This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ordinary_Reserve_949 on 2023-09-29 22:24:47.

I’m (19) the youngest in the family and i have 5 older brothers. Theres a big age difference between my brothers, and I. We’ve never been close but I get along with 3 out of my 5 brothers.

I don’t know the 2 don’t like me, they just don’t. One of them who i’ll call Levi would verbally abuse every chance he got (I was 15, and he was 25), I needed, and still am in therapy. He stopped but blamed it all on his struggles. He hasn’t apologized, and clearly still hates me. The other who i’ll call Zane made it clear he wants nothing to do with me, he hasn’t said anything but he acts different every time i’m around him.

Neither of them have gone to birthdays, sports events, or even my graduation. The graduation part was a big deal in my family, but my parents said they don’t have to be in my life if they don’t want to. Everyone eventually forgot about it.

So heres the problem: Zane is getting married soon. Everyone in the family is invited but me. I want to go to his wedding. I don’t hate Zane, and I’d like to get closer to him one day

So I asked him why I wasn’t invited, which he ignored. I’ll admit I kept bothering him on why I wasn’t invited, and why he hated me so much. I guess I made him snap because he sent me a bunch of hateful messages.

I was upset, and talked to a friend, and she told me I should talk to my brothers. So I did, and showed them the texts. Levi sided with Zane, however the other 3 aren’t happy and theyre thinking of not attending the wedding.

Zane is upset at this, and he called me saying I was trying to ruin his wedding, turn his brothers against him, and that I can’t accept rejection. My parents aren’t happy with Zane, but don’t think my brothers should withdraw from the wedding. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/UnhappyEnthusiasm882 on 2023-09-29 20:14:11.

I’ve got a situation, Reddit, and I need some guidance. I’m the older sibling, clocking in at 25, and my sister’s 20. Our family dynamic has always been... well, complicated.

My parents have been together for a long time, and they always wanted a daughter, even before I was born. When I came along, they were a bit bummed but not too disappointed. They kept trying for another child and faced some conception troubles, even seeking help from a clinic.

Eventually, they succeeded and were overjoyed when they found out it was a girl. They told me to be a good role model and keep her safe, which made me happy as a 5-year-old.

However, things changed after my sister was born. My relationship with my parents shifted dramatically. I felt sidelined, almost like I didn't matter anymore. I didn't get birthday celebrations, gifts, or a close connection with my parents. They said they had to focus on my younger sister because she was little, and I needed to understand that.

Growing up, my parents treated my sister and me totally differently. They made me get a job at 14 to help with bills and rent, while my sister didn't have to. I never got the same treatment as her - she got new stuff, and I had to work for everything with my part-time job, even though I had to give half of my earnings to my parents. My sister was the favorite, and we never got along well.

When I turned 18, I worked hard and got into medical school. But my parents said they couldn't afford to help me out, which really annoyed me. I decided to go anyway and worked my butt off to pay for everything. Despite the challenges, I finished my degree and started my residency.

My sister just finished high school and got into this pricey private college, living on her own with our parents' full support. I've kinda made peace with their favoritism, keeping my distance since I barely see them - living in a different city and all. So, when I visited recently, my sister shocked me by suggesting we go to therapy together. I thought it might help us patch things up, but the therapist ended up blaming me for all my sister's issues, saying I needed to step back for her mental health. I got seriously pissed, confronted the therapist, and, of course, my sister and parents took her side, leaving me fuming.

Since I believe what the therapist did was unethical, I filed a complaint against the her, thinking it was the right thing to do. Turns out, it's not as anonymous as I thought, and now my parents are begging me to withdraw it, claiming it'll hurt the person who was apparently "helping their princess." I had enough and hightailed it out of there, driving six hours back to my place, still seething and feeling like I could've handled the whole mess better.

Now, I can't say I'm not feeling like shit. I hate this situation, and while I don't feel like all I did was undeserving, maybe I should have handled it differently. So, Reddit, AITA?

Note: I'm not on the US or Europe.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Backupakcount on 2023-09-29 18:56:45.

For some context I(46M) was married to my ex-wife Ida(46F) for 21 years before she cheated and remarried to her now dick of a husband Dan(48M). We have 4 kids together. Henry(28M), Zach(26M), Cam(25M) and Rory(15F). This situation only really involves Rory.

Since My boys were teens/young adults when we divorced they got to choose who they lived with. Rory on the other hand didn't. I have Rory most of the time I pay for her schooling, medical, extra curriculars, ect. While Ida and Dan get her every other Holiday and don't really pay for stuff. Well For the 4th of July Rory went over to Ida and Dan's then stayed there until about a week before school started. Rory confided in me that the whole time she was there She couldn't really do anything fun and was stuck watching her younger siblings while Dan and Ida went out. She told me she felt like a babysitter more than a daughter, which hurt my heart for Rory, since she was really excited to see her mother. She also told me she'd like to stick with visits again and not staying for a whole month or 2.

Well about 2nights ago I got a call from Ida, she seemed happy and started talking about Rory and how she liked it there. She continued to ramble a bit before asking for me to ask Rory about staying another month. I laughed which caused Ida to be mad and she hung up. Dan texted me calling me an ass for laughing at her, and my brother said it was kind of mean to do. AITA??

(Edit: I honestly didn't mean to laugh, I don't know why I did.)

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Weekly-Ad-4794 on 2023-09-28 00:36:40.

Our 10yo son had a scheduled physical yesterday that was made a few months ago. My son made it perfectly clear he did not want his mom in the examination room, just me.

Something came up yesterday and I asked her if she could take Liam and I'd be like 20 minutes late. She could leave or wait in the waiting room when I arrived. She said okay.

When I arrived, neither my son nor my ex was there. I asked the front desk if they ever came and she looked confused. She said Liam came in with his dad and they were waiting for the doctor. I said, well I'm the dad. I asked if she meant my son's stepdad Chris. She said that makes sense and explained a lot (Liam and Chris look nothing alike).

They told me to go to exam room 5 and the doctor was having my son do some squating thing and sure enough, there was Chris.

I whispered to Chris thanks for dropping Liam off and then there was there super cringe awkward moment when the doctor asked my son to pull down his underwear in front of us. My son's drawstring wouldn't untie and Chris instinctively tried to untie it but couldn't. So he just pulled his pants and my son almost fell down and Chris looked at me and shrugged and joked "well it's not anything I haven't seen. I've been his stepdad for awhile. I've bathed him and Charlie (my son's stepbrother) together."

Then he told my son who looked uncomfortable and said "it's okay. We're all guys in the room. I actually got to go too." Then he left. It was weird. I told my son that's not how physicals usually work out and I'm sorry I was late. He didn't say anything which is unlike him. He did ask to stay at my house (he is with his mom Monday through Wednesday and me the rest of the week).

I told him I'd ask his mom. I did call her and she wanted to know why. I said he's had a rough day. Leave it at that. And you should had told me you weren't going to make this appointment instead of Chris. She asked if something happened with Chris and I said no something happened with you not communicating with me. It mattered. She said she got stuck on a work call. I said so what? You could had texted me.

Chris texted me this morning and said he wanted to take Liam and the rest of the kids out for ice cream after school. I knew he was trying to make up for what happened. I called him and said Liam is actually mad at you still but he will forgive and forget. But don't blame yourself, blame your wife.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/monstargaryen on 2023-09-27 23:16:52.

I’m a single income, no kids uncle. My siblings want me to change my house around to make it kid-friendly so they can bring their young kids over/leave them with me.

I love my family but my house is my sanctuary. I want my stuff as it is. I don’t want to hide away all my fragile or dangerous stuff, cushion sharp edges, gate away stairs and make it kid-friendly. Instead i watch their kids occasionally at my siblings’ places or take their kids out on my own dime.

No one in my family has demanded I comply, shouted or anything like that - they’re just hurt and feel put off.

I stated my case courteously and they said they understood but I know they are disappointed in me and feel my decision prioritizes myself over their kids. Which in truth is the point. I won’t sacrifice my comfort and pleasure in my home so their young kids (under 10) can drop in anytime.

Am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Appropriate_Glove801 on 2023-09-27 21:49:59.

It is getting to be the rainy season where I work. It will rain for the next four or five months. Daily.

I was packing up my stuff to take to work and I was packing my boot dryer. My wife said she was hoping I could leave it at home since they need it too. I was interested do I asked why she needed it. She said that she does lunch supervision once a week and that our son shovels snow.

I proceeded to ask if this lunch supervision soaked her boots for ten hours a day for weeks on end and that the same question went for my son and his apparently constant snow shoveling.

She said no and that I was making her feel stupid and useless by pointing out that I actually need the boot dryer to be comfortable at my job.

I feel bad if I actually made her feel this way but I think an adult should be able to understand that stuff without being told.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bleachdyeproblem on 2023-09-27 21:48:45.

Original Post-

I met with Zoe yesterday afternoon and we talked things over. I pointed out a lot of things that were brought up in the comments and presented them as the concerns of me and a couple of friends of mine, and not the concerns of the millions that saw it online. Turns out, she was part of those millions. Someone sent her one of tiktoks that my Reddit post was read in and she has been thinking about things.

She told me she felt a little embarrassed about this all being out there online, even if nobody knew who we are, and I apologized. I explained that I really didn’t have many people who weren’t involved in the wedding to speak with about this, and I needed the advice. She also apologized, and said that she realizes now that the bleaching was a completely out of line request. She said that since she’s only bleached her hair once, and because she’s naturally blonde to begin with, she didn’t know anything about the process for bleaching dark hair and didn’t know it would be so difficult, take so long, and could cause so much damage. She said looking back knowing what she knows now, she feels like she was a huge bitch. I reassured her that she wasn’t a bitch, she was just uneducated and passionate about something, and we clashed. We hugged it out, and things are good now.

About the wigs, there will be none. She’s scrapping the group blonde idea. I convinced her that she would stand out far better if her whole bridal party wasn’t blonde and that dark hair (and red hair) would work amazingly with her winter theme. The contacts are also being scrapped unless any of us decide we want to use theme. They’re a very piercing blue and kind of cool looking.

About the grandparents, Zoe said Frank’s family in Argentina isn’t of German descent, so nothing to wonder or argue about. She was however horrified when she put all those pieces together and thought about how it looked. She had really been thinking Elsa vibes, not Aryan Nation vibes, and that embarrassed her more than the story being out there by itself. She didn’t even know Nazis fled to South America after WWII.

Zoe has officially messaged everyone in the bridal party to let them know about the change of plans and to apologize for the outburst and the stress this put on everyone. She’s also very excited for us all to come up with a new hair/makeup look and to go dress shopping. Also, those who asked if the groomsmen were being held to the same standard, I don’t know, and after finally getting this whole fiasco over with, I didn’t care to ask.

Zoe and I have made up and everything’s fine now. Sorry if this update wasn’t the crazy story everyone was looking forward to!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/omgicantspeak on 2023-09-27 20:47:53.

For years, my coworkers have been making comments on my body and weight. For about three years, I was a bit overweight, by about 20 lbs/9 kg overweight at 5’8”/173 cm.

For some reason, this invited all kinds of shaming and nasty comments from my coworkers, despite some of them being significantly chubbier than I was for their height and build. I never would make comments on their bodies, and would generally just awkwardly smile or say “oh”. I’d get comments about how fat I was all of the time, for years.

Recently, I’ve lost some weight. 34 lbs/15 kg. I now weigh 150 lbs at 5’8”, or 68 kg at 173 cm. This is a perfectly normal weight for a woman of my height.

Now, guess what. At first, my coworkers were all asking how I’ve been losing weight, asking if I’m taking medication (no but it’s none of their business), what exactly I’m eating. One of them, who is obviously obese, but is 4’9”/155 cm keeps pointing out how huge and chunky I was before and now I’m not.

According to my coworkers now I’m too thin, they’re asking why I’m skinny, “my face was more beautiful before”, and I look “sick.”

I’ve been getting these kinds of comments regularly for the past few weeks but yesterday they crossed the line by saying that I look sick, and deliberately telling me that I need to stop. Another obese coworker who is 4’9”/155 cm started giving me diet advice, told me to eat my normal diet because I’m exercising more now and to regain weight.

It was the last straw yesterday. I am a quiet girl who has never raised my voice ever before at work. I stood in the center of the kitchen, and yelled

“Everyone, needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP about my body. No one, should be talking about my fucking body. I’m never enough for any of you, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. All of you, need to SHUT THE FUCK UP”

The whole place went quiet, I walked away for a bit, and then apologized for my language. One told me, they are concerned for me. The same woman said I was fat a year ago.

I told them it’s none of their business and I’m never enough for them, and those kinds of comments are inappropriate at work regardless despite of intent. One tried to spin it as compliments and I said, regardless of intent it’s inappropriate and I don’t want to hear about it.

I snapped. I finally snapped. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DibsOnThisNameOk on 2023-09-27 20:35:14.

I know this might be a bit more tame or silly than most posts here, but I just wanted to know what everyone else thinks.

Me and my 2 roommates had pizza for dinner last night, my treat. I was the first one to grab my slices, 2 of them, and grabbed the biggest slices since it looked like they sliced it a bit weird. Now, I (25F), can eat the 2 slices just fine and with the cheese bread we got with it, it's a nice sized meal for me.

My roommates B (26F) and H (28M) came to the kitchen shortly after to grab their peices and to thank me for buying dinner. H saw the 2 slices I had before he opened the box and said "Wow, did you get the XL pizza?" and when he opened the box he got a disappointed look and his shoulders drooped. When I asked what's wrong, he started saying in a depressed tone "these peices are all smaller, I'm the biggest person here so I should have gotten the biggest peices honestly..."

I said "No, I bought the pizza so I get to pick my slices first, and I wanted these ones." To which he replied that I was throwing the fact that I bought it in everyone's faces and that was a shitty thing to do. He then said "since you got more pizza I should get more cheese bread to make it even". I then replied that no, we each get equal amount of peices of the bread. B was quiet through it all like she didn't care and just grabbed her food and sat in the livingroom.

Was I being shitty?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitapetrules on 2023-09-27 20:13:34.

My husband and I have 2 daughters that have pets. Mila (20) adopted a puppy 3 years ago and Lea (16) adopted a cat last year.

Before they were able to adopt their pets, they both had to get a job and do research on what is required to take care of their pets. We are also only willing to pay $30 per month for the dog and $20 for the cat. We will also match what they put into an emergency account for the pets or pay for pet insurance up to $75 a month. Everything else is on them. They both had to sign a “contract” saying that they are responsible for any damage their pets caused, they are responsible for making sure it has food and water and gets enough exercise, as well as cleaning up after their pets. It says that if they can’t meet these standards their pets will be rehomed.

Mila’s dog, Ollie, has a very comfortable life. He has a cabinet full of toys, nicer kibble and wet food, and even outfits. Mila pays a little over $250 a month between Ollie’s food, toys, treats, wardrobe, pet insurance, and emergency fund. She also pays another $200 a month for him to have a dog walker.

Lea’s cat, Sunny, eats a more basic food and treats, doesn’t have pet insurance, and Lea only puts $15 a month aside for him. Lea constantly complains that we favor Mila because Ollie is more spoiled than Sunny.

Mila and I both tutor at the house. The rule has always been that animals are out of the common areas when we have a student that can’t be around animals. We always let them know in advance and it’s no more than a couple hours. If you refuse to take your pet from a common space and we lose that student, we consider the tutoring fees damage that the pet owner has to pay until that spot is filled by a new student. Lea really struggles with this. She says it’s unfair to lock her cat in the room and that it’s not her responsibility to pay for a kid not being able to be near her cat.

Mila has been doing small groups tutoring. 4 kids per group, 2.5 hours at a time, 2 days a week at $75 per kid per lesson.

She had a student that couldn’t be around animals. She told Lea about it before the kid came and Lea said she’d put her cat in her room before leaving for work. She “forgot” 3 lessons in a row and Mila ended up losing the student. Mila and I talked to her multiple times about her needing to put her cat away but she kept refusing. When Mila lost the student, I told Lea that she was responsible for paying the fee until that spot was filled. It took 3 weeks and Lea had to drain her savings to pay Mila the $450. Now Lea is saying it’s unfair and that we favor Mila and Ollie over her and Sunny.

Am I the asshole for making Lea pay Mila $450

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Apprehensive_Sir668 on 2023-09-27 20:11:43.

My sister had a baby, I was super happy for her obviously, and a couple weeks after baby was born she comes to me asking if I can help pay for the babies stuff (Food, diapers, hygiene products) and obv she just had a baby & she’s my sister so I help her no questions asked. A detail i can’t leave out is that My sister(26) is wealthy. Not like a millionaire But she has a lot of money to spend and a lot of money saved. I(24), am poor, not homeless, but Most goes to bills, rent, I’m living in a trashy apartment, two jobs, you get it.

So I’m buying her whatever she needs for the kid, when she needs more I get more, even taking care of her kid whenever she or her husband can’t, and I really didn’t have a problem with it. That was until a family get together, and she’s showing off her babies expensive room (canopy crib, decked out in decorations and toys all that stuff) and once again, didn’t pay much attention to it. Unfortunately I got a little alcohol in my system and asked about it. “ Hey why am I paying for baby essentials while your buying all this for her? “, something like that, and she immediately gets defensive, saying stuff how she doesn’t want her kid to have a boring “babyhood”. I say the same thing again, “ Totally get it, but if you have money for all this technically unimportant stuff(the extreme amount of decorations) why am I paying for all this stuff “, and we go back n fourth. I find the fact that she’s buying all of this unnecessary stuff for a baby while I’m stuck paying for things the kid actually needs, of course I want the kid to have toys, but everything else?

She leaves and everyones looking at me like I grew another head. I get whispers, nasty looks, my mother saying I’m horrible for not wanting to help my sister(which isn’t what I even said in our argument) and I just go. Of course we get over it not even 2 days later, I go back to buying stuff, watching her kid. Another thing, I have to take days off work for her kid, so not only am I not getting money from my jobs, I’m not getting any type of money from her. So because of that, I have to work 2x more then what I did before, and rents close.

I’m watching her kid, she gets home, kids asleep. I say “ I can’t do this anymore, I’m stressed out with my jobs and rent is due soon, unless you can pay me some money back for all this, I can’t do it. “ and bam, shit storm. I don’t wanna get specific but the whole thing ends with her saying if i don’t care about her kid i can leave, I love her lil baby, but I can’t get evicted, so I left. It didn’t even take 24hrs for me to get multiple texts, calls, all calling me names, saying I’m a horrible sister. a week later and I’m still getting sarcastic and rude messages from my sister. I’m stressed out, and my brains in scrambles. Am I the asshole for all this?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Basic_Sun_2401 on 2023-09-27 18:44:55.

My brother in law got married recently and my mother in law came to the city for the wedding (she lives in another state), and it's staying with me (29f) and my husband (32m) in our apartment for a while.

We don't have any problems with her, she respecsts our individual routines and helps with the house. The thing that resulted in a discussion was our food, or in her words, the lack of. We have pre-prepared meals for the week and we keep only stuff like ceral, fruits and snacks stored. She is used to prepare fresh meals everyday for herself and was really worried for our diet when she found out we don't cook everyday.

I told her we keep in check what we eat and we take time to exercise together during the week, but she insisted that fresh meals are better so she started to make them. The thing is, she also wanted to go out, know the city, visit friends, so she started to ask my husband to cook for us. I told him it wasn't necessary, but his mother insisted and now he is cooking 3 meals for him and his mom everyday. He works from home so it's not the worst thing, but he had to stop with his hobbies like playing video games and volleyball so that he had time for his mom.

I started to go out with my friends after work so that I don't have to prepare dinner for them, because I knew that if I was in the house she would ask me to. My husband asked why I'm getting home late and I told him. He wasn't happy. He said that it's unfair that I'm getting to do something I enjoy while he has to be his mom personal cheff. I told him that he could just not do it and tell his mom that he is uncomfortable with the situation, but he said I'm being an asshole to them because cooking once a day for his mom should not be that much of a problem. I still think that having to prepare an entire different meal for them after a full day of work it's not something I want to do, but now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here.

EDIT: The wedding was two weeks ago, she arrived on Friday as the wedding was Saturday morning. She is staying with us since and she didn't gave us a date to go home, she said she would stay with us for about a month or less. And me and my husband are the ones that make the pre-prepared meals. We bought what we will need on Saturday and prepare them Sunday. We were not planning on having her over, she asked us if she could stay with us during the wedding party and we had the "food discussion" as soon as she arrived in our house. I still prepare my meals for the week.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SatanSTier on 2023-09-27 18:27:44.

I went through the Starbucks drive thru, the guy on the speaker said "Hi, how are you?". I went straight into my order without even thinking about it. He then interrupts me and says "HI, HOW ARE YOU?" I say it back, and he says "See? This is how humans talk. Now what can I get for you?" I put in my order, then drive up to the window. He says " I know you're probably not happy with how we talked at the speaker, but I was trying to get you to be present and treat me as a human". Irritated, I told him flat out "I don't know you, I'm not here to have a fucking conversation with you. I'm here to get my coffee and go, I'm sorry if what I did offended you but you could at least be more professional then this" We went back and forth angrily, and he eventually said "Go fuck yourself, let me get your coffee". He gives me the coffee, we go back and forth a bit more, saying the same shit. I called him fragile, he said he doesn't give a fuck about me at the end of the day , then I drove off.

AITA? Yeah, I could've at the very least humored his "hi how are you" but I know I'm not a uniquely rude person for getting straight into my order. I've worked at a drive thru and that shit happens all the time. I've NEVER seen anyone take it so personally as much as this guy.

TL:DR Guy at the drive thru speaker says "hi, how are you?" I went right into my order, he took offense to me not saying hi back and we argued at the window.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Meglet-J on 2023-09-27 15:58:14.

My daughter is in college and is having a hard time being away from home. She has been approved for an emotional support animal and called me the other day to tell me she is bringing “her” dog to college with her. I say “her” dog because my husband and I got her the dog for Christmas 3 years ago. She did good for the first 6 months of his life but then in true kid fashion, lost interest and didn’t take care of him anymore. I stepped in and basically raised the dog. I get up with him at 6am to let him out everyday. I pay for the vet bills and food. I take him outside multiple times a day so he gets exercise… Her first excuse was that she needed an emotional support animal and I complain about him sometimes so she wanted to take the burden off of me. I told her no because I feel like he would be miserable living in a dorm and that she would be too busy to properly care for him. He is a very active dog and barks a lot. She then flipped out on me and started accusing my husband of being abusive to children and animals and that’s the reason why she wants to take the dog. Not true by the way. When that didn’t work she went to my mom and dad and was nasty to them and made my 76 year old mother cry. On her birthday! When I didn’t give in again she resorted to threatening to steal him while we aren’t home. I called the college and explained the temperament of the dog to them and they agreed that he wouldn’t be a good fit for the campus. Now she won’t talk to me and is ignoring everyone else in the family. Am I the asshole for not letting her take the dog with her?

Edit: I guess I should have said he raised his voice at her. Only after she would be disrespectful and it happened a handful of times in the span of 11 years. I shouldn’t have said he yelled because people are taking it out of context. He did yell at my son and my son yelled back. They both blew up at each other 8 years ago when my son was 11 and had a bad attitude. They have been fine ever since.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/catchawaythrowclose1 on 2023-09-27 20:27:42.

I'm 40 (F), and my husband is 38 (M) and we have two toddlers. I work full time and then some. He has a small inheritance that he initially kept secret. After going through therapy, he finally admitted it's about $100,000 plus a classic car worth $60,000. His attitude towards money has always been "my money is my money, your money is our money," which has frustrated me, and I regret not establishing clearer boundaries from the beginning.

In his 20s, he earned a degree in Film Studies but hasn't pursued a meaningful career. He's always had a more laid-back, hippie-like lifestyle, enjoying music, tattoos, and spending time with friends. In contrast, I grew up in poverty and have always prioritized working and making money.

I work full time plus a side job 10 hours a week and he has taken care of the kids. I've set some boundaries, such as asking him to contribute to the mortgage, and he went to his grandmother who has been covering his share (about 20% of the mortgage).

I'm feeling increasingly exhausted from working all week and picking up extra shifts on weekends to support our family. After being together for four years and now married, I insisted that he choose a career. He's finally decided to go to grad school to become a teacher, which I'm happy about. However, I'm also frustrated that his future salary, after childcare costs, will only add about $10,000 to our finances. I had hoped he would choose a higher-paying career to help with our bills.

He has a sentimental classic car inherited from his grandfather, worth approximately $60,000. I previously suggested selling it to invest in an income property, which he perceived as an attempt to take his inheritance. He becomes defensive and closes off whenever I bring up the car and his inheritance.

Our financial conversations have always been challenging, and when I attempt to set boundaries, he dips into his savings to cover expenses instead of discussing budget adjustments. He's made statements like "my friends think it's ridiculous that you want me to pay for things," and he's accused me of being the cause of my stress due to my spending habits.

Recently, during an argument, I expressed my frustration, calling it childish for him to have his grandmother pay his "rent" at 38 years old. He retorted by reminding me that I didn't object to cashing those checks. In response, I told him that starting next month, he would be responsible for half of the bills, regardless of his school status. I assured him that I wouldn't ask him to do laundry or cooking, and I'd take care of the kids half the time (we currently have a nanny while he's in school). I feel this arrangement would make everything completely equal. He claimed he couldn't afford it, to which I replied that I didn't care and threatened to initiate divorce proceedings if he refused to contribute.

AITA for setting this hard boundary with my husband and requesting him to pay for half of the bills?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Serious_Affect_6199 on 2023-09-27 19:51:03.

My sister is living with me at the moment. Her husband cheated on her and kicked her out. They are in the middle of a very messy divorce and she was pregnant when that went down. We made a nursery out of my office for her.

She gave birth about three months ago and the baby didn’t make it. The problem is that I need my office back and since the nursery isn’t being used I asked to covert it back about a month ago. It didn’t go well so we kept it there. She isn’t going back to work now since she quit.

This makes the problem of the office even worse, before I could work on the kitchen table but I can not concentrate at all since she is always bothering me when working. It’s affecting my job. She would have been back to work by now if she don’t quit and the baby would have been watched by mom at this time.

I asked again to get my office back it didn’t go well, she got in an argument and she thinks I am a horrible person. So WIBTA. I need an office back and it is my home

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Limp_Hyena_9825 on 2023-09-27 18:10:55.

I (38m) pay all the expenses of the house (food, utilities ect.) and my wife is a stay at home mom. While I was packing my kids' lunches, I told her that I'm thinking about getting a new car since mine is almost 20 years old. She told me I shouldn't buy things I don't need even though I have more than enough to afford it. I told her a car is a necessity since I have an hour commute everyday but she insisted that I don't get a new car. After a while of back and forth I asked her why she cared so much if I have more than enough money and she responded with "you won't have as much money to spend on me and the kids." That really set me off since she didn't work I did a lot of the chores around the house. I told her she has no say what I do with my money since she brings in no income and doesn't help much around the house. She said she did almost everything around the house which was a complete lie. As of right now I make sure the kids get to school on time and make sure they do their homework and most of the house chores. The only thing she really does is cook and clean the kitchen. We have a lawn service for outdoor maintenance but she wants me to cancel that and do it myself to save money as well. Ever since that argument shes been ignoring me and I feel I may have overstepped a little bit, AITA?

Edit: The tittle has a typo, "being" is supposed to be bring in.

Edit 2: I talked to her about her needing to do more chores around the house if she doesn't want to work but she said that wasn't fair because she always did only the kitchen so I don't really know what to do anymore.

Final edit: Turns out she didn't want me to get a car is because she bought herself expensive jewelry without talking to me first. Thanks for the input everyone but I'm strongly considering divorce after this.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/gabriel2450 on 2023-09-27 17:10:24.

Unexpected Wifi sharing with Landlord and family

I am feeling guilty and greedy for changing the password on my wifi and removing all the devices. Am I wrong?

I currently rent a room within a family household. When I moved in, they allowed me to use their wifi, their wifi turned out to be super slow for my gaming, and school needs so I asked my landlord if I could get my own wifi service since theirs was to slow. He agreed. I got a 400 mbps plan and have been enjoying great speeds since then. A month ago I went on a month long vacation and around the middle of it I got a message from the wife saying that there had been a power outage for a few days and that they had no wifi access so she asked if they could use mine. I said sure and gave her my password due to their situation. When I got back yesterday, I noticed they were still connected to my wifi, and they had also connected every household device of theirs to my wifi (about 7 devices) to include their of age son’s PS5.

I feel bummed out about removing them from my wifi, I know 400 mbps is a lot for myself. What ticks me off a little bit is the son is near my age, works too and was piggybacking off my wifi. Am I wrong?

They are super nice people and I know their intentions weren’t bad, I just wish when I got back they had told me they were still connected or told me they would like to go half and half on the bill. Should I apologize to them?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ApprehensiveGoat2760 on 2023-09-27 14:57:40.

Bit of a long story so bear with me.

I (32f) am marrying my longterm boyfriend (34m) in February next year. We've been engaged and planning the wedding for about two years now. Part of the reason we've had such a long engagement is that he's Irish Catholic and I'm English protestant (Anglican). He's not remotely religious (I am though), but his family are very devout. His grandma (who he is extremely close to) in particular really wanted him to get married in their local church.

Anyway, we went to speak to the priest about it and he told us it's possible for us to marry without me converting, you just need to ask the bishop for permission, however, at the same time he asked if I'd be interested in converting. My family history is that my dad's family is Catholic (from Liverpool), but my mum's family is Anglican.

Anyway, long story short, I thought about it and decided to do the conversion course and convert. It started a year and a half ago and I finished it this April.

A few months ago I was at home for a big family BBQ and a cousin on my dad's side (who was never Christened or baptised) was telling me she was thinking about starting to go to church etc. I started telling her about this course I'd done (which is also for people new to the church) and my experience of it etc.

I have two aunts on my mum's side, and one of them (who was hammered at this point), overheard and said, "You're a catholic now? Isn't it bad enough you're marrying one?"

I was totally speechless for a second, and my dad's very much a conflict-resolution sort of person so he tried to make a joke out of things by saying, "Like mother like daughter", but I'm not a conflict-resolution sort of person so I asked her what the hell she meant by that.

She started ranting about the 70s and my mum had to almost physically pull her inside. It's worth noting that her husband, her other sister, her husband and their kids were all there (all adults), but not one of them said anything to shut her up. In fact they were actively excusing her by saying things like "She's just had too much to drink." And my other aunt even asked me again why I'd converted in quite a harsh voice.

I didn't answer but I did say that if they felt so strongly about it then they can just not come to the wedding. My dad managed to change the conversation at that point (again with a joke, bless him), and the subject didn't come up again)

The day after I was talking to my mum about it, who was also trying to keep the peace by saying that it's just a touchy subject for them (it fucking isn't, they're just dicks). I told her I didn't care if it was touchy, they couldn't say that sort of thing and I was uninviting that side of the family from the wedding.

I think they thought I was joking but the invites went out last week and they're furious that I've cut them out of the wedding over "a bit of banter."

AITA? It was maybe a bit severe not to invite any of them, but not one of them stood up to my aunt and disagreed.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRAonit on 2023-09-27 18:20:07.

Right now, the situation that my wife and I are facing is that, our daughter Dana(17F) weighed in at 233lb(5'9) when she was at her last doctor's appointment. She hated the whole process of getting weighed, people seeing the number, and hearing from her doctor she was too heavy.

Since the appointment, I've tried to slowly implement healthy changes, like asking her to cook with me, offering to go on walks, looking for other activities she might have interest in.

My wife has discouraged this, simply telling me Dana isn't interested and I should drop it. I asked her what her solution was. Her solution is to just weight until Dana decides she's ready to change. My case was that, the weight loss struggle is hard enough, and it will be much harder if her epiphany doesnt come for another 50-100 pounds. I told my wife that her plan was not a plan of success, and unrealistic. She argued that my plan will only cause rebellion.

To my wife, asking Dana on walks is pointless, as is seeing if she wants to cook because she doesn't like exercise or most healthy food. Her idea is to keep things as they are: Let Dana have as many unhealthy snacks as she wants, go buy her bigger and bigger pants and shirts as she outgrows what she has( an issue we've faced a lot over the past few years especially).

My wife tells me it was very upsetting when i told her her ideas were unrealistic

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ehhhjustlisten on 2023-09-27 17:59:51.

My daughter is semi non-verbal. She is 3 and can say “Mama” and “Dada”. But she mostly says sounds like “ehhh” when trying to communicate. I bring her to work with me because she is very behaved and quiet (because she is semi- nonverbal). I work at outdoor events like Farmers markets or festivals. I set up my stand, and I have a little table and chair for her “stand” too. She puts her toys out and works her booth like me. It’s cute and other kids go to her booth and play with her. This particular time, she had some busy toys and a bubble maker wand she just brought back from the beach.

She doesn’t mind any of the kids playing with them, but then 2 boys maybe around 8/9 came and were roughing up the toys. They were banging the wand on the table and my daughter was saying “Mama, ehh ehh ehh”.

I asked them to please play nice with my daughter’s toys and they yelled No. I said okay then, I am going to put them away until they leave. They said it’s their toys now and ran.

I ran after them with my daughter in my arms, and a woman came out of know where and grabbed my arm. She screamed “what the hell do I think I’m doing chasing her sons”. I told her to never touch me and her sons were stealing my daughter’s toy. She said I am a grown adult and I shouldn’t chase children, and her sons can play with that toy if they want to. I said I had no issue with them playing with it until they started banging it on the table and said they wouldn’t give it back.

She said “well, they can continue playing with it and will return it when they are done.”

I said that doesn’t work for me and I took the toy back from her son’s hands and walked away. I heard her call me a fucking bitch as we’re walking.

My sister thinks it was wrong for me to take the toy back. But I honestly was frustrated and wanted done with her and kids. We put the toys away until after we saw she left .

Am I the asshole or fucking bitch?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ecanem63 on 2023-09-27 17:22:49.

My best friend since childhood and my relationship is under turmoil. He had bought a new home and asked me to come over to watch the game. Granted him and his wife (who I've also been friends with for years) don't always see eye to eye, particularly with my use of Marijuana. I used to smoke on their balcony but she asked me to stop out of fear her neighbors would notice and she'd get a lease infraction at their apartment. I started vaping instead when I'd come over and she asked me to stop because it was inappropriate around kids. I decided to smoke before coming over but she complained about the weed smell so I resorted to edibles this time. I came in and set my bag down, pulled out a cookie and ate a quarter of one and put the rest back. As we watched the game, her 5 year old got into my bag when no one was looking and pulled out the cookie and took a bite. My best friend and his wife scolded her for going into my bag but I had to admit to them it was a weed cookie. Chaos ensued. The wife started freaking out as my best friend started raising his voice. The chaos caused the kid to start crying and that freaked the mom out even more. My best friend told me to leave as his wife was crying saying we have to go to the hospital. Neither of them smoke so I know it was an overreaction. Bad but not life threatening. My best friend later called me and said I need to show up to the hospital and help explain because he was paranoid of having cps called on him. The thing is, I had eaten the whole cookie by then because of the stress and was in no condition to drive or communicate in that kind of setting so I said no. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top-Context3526 on 2023-09-27 16:25:44.

One of my (F24) friends, Anna (F24) had a baby around 6 months back. Our friendgroup is otherwise childless.

All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. Baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and its a baby. We tried to plan things around baby to include Anna but it always ended up badly. We shouldn't drink, cause Anna can't drink. We shouldn't be loud cause baby needs to sleep. Iceing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby.

Last weekend all of us went on a staycation. We had a great time and posted photos and videos on instagram. Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with. I tried telling her it was a last minute plan and we could only find a childfree resort so as to not hurt her feelings. She called my bluff sending me pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort.

She kept forcing me and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby.

I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn't. I finally told her its a baby and we are all young. We don't want to live our life around a baby she chose to have. That we get to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn't invited. If she left baby at home she can come too.

She got pissed off at me and called me a AH. She also sent a text in group chat saying she is disappointed in all of us for excluding her just because she is a mom.

Half of our friendgroup thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. Other half thinks she is unreasonable.

AITA for telling her the truth?

From comments : we have tried to communicate to her about adults only events before. Other than openly saying don't come if you have to bring your baby.

She refuses to leave baby with her boyfriend or babysitter. Even when we say an event is adults only, like a dinner we had a few weeks ago, she still brought her baby. Baby cried throughout the night earning us glares and we had to leave early.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Zealousideal-Time223 on 2023-09-27 15:49:31.

My daughter doesn’t apply herself, she is the type of kid that will schedule the easy classes. She is basically gliding by in highschool. She mentioned she wanted to follow in her aunts footsteps and be an engineer.

She is looking into her new classes ( three new ones) for the half part of the year and I looked over them. Now they were all fun easy classes. I asked if she still wanted to be an engineer and she said of course so I mentioned why she is not trying some math or workshop classes. She told me she didn’t need those.

I sat her down and went to multiple colleges that offer engineering and showed what classes she will need to take. A lot of math, circuits and just a lot of stem classes. I told her it’s a lot of work and she needs to step up now and take some extra Stem classes if she want to go into the field since she has no background at all at the moment.She got quiet and went to her room.

She doesn’t want to me an engineer anymore and my wife is pissed at me. I don’t know if I did anything wrong by telling her the reality of the her degree she wanted.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dull-Measurement225 on 2023-09-27 14:38:48.

So I(m36) currently have no job. I am a second year law school student. Some relevant background:

About 3 years ago my wife(f33) got a really good job opportunity so we moved to different country.

Before moving for my wife’s job i was a doctor. After moving, i decided to take a gap year, revaluate my goals and entered law school.

Additionally, i don’t really have to work. I’m the sole beneficiary of my grandparent’s trust. Plus while i was working i saved and invested smartly more than half my earnings until i got married.

So yesterday, all my courses were cancelled. Our 8yo daughter was going to a sleepover after school to work on a project. And the nany picks up the twins after kindergarten.

I basically had a free day and wanted to relax. Play some videogames, catch up on movies, etc.

Unbeknownst to me, my wife wanted to organize some sort of team building for her coworkers at our home since they finished a huge project.

I was fine with it. But since I wasn’t going to see them much i looked pretty unkempt and the house was mostly a mess, since the cleaning lady comes on Thursday

My wife doesn’t talk much about her personal life. And since this is a newer team they didn’t understand much about our finances.

So at some point I overheard one woman say something along the lines of: “What’s it like having a deadbeat husband?”

Look I’m not one to get mad at random insults. But I also dislike getting disrespected in my own home.

So while going to grab something from the kitchen i threw an off handed comment directed towards my wife’s coworkers: “What’s it like making less in a year than i do in a month?”

They were pretty red with embarrassment after my wife explained the situation.