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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bicephalous_dino on 2023-09-24 03:18:06.
Up until last week, I (26F) was living with my partner Tim (32M). A month ago, I travelled abroad with my family. When I returned home I was exhausted. My iPad was dead, and I urgently needed to deal with a work-related issue, but my charger was lost inside the suitcase I’d taken to the trip and, since I was exhausted and in a hurry, I asked Tim if I could use his charger. He said yes, I used the charger and then put it back in the box where he keeps it.
Two weeks later I decided to sell my iPad because I needed some extra cash. A week after that, I came home after buying groceries and found Tim very upset. He’d been looking for his iPad charger, he said, but he couldn’t find it. I said I hadn’t seen it since I’d borrowed it after my trip. He said he was sure I’d lost my charger during the trip, and I’d taken his charger to sell it along with my iPad so that I could charge the buyer for the whole iPad-charger bundle. I told him that it was awful of him to accuse me of stealing, but he insisted. I then offered to go to the nearby Apple Store to buy him a new charger, so that he didn’t have to look for the lost one anymore. He responded that he didn’t want a new charger but the one he already had, and then said: “You stole my charger from me in order to sell it, and now you have to confess and pay for what you’ve done”. At that point he was properly furious, red-faced and yelling. So I said: “Look. I don’t know what got into you, but I’m giving you an hour to calm down and apologise for accusing me of theft. If you don’t, I’m going to pack and leave this very evening because being falsely accused of theft is not something I’ll tolerate”. I went to the kitchen to make some dinner, and he followed me and continued yelling and accusing me of stealing his charger. An hour later I said: “I warned you", I packed whilst he yelled at me like an absolute madman, and I left as soon as I was done packing.
Since then, Tim has been messaging me, and what he’s telling me is very confusing. He sounds calmer now, and says that the stealing accusation was never literal, that he only ever meant to ask me for help to look for his charger, but because he was under a lot of pressure from work, he asked for help in a rather desperate manner. He also says that “thief” is a word that can be used completely playfully in his country (Sweden), so you can unproblematically call your partner a thief. And he says that he’s concerned about me, that I reacted in a very impulsive manner to the charger issue, that it’s not normal for a mentally healthy person to pack and leave their partner abruptly like I did, and that he believes I might have borderline personality disorder. I feel that all these things he’s saying just because he’s trying to manipulate me into getting back with him, but at times I worry I was indeed unduly impulsive, and that a long-term relationship shouldn’t be ended after only a 1-hour conflict. I feel torn.
AITA?