has been our tradition from before Jane and Emily came into my life and I had told Jane from much before that this is important to me and my siblings. She asked if I can move to another day but that's not possible either because my siblings also have jobs and families of their own so Saturday was the best day for us. I told her she can hire a babysitter but she doesn't want to spend money when I can do it for free.

I told her that wouldn't work for me. She then got mad and said golf is stupid and I should put my step-daughter over my siblings. That pissed me off so I told her I'm not going to sacrifice my hobbies just so that she can have a free babysitter. For the record, I don't have anything against Emily. I've babysat her before and she's a good kid. If there was a family emergency or if it was an occasional occurrence, then yeah I would cancel golf for that day to take care of her but I can't give up something this important to me for 12 months continuous.

She called me a selfish asshole and slept on the couch last night. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Candidate-6042 on 2023-10-02 04:32:14.

I (15F) have a brother (16M) who is autistic. He is a year older but he was held back so we're in the same grade. Ever since I was little, I've felt like I don't really matter and the only reason my parents had me was for my brother to have a friend. To be clear, I'm not neglected or abused, but my parents expect me to build my entire life around my brother. When I was younger, they would always force me to do whatever my brother wants because we had to do everything together. When I wanted to learn piano and he wanted to do karate, we both had to do karate. When my friends invited me to playdates, I could only go if he could too.

When I was really little, my parents would basically just force the other parents to take him, but as I got older, I just stopped going anywhere because I didn't want to take my brother with me. To make things worse, we moved when we were in sixth grade and it was almost impossible for me to make new friends because my brother was with me all the time. Middle school was also horrible because 7th grade was online and my brother was constantly clinging to me in 8th, Once we got to high school I just stopped caring about what my parents said and did whatever I wanted.

My "rebellion" mostly consisted of joining leadership and a bunch of clubs. I made lots of friends and started hanging out with them. My parents very clearly expressed their disapproval but they weren't going to lock me up to stop me from doing things without my brother. I love my brother, but being forced to share my whole life with him as a kid has made me deeply resent him. He has no friends so he just sits in his room pretty much all the time. Whenever I go out with my friends or go to extracurricular events he throws huge tantrums. I feel bad for him but I'm sick of being his constant unwilling companion and there is nothing I can do to help him.

My parents always take his side and try to make me feel bad for living my life. Our latest conflict was about homecoming. I'm a princess and I'm really excited because I couldn't go last year because I was sick. My brother asked a girl to go with him but she rejected him so he's really upset and wants me to not go because he's not going. Today there was a picnic to kick off homecoming week and he didn't go but when I got back he threw a huge tantrum when I left and was still crying when I got back hours later because he doesn't want me to go to homecoming.

My parents asked if I could just not go but I told them that I don't really care if my brother doesn't like it and he can't control my whole life. They said his mental health is suffering because he has no friends and doesn't have the best grades and watching me have fun and do great at school isn't helping. I told them that his mental health is not my problem and I'm going to homecoming whether they like it or not. My brother is still crying in his room and didn't come out to eat dinner. AITA?