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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Entire-Pickle-2423 on 2023-09-23 20:51:04.

My (F26) sister Ella (F24) was a teen mom. My parents were devastated when she told them she is pregnant at 15. Icing on the cake was she did not know who the father is.

My parents did not have much money to support her and baby. Ella begged to keep the baby. After many arguments, our parents agreed to support her. Mom had to quit her job to take care of the baby and all this drained their savings. Ella could not go to college and had to work at a restaurant to support her and her baby Claire.

Due to this, they could not support me. I worked really hard to get a partial scholarship and took out loans to cover the rest. I worked to support myself through school. Luckily I got a good job right after and lives independently.

Last week Ella called me crying asking if she could move in with me. My parents were kicking her and Claire out because she got pregnant again and would not tell anyone who the father is. I told her no.

She kept begging saying how I had a job and a home. How she cannot support herself and her two kids on the restaurant job. She kept pushing through without listening to me.

I told her I would not support her. I have my own loans to pay off and expenses to manage. That she should have thought of it before she made them. That she ruined her own life.

She called me a cold selfish b_word for not caring about them .

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/R2D2N3RD on 2023-09-23 19:09:55.

I (43f) found out all my siblings are in Paris through my 15 year old who saw pictures on FB and asked me about it.

At first I thought it was a joke or filter but after I called my step-dad I confirmed that indeed my siblings were all in Paris for a week and I hadn't been invited or told about it at all. I had recently talked to my oldest sister who had mentioned a special trip with her daughter to Paris, I was really excited for her. She failed to mention that it was with my 2 brothers, their families and our other sister. I still would have been excited for her. When my dad finally responded to my text asking if my siblings were all on a trip together I was told I was being dramatic and needed to get over it because I wouldn't have been able to afford it so they didn't invite me. My siblings are all well off and I am disabled and barely making ends meet on SSI. I told my dad it wasn't about me not going, it was about not even being invited or told. He said he wasn't invited either and I didn't see him whining.

I don't think it's the same at all. I just wish they would have asked me and let me decide for myself if I could go or not. It just sucks so badly, I feel like they are ashamed of me. I already feel less than by society as a whole and now my family. It's made me incredibly depressed like why am I even here, the people that are supposed to love me would rather believe I don't exist. I ended the night crying and blocked everyone on everything.

Edit to add: the blocking wasn't just because of this. This is just the final straw on the camels back.

Edit 2: I never expect them to pay for me and especially for an expensive trip like this. My brothers take international trips frequently and I see those pictures online and think that's awesome. I was sad because this was everyone minus me. It's a big trip for my sisters and I guess I would have liked a heads up.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/izzizzy33 on 2023-09-23 19:02:36.

So this is my first time posting but I needed to get thos off my chest. Ive been call the AH from some people but others understand. So little back story my dad held my sister and I against our will in japan from our mom for 8 years. We finally got to see our mom during a Christmas break. I was about to head back to Japan when the airport said we couldn't without a guardian over 16. Neither of us were 16, so my dad said he would come pick us up. 2 weeks past and we heard nothing from him so I called and he said we can stay and that he already sold our stuff and made my room into a nursery for his new wife's future baby. I was shocked becuase that was all of my stuff I only had a suitcase of 2 weeks worth of clothes. About 2 years later my mom served my sister and I with papers stating our dad was emancipating both of us(disowned). It was super really hard at first but I moved on and hadn't really heard from him. Years gone by where I'd say happy birthday or wishing him happy holidays... nothing. I gave up and as soon as I gave up he started putting effort in a little. He would say hey whats up haven't heard from you and I foolishly at first replied just to be left on read. I stopped replying and after a few months of the same messages coming through, his wife sent me a huge paragraph stating how horrible we were for not talking to our father. How we almost ruined his marriage and that he's upset he isn't in our life. I left her on read too, but I starting to feel like yea im the AH becuase at least he's trying now. Am I the ah?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AdEvery8792 on 2023-09-23 18:39:04.

We recently got called into school for a meeting because our child (11) was using AirPods his mother bought him in class and refused to remove them because another student was able to use theirs. When the teacher asked him to remove said airpods he became defensive and gave the teacher an attitude because the teacher refused to address the other student.

I just assumed the teacher must have a reason why they refused to address the other student. My wife was/is upset because in her opinion I made her look foolish by not standing in unison with her.

I explained our kid should not be giving authority figures attitude and disrespecting them in front of other students because they feel they are being wronged. I tried to explain the kid who was allowed to use their airpods maybe hand an IEP or some prior agreement with the school.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/c0bra_ on 2023-09-23 19:54:42.

So here's the situation. I work in an open office, and for the past few months, this coworker of mine, let's call her Dana, has been making indirect comments about the food that I bring for lunch. Mind you, I've never heard her say anything rude directly, but she would make a face or a comment whenever I'd heat my food in the communal microwave. It was the regular stuff like, "Oh, fish again? Gosh, the office is going to smell like a fish market..." or something like, "Hmmm, your food looks...interesting."

This went on for weeks. Despite me finding her comments annoying, I brushed them off, until one day she crossed a line. I'd brought a family recipe that I was particularly proud of. She took one look at my lunch and said, "Well, that looks like leftovers. I mean, literally, not even a starving dog would eat that."I was stunned, and frankly, fed up. So the next day, I brought a fancy, moderately intricate lunch and presented it in an over-the-top restaurant style. Think tall stacks of tiny pancakes, a fruit salad with a spectacular arrangement, and so on. Dana was silent the entire lunch period which was quite gratifying.

The problem arose when Dana texted me after work, berating me for trying to show her up and making her feel bad. She said I was being petty and immature and practically demanded that I stop bringing my "fancy" lunches. Now, I'm confused. I mean, I did do it to annoy her, but am I the asshole for reacting this way?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Waste_Lab8953 on 2023-09-23 19:09:38.

I'll try to keep this short and simple as I'm all over the place and I'm stressed rn.

My (20f), parents (48f and 61m) are the stereotype of an Asian parent. They are the literal definition of helicopter parents and this time they crossed the line.

So I'm moving out of my parents house, I'm assembling shit and moving it into my new house alone with my cat and my parents have been hassling me about moving out before marriage and moving out in general.

A few things my mom has enjoyed saying recently is, "Why can't you just be like your brother?" (My brother who died at 3. Like how am I supposed to do that??) "Don't you love me??" Among other things.

So I'm 2 days into moving into my house, I've already set up a few rooms and was working on getting me bed put together and my mom calls me and here's a summary of what she said: I have found you something you will enjoy a lot!"" And so I'm like thinking maybe she's finally warmed up to me moving out and got me something.

No. Nothing like that. My mother had brought over her nephew, my cousin. I know a lot of Asian cultures call a lot of people aunties ext but this is like my moms-brothers-son.

She told me about how he's in school for a medical license and will be able to provide for me and that bullshit, and at this point I'm confused and ask what's happening and she excitedly told me that she wants me to marry MY COUSIN.

I proceeded to yell at her for like half an hour and she cried and was saying things like "don't you love your mother" "why must you hurt me so" as well as other things.

I basically just walked out and I'm thinking about it now, sitting on my new room and I don't know if 1: I'm a complete dick for snapping and screaming at my mother how I need indepence and she's being annoying and controlling asf and 2: What I should do as of now.

Edit: Thank you all for the comments I wasn't expecting all of these. I am definitely going to start cutting contact and seek therapy because this is only one of the many situations. Again thank you for the comments and advice I'm taking them all into thought on how to handle this, I don't know what's going through her head especially the cousin part.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/airwo701 on 2023-09-23 18:50:37.

My husband (37M) and I (37F) have 4 kids (16F, 15M, 13F, and 13M). Our twins are in the 8th grade. Our son, Bayard and our daughter, Addilyn.

On Monday, my husband and I both got texts from Bayard that he needed to talk to us when we got home. We found this odd and were talking to each other before the kids got home. Once they were home, we spoke to Bayard in his room. He told us that he had heard that Addilyn was being rude to her History teacher, this teacher also has Bayard in a different period. The teacher is also Bayard’s baseball coach. Bayard and his friends look up to her, she knows so much about the sport and will talk to them about all the games going on, and she also gives them advice on things. My husband and I have never seen Bayard that mad, he was red in the face. He said he didn’t know much of the specific details, but he heard from some kids that Addilyn asked the teacher if she was on her period.

We emailed the teacher and got a reply on Tuesday, she admitted everything Bayard said was true and gave us some of the details. What she said was absolutely horrifying, she said it started when Addilyn was talking to some friends while she was trying to instruct the class, when she told her to stop, Addilyn refused. The kids were learning about Thomas Jefferson and one of the kids asked if he was autistic, as the kid had read it somewhere. Addilyn and her friends then made some joke about autistic people, who basically called them stupid.

One of the kids on the baseball team and Bayard’s friend, is autistic, and Addilyn is very aware of that. He is a really bright and sweet kid. The teacher told her that wasn’t very nice and tried to educate them a bit on what autism was, this is when Addilyn said that the teacher was “overreacting” and asked her if she was on her period.

The teacher admitted she didn’t call because she has had bad experiences with these types of phone calls in the past and was afraid of how’d we react, we told her she didn’t need to worry.

After this, my husband and I talked and agreed that Addilyn would lose her phone for at least a few weeks and she needed to write an apology letter both to her teacher and to the boy she made fun of, even though he wasn’t in that period of her class.

Addilyn wrote an apology letter to both but they seemed insincere and potentially AI generated, and when asked about it, she admitted she used AI to write it. We told her it needs to be genuine but she’s refusing to write a letter. She’s saying “forcing” her to write an apology is going against her right to express her true thoughts, and is calling us named, including a-holes. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jaded_jeep on 2023-09-23 18:21:45.

My husband & I talked about daycare & how our schedules would work since we both work full time. It was agreed that his parents would babysit mon-sat & my parents would babysit Sundays, when needed. Of course his mom was thrilled to be the main care taker (she retired purposely for this). I ended up having a very complicated pregnancy where my daughter had to be born 3 months early. She was in the NICU for 6 months. I had to go back to work after 8 weeks & saved the rest of my time for when she was discharged. It was rough to say the least.

Once she was discharged, all she kept talking about was how she couldn’t wait to babysit & that her “playroom” was ready for her & if I ever needed to run errands I could leave my daughter with her. But I’m the type of parent who isn’t bothered by bringing my baby anywhere unless it’s prohibited / dangerous. This was me & my husbands time as a family to bond together.

To make a long story short, my entire leave she would not stop harassing us to have a conversation about expectations when she’s babysitting. If we’re picky about diapers, a sleep schedule etc. I told him I felt like she’s just rushing us back to work & I didn’t appreciate it. I told my husband I’m honestly not that picky. I will provide her with everything she will need & that she’d only be watching her for 2-3 hrs a day anyway (we have opposite work schedules). My only main concerns were that I did not want her giving my daughter ANY medication (she’s already on meds) & that I don’t want her driving her anywhere.

So this is where I’m questioning AITA.. IMO, she’s just too young to do anything or go anywhere (her adjusted age is 5 months old) & something we both agree on is that my MIL is a horrible driver. Not that she’s a reckless driver, but the opposite. She’s such an overly cautious driver that she causes other cars to stop short or she gets honked at all the time & cut off. She’s the driver in the left hand lane going 45 MPH on the highway. We just honestly don’t feel safe with her driving anywhere especially if it’s not needed. She just wants to take her out to show her off & have “play dates” with the other family babies (I’ve heard her trying to set up these playdates & stopped her once telling her she won’t be provided with a car seat) Well my husband ended up going to talk to her without me & pretty much the conversation went sour. She did not like being told that she can’t “ever leave the house” he reminded her that she’s only baby sitting for 2-3 hrs, 2-3x/week. He really fought for this, to the point where she said something along the lines of “I’m providing you with free daycare, I’ll take her where ever I want or you’re going to have to find someone else.” My MIL was so eager to babysit & now wants to play this power card of “I’ll do what I want since I’m not charging you” attitude.

AITA for my only demand to be not to take my baby out of the house even though I’m getting free daycare?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LostDragonfruit2703 on 2023-09-23 17:46:17.

AITA for selling my car and not talking to my GF about it?

My (29m) girlfriend (29f) and I have been living together for almost a year.

I’m in the process of starting a new job. With this job, I get a company vehicle. Before I accepted the offer, I was talking to my GF about the company car and I mentioned instead of selling my vehicle, I’d let her use it in the winter.

Her car is pretty bad in snow, even with snow tires on the car. Also, she’s been having issues with it starting to stall while she’s driving, especially when it gets really cold.

Her car is paid off and between bills we split and her student loans, she can’t afford a new car, so I figured this would save her the headache and we could talk about a newer car for her next year.

After I accepted my offer, I looked to see what my car was worth and it’s a lot more than I was thinking. I personally could really use that money, so I decided I would sell my car now while it’s still worth that amount.

I told my girlfriend when she got home from work and she lost her mind. She asked what she’s supposed to do in the winter now, so I told her what the car is worth and asked if she’d want to buy it from me, and that just pissed her off even more.

I personally think she’s being selfish. It’s my car. I even offered to let her buy it from me, but that wasn’t good enough for her. But, I need to know, AITA?

Edit: so I am the AH, but it is what it is. I’m still selling the car. My gf will just get over it like she has with our other fights.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/onetymemore on 2023-09-23 18:21:43.

I(24f) seem to ALWAYS be the one my family will dump their kids on at events. It was annoying as a teen because I'd go with my parents and was kind of stuck there. But now, I will just leave when I please. I'll pop out and get something, come back or just leave and go home whenever I want. I don't mind watching kids but I hate them being dumped on me and it just being expected(I've told them this). They've gotten upset that I can just up and leave when I want and do it. I'll just say "going out, be back in like 30 minutes" and walk out. Or i'll just simply say "I'm not watching kids" but they'll still leave them around me.

A couple of weeks ago it my grandmother's birthday. She always has everyone come over and it is usually a fun time. I like my family and like seeing my grandma. Shortly before her birthday I was skiing with friends, fell weird, and broke my foot. Not a big deal. I just wear a cast and can't really run around or move much. To note, I was walking on crutches while visiting my grandmother.

So even before I arrive I get texts like "when will you be coming?" "are you on your way?" I showed up and when I walked in the house on crutches, majority of my family was like "what happened?" and asking if I was okay. But a few of them rolled their eyes and got upset that I couldn't watch kids. I saw them angrily put wine away and get upset that they couldn't get tipsy/drunk. A couple of people had to work and couldn't come but they dropped off their kids and they were trying to say. "Now we'll have to call (X) at work and tell them to pick up their kids." I told them I didn't plan to break my foot and that I told them before that they shouldn't count on me for that. They said "you could have warned us." I said "I warned you when I said a while ago and repeatedly to not count on me for that."

They think I was being an asshole but I don't think that at all.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Smooth_Metal on 2023-09-23 16:49:44.

I (44F) was diagnosed with a very large but benign brain tumor earlier this year and had surgery to remove it. I was gravely sick for 3 months leading up to this, sleeping 15+ hours a day, vomiting every day multiple times a day and with severe headaches. My husband was a wreck as we didn’t know my diagnosis until 11 days before the surgery; he barely slept bc he was terrified I would fall asleep and not wake up. Before the surgery the only family who came to see me in the hospital was one sister, my mom and my husband, and an aunt. After surgery I had impaired mobility, for a month I couldn’t walk w/o a walker and someone holding me upright. But after my surgery I woke up and my parents and my husband were there. My parents asked how I was, and then my mother immediately told me she was taking my two kids on a trip to Puerto Rico, then she started talking about another vacation they had planned with my children that I had also not heard abt. I was confused as this was news to me and my brain was literally resetting itself, and they had not asked me. I was pretty curt with them and they left. The whole interaction bothered me so much that I asked them to stop by my house when I was discharged 5 days later so we could talk about it. It did not go well, they were there to be praised and when I brought up that I thought the conversation was inappropriate (and also that neither of them was there to even help me into the house when I got home - and I fell getting inside despite my husband trying his best to help me) they said they were offended. I told them I was offended as well, and my dad started yelling at me, telling me this was all somehow my husbands fault. My husband and kids were upstairs and heard everything. I yelled at them both to get out. My husband rushed to comfort me while I sobbed. The steroids were so awful I couldn’t sleep, so my husband cdn’t sleep either bc he had to keep an eye on me at all times. Unbeknownst to me my parents reached out to a friend of mine online and implied that they were concerned for my physical safety. The friend lives out of state and has never met my husband IRL but she reached out to him through FB and asked him probing questions, egged on by my parents. He was sleep deprived and disgusted with how my family treated me, so he vented to her abt my family, and how he was just trying to follow my wishes. He also called out my parents alcoholism. Things have been very strained with my family for the last 6 months and I was working on my relationship with my parents until yesterday when my dad brought up that the friend had sent him SS of her convo with my husband, and that he was offended by them and needed an apology (he has never apologized to me) My parents did just gift us money towards a house purchase, but I am against my husband being forced to apologize, and quite honestly I feel like he is also owed an apology. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DrAgnesL on 2023-09-23 16:06:46.

My fiancé (26M) and I (25F) have just started planning our wedding. We are covering it ourselves. We would like to invite a total of 55 people. Those family members that we meet regularly and those friends that we really have a close relationship with. We are not rich, and in my country a nice wedding is very expensive, especially compared to the salaries.

My mom divorced from my father when I was 6 years old. After that, she married my stepdad, whom I love very much and whom I look up to as a father. (I haven't seen my biological father in 18 years.) The problem is that although I adore my stepdad, I don't really know his family, they live in a different city and this relationship was never forced. His mother is dead, but his father is alive and he has two siblings. I don't want to invite them, because in my whole life I met them approximately 10 times. His brother's wedding was at the beginning of the year and I wasn't invited. His sister has 2 adult daughters. I wasn't invited to any of the girls' weddings (there wasn't a reception, but there was a ceremony in both cases), nor even to their children's christenings.

The financial part of it is just one reason why I don't want to invite them. The other reason is that I just don't know them, so I don't feel like they have a place at such an intimate occasion.

I don't have the heart to tell my stepfather that his relatives cannot be invited. Together with his father, his two siblings and their spouses, this would mean an extra $465. (For comparison, I make $689 a month. We live in Europe.)

WIBTAH if I told my stepdad that his relatives will only be invited if he covers the extra cost?

Edit: He isn't demanding it. There isn't a finalised public guest list yet only my fiancé and I agreed on it. My mom and I had some girly talk about wedding planning the other day and she told me that my stepdad told her that inviting his relatives would mean a lot to him because it's important to him

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AngrySalad3231 on 2023-09-23 16:57:22.

I (22F) am a teacher. I came home from school yesterday in not the best mood, and my fiancé, “Jake” (25M) immediately noticed I wasn’t acting like myself. He asked me what happened and although I didn’t really go into too much detail, I told him it was a rough day at work. Then Jake’s brother, “Daniel” (31M), who is currently staying with us, chimed into the conversation from across the room. He said that I didn’t have a right to complain because teachers are glorified babysitters, and that if I had a “real job” maybe he’d understand.

Normally, I try to brush these comments off, and honestly at first, I wasn’t sure if he was kidding, so I gave him the opportunity to repeat what he said, but he was serious. The second time, he added that “he didn’t understand why I didn’t want to do something “meaningful and productive” with my life. At this point, Jake was getting pretty upset listening to this happen. He and Daniel have a very tumultuous relationship that they were recently working on, but he told Daniel that if he continues to speak to me that way he would have to leave our house.

It is also important to add here that Daniel works really long hours in a hospital, has a 2 year old daughter, and has commented previously about how he wishes he got to spend more time with her. In the moment with my frustration. I responded to Daniel’s comments by saying, “at least I get to spend every holiday and summer with my family, that’s what meaningful and productive to me.”

Daniel stormed out, and shortly after I felt really bad about what I’d said. I asked Jake if I should text Daniel and apologize or wait for him to come back and do it in person. Jake said that I’m NTA, and that Daniel needs to be the first one to apologize to me. Jake even went as far as to say that if I did not receive an apology, Daniel would not be at our wedding, which I think might be a bit extreme. I can see both sides here. Daniel did start the argument, and enter a conversation that wasn’t about him to begin with quite aggressively, but I’m now unsure if my comments were out of line. AITA? Should I apologize to Daniel?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/More_Dragonfruit_410 on 2023-09-23 14:28:08.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

Me and my wife just brought our first son into the world a few months ago and since then have had more than a few disagreements on the role her parents will play in our sons life.

She wants them to be fully involved, babysitting, asking for advice, you name it.

I don't want them involved at all. I've been with my wife over 6 years and in that time I've seen h scam people out of money, take advantage of the elderly, attempt to use physical force on her, steal thousands of dollars from their siblings and children, scream in the face of their other 3 year old granddaughter for singing, constantly criticise her sisters parenting, and worst for me is seeing them take the liberty of "disciplining" someone else's child for being disobedient or because they're angry.

I've tried to talk to my wife but she insists I'm overreacting and that her parents have changed. I think she's so used to it since she grew up with it that she doesn't understand how potentially damaging all that could be for a kid. She says that I am disallowing my son from having a relationship with his grandparents because I personally don't like them, and that I should let him decide for himself.

Idk what to do and this is putting a lot of strain on my marriage. So AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/broketowealth on 2023-09-23 12:45:26.

So, we were planning and talking about this trip for a full year and we were all excited to be going together, in part going on holiday and in part an extension of our wedding anniversary celebrations which were before this trip. Their preference was always to go together with us rather than by themselves, which we also offered and discussed.

1. We wanted to treat my(30f) parents (62f +59m) to a special, 5* holiday for their big anniversary. We already had a good, tried and tested hotel - it is the same hotel we went to for our honeymoon so we knew it would be perfect, and that especially my mum, would absolutely love it. As my parents live in a different country to us, and would struggle to get around in a foreign country (they don't know english), my husband(30m) made the effort to arrange the flights in a way that would mean we would arrive on the same day and also at similar times of the day to make it as easy as possible for my parents, even though we would have to drive 3h to the airport in our country - it was never an issue but is a reminder that all the effort put into making this trip was basically futile.
2. Long story short, my mum is mad at me (for something that is ridiculous, but I still apologised for - details in comments) and relations between my mum and my dad are also strained to say the least. She wouldn't speak to me or him on their anniversary celebration which we flew to only because my father asked me to come - hoping all will be resolved - that did not happen. Last time she was mad at me, she wouldn't speak to me for a whole year. It is always really risky with her, she is either in good mood or bad mood, and when she is in bad mood she ruins everything for everyone. We (me, my husband and my father) suspect she is either bipolar or has a border personality disorder, but of course she will not go to a psychiatrist. My dad seems to have developed a mild drinking problem which is worrying but I digress.
3. As we are going together, and it is our only proper holiday this year, I can't let anything destroy it. This is also taking a big toll on my relationship with my husband. How do I know that even if she says that she wants to go on holiday with us, she won't turn around and say that she wants flights back home in a couple of days into holiday, or how do we know she doesn't get mad at me for a little nonsense? I feel like with her, everything is just hanging up in the air by a string, waiting to fall down on us at the flick of her finger.

The worst thing about this is that we feel like WATAs here because we are the ones who have invited them to come with us but the bad relations between me and my mum, and my father and my mum are absolutely not our fault and we refuse to be dragged into their problems. We tried everything we could to restore good relations with my mum and nothing has worked - she won't speak to me, she hasn't even texted us on our anniversary day.

AITA for deciding that me and my husband are going to go on holiday without them, given the situation?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fun-Training327 on 2023-09-23 14:59:17.

I (F26) have been dating my boyfriend (M27) for around 3 years. We talk to each other about almost everything. Things I do not talk about are how much I earn and what assets I have.

All my life I have seen siblings and family fight over money. Act entitled to other person's money, take advantage of people who earn more and even wish their parents to die for inheritance.

I don't want any relationship in my life to be about money. It is nobody's business. I also don't ask anyone about their incomes. Instead I discuss what amount they are comfortable spending. That's all there is to know.

We are planning on moving in together and was discussing budget and expense splits. He asked me how much I earned. I told him I was comfortable spending x amount. But he just asked me again how much I earned and how much I had in savings. I told him I don't want to share that information.

He got mad at that saying if we are moving in together he had a right to know. I told him we are splitting all expenses and deciding a budget we are both comfortable with. Why does it matter what I earn or how much I am saving.

He said I don't trust him. And that I am making him spend more and squirreling away my money.

I told him if he was not comfortable with the budget, we can lower it. We can decide on a budget together and live within the budget.

He said that's not the point. That I am purposefully cutting him out and showing distrust. I said him insisting on knowing is raising red flags for me.

He said I am the AH for hiding my financials from him.

AITA for refusing to share my financials with my boyfriend?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Significant_Ad9854 on 2023-09-23 14:06:18.

So I’m an uncle to a Niece and nephew

My niece is my sister child and my nephew is my brothers child, I love them both so much and think world of them

We have a family group chat, So every time someone posts about my niece my brothers wife instantly without fail send some picture of my nephew

I promise you there’s not been a time where she hasn’t

Anyway so today she did it again and I called her out on to which she starts throwing insults at me i then sent some back

I know it’s not a major issue but I’m of principles and just think it’s unnecessary

Am I the a hole for saying something?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/marsh_melly on 2023-09-23 14:01:17.

My partner "Joe" (29M) and I (26F) have been together almost 6 years, and owned a house together for nearly 2 years.

My partner's family are from a city almost 4 hours away, whilst I am lucky enough to live less than an hour from my own family. Every year when Christmas comes around, the conversation starts about whose family we will see. My parents are divorced, so there are 3 different places we could go and everybody wants to see us. My mum also lives alone and struggles with her mental health, so I feel bad leaving her on Christmas.

We haven't yet spent a single Christmas with Joe's family. Each year we have attempted to make arrangements, but it never works out. It's difficult to stay with them for Christmas, as they don't have a spare room in their house. Hotels are expensive around Christmas time, and Joe and I are in agreement that we don't wish to stay in a crappy hotel over Christmas that costs a fortune. The biggest issue is that Joe's family have a very large, territorial and aggressive dog that they struggle to control. When we have visited we have been forced to remain upstairs out of the way as this dog's behaviour is so unpredictable, and any time he's heard us he's lost his shit downstairs.

We are very fortunate to own a large house with 2 spare double bedrooms. This is perfect for welcoming Joe's family for Christmas. Joe has started to make arrangements for his family to come and stay over the holiday this year, which is lovely. The problem is that his family will refuse to come without bringing their dog. I am very concerned about this because:

• The dog has a history of aggression. I don't want to feel like I can't come downstairs to our kitchen (where he would stay overnight), or be scared just to walk around in my own home.
• Joe thinks the dog can stay outside in our small garden most of the time, but we can't predict the weather that far in advance, and his barking could disturb our neighbours on Christmas day.
• I am worried about the safety and wellbeing of my cats. They will feel anxious, and could be torn apart!
• Everyone will be stressed out trying to control the dog.

I shared my concerns and Joe told me that although he understands why I'm worried, he genuinely doesn't believe this will be a problem. He shared that they plan to bring a large crate to keep the dog in the kitchen, and he can be in our garden, or be out on walks most of the time. I just can't see this logistically working.

Joe has since told me that he already told his family that it won't be a problem (before consulting me). I was obviously upset about this too. I don't want to be TA and tell him his family aren't allowed to come for Christmas, especially as we have never spent a Christmas with them. I also don't want his family to think I'm the reason they can't stay if Joe has already told them yes.

WIBTA for telling him that they can't come if they bring their aggressive dog?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Decent-Return8099 on 2023-09-23 13:31:45.

My parents have been married for 30 years. I (26f) am their only child together. My dad has two adult kids from his first marriage. Both my half siblings are in their late 30s. My mom has always tried to be seen as a parent and a second mom to my half siblings, who lost their mom when they were small kids. They never accepted or wanted my mom and it broke her heart. I watched it happen over and over again when I was a child. She was a good mom to me when I was little and she was there for me. But I always knew her heart was breaking when it came to my half siblings.

Over the years it got a little worse when my half siblings both had children with their spouses. My mom is not grandma or stepgrandma to those kids. She's just lady grandpa is married to. My mom has broken down and I have supported her so many times.

I had my first child this summer and I thought it might help my mom. She would finally have a grandchild and could pour her love into him. But she wasn't there for me or him like she wanted to be there for my half siblings and their kids.

A few days ago my half brother told my mom she would be the last person they would let babysit the kids for them. They were struggling to find someone and mom offered. She came over to me and started crying about being rejected by kids and grandkids and how hard it was for her to love them all so much and want to be part of their lives but to be kept at a distance and told they don't even want to use you for free babysitting.

She never asked about me or my son. She just came to lean on me again and I was dealing with my son struggling with sleep. I was already tired and feeling kind of drained and to hear that she offered my half brother help when she knew the struggles my husband and I were having with our son and never offered us help. I couldn't deal with it. I told her I did not want to hear it and she needed to leave because I am tired of always hearing about how much she wants their love and acceptance when she has a child and grandchild who would love to have her around. She cried even harder and I told her I could not deal with her and made sure she left.

Afterward my dad said I had been totally harsh and claimed my mom was distraught when she got home. He said I should have supported her like I always do.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Thr0waway1255559 on 2023-09-23 12:26:18.

I(M26) got into an altercation with my sister for 'scaring' her friend. About a week ago my sister(F28) and her friend (F27) moved into my place due to some unfortunate financial difficulties. I work 6 days a week and make a good enough salary to acommodate all of us considering they are both unemployed.

Anyways i wake up usual time ready to take a shower and out comes said friend wearing only a short robe with her cleavage out. I hinted at her revealing clothing and she just smiled and said it was no big deal, keep in mind im quite religious and they are not and they both know it. Another day or two and i see her again same time just before i head out to work and she's only wearing a crop top and panties.

I tell her to put on something when she's out and about the house and go off to work. I then come home to an angry sister who says her friend now feels scared of me and is uncomfortable. I try to reason with her and tell her it's conflicting with my tenets but she says i should apologise. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/KittyObsession on 2023-09-23 13:38:57.

My brother IB (Idiot Brother-mid 30s) and I (20s F), fought recently over some boundaries I set with his wife CW (Cheating Wife-late 20s). The 2 of them are a constant source of stress for the whole family. They're always fighting, and trying to make it everyone else's problem too. They have 2 kids (3,7) and a 3rd on the way.

2 days ago, it was recently discovered CW was cheating again. Shocker I know. But she was bringing their 3yo with her and leave them in the car, alone, while she was hooking up. And IB decided to forgive her... Yeah, you read that right. He forgave her for ENDANGERING their 3yo child and leaving them in a car alone for an unspecified period of time. CW even admitted she was doing this in the middle of the summer too! They could have died in the hot car!

IB then tried asking our older brothers wife and I, to hang out with CW more. I think he's hoping that if she's with girl friends CW wouldn't cheat and we could keep her in line? Frankly I don't think anything could stop her at this point, this seems to have been going on for their whole relationship.

However, I've long sense reached my limit with CW. If the conversation isn't about her she will make it about her. Every time she gets caught cheating she plays the victim card as if it's not her fault she cheated on IB. Hell, on a previous confrontation about her cheating, she assaulted IB for not believing her lies about where she was and having evidence she was cheating.

So when IB asked us to hang out with CW more I felt I had to make it clear that unless I have to, ie. for the sake of their kids, I will not have anything to do with her going forward. Their never ending drama has done nothing but cause me constant stress and anxiety. I've already done my best to be LC with them as possible. CW can go pound sand for all I care.. or whatever random guy she's hooking up with that day. Our older brothers wife said more or less the same thing. She's also pregnant and is supposed to be on bed rest and avoiding stress as she has high blood pressure.

Well IB didn't like our responses. He called us selfish b*tches for not even attempting to forgive CW. That she was the mother of his children (debatable) and that she won't be going anywhere anytime soon so we might as well learn to get along. That he loves her and she loves him (again debateable). He finished off with a jab at why my ex and I broke up. Saying that since I'm so selfish and only think about myself it's no wonder why he left me.

I laughed and retorted, "that's rich coming from a man who can't keep his wife from running off to sleep with other men and asking others to keep her in line. There's nothing more selfish than people wanting others to handle their problems for them."

Now he's mad and giving everyone the silent treatment. Most of us our enjoying the silence. I don't think I'm TA, but some friends I vented to said it wouldn't kill me to help IB keep CW in line to keep the peace.

So, Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dramatic-Day471 on 2023-09-23 09:46:53.

I (15m) like to bake in my free time and I usually bake for friends and family when they come to visit.

So my aunt (52f), uncle, and cousins came over yesterday evening and I baked brownies to serve them. I have baked these for them before and they have always enjoyed them.

So when they came over yesterday, I bought some vanilla icecream and served it to them with the brownies after dinner. Everyone was in the living room so I brought a out the brownie tray, icecream and a few bowls.

Everyone seemed to enjoy them and told me that the brownies were amazing. We were all just catching up after for a while when my aunt suddenly mentioned she was on a new diet that included avoiding eggs.

I was surprised, because my brownies had egg in them and she had always eaten them before this. She knows the recipie because it's something my cousins and I created. I panicked for a second because I didn't want to upset her, so I told my mum first and she said I should tell my aunt but it's not my fault since she didn't tell us before.

I told my aunt and she completely freaked out saying that I did it on purpose and was trying to "poison" her. I told her I didn't know, and she had always eaten eggs before. She still insisted that I did it on purpose and I gave up trying to argue against her.

My parents don't think I'm in the wrong. My uncle and cousins sided with her last night, but one of my cousins texted saying they didn't think I was wrong but just had to side with their mum.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/coldsalamander90 on 2023-09-23 13:27:20.

I have a 17yo daughter. A few years ago she became best friends with a girl I shall call Larissa for this post. Larissa frequently comes around to our house and I have been a sort of surrogate father figure for her at times cause her dad is not in the picture. Larissa is pretty much welcome at anytime in our house and sometimes she comes around even when my daughter is out which wasn't really an issue for us until recently. She would just come and stay in our daughter's room or sit in the living room and scroll through her phone etc.

A few months or so ago, I started to feel a shift in Larissa's attitude towards me. I started to sense that she had developed a sort of a crush on me. My wife confirmed that she sensed the same shift but we both thought this was harmless and that it would probably pass.

However, Larissa has been making somewhat suggestive remarks about how she would turn 18 soon to me for the past couple of weeks. I have explicitly told her that I see her as a daughter and a child. I've felt very uncomfortable whenever Larissa has been around the house especially when neither my wife or daughter are in the same room.

I talked things over with my wife and we decided that Larissa can only visit when our daughter is home and that they should spend most of their time in her room unless they are eating or watching something in the living room.

My daughter thinks these rules are "ridiculous". We didn't really discuss why we implemented these new rules as we didn't want to cause any embarassment. Larissa has told us that she understands that she is no longer welcome and is "banned" from the house and not to worry cause she won't be coming around anymore.

I do feel bad for taking away a space that probably was a space safe for Larissa but I'm also weary of Larissa's crush and it makes me uncomfortable and I really don't want to risk even potentially being labelled something even close to a creep. But I do feel like an asshole cause she has been "banned" to save potential trouble, but cause she's caused any yet.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Green_Offer_370 on 2023-09-23 13:00:34.

I lost my great grandma in January. She had been sick for a really long time. I (17m) was close to her because she and my dad were very close when he was a kid and she was the grandma who helped take care of the grandkids while the parents worked. My dad always said she was the greatest person. He died when I was 8 and our relationship was extra special after his loss.

My parents were separated when my dad died and mom had sort of moved on already. Two years later she moved in her now husband and my stepsister who is 5 years younger than me.

My paternal family never invited my stepsister along to things and only some have met her in passing. My great grandma never met or spoke to her and there was zero relationship between them.

When great grandma died she left all the family something. I got my great grandpa's watch that she had some work done on to make it work and look a bit more modern for today. Of course this was done before she died. The watch had her and great grandpa's initials and he wore it every day until his death. I also got some photos of hers and a blanket she had made for my dad that everyone agreed I should have.

My stepsister asked a few days after I got the stuff why she never got anything. My mom and her dad were like I'm sure there are some things. Mom even called my grandma to ask about something for my stepsister and grandma told her only family were left or entitled to great grandma's things.

My mom was trying to tell my stepsister that she should have gotten something and they would figure it out. My stepsister asked me and suggested we share the photos and blanket. I told her no and said she didn't get anything from great grandma because they never met or had any relationship. I told her she was my dad's grandma, not my mom's, and they were not family.

My stepsister was still upset and started to cry. She asked why I have a whole other family that she doesn't and why don't they want to include her. She is autistic and doesn't always understand social things. She's also had an interest in being around my paternal family in the past.

My mom told me it was disgusting to say those things to her and I should be ashamed for upsetting her and making her feel unworthy. She also told me she was ashamed of how flippant I was about my "little sister" being left out.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwawayfortunately on 2023-09-23 10:59:11.

Me (45F) and my husband (46M) have two sons. The older one is 21 and in college and works a part time job on the side. The younger one is 16 and still in high-school.

My husband's brother has two sons as well who are 24 and 28. The older one is very nice and polite but the younger one (let's call him Simon) had always been problematic since I can remember. He's a very picky eater, refuses to even bother engaging in a conversation unless he's interested in it and would always be the one getting fussy if we go somewhere on a family gathering. He hardly ever addresses me and whenever he used to come over whether by himself or with his brother, he barely managed to greet me. If I ask him personal questions, he shuts me down easily.

However he and my husband seem to have a good friendship and even talk on the phone once or twice a week.

My husband's brother works two jobs and wasn't always a very present father. So Simon had attached himself to my husband even as a kid because of availability and common interests. When he was around 5, Simon even used to say he wants to marry my husband. We all saw it as a joke and moved past it but I found the attachment odd since then.

He and my husband both like guns, hunting, video games and the same types of music. Even cars too which is my husband's main hobby these days.

A few months ago Simon wanted to go on a hunting trip with his father but got refused so my husband offered to take him instead. I told him he should take our sons too and Simon's brother so it would be like a family bonding experience.

He agreed but apparently it didn't go well. My older son and Simon's brother didn't like it and my younger son was on his phone the whole time and complained since the hunting grounds are further away and require a lot of walking. My husband told me this and said he wouldn't force anyone else to come if they didn't want to.

But ever since then, he and Simon spend a lot of time together. They go hiking every other Sunday in the morning and Simon often comes over to help my husband with the cars he's fixing up or play games while I'm at work. Simon only briefly greets me while often times not even bothering to greet his cousins.

My younger son told me he asked my husband for something but he told him he'll do it later and then forgot about it. It upset me because I feel like he's neglecting our sons while having no issues spending time with his nephew and always talking to him on the phone. Simon seems more like a son to him than our actual sons and it really bothers me.

He claims I'm overreacting and it's not a big deal. And that he tried to spend time with our sons but they don't seem all that interested in doing what he likes doing. I told him they're his sons and he should show more interest but he claims I'm being too pushy and overbearing.

Every time I bring it up with him he gets annoyed.