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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/findingparrot on 2023-09-24 12:55:29.

I (22f) am I the youngest of 4 siblings (30m 28f 25f). My life was as normal as it could get. Normal parents who were supportive and sometimes had arguments etc etc. My two oldest siblings loved me but usually talked more with my other sis as she was more outgoing, talkative n all ( I am much more introverted and don’t like talking much). My sister (25f) n me never saw eye to eye though. We all always had fights but she would often say how I was adopted so I couldn’t relate to her n all. I always brushed it off as a joke cuz everyone says that to their siblings. Yesterday we had a family dinner for her birthday with my brother and my eldest sister. My other sis was talking about how her boyfriend had brought a bouquet of different types of daisies ( which picked out early in the morning to surprise her it seems) and how she was irritated that he didn’t spend on an elegent bouquet instead ( It wasn’t as professionally made) For context he has brought her other presents as well. I commented on how she should be happy he personally picked out flowers for her and she EXPLODED. She commented on how I’ll be sooo happy with something super cheap cuz that’s where I came from and I asked her what she meant. She started laughing and said that this is day was always meant to come and looked at my parents and told them to tell me how I was adopted. They and my siblings tried to shut her up but she just went on and on and I asked my parents if it was true. They just looked at each other and I got to know the truth. I told them to excuse my and just went back home. I couldn’t process how they hid it from me. I do not mind being adopted and don’t really care I’m not biologically theirs but the fact they hid it from me hurts. I got a text from my sis after 2 hrs on how I make all situations to be about myself and how I stole her limelight on her birthday. So Reddit AITA? I don’t feel like I am but my parents still haven’t responded to my texts. English also isn’t my first language.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Nephthys on 2023-09-24 12:25:02.

My husband (40M) and I (35F) have very different jobs. Basically, I make double than what he does and he argues that I should pay for takeaway food, especially because I am the wife and it is my role to cook. Therefore, if I cannot cook, then I should make up for it by paying for takeaways, since he already shares the split bill for food groceries (and rent). To give you a little bit of context, I have just taken on a new role at the start of this month, as a head of department, with 6 new members of staff and a lot of loose ends to tie from previous leadership. We both wake up at 4.30am and while he gets home at around 3.30 pm, I find myself arriving around 5.30pm on a light day.

His job involves food processing and while it is a laborious process, when he leaves his workplace, that’s the end of the day for him, whereas I come home and continue working from home (including weekends) until around 9pm, when I just pass out as I am too tired. For him, home time means 90% being on his phone/laptop watching videos and playing games, making coffees and smoking his cigarettes. I am not going to lie and say he never helps – he does clean the bathroom and hoovers occasionally (once a month) and does the dishes (not without complaining though).

Now it has come to the point where a few months ago, while he had one too many drinks, he told everyone at the table that he was ‘investing all his money in my a*s’. This is when I started downloading every single receipt for grocery, phone bills, rent, Uber drives, takeaways, holiday accommodations, plane tickets, etc. all paid by me. His argument is that some of those trips were things that I wanted to do or see (which is why I never reproached anything to him); however, the fishing trip that he wanted so much also came out of my own pocket and I never asked him a dime for it.

Last month, as we were mostly on holiday, he only contributed with around $200 towards monthly expenses with rent, food and bills, which again, I did not complain about, as I knew that he wasn’t paid for most of that month. But now, once he is working, he is refusing to give me anything that is beyond rent, bills and groceries, stating that I am the woman of the house and it is my job to do the cooking. I told him that I am spread thin these days until everything is more streamlined with everything at work, and that maybe he could cook every now and then or heat some ready-made food (microwave or oven), but he asked me what was the point of him getting married if he was going to do the cooking himself?

So, AITA for wanting the bills to be shared equally, if both of us are eating? Also, not one single time when I asked him about ordering, did he mention the fact that I would have to pay for all of it. In certain instances, he was even the one asking me to order food.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DiligentComposer3047 on 2023-09-24 10:34:23.

Hi All.

I am mixed race (white mother, black father) while my husband is white. My daughter "Katie" (16) looks a lot like me, but her skin and hair are much lighter and she is usually assumed to be white, whereas I'm obviously mixed. We live in a mostly white area which is quite right wing, though not openly racist.

Something happened at school last week and I was called in. There's a girl at the school who moved from another country. Katie and several other girls filmed themselves imitating her language/accent, throwing her food on the floor and calling her a "disgusting foreign c*nt".

When the teachers sat me down and showed me what she did I was enraged. This is being recorded as a racist incident. While this is the right thing to do, I'm concerned what impact this would have on her future. She's not sure what she wants to do next, but she has high grades across the board so has a lot of options. If this incident stays on file it could affect her chances of getting into somewhere good.

I pointed out that both me and Katie are mixed race, and while that doesn't mean she can't be racist, I've taught her a lot about the things I experienced when I was growing up and why any kind of racism is wrong. However, the teachers didn't accept this, and said the fact that Katie is mixed doesn't change the fact she behaved in a racist way.

Katie has been put in isolation at school, and we've taken away all electronics besides her laptop for school work.

My husband doesn't think it was right to use Katie being mixed race as an excuse for her. It wasn't an excuse at all. She deserves to be punished. I was just adding some context to explain that she is obviously not a racist person despite what she did.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mizoowse on 2023-09-24 06:33:32.

My nephew(13) was bitten by a stray dog on his way home from school. I have read that some countries are free of canine rabies but it is still an issue in my country. So when my nephew called me about the bite, saying his parents won't take him to the hospital, I freaked out. I usually don't interfere in their parenting but this was extremely serious and involved the risk of my nephew dying painfully so I called them.

They said they washed the wound thoroughly. I told them there is still a risk but they insisted that it's fine since they already cleaned the wound. That's when I sent them a few articles and a couple of videos of rabies victims showing symptoms to demonstrate what could happen to the kid. They took him to the hospital afterwards and got him started on the course.

Afterwards, my brother wasn't angry with me but my SIL said I could have just stopped at the articles instead of sending the disturbing videos.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/StopComprehensive138 on 2023-09-24 10:38:36.

Ok some backstory my brother got a girl pregnant basically right out of highschool and was disowned by my parents because he wanted to stay in the kids life instead of just paying monthly child support and going no contact. This lead to him dropping out of college and working full time to help support his girl friend and his future kid. So recently my parents have decided to retire and move to the Bahamas and they both left their companies to me which are worth a good chunk of change since I was already working for them. Anyway recently my nephew and his mom found out about this and inquired if they left their nephew anything.

I told them that my parents didn't want anything to do with her or her kid and didnt leave her anything(My brother passed away 5 years ago). I thought that was all that was there to it but she asked me if I would give her kid my brothers half of the inheritance. Some more context my parents didn't want my brother to have anything since believe he could make good decisions as the head of a company. I told her this and I assumed that was it since she left. Unfortunately a few days later she's been pestering me about "doing the right thing and giving the kid his share of his grandparents wealth" and has basically been being a massive nuisance.

edit for clarity- Its not legally inheritence i just called it that because thats basically what they did transferred the assets id get when the died to me a bit early since I dont know any other similar term

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throw_sis on 2023-09-24 10:30:24.

The people relevant to the story are me (26M), my wife Anne (26F) and my younger sister Jenny (18F).

I met Anne in middle school, when she moved to my hometown, and we immediately became best friends. The two of us dated, went to the same college, and last year, we got married. We were totally in love, and I never thought that there would be anything that would make me feel otherwise. I am very lucky to make £200,000 a year at this age, and only work around 30 hours a week, work from home. My wife makes is a teacher.

I was always very close with my sister, and my wife was too. Once we moved from my hometown to Birmingham, my wife and sister called almost every single day. My sister turned 18 last December, and had actually gotten a scholarship, so we were all excited. She aced her A levels, and graduated top of her class. She had been having pain in her limbs for some time, and then she was diagnosed with Stage 2 Leukemia some days after graduation. It was devastated for her. I hated that I couldn't be there.

A month ago, I answered my door to find her at my door, having travelled all the way up here on her own. Turns out, my absolutely garbage parents threw her out of their home, telling her (and I cannot believe this), that she was "too useless now" and their obligations ended when she turned 18.

I basically took care of her myself. Her health deteriorated very quickly in the span of a month. I of course tried to be there for her as much as I could, doing things like stroking her hair (which I always used to do when she was little).

The day before yesterday, at night, my sister was crying a lot, and told me that she was very scared that she was going to die. When I was going to go back to my bed, she begged me not to go, and that she was scared. I slept that night in the bed with her. Of course, it wasn't anything like sleeping with my wife- I was just there, not cuddling (which might be inappropriate.)

Yesterday, my wife sat me down and told me that she was "fed up" of me showing affection to my sister, and she said it was inappropriate. I asked her what her issues were, and agreed on me sleeping in the same bed being perhaps inappropriate. But then, she told me her boundaries- no holding hands, no stroking her hair, no kissing her forehead, and no telling her I loved her. I was of course asked her if she was mental. Then, she told me "if you want to keep committing incest, please marry her and let me go." I told her that I needed some time, so I didn't say anything I would regret. She didn't let me leave though, and told me to say that if I loved her, I would kick out my sister. I screamed at her "I don't love you anymore. I'll never love you again." She left, and now everyone is messaging me that she went to friends, and everyone hates her now. My wife did message me to tell me I am "the worst". I took my sister to the hospital just an hour later because she had a fever of 41 degrees, and she hasn't woken up yet. AITA for what I said?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Neat-Dog-5716 on 2023-09-24 10:32:29.

I (30M) have an 8 year old son with my ex-wife. During her second pregnancy I was still married to and thought the baby was mine. But then I learned she cheated and she had told the other guy that he was the father. I left the marriage and filed for divorce and when ex's son was born I took a DNA test which proved I was not the father to her younger son. We also did DNA on my son during the divorce. He is my biological son.

The divorce went through. I pay a small amount of child support to even things out at her house, because I earn more than my ex.

Ex was with this other guy for a few months of her son's life but then he was no longer around. Once he dropped out of the picture she tried crawling back to me. She said our son was lucky to have me and she'd love a dad for her second son. I told her she better go out and find a good man then and not cheat on him. She looked shocked and I told her she was delusional if she thought I would trust her again or want to raise her son as my own after what she did. She told me it would be better for the boys to be together always and that with a 4 year age gap they will never know the half stuff if she and I were to work together and raise them as "ours". I firmly said no and told her she needed to focus on finding someone else if she wanted to give her son a father figure.

Four years on and my ex did not find someone else and she still tries to push her son onto me. I had to bring her back to court to arrange a neutral place for us to do exchanges of our son because when I picked him up from her house, she would have her younger son ready and waiting to come with me. It became a problem and she refused to stop. So I thought meeting at some location for exchanges would help.

It worked for a small period of time but then Friday when I was picking my son up for my parenting time, she brought her younger son along and he had a bag packed and waiting to come with me. He walked over with my son and held his arms out like he wanted to be hugged/held and said he was coming too. He looked so happy. I felt bad because I was not going to bring him. I gently told him to return to his mom. Poor kid looked so confused. I left with my son quickly so no fight could ensue.

Ex started texting me late Friday night and all day yesterday saying I was a dick and I should have had my heart melt enough to let him come. She said I have proven to be an amazing dad to our son and she just wants the same for her son. Then she told me our son wanted his brother at my house and I was an ass for ignoring that too. I spoke to my son yesterday and he never asked for that or said he wanted it. He did say his mom told him to say he wanted his half brother at my house too and that he wanted me to be his half brother's daddy. But he didn't care. Ex's words get to me though. Maybe because I know her son doesn't really have anyone outside my ex and my son, and my son is more into friends than his half brother. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Outrageous_Date_1363 on 2023-09-24 05:47:36.

Now, I know just by reading that title, I obviously seem like the asshole, but just listen. I (24 F) am soon getting married to my fiancé (25 M) We sent out the invited s little over 3 months ago, and invited mostly close friends and family., all except for my aunt, let’s call her Linda. Now, to explain the title, when I was 3 years old I went hiking on a trail with my aunt, uncle, sister, and some friends. We stopped by a ledge with beautiful scenery to take pictures, and when my uncle said it was time to move on with the trail, I refused to leave because, well, I was a stubborn 3 year old. My uncle would have to drag me and right the second he would let go, I would rin back for no damn reason at all. Man I was a dumbass. The last time he pulled me, I ran as fast as I could because I was a 3 year old dumbass and fell 20 feet right into the lake below the ledge. The water was deep for me and I started crying in fear and everybody started panicking and trying to find away to get down, but Linda jumped right into the water. She jumped down to make sure I was okay and helped me get to safety. I adored her ever since, but that soon changed a couple years later. Ever since I came out as bisexual, she hasn’t even looked me in the eyes. She was a huge Christian and would call me slurs, mentally abuse me, guilt-trip me with stuff such as “I saved your life and you do this?”, locked me in my room with no bathroom, water, food, or anything, and tried to send me to a gay conversion camp, but nobody approved. She wouldn’t even take care of me when needed. I was only 13. Fast forward now, I was engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years and was over the moon thrilled. We sent out wedding invitations and the word spread around about my weddings, and Linda overheard and saw that she wasn’t invited. When I tell you this woman went BALLISTIC. I read and listened to each and every one of her texts and voicemails of her going on about how I was a disappointment to the family (even though i got into college and not her), how she dreamed about my wedding since I was a baby, and oh yeah, the guilt-tripping! I couldn’t take this anymore and blocked her on everything. My parents and sister were very upset with her and didn’t approve of her behavior at all. We just had our bachelorette party last week, and this woman somehow “invited” herself to it and had the AUDACITY to bring a gift. I immediately tried to kick her out but she manipulated everyone into letting her stay and ruined my whole evening. Everyone except for my parents, older sister, and family in law are treating me like I ATA. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA_HomeDecor on 2023-09-24 06:34:15.

My husband, formerly widowed (35M) and I (32F) have been together for 3 years, married for one. His late wife passed 7 years ago and they were high school sweethearts.

My husband and I met a few years after she passed and we had a great relationship. His former in laws also really liked me although it seemed they were a little possessive about my husband and their daughter’s memory, but I was considerate of their grief. So I didn’t mind that much.

I moved to my husband’s home that he once shared with his late wife and sold the one I bought. Now, since I was his wife, we both wanted the house to reflect our shared memories, our life together and our shared tastes. We were very excited to renovate and redecorate our walls, the floors and replaced all the furniture to compliment the new decor. I am also friends with an interior decorator and we used the money I got from the sale of my old house towards redecorating our home. It was a very romantic experience in a way. We put up our photos, paintings that I drew, new nameplate and stuff.

His late wife’s parents were visiting town to see some of their grand kids from his late wife’s brother who lives in the same city as us, and we invited them over for dinner. Immediately upon entering the home, their mood changed. The mother especially became very upset and almost aggressive. She started accusing me of erasing their daughter’s memory. I tried to be understanding and told them that we both undertook this project together to reflect the life WE share as a couple and that it was important for both of us to have a fresh start at life.

She became increasingly livid and told me that “It doesn’t look like she even lives here, why did you have to put the wedding photos away?” At this point I’ve had enough. I told her that her daughter does NOT live here. I do, we do. We are married and I’m so sorry she’s gone and she is hurting but this is MY house too and we can make it look like however we wish.

My husband and his former FIL tried to calm the situation down but she ran away with tears in her eyes. I feel terrible that she was hurt but is it really my fault? Am I not supposed to have a normal married life with my own HUSBAND? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/walkingdownthegay on 2023-09-24 05:15:26.

I'm 18f, I have a 3 year old son. I still live at home with my parents and younger sister, Jen, who is 15.

Anyone who's ever sat down to eat a meal with a toddler knows they take two bites of food and decide their full but will want half of literally anyone else's plate. This resulted in me throwing out a lot of food every since day, even though he'd eat half my plate.

I tried putting both our portions on the same plate and he then didn't want it, so I started only cooking for "myself", ie, my portion only, and he started eating, so now when I'm cooking for us, I only make one portion of everything and I pretend it's all mine.

My sister doesn't like this. She says it's stupid and lying to kids is wrong, and that he'll eat if he's hungry so I should stop warping his habits now while he's only small. I told her she doesn't know jack shit about toddler. She told our parents, who previously never paid much attention and now they both make us sit at the table and have dinner with them, which he of course only takes two bites of and they give out to me when I start to give him mine instead. They said they're going to do this until I start cooking for both of us

AITA for never cooking for my son and instead just myself?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/taAitaniecedoor on 2023-09-23 23:59:18.

I (M) was invited to spend last weekend with my brother and his family (wife and niece - 6 years).

It's the first time I visit him after he got married because I used to live in another country and now I live in a city relatively closer. As it wasn't possible to do back and forth, he invited me to sleep at his house on Saturday. His guest room is a suite. The stay was great, the wife is kind and my niece is adorable.

On Sunday, I went to take a shower and left my clothes on the bed, taking only my underwear. When I left, I was in my underwear (boxer) and going to get dressed. At the same time, without even knocking on the door, my niece came in to talk to me, the door was open and as soon as she saw me, she apologized and closed the door.

I just thought it was funny, but soon after, my brother came in angry saying that I should my bedroom door if I'm going to take a shower, because my niece wasn't obligated to see me like that.

I agreed and added "It's not my fault that she decided to open without knocking, I didn't expect that someone would open the door without giving me time to let me knoknow."

I didn't speak in a mocking tone, but just being sincere.

He didn't like it saying that this was creepy behavior especially if I'm in someone's house with children.

Well, the tense atmosphere didn't last long, because I was already leaving, but I'm really lost in this and to make it clear, the bathroom door was closed.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA_15698 on 2023-09-24 03:09:18.

I (25f) casually met again one of my highschool bullies (26m) on my way to my new workplace (He happens to work nearby). We hadn't seen each other since we were 17 y/o and the situation was pretty uncomfortable.

He bullied me back then. He wasn't the worst by far, but he laughed at what others said to me and teased me sometimes. On the other hand, he was very polite, even sweet with me when we were alone or his friends weren't nearby. I even recall him cupping my face in his hands. Obviously I didn't like him, but I did find him attractive and kinda enjoyed talking about soccer with him from time to time since we supported the same team.

Now that we have found each other again, after talking several times, he confessed that he really liked me back then. He said that I "was amazing and brilliant" and that he wasn't brave enough to act on his feelings because I feared people wouldn't understand him liking an "unconventional beauty". He states that he wanted to reach me after highschool but that he never dared because he felt guilty.

Then he apologized for laughing at me (Before letting me know that he "protected me" from his friends several times) and asked for my number. I refused to give it to him and told him I have a boyfriend now who has never feared what people think of him for being with me. Then I told him that if I see him on the street I will talk to him as my former classmate and that I forgive him, but nothing more. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Certain-Swimming-234 on 2023-09-24 02:48:40.

I (32m) am marrying the love of my life Yael (31f) next spring.

We live on the west coast. However, we’re having the wedding in Florida because that is where Yael’s grandparents and great-grandmother live. It’s important for us if they were there because they mostly raised her.

I have a larger family and I’m not not close most of them because they’re the worst.

One of my cousins (22nb) is pissed about this for obvious reasons. I get that the situation there is shitty. As I didn’t invite them, they don’t have to go if they don’t want to.

The cousin decides to try and put me on blast for the wedding location. I end up posting a rebuttal: I didn’t invite my cousin because of something they did four years ago.

Which was making a prank video where they trick my Jewish girlfriend (Yael) into eating pork. I still have the video saved as evidence of why my side of the family sucks.

I don’t want someone who pulled a stunt like that anywhere near my very Jewish in-laws. One of whom is a Holocaust survivor.

So I posted that and now everyone my cousin knew is turning against them. My cousin called me freaking out because their boss saw it and now they got “let go.” I replied that it sucks to suck and hung up.

I think I’m doing it right by protecting the people I call my family. But some of our friends I went overkill on the video since it cost someone their livelihood.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AcanthaceaeOk7563 on 2023-09-24 02:14:08.

Me (24f) and my husband (26m) got married two weeks ago. My brother (23m) introduced me to him because he is the brother of my brother's then girlfriend (23f).

My brother and my SIL broke up very badly. SIL cheated on him because she had a very toxic relationship with my brother. I am certainly not trying to justify her cheating, I think SIL is absolutely wrong but what happened just happened.

My husband really wanted his sister to be there and SIL's current boyfriend was also invited to the wedding. I didn't invite my brother because I thought there might be an argument if he was there.

I told my brother a month ago that he was not invited. We had a lot of fights about it and he has not spoken to me since the wedding. The fights were hard, but somehow I thought we could make up after the wedding, but he blocked me from everywhere. Our parents also tell him that he should talk to me again, but he doesn't listen to them either.

Yes, it wasn't nice of me not to invite him, but it was a special day for me and I didn't want to take the chance of a fight breaking out for no reason. I had no intention of hurting him. If he would just listen to me and let me speak, he would agree with me, but he doesn't do. He's my brother, it really hurts me that he doesn't speak to me. AITA?

Edit: Since everyone is focusing on the cheating, I wanted to explain in more detail. My brother was not 100% innocent about the breakup. He had some friends that my SIL didn't like because she was jealous of them. One day when they had an argument, my brother met one of his friends to bother SIL. They just had a meal, but SIL counts that as cheating. So then she went cheated on my brother. That's what I mean by toxic relationship, both of them are not innocent.

Edit 2: I want to say again, I'm definitely not trying to justify SIL's cheating, and I stood by my brother when it happened.

Secondly, I understand everyone who gave me a YTA. I just ask you to tell me what you think would have been the right thing to do, because if my brother saw her and her new bf, there would definitely have been an argument. They are both childish people

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Responsible-Cat-2470 on 2023-09-24 04:30:05.

My sister has a 5 month old baby. Her and her boyfriend are not struggling financially, but their standard of living has very much decreased since giving birth. They can afford the necessities, but they can't go on vacation, can't go out to eat and can't afford a babysitter. They also just moved into a cheaper apartment. My mom has been asking my sister and the baby to move in with her so they can save money (my sister said no).

For more context, my sister's boyfriend makes a little less than minimum wage. He only works part-time at a restaurant to focus on creating his music. When my sister announced they were trying for a baby, my mom was really worried (and she's still worried) about their financial situation. My sister is the primary income source for their household and my mom has been giving them some money every month. I make a little more than my sister but I don't have kids.

So last night, all of us came together for dinner. My sister kept asking me when I'm going to have kids and I said I don't plan on having kids. She said I'll change my mind (I'm almost 30). I said I probably won't and she kept pressing me on why. I finally just said "I don't want kids, I want money" and she got really quiet. When the dinner was over, she left a voicemail to my mom crying about how I attacked her and my mom is mad at me. My mom wants me to apologize to my sister.

To be clear, I do think my sister is in a nightmare situation but I would have said I wanted money even if she didn't have a baby. I've always thought I'm not meant for parenthood and I'd rather just be the cool, fun aunt that travels a lot and buys big presents for my nieces/nephews. I didn't mean to insult her and I've never once commented on her financials or relationship because it's not my place. AITA and should I apologize?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bicephalous_dino on 2023-09-24 03:18:06.

Up until last week, I (26F) was living with my partner Tim (32M). A month ago, I travelled abroad with my family. When I returned home I was exhausted. My iPad was dead, and I urgently needed to deal with a work-related issue, but my charger was lost inside the suitcase I’d taken to the trip and, since I was exhausted and in a hurry, I asked Tim if I could use his charger. He said yes, I used the charger and then put it back in the box where he keeps it.

Two weeks later I decided to sell my iPad because I needed some extra cash. A week after that, I came home after buying groceries and found Tim very upset. He’d been looking for his iPad charger, he said, but he couldn’t find it. I said I hadn’t seen it since I’d borrowed it after my trip. He said he was sure I’d lost my charger during the trip, and I’d taken his charger to sell it along with my iPad so that I could charge the buyer for the whole iPad-charger bundle. I told him that it was awful of him to accuse me of stealing, but he insisted. I then offered to go to the nearby Apple Store to buy him a new charger, so that he didn’t have to look for the lost one anymore. He responded that he didn’t want a new charger but the one he already had, and then said: “You stole my charger from me in order to sell it, and now you have to confess and pay for what you’ve done”. At that point he was properly furious, red-faced and yelling. So I said: “Look. I don’t know what got into you, but I’m giving you an hour to calm down and apologise for accusing me of theft. If you don’t, I’m going to pack and leave this very evening because being falsely accused of theft is not something I’ll tolerate”. I went to the kitchen to make some dinner, and he followed me and continued yelling and accusing me of stealing his charger. An hour later I said: “I warned you", I packed whilst he yelled at me like an absolute madman, and I left as soon as I was done packing.

Since then, Tim has been messaging me, and what he’s telling me is very confusing. He sounds calmer now, and says that the stealing accusation was never literal, that he only ever meant to ask me for help to look for his charger, but because he was under a lot of pressure from work, he asked for help in a rather desperate manner. He also says that “thief” is a word that can be used completely playfully in his country (Sweden), so you can unproblematically call your partner a thief. And he says that he’s concerned about me, that I reacted in a very impulsive manner to the charger issue, that it’s not normal for a mentally healthy person to pack and leave their partner abruptly like I did, and that he believes I might have borderline personality disorder. I feel that all these things he’s saying just because he’s trying to manipulate me into getting back with him, but at times I worry I was indeed unduly impulsive, and that a long-term relationship shouldn’t be ended after only a 1-hour conflict. I feel torn.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cheap_Cut_8492 on 2023-09-24 01:52:47.

I (28F) promised my sister (32F) to look after my 4 year old nephew Alex while she goes out for a dinner. Anyway, I woke up that morning and noticed that my cat cheese wasn’t feeling well. He was refusing to eat or drink and being overall very lethargic, after a few hours of him not getting better, I decided to take him to the emergency vet so I immediately called my sister and told her that cheese isn’t doing well and I was gonna be taking him to the vet and that I’m very sorry but I won’t be able to look after Alex.

She lost her marbles. She didn’t even ask what’s wrong with cheese, she instantly started blaming me for ruining her night and claiming that it’s prob nothing serious and saying that it ridiculous that I care more about a cat than my nephew… I told her that that wasn’t true but I wasn’t gonna leave cheese to suffer all day till the next morning, after going back and forth I told her that yes I do care about my cats health more than my nephew. My cat was a life of death situation, my sister could’ve called a baby sitter or asked someone else to take over but my cat could’ve potentially died.

I love cheese, it’s just me and him at my apartment so he’s a huge part of my life and not just a pet that can be replaced so I truly don’t think I did anything wrong.

My mum called a few days later and told me that I should apologize for saying I care more about cheese than my nephew but I refuse to do so unless I get an apology for how she talked about my cat.

Am I the asshole?

Edit : cheese is doing good now!!

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CastrowuzRight on 2023-09-23 22:03:19.

So I’m back, I know everyone hates me but I was asked for an update so here we are. I just wanna say everyone was right. I was an asshole. I was being a pushover. I was being a shit boyfriend and partner. I did prioritize Jess over my girlfriends feelings and that was so shitty of me.

Me and my girlfriend are currently on a break. I tried to apologize to her and make sure she understood that I knew how wrong I was. I told her that I was sorry for letting Jess disrespect her and be catty and that I’d never let that happen again. My girlfriend said that Jess has been like this to her since we started dating and said that I’ve just been either ignoring it or unable to see it. Through a tearful back and forth my girlfriend told me that she wouldn’t let herself feel second to Jess. She said that when I figure out what’s going on there Jess and I, then talk to her but until then she wants to get some distance from our relationship.

So that evening I was heartbroken, but I wanted to still make it clear to Jess that she would not be disrespectful to my girlfriend if we got back together and that she owes her an apology no matter what. I thought it would be better to have this as a face to face conversation as there’s a lot of ambiguity over text so I went to her place. XShe apologized to me and said she would call my ex to apologize to her.

I got home in the morning I just spent a lot of time reflecting on the bad decisions I had made and how much I hurt my girlfriend and how right everyone who said I was being a shitty boyfriend was.

So I will admit, I fucked up. I didn’t protect the person I was supposed to protect. I was too blind to see Jess being catty and mean to her. If she takes me back that won’t ever happen again.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Famous_Will2315v on 2023-09-23 19:58:41.

My friend, Ashley, got married last night to her longtime partner, Kevin. Kevin’s best friend, Frank. he’s a bit of a prankster and it’s usually all in good fun. Ashley has shared there are times that Frank goes a little too far to stir the pot but he had promised to be on his best behavior for the wedding.

I had agreed to help deal with Ashley’s boundary-stomping family as well as look out for any pranks that Frank might pull. Even though we knew he said he’d be good, we know Frank.

Ashley and Kevin are big football fans. At one point in the night, they wanted the wedding party to don 49ers jerseys they purchased to get a few photos in. Frank is also a football fan, but is diehard for the Chiefs. There’s always been some banter back and forth between Ashley and Frank over this. In the beginning, Ashley said he was refusing to wear the jersey she bought. Eventually, he gave in and said it was just 5 minutes, so no big deal. He did keep cracking jokes that he’d show up in a Chiefs jersey and Ashley always said with a serious face “Yeah, no, don’t you dare”. So, I was to assume that hey, he’s not wearing it.

The time came for the wedding party to put on our jerseys over our dresses/suits. The wedding party went upstair. As I’m waiting with the other bridesmaids, I see Frank come out of the bathroom in a Chiefs jersey. I asked what he was doing. He smirked and said it was all good. I told him to go change. Again, he repeated it was all good and he had permission. Considering Ashley hadn’t told me and it wouldn’t be out of Frank’s wheelhouse to try to pull one over on me, I said “No, she didn’t. Why are you trying to cause problems on her wedding day?”. That’s when Kevin came out of the room he and Ashley were getting ready in and asked what was going on. Frank said “She doesn’t believe me”. Kevin seemed to have a lightening bulb moment and was like “Oh, yeah, we meant to tell you that Ashley agreed it was fine for him to wear the jersey, they have some cool poses planned”.

I said alright, apologized to Frank for the misunderstanding and moved on. I think the pictures will turn out great. After Kevin and Ashley left, I stayed behind to help clean up some stuff. Frank approached me and said I was a drama queen for making a big deal about the jersey. I said I had no clue Ashley gave him permission and given his history of antagonizing people/playing pranks, I thought it was a fair assumption. He said it was none of my business. I pointed out that I had been put in charge of making sure he didn’t pull any pranks, which he knew. Still, he told me that I should’ve “minded my own business”.

We haven’t bothered Ashley and Kevin with this and I have no plans to. However, it got around some of our friends and they’re split. Some say I was in the right given Frank’s past. Others say I was being controlling and dramatic. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Able-Stop684 on 2023-09-24 00:19:48.

My husband and I (29M, 27M) went through the surrogacy process and had our son 4 months ago. We were thrilled when my sister (31F) announced her pregnancy and we found out we would be having children very near the same time. Our niece was born a little over two months after our son.

My situation and my sister's closely mirror each other. Our husbands both work typical 9 to 5s with 30 - 45 minute commutes. My sister is a SAHM and I do freelance work from home.

For the first two weeks after our son was born (the first of which my husband took off of work), we would both take partial night shifts. Once I felt like I had at least some of my bearings on parenthood, I offered to take over completely on week nights, while he does mornings before work + weekends. It's a collaborative process and that breakdown of parenting just made sense to me. My husband was the one leaving our home to work every day, he was the one who had to be up by a specific time and make a drive.

At 4 months, we no longer have this obstacle anymore (and to be honest, I kind of miss the sweet, quiet bonding time those extra night feeds provided now that he's settled onto a nice sleep schedule and usually only wakes up once.) Still, I think we got it down to almost the perfect science before we exited the newborn stage. My sister, on the other hand, is very much still in that phase and struggling.

This has been a recurring problem for her from the beginning. She has been coming to me saying she's scared she's going to fall asleep holding the baby, that her husband won't help her with the night feeds, etc. I tried to give her tips since I've been through it. I suggested she let her partner take over in the evenings (~6 to 9pm) so she can go to bed early and catch a few more hours, nap when baby naps, etc.. She shot down everything saying ' that wouldn't work for them' and that she just needed her partner to do some of the night feedings.

I reminded her that her husband is the one commuting in the mornings and falling asleep while driving was a very real possibility, and that I had lived through it and so could she. I then offered to watch her daughter for a few days so she could catch up on sleep. She took major offense to both of these things. She said I was belittling her experience and acting like I was a better parent. She said I couldn't truly empathize with her or give her valuable tips since she had been pregnant and I hadn't, and that me offering to watch my niece just felt like me saying she needed help raising her own daughter.

My intentions were definitely not malicious and I'd like some outside perspective here. AITA?

EDIT: I'm a man. Saw some people calling a woman in the comments, just wanted to clarify.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_7949 on 2023-09-23 23:37:52.

Throwaway because my wife knows my reddit account.

I (39m) recently got a raise at work. I'm now making well over double what my wife (37f) makes at her job. I've always made about double. We live pretty comfortably, rent but have two cars, and can buy whatever we need including luxury items like gaming consoles, tv's etc. We dont go on vacations or spend foolishly. We split everything 50/50 and have our own bank accounts, she gives me her share of the rent every month and I pay. If I pay for something like a hotel, she gives the money for her half. Recently the subject of her paying less came up. She suggested that we each pay an equal percentage of our earnings towards rent and household utilities.(eg, we each pay 30% of our salary towards rent and utilities) She says she's been using her credit cards to pay for things since she can't afford rent plus utilities and groceries on her salary and they are close to maxed. She's never mentioned this, and I don't think I should be held responsible for her inability to manage money. We chose our place together and she should have picked something she could afford better not make me pay more in the future because she is now struggling as she puts it. I work hard for my money and am putting away savings to use as a downpayment on a house in the future. I already don't go on any big vacations or expensive outings as I know she can't afford her half. She is angry with me and says I'm financially abusing her. I think I'm justified in keeping my money for me. I buy her nice things here and there and occasionally will pay for dinner, it's more than a lot of husbands do.

AITA for making my wife pay her fair share of things?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Smuckinfartass on 2023-09-23 21:56:51.

We went shopping together before going to a cottage. On the way out of the grocery store there were two girl guides who said in perfect unison “Would you like to buy some girl guide cookies?” I thought it was really cute the way they asked, but before I could say anything my BIL asked them to repeat what they said. So they said it again in perfect unison. BIL then said “if you didn’t ask so annoyingly then I’d say yes”. They looked very dejected after that comment, so I apologized for what he said, told them I thought the way they asked was really cute, and bought a box of cookies. Now he’s practically giving me the silent treatment on the four hour drive to the cottage. He told me I had no right to apologize for him. So, AITA here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Loving_Grandpa_87 on 2023-09-23 20:58:24.

Usual disclaimers apply; sorry this is long.

I (49M) will be the first to admit I'm not a perfect father, but I've tried my hardest to do right by my son (23M); it's just been the two of us since he was very young, and I've always tried to instill in him the value of hard work and making the best of yourself. So I was incredibly proud when he got a place at a prestigious university (Russell Group) to study aerospace engineering.

At uni, he met "Susie" (now 24F), who had a daughter (3 at the time, now 8), "Bonnie". Her having a kid so young, with the father out of the picture, raised a lot of red flags for me even after meeting her, so I was honest with my son; she was clearly looking for a dad for her kid first-and-foremost, and he'd be putting his future at risk by taking that role. He told me he wanted to step up and help raise this girl anyway, because he loved her and he loved Susie, and wouldn't hear anything to the contrary.

Well, long story short, he dropped out after one year of uni with something like £14,000 in student debt (last I checked, but that was a few years ago) and moved in with Susie, and is now working a dead-end data entry job while playing daddy to someone else's kid. We still talk occasionally, but things have become tense between us; he's noticed I don't have any interest or affection for his partner or Bonnie, and we've fought on-and-off over it a few times.

Which brings me to two months ago, when my son called me to let me know that I had a grandkid. Apparently, he and Susie decided not to tell anyone except people who had to know and close family (which really means her family, apparently) until the kid was born. I'll admit, that hurt a lot, but I swallowed my pride and sent them a card along with a couple of books; one a baby book and the other a nice edition of a storybook I hoped my granddaughter would get to enjoy once she was older.

A few days later, they made a Facebook post to announce the kid publically, and in one of the photos, Bonnie had the second book I'd sent. I messaged my son asking why he'd given something that was meant to be my grandkid's special thing to Susie's kid instead, and he told me that Bonnie's noticed I don't send her things for birthdays etc, that she felt out when her sister got gifts and she didn't, and that it's one of her favourite books. He said his other daughter is too young to know it was meant for her; I said that Bonnie isn't even his daughter, and he needs to accept that I don't owe anything to someone else's kid. It turned into this huge fight and I got a long message, signed by both him and Susie, saying I wasn't going to have any more contact with my granddaughter until I accept Susie and Bonnie are family too.

I've complained about all this to my work friends, and gotten mixed reactions. Some say I'm in the right, but I've also been told by more than a few that I'm an AH for "rejecting" this kid. So, am I?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ill-Fruit-5510 on 2023-09-23 20:00:14.

My dad cheated on my mom 9 years ago. I (16f) always sort of knew what happened but it was only as I got a little older that I understand. In the space of a week we went from a seemingly happy family, and I sure thought we were, to my dad living with someone else and having to spend time between two houses and one of those houses had my dad and some pregnant woman being all lovey dovey with each other.

My half brother was the result of that cheating and my dad's relationship with that pregnant woman.

My dad and half brother's mother married but when he was 2 she divorced my dad and stopped being part of my half brother's life.

When my half brother was 4 he started trying to come to my mom's house with me. He'd wait at the window expecting to see her come, despite her only showing up to my dad's twice and never coming in. He used to run over to her and want her attention and love. I guess since he saw her hug and kiss me and be all mom like with me, he wanted her to be the same with him. My mom has always been very uncomfortable around my half brother. She has never said anything. But I don't think she has ever wanted to be around him. Mostly she avoids times where they would be in the same place. Or she sits far apart from my dad where possible.

As my half brother got older he started talking about my mom more. Then I was spending more time at mom's than dad's and when I would be at dad's and he would ask me to call mom so he could talk to her and now it's at the worst it has ever been. I had mentioned this stuff to dad before and he told me he was working on things with my half brother. But I now realize that was a lie because my half brother has been having some big issues emotionally.

Last Mother's Day he made a card for my mom and dropped it off at our house. The card asked if she would be his mom too. I know my mom talked to dad about that after. He did a school project and he talked about my mom like she was his mom. Then last weekend I heard my half brother cry in bed and since I heard him ask dad about mom earlier that day, I assume it was the whole thing getting to him.

I stopped by dad's after school, when my half brother wasn't home, and told him he needs to get my half brother or he'll end up one messed up kid in a few years. I said this is torturing him and he knows mom does not want to be my half brother's mom. I told my dad he let it go on too long. Dad said I should speak to my mom if I don't want my half brother to be messed up instead of coming after him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway93028374 on 2023-09-23 19:22:40.

I have a group of friends I haven't seen in a long time as we are all older now (mid-50s) and most have scattered around the country. We decided to put together a girls' vacation. Once we agreed on dates and a location, we started looking for places to stay. We all talked about what we wanted (type of location, budget, etc), and I was adamant that I did NOT want to stay at an airbnb. There are many many reasons I did not want to, but one of the reasons I listed was that I do not go on vacation so that I can do chores, and in this case in particular, I was also going to have to leave early in the morning for my flight home because I had a training meeting at work that I needed to be home in time for.

After much discussion, the rest of the group said sorry, in order to meet the rest of the requests and stay in budget for everyone, an airbnb is the only option. I suggested that I could stay at a nearby hotel and just meet up with them during the day, but apparently that was going to screw up the budget for other folks. They told me that since I hated the chore side of things, they could take care of all of the chores. I didn't want to be a jerk about it so I said that I would be willing to put my linens somewhere (washing machine, laundry pile, whatever) and that I would stay on top of washing any cups/dishes/etc that I used. They all assured me this was plenty and would be no problem for them to do whatever else needed to be done.

The vacation itself was lovely, we had a lot of fun and laughs, and it was great to hang out. I did not read the check out cleaning rules because I knew it would piss me off, but I asked what the expectation was for our linens, and one of the ladies said we had to start a load of laundry so I could put my linens in the washer.

I kept my dishes/utensils washed and clean throughout, and I put my linens in the washer on the final morning and headed to the airport when everyone else was just getting up. I also only threw garbage into the shared kitchen garbage since I know many places ask you to take out the garbage.

I thought all was well, but this morning I had coffee with my best friend, and when I brought up how great I thought things went on the trip, she got a little awkward, and eventually told me that everyone else was angry at me after I left. I guess there was a lot on the cleaning list and everyone was stressed about getting stuff done before the checkout and their own flights home, and they felt I should have helped with the chores since I was up early. My best friend, bless her, reminded them that they had all agreed that I didn't need to do any chores and I had taken care of what I said I would, but apparently they said that "no reasonable person" would think it was OK and it was very selfish and rude of me to just leave. I've already decided that if there's another trip I won't be going unless we're at a hotel, but I'd still like to know, AITA?