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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WillingnessFrosty216 on 2023-10-01 11:30:59.

My ex boyfriend and I have a 3 year old daughter together and we were co parenting really well until he got with his girlfriend. At first everything was fine but he started to pick her up and see her less and less. Now at first I was like “fuck him, i don’t need him” but my daughter used to cry for this man so I just flat out asked what was up.

I feel like he basically told me it was because of his girlfriend only because it was a lot of “she” in his excuses. It just really bothered me because why would you have anything against a baby? AND YOU HAVE CHILDREN! I just instantly went into investigation mode and found out she’s a felon… and doesn’t have custody of her own kids.

I just don’t feel comfortable with this girl around my daughter so I told my ex everything I found out about her and how I don’t want this lady around my child, now they’re mad at me???? Am I wrong for doing a background check on someone that’s going to be around my child? or is she just mad that she’s caught?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_Yesterday5630 on 2023-10-01 15:59:02.

My (F24) brother (32) and his wife were told early in their second pregnancy that the baby wasn't developing properly and would be severely disabled.

My sister-in-law was heartbroken but she wanted to terminate. My brother spent a long time convincing her that the baby was God's will. I told him that he needed to consider how much work was involved in taking care of a baby with so many special needs. My boyfriend is a pediatric nurse. He tells me horror stories. I said his wife was right. He said I was a terrible sister and aunt for saying those things. He got our parents involved and they told me to mind my own business. So the baby went to term. And she was born with deformations and disabilities.

Sorry if I do not go further than that.

My brother was home for two weeks then he went back to work. My sister-in-law was basically responsible for that poor baby girl for the next six months. Plus my five year old nephew. She couldn't take it and she took their son and moved to her parents' house.

My brother has been trying to get her to come home but she won't. My parents both work so they cannot help as much as they would like.

He asked me for help and it took everything I had not to say that it was God's will that he take care of his daughter since he wanted her to be born so badly.

Instead I just said that I couldn't because I couldn't watch her and go to school. He said that the help he was getting from the government and family was not enough and that he was going to lose his job. I apologized but I said I could not sacrifice my future for his decisions.

He tried getting my parents to convince me but I told them that I had been informed by them that I should "stay out of it". And I was choosing to do so as I had done so previously.

My mom is having to take time off to help him and it is draining her.

I had lunch with my sister-in-law yesterday and I asked her when she was going home. She said she wasn't sure she could handle that yet. I did not push.

My family thinks I am being an asshole by putting my studies, which I pay for myself, are more important than my brother's job and marriage.

I don't think I should sacrifice for someone who chose the life he got.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Village9800 on 2023-10-01 15:27:01.

Throwaway Account

I (35m) and I have one daughter Annalisa (5f). However, there was a time when I was the legal father to "Annabell" (15f) but. I am not her biological father. I didn't discover this until she was 3 and was angry about it for years.

Her mom, "Rachel" (35f), was the daughter of my mom's friend so I knew Rachel for many years before we started dating in high school. After high school Rachel wanted to get married but I wanted to wait until after college, we fought over this but Rachel relented. However, during my studies Rachel announced that she was pregnant. She was delighted but I was devastated and was made to feel like the villain for not being immediately happy that I was going to be a dad.

I was at college through an athletic scholarship but was forced to dropout because I couldn't do the sports and work a full time job so I could support Rachel and her baby. I ended up having to move back home and get a job at my dad's company (something I never wanted) and look into trade school. I was also pressured by Rachel and my family to do the "right thing" and by the time I was 21 I was married and raising a child. I was not happy at all but had resigned myself to this being life for the next 20 years until the wife "Lisa" (55f) of the man that really got Rachel pregnant confronted her. There was a DNA test and I was livid, Rachel begged for forgiveness and everyone around me was trying to get me to work on the marriage. The only people who I felt were on my side were Lisa and my uncle.

Thanks to Lisa I was able to get out of legal responsibility for Anna as she agreed to take a lesser sum in the divorce if it meant that her ex was providing child support. I moved out and never looked back. There were moments where I thought about Anna when it first happened but because I was working so much there wasn't much of an emotional bond for me and I eventually got over it.

I managed to make a new life for myself and kept in contact with Lisa who introduced me to the daughter of her friend "Kerry" (31f) and we started getting involved. She eventually got pregnant and we went in on a duplex so we could be better co-parents. I gave no bones about giving our kid's Kerry's surname as we weren't married but I always wanted a daughter with my great-grandma's name. Since Rachel ruined the original idea, I came up with a variation of the name. Rachel's mom is still friends with my mom so Rachel and Annabell would still come around family gatherings, which is why I would see my family less. This past weekend I took Annalisa to see my uncle and Annabell was there.

She smiled at Annalisa and called herself my daughter's sister. I corrected that right then and there and told Annalisa that Annabell was just the daughter of someone I used to be close with and that Annalisa is an only child. Annabell got sad and walked away and now people are getting on my case AITA?

ETA: I'm seeing some comments down here that makes me want to clear up a few things.

1. I've stated this before in the post but I left when Annabell was 3 and made no attempts to maintain a relationship, so I find it very hard to believe that Annabell would still even view me as a father figure.
2. I was very calm when I corrected Annabell, I didn't yell, cuss, or let my voice show any hostile energy.
3. I live in a different state and have so since before Annalisa was born. I almost never go to my parents house because they kept trying to ambush me with Rachel and Annabell a few times, so Annalisa has never seen Annabell before.
4. I did go very low contact with my parents for about 5 years after the crap they kept trying to pull and only got in better contact when my paternal grandma passed away in 2020. However, I will never be as close with my parents again.
5. I can recognize that Annabell was just a kid and had no control over what her mom did, but what I don't understand is why I need to maintain a relationship with her.
6. I lost out on going to college and getting the career I actually wanted because I thought I had to be a father. My parents don't come from money so when I lost my scholarship that was it for me for a long time. I worked my butt off to go back to school while working full time but still ended up with debt, and it didn't have to be that way.
7. One of the reasons why my parents stood by Rachel was because Lisa's ex-husband was her supervisor and Rachel's parents were sure that he took advantage of her. For the longest time I saw that as a bunch of b.s. but after the Me Too movement I can see how that's possible, but I still don't see how that makes her trying to pass off Annabell as mine forgivable.
8. If Annabell had come to me and asked if it was okay if she could pursue a sisterly relationship with Annalisa, then maybe I would've been more open to it but she didn't.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Boring-Landscape1002 on 2023-10-01 15:07:42.

I'm getting married soon, and I've decided that I don't want children at my wedding except for my 7-year-old twins. They mean a lot to me, and I want them to be part of my big day. They'll be with the babysitter the entire time at the reception, so they won't be a bother to anyone.

My siblings have young kids, and they were really upset about my decision. They said it's unfair for me to allow my kids but not theirs. They accused me of being selfish and said I should either invite all the family's children or none at all. They even threatened not to attend my wedding if I don't change my mind.

I think they're being dramatic, and I believe I have the right to choose who I want at my wedding. I love my nieces and nephews, but I don't want them to disrupt the atmosphere of the celebration. I also don't want to exclude my own kids because they are my children, and I want them to witness me marrying their father.

AITA for allowing only my twins at my wedding, but no other children?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/supernova2424 on 2023-10-01 11:48:06.

My Dad passed away from cancer leaving my Mom on her own. She has schizophrenia and he was her main caretaker. After he passed he left my uncle in charge of his estate. He also ended up being in charge of my Mom’s care and finances.

Two to three months after my Dad’s passing my Uncle wanted to put my Mom in an assisted living home. I had concerns about this as it was new for her and i felt like he was moving too quickly after my Dad’s death. When I asked why he wanted to move her out he said it was because of her finances. I was not informed on her estate planning or finances so I asked if he could sit me down and explain everything. He ended up shutting my request down and said it was not any of my business.

I asked my Mom if she wanted me involved and she said yes. Afterwards I ended up hiring an attorney to inform me on her estate planning. It turns out there was a trust my Uncle was in charge of where both my Mom and I were beneficiaries. He never informed me that i was beneficiary. Had I not went out of my way to get involved i’m not sure he would have told me.

It was frustrating to find I was a beneficiary and that i was left of the dark. It was also a hard position to be in where my Uncle was shutting me out of the decision-making process of my Mom’s care and well-being in addition to be informed.

I was only 24 at the time but hiring an attorney seemed like the right thing to do. I’m my parents only child. I was my dad’s poa when he got sick so it was not regular for me not to be involved in their affairs. I also had concerns about what role I might have to play in my mom’s future. It was unclear if I would have to financial support her in some way or act as a caretaker if something happened to him.

Anyway hiring a lawyer ended up causing drama and uncle thinks I’m asshole for creating problems by asserting myself into what was going on. He suggested that he knew what was my best and it was not my place to get involved in what happens to my Mom. AITA for doing so?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Thick-Price5341 on 2023-10-01 13:42:02.

My (29f) friend, let’s call her Emily (32f) is an amazing person - she’s fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing and just a great girl to be around. A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore (legs, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy, resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.

A few days ago, we were having a beer and she told me how sad her dating life was, that she kept meeting guys and having very fun dates but never got a call back or when she tried asking for a second or third date, got rejected in a very generic manner. Now after telling her “you’re so gorgeous and wonderful, the right man will come don’t worry” multiple times, I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of “I know this is a very superficial thing to say, but do you think it might help a little if you would shave?“

She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed I would suggest she change her appearance for men and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed. I immediately apologized but the evening was pretty much ruined. I texted her the next day apologizing again for hurting her but she hasn’t replied.

I really did not want to hurt her but I also don’t quite see how my comment was that bad so I am not sure how to phrase my apology. So decided to take it here and ask people here how big of an AH I am.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Primary_Tumbleweed89 on 2023-10-01 11:57:56.

So my girlfriend [F26] and I [M29] found out in August that we were going to be parents to our first child. Generally, everyone was very happy about the news. However because of the shock I felt at the time (it wasn't planned), I called my mother for reassurance and it helped. She wasn't happy I told her over a phone call which I understand and am likely an AH for. I apologised and we put it behind us.

My sister has been supportive, she helped us move to a new house, wanted to take my partner out baby shopping in a few weeks. However, my mother was less helpful. We had a facetime mid August about housing options, then my mother randomly asked me about if my partner was on the pill. I said yes and I've seen her take it, and she asked if I was sure. Almost like she was insinuating that I was baby trapped.

I have had worries about my sister. I'm happy she's excited but I feel sometimes she's too much. She was talking about having the baby every weekend so we could do stuff as a couple, and I said we have to consider both families. She was also concerned about us moving a bit closer to my girlfriend's family than mine. She said I wouldn't get as much support and questioned the support from my partner's as her mother lives 2 hours away. I said she comes down every weekend to look after her mother with dementia, we'll be fine.

My sister offered to pay for our gender reveal scan. We both thought this was a lovely gesture and said yes. My sister understandably wanted to come because she's paying for it. My sister told me that the one she was booking allowed up to five people to come and suggested we bring my mum along. I then said if she's coming, then my girlfriend's mum should come too. She disagreed because it's the only involvement they'll have during the pregnancy and my girlfriend's family will be at other events. We said it's not about who we're including, it's about having support during a personal appointment, and my girlfriend doesn't want only all my family there. My mum previously said either it's just my family or no scan. I said fine, we'll pay for it ourselves. My sister then messaged my girlfriend to explain her reasoning which left her in tears. She also said my family like to do things separate and they're a bit antisocial. They think meeting my girlfriend's mum at the scan will be awkward. We think this kind of reasoning is selfish and not putting our wishes first.

My mum and sister are getting me to understand their reasoning. I do understand it, I just don't agree with it. My girlfriend's mum isn't bothered by them not wanting her there, just more by how it's affected us. She told me not to worry about them and hugged me. She said she's happy to pay for it and for me to invite whoever I want.

This is a post here because despite many agreements about our side of things, I have doubt because my sister was going to pay for it. And I was considering my dad but my girlfriend's mum believes that would anger my family. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aljianatheartist on 2023-10-01 12:35:57.

I work with a guy that told us right away that he is autistic in order for us not to question his unusual behavior, like his special interest in barbie dolls. There is nothing wrong with that and we respect him at work as one of us, but he can be a little “too much” sometimes. It’s nearly impossible to have an actual conversation with him that doesn’t involve the dolls or his diagnosis. My friends and I (23m) were talking about our plans for Friday night. We wanted to go out for drinks at a nice cocktail bar. Suddenly he invited himself. We tried to hint that we didn’t agree with that but he didn’t understand it. We tried explaining politely, trying to find excuses: We told him that we already booked, so he called the place and reserved for himself, we told him that our cars are already full so he called his mom and asked her for a ride… it was just impossible to tell him nicely. So I straight up told him: “We don’t want you to come with us”. He looked devastated and started crying. My other friends call me TA even if they also didn’t want him to come along. And honestly, I feel absolutely horrible.

EDIT: Only he is my coworker. He doesn’t know my other friends.

EDIT: We were discussing plans on a video call while I was waiting for the bus after work and he overheard it. This is why I had to be the one to tell him no.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PitchOutside1615 on 2023-10-01 11:27:45.

My mom died when I (16M) was 7. My parents had been separated for a long time and dad was dating my stepmom when my mom passed. I didn't meet her until after mom's death. When I met her she introduced herself to me as the woman who was going to be my new mom and she told me she was committed to being an equal parent to me. I didn't like this, even then, it rubbed me the wrong way and I said to my dad that I didn't like her and when he asked me why, I said in a way a 7 year old would that I didn't want her to be my new mom and it made me sad and mad when she said that. My dad told me it could be good and to give her a chance to be that. He told me she had been looking forward to meeting me and had been preparing to be a good mom to me.

Twoish years later my stepmom and dad were married and she started posting online about being a stepmom who was mom and how we had an instant mom/son connection to each other. Over the years she painted a picture that was nothing like reality. She made up a story of the first time I called her mom. I have never called her mom so it's a total lie and not just a twisting of how it happened. She told stories about times we spent together where I said I was glad to have her and that she couldn't be a better mom. I learned about it like 3 years ago. A friend sent it to me because her mom had seen it. The whole thing was crazy and what's worse was she was telling people things about me that I didn't want brought up to people online.

I told her it was a dumb thing to do back the and she told me it hurt her feelings that I was so negative about something so amazing. About four months ago my stepmom said we needed therapy together and that she didn't feel loved by me. Therapy has been an interesting experience and the therapist was alarmed to hear that my stepmom has been telling so many elaborate lies for a long time now. She suggested shutting down the page but my stepmom was like no.

While we have been going to therapy someone who follows my stepmom found me online and reached out and asked me about things. I was honest. That my stepmom had lied about the whole thing and she's not my second mom and I have never called her mom or told her I love her just as much as I love my mom. A couple more people reached out after that and I told them the same.

This was brought up in therapy because my stepmom was upset that people were now calling her out and saying she was a fraud. Some of her advice was tried out by these people and they had bad results and they thought they had followed the advice badly or something. She said in therapy she felt like I told those people what I did to hurt her and she didn't feel that it was fair. I told her I was never going to lie for her and anyone who knows us knows she is not my mom and that I would never call her that.

The therapist told my stepmom it was on her, they were her lies. But my stepmom, and my dad, both say I was intentionally hurtful to her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Yogurtcloset3425 on 2023-10-01 09:45:32.

AITA For giving my wife an ultimatum?

I (37m) have been married to my wife (36f) for 14 years.

We got married young, while we were both at uni. We both wanted a 'traditional' marriage in that she would be at home and I'd go to work.

I progressed well, I'm a high earning professional with lots of disposable income, I pay all the bills, the mortgage, the holidays, the gifts (naturally given I'm the earner) but therein has been the issue, her end.

We've constantly had this problem, past ten years, where I don't feel she holds her end of the bargain up. When I was grafting to progress, I'd be up at 6, she would lay in bed. I might have some lunch to take, maybe not. I'd come home, dinner often not made. She wouldn't handle any bills, no paperwork done by her. Cleaning she would do, but clothes left unironed. So often I'd end up buying dinner, ironing my own shorts. We had no kids and she had no other responsibilities, no work, no studying.

After a while I suggested, that the situation wasnt working and that either perform home duties or we split everything 50/50. She opted to work, stating she didn't want to be a housewife.

She got a job. Two problems arose. Firstly she stil didn't contribute to paperwork, I had to physically and mentally handle all bills and outgoings. Secondly, she wanted to live a lifestyle well beyond HER means, i.e. still relied on me financially. We would have regular bust ups, I'd say you need to do more of organising, she promised she would but never did. When it came to buying a house she wanted, she did next to zero work, from dealing with the agents to finding the mortgage.

Then we had a baby.

Looking back now, I should have divorced her before and not decided to have a baby, now I feel stuck.

Now she doesn't work, she's a stay at home mum. She's struggling with our daughter and maintaining the home, so I got a maid, who for the past three months has been doing all the cleaning, washing and ironing. Our daughter is now almost 2 and doesn't sleep independently because my wife doesn't attempt sleep training. I still often make my own meals after coming back from work. I eat a specific diet, I have to cater for that myself in terms of buying and sourcing ingredients, she takes next to zero interest. She has no plans on returning to work. I'm still paying for everything.

The problem as I see it, there's a mismatch. My wife has high living expectations but next to no drive to achieve it.

What I expect from her, and as I've made abundantly clear for many years but I've finally said it's this or divorce. She needs to take pride and work hard in hosuewife, cook new things, cater for my diet, take interest in the running of the house from a paperwork point of view. In return I'll pay for everything as I have been, the 6monthly foreign holidays,her jewelry, her clothes and we can continue to have a maid. But if she doesn't, as soon as our daughter is school going, i.e.next year, then it's finished. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intrepid_Dig446 on 2023-10-01 07:26:41.

A friend of mine from college is getting married at a destination I had dreamed of going to for a long time but was totally out of our budget. Her uncle owns a resort and has offered amazing discounts on rooms to her guests. We've had this planned for months, RSVP'd, booked a room, arranged childcare, everything.

Now his brother wants to get married the weekend of the wedding. They're not really doing anything, just a quick ceremony and party in my in-law's backyard. It will be more like a family barbecue then any kind of actual wedding.

My husband wants to cancel everything so we can be in town. I don't want to cancel, for the reasons outlined above. We've been in an arguement about it. I suggested that his brother can just move it to the weekend before or after. They don't have out of town guests, a wedding venue or vendors booked, or anything that would stop them from being able to move it so my husband and I can attend. It's just pure stubbornness.

My husband isn't backing me up on this at all and has definitely been talking shit to his family about me, which I hate. He thinks I'm being entitled.

If his brother was having a real wedding that had been planned for months and involved a ton of time/money spent I'd feel differently. But as I said it costs them nothing to just change the weekend.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DeepGrief52 on 2023-10-01 06:39:14.

I (f32) live in a European country, I won't say which for privacy. When I was 6 my mother died in a car accident, he grieved heavily, but eventually he moved on, he remarried when I was 11 to "Mia" who had a daughter from her previous marriage "Zani;" Zani's father died of stage 4 pancreatic cancer, very rapid onset. Which was why my father and Mia bonded very quickly.

It was hard for m e, but I accepted the family blending, I thought it could only help after the void my mother left. However soon it became clear who was the favorite. Zani was the golden child, my dad was really vulnerable after my mom passed, he always gave the benefit of the doubt to Zani. She could throw tantrums and cry for whatever she wanted. I was never really neglected but whenever their was a judgment I was on trial as a girl who should do better and she was a poor victim who lost a parent. As if I didn't either.

Fast forward I got into college on a scholarship, and I lucked into a job because of one of my summer internships. Thanks to that connection I was able to get a decent apartment in my city. I was LC with my parents recently but I wanted to tell them I got my own place. They seemed really pleased with me. Then I got a call from Mia about how I have such an amazing place in our city (it's not amazing just a decent part of the city) and how I must have so much space. I tried to respond noncomitally but she started to insist Zani could stay there for a few days and I could help watch her kid. Apparently Zani had a baby recently but as the child grew it was clear her husband was not the father . She said it was the right thing to let her stay over, but I said no, I wasn't equipped for that and I can't be expected to take care of a an 8 months old She started screaming at me saying how we were family and this what you're supposed to do but I hung up.

My parents called a few times, but I left them to voicemail.. AITA for not letting my sister stay with me? I just don't feel I should automatically give in

EDIT: I should explain Mia cannot take Zani in because because Zani is an addict and Mia uses benzos on prescription.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tonkaowww on 2023-10-01 05:49:38.

She(26f) and I(26m) grew up together. At first I was really looking forward to it. Then she came to me and said that I 'must get laser removal for those damn acne scars.' I told her I can't afford to spend that much money on stuff that I don't actually need right now, but she said I need to look good for the wedding pictures. She knew it's expensive since she's had this sort of treatment herself. Then she insisted on it further, telling me I would undergo the treatment if I truly care about her.

It was the combination of the insinuation that I would ruin the photos without the laser removal and the fact that she was asking me to spend that much money which made me say the line in the title. She looked really hurt, saying that I didn't have to be so mean about it. Was I mean to her?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Much-Ad-5196 on 2023-10-01 03:30:19.

A little context about what is to come. I don't see a point in marriage if I love and want to be with someone then that's all I need. She wanted it so I eventually proposed with what I believe to be a nice ring 2.5 carat solitare round cut ring. So the fact that she did want marriage but now won't wear her engagement ring is weird to me.

So this has been an issue for me and an almost daily argument. I proposed to my GF on our 4yr anniversary she said she loved the ring and we almost got it stuck on her finger.

After that we had to have it resized twice no big deal and the last time she said it fit great and she loved it. I asked if she was sure at pick up and she confirmed it was good.

Now 5 months after our anniversary she still isn't wearing the ring. Her reason keeps changing from "I don't like to wear rings, I'm not used to wearing rings, I don't want to ruin it at work, I don't want to scratch my face at night, now it's back to it doesn't fit right."

This is really bothering me because I spent a decent chunk on the ring and would like to see her at least wear it. I even bought some silicone rings for her to wear so that she can get used to wearing a ring without all the other worries listed above. However she still isn't wearing them. I keep bringing it up that I expect/would like her to wear a ring. Either silicone or her real one.

I told her if she doesn't start to wear it (never set a date or deadline) then I'm going to sell it and we can use the money for something else. Apparently I'm an asshole being weird and controlling because I want her to wear a ring or at least not let a expensive one sit in a drawer.

EDIT PS: she said I cannot sell her ring because it was a gift to her but still won't wear it. I forgot to add that she does not want me to sell the ring.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/cmdvd on 2023-10-01 02:56:24.

I (35 F) am pregnant and expecting a boy in December. I'm not American but my mom is coming and staying with my husband (35M) and I for two months to help cook and clean while I take care of my baby. My husband works nights and three times a week he works till noon, so I already know I'll be taking the night shift every night with the baby and he won't be able to help me in those days before the afternoon. I'm having a c-section and would like the first 3 to 4 weeks to go by without visitors so I can heal properly and take care of the newborn while my mom helps me with the house. I'm also concerned with his immune system during that time and wanted to wait for him to get at least some of his vaccines. My husband told my in-laws they can see the baby at the hospital when he's born but after that we'd go for 3 to 4 weeks without any visitors, them included. His mom's jaw dropped and they said they couldn't believe they weren't going to be allowed to see the baby during that time. Now my husband is asking me why they can't see the baby during those weeks and if I have a problem with his parents. It's true, I don't have a good relationship with his parents but ultimately I didn't want visitors since I'll still be healing from the surgery and taking care of the baby while also teaching online part-time - I'm self employed so I don't get maternity leave. I know they're also upset that my mother will be here for two months while they can't see the baby for 3 weeks, however, they never offered to cook, clean, nor do groceries for us. They keep saying the want "to see the baby". My MIL even went as far as to say we can bring the baby to her house whenever we wish. When my husband pointed out we won't be driving a newborn anywhere (they live 30 minutes away) she said she was reluctant to come by because my husband doesn't like it when she drops by unannounced. So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Plum1998 on 2023-10-01 01:47:24.

My son is 24 and he has a Charger that my dad left him when he passed away. It is a beautiful car and I wish my dad had left it to me but that isn't the point. My son and him loved working on it together. That's why my son got it.

In the last year he has also gotten four speeding tickets and just capped it off with an impaired charge.

It is too much car for him and he is irresponsible. I told him that he either had to move out of my house, where he pays for basically nothing, or sell the car.

He says that it's all he has from his grandfather, not true his grandparents laid for his education. He says that he was just a little over the limit and that it is a first offense and that I'm being unreasonable.

I want him to grow up and realize he could hurt himself or others.

My ex called me up to say I was being a bitch and that I have no right to make our son sell his car. I made sure to tell him that our kid was looking to move out and that he was welcome to take him in.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tricky_Shoe5204 on 2023-10-01 00:46:27.

I’ve lived with my roommate for 3 years now. She has a large dog who honestly - is a sweet heart. She’s got some behavioral issues (jealousy, food aggression, separation anxiety) that my roommate either refuses to think is an issue or just doesn’t handle.

Recently my roommate got a new FWB who for a whole slew of reasons isn’t allowed over to our house. She’s been staying with him consistently and is leaving her dog unattended and locked in a back room for 12+ hours or even days. Part of it is she thinks I will just take care of her - which I will let her out and love on her but I’m at my breaking point in constantly feeding her because her owner forgot, or taking her on a quick walk because she gets a little neurotic without exercise.

Main reason this kicked off and I found the dog a new home is because I went out of town for a 5-day weekend. came home and her dog had shit all over the back room, and was noticably thinner. I called my roommate out and she tried to push it on me for not reminding her how long I’d be away. And lied about coming in at certain times which I knew because I checked our front door camera and there is no recording of her and when I called her on it she just walked out to avoid the fight.

I told her the dog got out of the backyard but I gave her to another friends grandma who recently lost her husband and is living alone. Roommate didn’t even try to find her dog which makes me regret it less but am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Due_Statement6215 on 2023-10-01 01:32:17.

I have 9yo and 6yo boys with my ex. She's married to Michael who has a 9yo boy Xander and lives full-time with them. Xander and my 9yo are not just stepbrothers but best friends. They get along so well that they share a room and a king sized bed. You cannot separate them.

I find the whole thing funny so Xander comes to my house whenever I have my own kids (Wednesday through Saturday). The thing is that Xander is a garbage disposal and eats everything. I took the three of them to In n Out and Xander ate four cheeseburgers. Seriously. An hour later he said he was hungry and ate 6 waffles. He's definitely not fat. He's skinny.

I asked his dad if be could venmo me $20 because this kid won't stop eating and he said why am I putting a price on our children's friendship. He said that it was tacky. I told him that his kid ate $16 worth of burgers in one sitting. He said that he often pays for my sons food so why can't I pay his son's?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Such-Error-34 on 2023-10-01 00:38:51.

Hey everyone! Bit of a weird situation and I’m not sure if I am TA or not. Happy to have my perspective challenged.

Last week I was taking a 12 hour flight that I had booked months in advance. At the time of booking I paid extra to choose my seats. The seat I chose was $55 extra and right at the front of the plane (trying to arrive somewhere on time upon landing). The seat also happened to be an extra legroom seat and I am a 4’11 female.

I check in, board, sit in my seat as usual, but as soon as the seatbelt sign was switched off I had a man come over and ask to change seats. The first time he asked politely saying that he is 6’4 and flying is painful for him can we please change seats. I was open to it until I saw that his seat was way in the back of the plane and so I told him no sorry I paid extra to sit up front. He kind of got increasingly mad and wouldn’t leave saying that there’s no reason someone of my height needs extra legroom (I told him I paid to be upfront). I suggested that he ask the other people in those seats if they could swap but he refused saying that he wouldn’t want to bother other men or split up couples. He kept getting rude and angry so I just called over a flight attendant who told him to go sit down. For the rest of the flight he would walk past for no reason slamming into me (I was sitting aisle).

Was I in the wrong? Should I have swapped with him? TIA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/engineerdoinglife on 2023-10-01 00:19:57.

My husband (34M) and my (31F) wedding anniversary was this week, but we delayed celebrating until this weekend. We do traditional gifts for anniversaries and this year is flowers/fruit. He is not great with gifts and asked for ideas last month and I sent him a link to an Etsy shop that makes “birth flower jewelry” and told him I’d like something with our sons birth flower. I also let him know he could just get me flowers or anything else and that would be fine as well.

For his gift I picked up chocolate covered strawberries, wine (because grapes,) and went to a fancy cheese shop to get some fruit infused cheeses, meat, etc to make a really nice charcuterie spread for tonight. I’m going to create a “picnic” in our living room, and I think it’s going to be really cute. I also got him a card and wrote a heartfelt message. Just for reference.

I assumed that he had figured my gift out BEFORE our anniversary, so imagine my surprise when I opened a prime box and found a jewelry box. I didn’t open it but it was labelled birth flower necklace” so it was obvious. Honestly I’m a little disappointed but I’m not sure if I’m being unfair and could use some perspective.

1. If he ordered the gift via prime that means that he didn’t order it until after the actual day of our anniversary had passed.
2. The box was labelled with MY birth flower, not my sons. Which is not what I wanted.
3. The box/labelling looks very cheap, and looking on Amazon I think he ordered a low quality piece (think Chinese Amazon front, <$20.) when we were younger I would wear jewelry like this and it would always fall apart, color my skin, and/or tarnish quickly.

I’m a bit upset. I spent a significant amount of consideration and money on his gift and he totally flubbed mine in a way that specifically seems very uncaring. He’s going to be giving me the gift tonight so I have about 4 hours to figure out how I’m going to respond. I don’t want to ruin our plans with a fight but I’d like to (gently) tell him I’d rather he order something I will actually wear. Or should I just thank him, not say anything, and just not wear the gift? Am I being entitled?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Momonomo10 on 2023-09-30 23:33:00.

I paid to reserve the gazebo at the park for my daughters birthday from 2-4. People are going to come at 230, so I have 30 minutes to set everything up.

I get there at 1:50. There are people in the gazebo that I’ve reserved having a birthday. Full array still out- balloons, presents, food, decorations, etc. They’re socializing and not even cleaning up yet.

I politely asked the host if they wouldn’t mind being out by 2pm so I could set up for our party. Again, I’ve paid to reserve this gazebo at 2pm and I only have 30 minutes to set up decorations, food, etc until people start coming. They started cleaning up and were out on time. As they were leaving I said, “Thank you so much, so sorry to kick you guys out.”

The host says “that’s okay. Kind of rude, but whatever.”

She was upset that she was in the middle of her daughters birthday and said that they book these things back to back and we should expect some overlap.

So.. am I the asshole? Should I have expected some overlap? Personally, we were out by 4 for the next party because they paid for it starting at 4, and our time was up at 4! I feel like if I paid for it at 2pm, they should be out- not starting to clean up at that point. I get that it was annoying. It wasn’t super fun having to clean up my party quickly and rushing out either, but at the end of the day- I feel like they should have planned their time better or reserved more time. Not my problem, and I did still try to be polite. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dangerousbean1984 on 2023-09-30 22:48:36.

The new school year starts tomorrow and we've just been notified that this teacher will not be returning for the new school year. The email we received claimed she has 'decided to move onto new opportunities'. However, me and my wife have had a talk with some other parents and unsurprisingly that is not the case. Apparently my son was not the first or last student she has done this to. This teacher is notorious for never letting anyone leave her classroom for anything unless she can physically see something wrong with them, even then there has been a few instances when she's told students having things like eczema flare ups to wait until the end of class. She even tried to do the same thing to my son when he was having another episode, luckily since the last incident he's learned to ignore her, and him and his friend went down to the nurse despite what she said.

At the beginning of summer, my wife got a call from one of the other mothers, who explained that the teacher had tried to the same thing to her daughter, as it turns out she had a friend on the school board and is very well liked by all parents and staff. She arranged a meeting with the teacher, the principal, the school board and the superintendent to discuss this teacher's behavior, before the meeting she spent ages compiling evidence against this teacher. She managed to get the medical forms of the students she'd denied access to the nurse to (with permission from the parents of course), she somehow got all the reports of her behavior towards students, she got statements from students, parents and other members of staff. She even got a couple students who had more serious incidents to come to the meeting with their parents and recount what had happened, we couldn't be there since we were going on holiday (vacation) but both my son and his friend filmed them telling what happened and we it to the mother to play at the meeting. When it finally came time for the meeting the teacher had not anticipated that the mother would be so prepared, and after an hour in the meeting, the teacher was finally fired after 6 years of mistreating students.

If you're wondering how she kept her job so long, I was too, turns out she was a nepo hire, the principal is her uncle.

For all those wondering how my son is doing, he's doing a bit better, though his episodes have been happening more frequently as of late. Thank you all for the advice and well wished on the original post, salt does seem to help sometimes.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Additional-Hat-9674 on 2023-09-30 22:47:12.

Long story short: My husband Fred (30m) and I (28f) got married last month. His sister Sarah (40f) has a history of not coming to family events or saying she would go and then not showing up. Fred told her that she is important to him and really wanted her at our wedding. She said she would come, and as you guessed, she didn't make it.

She didnt send a text or anything to even say congrats. She finally messaged him yesterday to apologize. After some prying, she admitted that she had the day off but she just forgot about it. Fred told her that he was disappointed and didn't want to talk to her. She wouldn't leave him alone so he blocked her.

She messaged me saying that she needs to talk to Fred, or that I should talk to him to get him to unblock her. I told her that I would not be doing that because she knows she was wrong and he was hurt. I told her that he will contact her when he is ready and to not initiate contact with us. She is now calling me names saying that I am in his ear and I'm making him avoid her etc. She's saying I should be trying to help their relationship. AITA for not encouraging Fred to speak to her and telling her to stop contacting us?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Biliardas on 2023-09-30 22:11:53.

My wife and I can't decide on the name for our baby. Since the start of pregnancy she had a name in mind and it means a lot to her in terms of the name meaning and its associations. We've not really discussed the baby names seriously during pregnancy due to focus on other life priorities during that time, and I haven't put forward any name suggestions until after the baby was born.

So we've narrowed it down to two names, Upe (uh-peh) meaning River in our language and Veja (veh-yah, pronounced similarly to Freyah). Upe is the name that my wife wants and I'm not strictly against it but I'm not really excited about it. Veja (meaning wind) is the one that I proposed and my wife likes it but not as much as her option and it doesn't have the association with water which is important to her. We live in the UK and we're also a bit concerned about crude associations/name calling if we used name Veja (vajayjay, etc) but not sure how substantiated this is - any opinions from native speakers appreciated!

I'd feel bad if my wife couldn't use her name, especially since it means that much for her, but at the same time that name doesn't excite me at all, although with time I would probably get used to it. I really like my suggestion andy wife quite likes it too but not sure if she won't eventually regret not picking her option due to its meaning to her.

I should add that we only want to use one name, no middle names or double-barrelling.

WIBTA if we named our child using my suggestion, given the importance of my wife's option to her and the time she had that name in her head?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Play4746 on 2023-09-30 21:54:21.

My (16F) cousin (17F) is autistic, ever since I can remember my family has been babying her, excusing any of her bad behavior and blaming it on her autism. She has always been a bit of an attention seeker, there have been many instances where something exiting or upsetting has happened to someone and while everyone is celebrating or comforting them she would pull some kind of stunt to make it about her. For example on my 12th birthday, just as everyone was singing happy birthday to me she began to cry, claiming she was upset because I had been mean to her earlier in the day and she wanted to go home. I tried to explain to my mom that this wasn't the case as I had barely spoken to her at all that day, my mom instantly came to her defense, claiming she would never lie. Over the years I've gotten used to her antics and usually just roll my eyes and move on knowing there's nothing I can do about it.

Last Saturday my family came to my house for a family gathering. As we were all talking my brother (15M) suddenly passed out, everyone began to panic, immediately trying to help him. After a few minutes he regained consciousness, he was still pretty out of it, everyone was making sure he was okay and trying to figure out what caused the episode when my cousin suddenly burst into tears, talking about how scared she was and how awful the experience was, even getting mad at my family for panicking so much and claiming they scared her. Instantly, all the attention was on her again and my brother even attempted to go over to see if she was okay. I say attempted because he almost passed out again the moment he tried to stand up, (I had to grab onto him to stop him from collapsing) but of course nobody noticed because everyone was paying attention to my cousin. This honestly pissed me off so much, my cousin was yet again taking all the attention, however this time it wasn't just on a special occasion, this was a serious medical situation. I began to yell at her, I told her that my brother could have been seriously hurt and she as usual was commanding all of the attention, and not everything had to be about her. This just made her cry even harder and she ended up having a full on meltdown, my mother practically had to drag me out of the room.

Now almost my entire family is mad at me (except my grandma, my brother and my other cousin). At first I thought I was in the right but now I'm not sure, I may have just spoken out of worry and I feel like I should have just bit my tongue because I really upset her.

What do you think AITA?

For all those worried about my brother and are wondering why he passed out, it turns out the absolute dumbass had forgotten to eat ALL DAY! Rest assured I will be on total big sister mode for a while and I'll make sure he's eating 👍