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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Separate-Turn4212 on 2023-09-23 07:29:07.

Let me start this off by saying I am a (24f) who went to college in 2019, but dropped out to take care of my mom who was dying from cancer. When she passed away I moved in with my now husband (26m).

We now have a daughter who is 2 years old and currently are living with my in laws while we are looking for a house to buy with the help of our realtor.

I am a stay at home mom and now that my daughter is 2, I feel like I am capable of starting college again. I want to start college because I don’t wanna stay home forever and would like to go back to college because I absolutely loved it. Also, not to sound like a pessimist, but you never know what can happen in a relationship and if we weren’t together I wouldn’t have a degree or job to turn to. That leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

On numerous occasions during arguments my husband has said things like “this is my house, my car, my (fill in the blank). If you left you would have nothing so good luck. This has pushed me even harder to want to get a job and degree so I can feel like I have some independence and don’t constantly feel like something’s being held above my head and would like to feel like more than just a mom and a wife. I have completely lost all self independence.

Anyways; this is the issue; I applied for my FASFA and got approved for a $7000 grant and a $9500 loan. $9500 is the cost of tuition for 1 year at this community college. I was so excited and signed up for college part time and scheduled a tour for campus. When I told my husband what financial aid I got, he got angry and said no. That we couldn’t afford a $9500 loan. He said that the loan would effect our chances of getting a house even though the loan Is in my name and I am not gonna be on the home loan at all, they wont be running my credit. I told him I’d use the entire grant towards the loan and get a job at nights and weekends to cover the rest of tuition. He said I am not getting a job because we’d never see each other and now he’s saying things like “take your laptop for a day while watching the baby and see if you can even get anything done, do something completely random.” From the beginning he keeps saying “are you sure you can do that” and keeps trying to deter me and now is saying the finances are an issue. He clearly doesn’t think I’m capable and isn’t being supportive. Part time is only 4 courses a semester and him saying things insinuating I won’t be able to manage college and a baby also make me wonder: Why won’t he help me with our daughter when he’s home at night so I can do my classes? Or the weekends when he’s home? Am I the asshole for being upset that my husband won’t let me go to college?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pooping_Willow on 2023-09-23 07:39:16.

I 27(F) met 24 (F) off of tinder for our first date today. In my opinion, the date went really well at first. We had lots in common, sense of humour, life goals, she was also a light smoker, and I genuinely felt a connection I havent for a long time.

About a hour into the date, i stepped outside for a smoke. On my way out i chatted a bit with the bartender and he asked how long we have been dating and i said its our first date. For reference the bartender didnt speak more than 5 sentences to us when we first sat down although i saw him look at her more than me. She definitely couldn’t have missed he was checking her out.

When i returned she told me the bartender asked for her instagram and she gave it to him. I saw her instagram, there are no photos on her page but her profile photo was a cute photo of her and she has several hundred followers and followings. It was definitely an active account she use for messaging.

I asked why she gave her contact details to another man while on a date with me and she said she did it because she feels safer giving it away and ignore than to say no. I asked if she thought it was disrespectful to her date to give her real contact info (a method for a strange man who knew we were on a date but nonetheless shot his shot to connect with her) and she said she can see how it appears disrespectful but she did it out of habit and for security and hoped i can see from her point of view.

I told her this was a red flag because she could have easily just said “sorry im on a date and im not interested”. I felt like the excuse she gave was bs. I have been hit on by male staff while on dates before. The male staff has always backed off when i said “im not interested im on a date” and the odd times they haven’t, ignoring and reporting to management has always worked. Plus there were at least a few dozen patrons at the restaurant so what did she have to fear from the bartender? It wasnt like a random man was hitting on us on the street!

I told her that i want a woman who can stand up for herself and i can trust to have my back and who respects me enough to not connect with strange men while on a date with me when im not looking. I know this is only the first date but shouldnt the first date be where you put your best foot forward? I dont think im too possessive or controlling or insecure. I dont care if she dates other people since we just met but is it too much to ask to want to feel respected as a person and for my time?

Shortly after that i told her I must get ready for my early shift tomorrow. She sent me a message later saying she hopes i can understand and she really did do it because of habit and safety. And tbh the whole evening left a sour taste in my mouth. I have not replied yet.

Am i in the asshole for cutting the date short because I felt disrespected by her actions?

Edit: Why is everyone lecturing me about the hardships of women when I am a woman and i am fully aware of it?! I know how we curve men in ways to maximize safety. I can confidently say the overall atmosphere of the restaurant and the bartender was very relaxed. At no point was the bartender’s vibes off or pushy before and after my absence which is why my bs meter was ringing.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/unluckyashell-ta on 2023-09-23 11:17:51.

(throwaway account)

my ex "Dylan" (25m) and I (25f) met in high school and dated for almost three years. I broke up with him after I discovered that he cheated on me with a girl who had just turned 17 (he was about to turn 20 when it happened) and I went no contact almost immediately.

after graduating college, I moved to a different country to get a job in my field of work, but since he got a similar degree and I have terrible luck, we ended up meeting again a couple months ago when he was hired into the same company AND department I'm in. he tried approaching me, but I told him from the get go that I really didn't want to talk to him more than necessary. he got upset and said that I was being unfair, that he was engaged and just wanted to be friends again, but I held my ground.

our company's anniversary party dinner was two weeks ago and we could invite our partners, but I'm single so I just went by myself. my ex went to the party with his fiancée "Mary" and the seating plan went by departments, so we were at the same table and the atmosphere was a bit awkward. later in the night, when people had had some drinks already, one of our coworkers asked Mary if she knew that Dylan and I had dated before. she said she didn't and asked why we had broken up. since this was a work dinner, I just said that I didn't want to talk about it, but she insisted until someone else at the table intervened and changed the topic.

a bit after I saw my boss leaving, I said my goodbyes and tried to leave too, but Mary followed me and basically cornered me in the parking lot, saying she really wanted to know why Dylan and I had broken up. I said that was between us and it was none of her business, but she got pushy and wouldn't let me leave, so I eventually snapped and confessed that he cheated. she went back inside and I went home.

monday at work, Dylan told me during our break that Mary broke off the engagement and it's my fault for telling her he cheated on me, so I need to convince Mary to take him back. I told him what happened in the parking lot and apologized for telling her bc obviously I shouldn't have, but I refused to help him get his fiancée back because I'm not gonna lie for his benefit. he said I'm being a bitch and just trying to get back at him. some people started throwing some weird looks at me after that and apparenly it's bc he's been badmouthing around the office me and saying that I ruined his relationship on purpose bc I was jealous.

I told my friends I'm considering reporting him to HR for pulling this shit. some agree that I should do it, but some think that risking his job for this would be too much since a bit of office gossip isn't really gonna hurt me and he will let it go eventually. so, WIBTA if I went to HR to report him?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hopeful_Corner9116 on 2023-09-23 09:04:55.

Recently we were staying at my MILs house for the weekend. My BIL (husband's brother) and SIL visited one night and left after we went to bed. They then sent a text that "we" were pulling out and "we" hit your car and "we" will pay. My car has a pretty bad scrape on the side.

The thing is that I know my SIL was drinking and I get the feeling she had been driving. But when I'm trying to figure out what happened it's always "we". So I keep trying to find ways to ask without straight up saying it, and eventually I say "who was driving?" and I get the response "why?". Like they are purposely hiding it.

Here's the thing, my SIL and I don't get along at all. We're as polar opposites as anyone can be. I'm a hard worker, she's a self professed lay-about. My BIL makes all the money in their house and she spends it all while doing absolutely nothing. And she has money coming in from her parents as well.

The reason I want to know is because I think it's important that if she was driving it should be her personal money that pays for it not my BIL's. I don't think she's ever had to face the consequences of her own actions before. I also know she was drinking and think that if this was a drunk driving incident we should know. She could really harm someone with that behavior.

My husband and I got onto a fight about it now because he says why does it matter? He doesn't understand why I think it's important. Even when I said we should make an official report and go through insurance he said he doesn't want HER to get in trouble not them so he knows the truth too. Now we're fighting about it.

AITA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Character_Leather_54 on 2023-09-23 07:39:35.

So my husband’s bday was last saturday. We also had friends (a couple) come in from across the country that friday. Initially we were planning to go to a steakhouse for his birthday and as a get together. But unfortunately, he unexpectantly had to work so he couldn’t make it. I asked our friends if they mind a last minute change to a fancy sushi place (all 3 of us love sushi, husband prefers steak, and doesn’t even like raw fish).

Anyways, it was definitely fancy. We did omakase with bunch of a la cart. The total for the 3 of us was over 1k.

We celebrated his bday the next day at that steakhouse.

I didn’t tell him about the switch because I didn’t want him to feel left out. Later he was asking if we were ok with eating steak twice in a weekend. So i had to tell him we had sushi. Unfortunately, our friends were really excited to share about our experience (their first time to omakase). He didn’t say anything more about this but in private, he said I essentially celebrated his bday without him. I asked him what did he want me to do with friends across the country staying with us for just a weekend? Go to mcdonalds? So was I an AH for doing a “more fancy and expensive” dinner without my husband on the night of his birthday because he couldn’t join?

Edit:

I didn’t tell him bc he was called into a horrible case and his patient died and he wasn’t even on call. But also i didn’t want him to feel left out (despite it was no one’s fault). Felt guilty enjoying life while he was going through the wrenches. He can’t even tell me exactly why he felt upset. He’s not mad.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Technical-Prune8693 on 2023-09-23 08:24:13.

I have a 19yo stepdaughter. We are very close and I love her.

My sd is not close to her mom for multiple reasons mainly because she favors her older brother.

My sd has posted about it a couple of times in social media, posting pictures of things her mom buys or does for her brother and not for her with a caption saying "when you are not the favorite child"

A few days ago was her mom's birthday and sd only sent her a happy birthday via text and nothing more, a few hours later her mom posted pictures of her birthday party and an expensive gift that her son had bought for her with a caption "and some people wonder why he is the favorite"

My sd was about to cry and I was fuming so I posted a few pictures of my own birthday party which my sd threw for me and gave me an expensive necklace and wrote "this is how a kid treats you when you are not a shitty mom to her"

She called me shortly after and called me a bitch for calling her a shitty mom. I was only stating a fact so am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/jdaxcy on 2023-09-23 01:51:14.

So I 23M and my girlfriend 21F arent seeing eye to eye when it comes to consumption of drugs. To give a little background we both drink alcohol and smoke weed on a fair basis so when it comes to "special occasion drugs" I only really think of magic mushrooms as a go-to.

She has an upcoming girls trip where they are going to a music festival and she has openly expressed a desire for her and her friends to take Molly or Extacy at this festival. However I feel I have a pretty solid line that I have been more than vocal with when it comes to hard drugs. Especially since hearing and witnessing coutless stories of people accidentally ODing, taking one drug thinking it was another, and knowing that people cut drugs with worse stuff, I don't feel comfortable with her taking drugs like this, especially since I won't be around. I worry about her safety since she is quite naive when intoxicated and the friends she is going with don't really have any regard for her safety when they are intoxicated (this is from numerous of past stories I could but won't tell)

So, would I be the asshole if I put my foot down and told my girlfriend I don't want her taking drugs at this festival?¿

EDIT: I appreciate all the input everyone has given. A lot to think about. To clarify, when I mentioned hard drugs as Molly/Ecstasy I was naming those as the more common ones. She has also mentioned cocaine use and ketamine. (also we do shrooms together every once and a while. That is where my line is drawn. Secondly, when I said "putting my foot down" I mean in a sense of I am giving her the ultimatum because she can choose the drugs or me because I'm not comfortable being with someone who puts themselves in unnecessary danger for the sake of it.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Independent-Mud-3575 on 2023-09-23 06:14:48.

I (25F) am moving across the country and had planned to live an aquantice of mine (24F).

From the beginning, I said that I would only be able to help online but I would help with searching, reaching out and scheduling. We had been searching for a while with her going into see the apartments in person.

Long story short, we get approved for an apartment but they want her father to sign on as a guarantor because she doesn't have long enough renters history. He's apprehensive to sign on bc he doesn't know me. I totally understand and say I can talk to him to ease his mind.

She then says that he's worried that I'm going to die and leave them stuck with the lease and that he would do it if I paid him 100/month as a safety measure.

Said no I wasn't comfortable doing that and explained why. She got us on a three way call where she started crying because she was so stressed. I said I needed time to think about this and that upset her because the "apartment could go at any minute" she kind of throws me under the bus about the labor she's done searching and she doesn't want to do it anymore.

I got off the phone and called different people for advice. All said "get out now". I sent her a text saying "thank you for all you've done but I don't think we should search for apartments together. I hope we can be friends and best of luck". She calls me, yelling, saying how I'm screwing her life, I explained that hey I felt really backed into a corner this morning and I wasn't okay with that and she was like "why don't you get this, it's just the way it is" and it got to a point where nothing I was saying was getting through to her and she said she didn't think we could be friends after this and to never contact her again. Which, I'm fine with, after this.

Then her dad follows up later and says this: "I'm glad I tested your character before I did something stupid and signed a document that you would've backed out of at the first toothbrush left out. Talk about immature. My daughter is right you're a snowflake piece of shit who couldn't handle a basic business transaction to protect me from people like you. Your parents would be disappointed in your behavior. Good luck hope you don't make it. Bully that you little shit.

Dad of daughter with real Character😏 "

This whole thing is a bit crazy to me. But aita??

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lun4B34r on 2023-09-23 04:55:29.

Yesterday my dad walked in on me naked in my room. It's hot and (normally) no one ever comes in my room. I was on my computer, just browsing YouTube, and heard three quick knocks at my door. Before I had time to do ANYTHING, he opened the door and walked inside. I mean there was zero time between the knocking and the door opening, he was basically opening the door as he made the third knock. I stared at him wide-eyed as he began to explain that I might be needed to help my mom with something later and to keep my phone charged and next to me so she can call me. Part way through he stops, realizes I'm nude, and says "Do you HAVE to be naked?"

He had a talk with me today about how I should respect his house and wear clothes at all times. It should be noted that we live in a two-story home, and the second floor is pretty much entirely "my" space. I'm the only one of us who sleeps up here, and there's nothing important up here so the only reason people ever come up is to get/talk to me. If I need to leave my room when I'm naked, I put on clothes. People don't want to see me naked and I don't want people to see me naked. But it's just so uncomfortable to wear clothes when it's so hot out. Everyone else knocks and waits for permission to enter, but not dad. He just barges in, and somehow it's MY fault. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Arcabellum on 2023-09-23 03:48:28.

Hi everyone - first ever post, so I apologize for any formatting issues.

Background:

• I’m a 27(m) and GF is a 25(f)
• Dating for 3.5yr
• Living together for 5mo

I just had a spirited conversation with my GF, arising from me being out late with a good buddy of mine.

Last night the three of us went out for a bite to eat and a few drinks. Afterwards, we all ended up back at our place to throw on some warmer clothes before heading out to grab another pint. At this point the GF indicated that she was tired and wasn’t going to join us, and that buddy and I are on our own. At this point, it’s ~12am.

Buddy and I ended up walking to a bar down the street, where we had a single pint and chatted until ~1:30am

I messaged the GF when we were walking back to keep her in the loop. This was met with a text saying “really?? It’s 2am and you’re still out??”

Her concern is that I should have no business nor interest in being out beyond 11:00, as my college days are long behind me. And that when I am out late, it shows we are on different paths and that it makes her feel like she’s back in college; like she’s my “roommate rather than teammate” and “it feels like we’re living different lives”.

To clarify, I’ve had two late nights (2-3am) in the last two months. So this is not a pervasive issue.

She says “well do you see me out with my friends at those hours” but in actuality, since we moved here 5mo ago, she has seen her friends maybe twice - and I’m being generous with that figure.

To further complicate this issue, she refuses to discuss this matter in-depth and simply shuts down; using her go-to spell card of, “I’m done talking about this”, and insisting that I “just don’t understand” and that she “doesn’t need to explain or validate why she feels the way she does”; with me being an asshole for trying to understand the reasons behind her concerns so we can attempt to resolve the issue.

I’m confused here. I feel bad that she feels the way she does, as that is never my intention. However I don’t know if that’s a reasonable response on her side, or if this is really that serious.

So, AITA for:

• Thinking a curfew is unreasonable
• Believing this isn’t a pervasive issue
• Not viewing this as a serious issue
• Trying to understand her concerns

Thank-you in advance, everyone

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ElectionClassic8008 on 2023-09-23 04:26:19.

So, a bit of background: I (28F) have been a proud carnivore my whole life. Everyone close to me knows it. Well, last week was my birthday and my friends decided to throw me a surprise party. Super sweet, right?

Here's where it gets sticky. I found out about the surprise a few days in advance (my GF (27F) accidentally let it slip). I snooped for more info and discovered that they decided to make it a fully vegan BBQ to accommodate one new friend (23M) who is vegan. I was a little annoyed because I felt like my birthday was being co-opted for his dietary choices.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and told my GF I insist on a meaty BBQ feast for the party. On the day, everyone was surprised (especially me, pretending not to know) but the vegan friend called out the spread and was visibly upset. I told him it was my party and I wanted to eat what I love. A huge argument ensued.

Now, half of my friends think I was an asshole for not respecting the vegan choice for one day and the other half are on my side saying it's my day and I should have what I want. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/UKBookEditor on 2023-09-22 22:38:36.

Basically, we’re getting married and have said that we want no children – kids of friends, kids of family, kids of relations, etc. – and the amount of backlash we have received, despite us paying for the wedding, is ridiculous.

My brother has two (LOUD) children and has never been favourable of our relationship but is absolutely adamant that his kids should be at the wedding. We have said, over and over again, that anyone (despite relation) who is under the age of 21 cannot attend the ceremony or, as it were the ‘big day’. However, we are now receiving an influx of messages – 18 months before the wedding – from folk who can’t sort childcare, etc.

My partner and I don’t want children, aren’t big fans and, frankly, don’t want to waste money on extra, tiny guests but our families don’t get it.

Am I/are we the asshole?

EDIT: We’re both 30 and most of our friend, bar a few don’t have and will not be having children.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pure_Ad3746 on 2023-09-22 23:42:15.

I have had my cat for 3 years. I absolutely love my cat as do my kids. Well recently my best friend and her boyfriend broke up and she had no where to go so she came to stay with me. She has been to my house plenty of times and has told me she’s allergic to my cat. When she asked to move in I told her yes but that I wanted her to keep in mind that she’s allergic to my cat. She said she’d keep her door closed and take allergy medicine. Well we are a month in with her living with me and she keeps hinting to me that I should take my cat to the shelter, I always laugh and tell her she’s absolutely nuts. But last night she flipped on me and said if I cherish our friendship that I’d do whatever I had to do to keep her comfortable in OUR home. I told her this is my cat, kids and I’s home and if she had a problem she can leave. AITA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Anybodywhocanwilldo on 2023-09-23 01:55:47.

For Context; I (24 M) Have recently won the lottery moths ago. I wont say how much it was but its north of 7 figures. While this came with a host of new issues, I acquired an accountant, Tax attorney and a host of other people to help me through this transitional period.

My family only found out once i had my affairs in order. My direct family consist of 2 sisters, a mother a father, and 2 direct grandmothers on both sides. Those are who got any money from me.

Unfortunately, this is where the drama happens, naturally once everything was sorted out, my extended family heard about this. They are the types of people to talk bad about you while you're not there and unless you have proof, they'll lie to your face about saying anything bad about you. So I never got along with them much. Besides my 2 cousins around my age, I barely know or try to be around the other kids. So; here comes this week when I get a call from one of my aunts (I have 3). here's the gist of what was said:

Aunt 1: OH hello OP, Its been so long since we've talked, how have you been?

Me: Uh ... fine. How ha-

Aunt !: Oh I've been wonderful, would you mind if I make this a group call with my sisters?

Me: Uh why?

Aunt 1: *makes conference call with all 3 aunts*

Me: WTF is happening rn?

aunt 2: Oh hi how are you, I heard you came into some money lately... You know we heard how you retired your dad recently and we were wondering (Yup here it comes) If you would give us some money too so we can retire.

Aunt 3: Oh and I would like a new house because ours right now is too small.

Me: Um.... who told you?

Aunt 2: We found out from our mother (My grandmother on my father's side)

Me: Um well, I don't think that would be possible, after investing most of it and paying for my sisters, parents and grandparents new things, I don't have much left to give out.

( I was very much lying I have a ton left liquid but they don't need to know that. )

aunt 3; well cant you just sell some of your investments and give us that money?

Aunt 3: well that so selfish, we are your aunts and we deserve that money.

Aunt 2: yeah we worked hard as parents (they have never worked in their life at an actual job, They are all sahms)

ME: But it isn't your money.

Aunt 2: Well you gave it to our mother and our brother so we feel like we're owed.

At that point i hung up on them.

Naturally, I called my direct family and told them what happened. My Family & partner agrees with me about not giving them any money but maybe I should set up college funds for the kids. I don't quite know what to do, And since Christmas is coming up sooner rather than later, i was thinking of finally hosting at my new apartment but i really don't want my aunts to show up unprompted. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Safe-Cow-6509 on 2023-09-23 02:32:20.

Throwaway account due to not wanting my family and friends to know about my personal issues, I know this is likely a weird post due to traditional values and views but here it goes.

I (28M) am getting married to my girlfriend (26F) of 16 months in a couple months from now due to just falling for her quick and wanting to settle down before I'm too old to. So for some context, I am black and tend to like to wear a lot of white and brighter colors in my day-to-day life but to get to the point quickly.

I was with my wife's brother just because he was going to be one of my groomsmen per my wife's requests. I was thinking that we could both figure out how to make the suits match or look well together while we were at the tailor's, but he seemed kind of weird when I wanted to buy the white suit, he said something like "Don't you think white is more of a bride thing?" but never thought much about it due to just knowing about grooms wearing white to their own weddings before.

About 2 days after this shopping for suits time, I come home from work to my wife or future wife (whatever you want to say) and she's extremely upset and angry for seemingly no reason to me, so of course, I asked her what's wrong, thinking it was something wrong with the wedding or a wedding service not being done right. She proceeds to ask me How could I make the wedding all about myself. She told me her brother called her telling her that I wanted to buy a white suit. To be honest, after thinking about it for the past couple days, I actually wanted to just not do it and buy a normal suit to make her feel like the most important person on her special day.

After letting her scream and yell her heart out at me, I was just sitting there and listening, not wanting to get upset myself regardless of her strange reaction but then she said "You always make everything about you and I'm sick of it". This actually struck a nerve in me because I would hear this all the time in my childhood and such about how I'm self-centered and selfish so as a adult in a relationship, I didn't want to be like this, I refused to ever let her or any other past relationship celebrate my birthday or buy me gifts for holidays or anything due to not wanting to be seen as selfish.

For the past week, I've been sleeping in my car since she kicked me out of our home for the time-being and wanted time to cool off. I don't have anyone to go to and don't want to have a pity-party with anyone I do know, but I have been thinking about this and kind of have been thinking that I'm truly in the wrong right now and maybe I actually am making her day about me and being selfish and the sort, so AITA for wanting to wear white?

Small Edit: Ever since the proposal I have sometimes noticed my wife acting weird or even suggesting I wear something different if I wear white in public while I'm with her so maybe I was very stupid and blind to this very "Neon Red Flag"

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CentristTearsRSweet on 2023-09-22 23:52:47.

So my (M37) Dad turned 70 and made a big deal about having all of his children accompany him on a trip to Alaska to celebrate. He also made it clear he also meant my partner (F26) included on the two week trip. We make significantly less money than my folks and my partner got a new job so to make this happen they had to take unpaid leave. It seemed very important to them and we knew it would be stressful due to previous interactions but decided to be team players.

Anyway, the second day of the trip we were sitting on the porch and my brother (34) and sister in law (29) brought us a bottle of wine from the country they live in. We had previously decided to not drink around my folks cause things tend to escalate but everyone seemed chill so we had a glass of wine with everyone.

My brother and Dad started talking about politics, and my dad brought up Amy Klochubar, the Senator that got caught yelling and throwing a stapler at a staff member. My dad was ranting about how she got disqualified for bullshit, my partner chimed in saying, it’s never ok to yell at people. My dad then stood up, started pointing at her yelling, “you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’ve never been in a management position.” At which point, I stood up, separated him from my partner and asked if she was ok, she said no, and went to our room. I went with her.

I came back up and asked my dad to go on a walk. He refused and demanded to talk to my partner, I said are you going to apologize and tell us how this won’t happen again? He said no, and said my partner triggered how m. I said then, no, they don’t want to talk to you and went downstairs. At this point my sister in law, my mom and my brother all came down and demanded my partner talk to him. Mind you, he and everyone else continued drinking. She said no.

It got to the point that we realized that my partner was being blamed so we booked tickets the next morning and left. Since then, we’ve had no contact but an angry voicemail from my mom about how I haven’t talked to them and an email I sent saying I don’t have anything to say until we get an apology.

AITA for ruining my Dads birthday.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kooky-Raisin7529 on 2023-09-22 23:23:10.

I am a SAHM, we currently have two children, and things have been pretty good, but recently husband has been making requests to make larger purchases. We have always operated on two yes, and one no for all major purchases.

My husband feels I am controlling how he spends his money. I have explained many times that I do not feel it is wise to spend needlessly when that money can go towards our kids.

His arguments for what he wants always boil down to a want, not a need. Granted, in his eyes, it is a need because he wants it.

He wanted to buy a new car, and I said no cause I see no point in adding a car payment when our current cars are fine and most importantly they are paid off.

He tried to play it off as I was controlling and did not understand how hard he worked. Yet, I am the one who cooks, cleans, does the food shopping, takes the kids to the doctor, handles play dates, etc...

Granted, he has never been a fan of two yes, and one no. Because someone will always pull the short straw. Especially in his case because many of the things he wants he has admitted are not necessary.

Am I being unreasonable for putting our kids first?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Miserable-C on 2023-09-22 23:08:08.

TL;DR. I didnt give my ungratful neice a 300$ present?

So recently, I (32F) bought a few presents for my neices birthday, which was a few days ago. My neice is 11, and shes been wanting this almost 300$ thing. It was expensive, but I had been saving up for it because I thought she had deserved it. She's been doing good in school and good at home.

Anyways, I got to her party, and I had left the toyhome. It was going to be a surprise i could give her after her party, since I checked with everybody else getting her a gift and nobody was getting what I got. I thought this was a great plan. I bring my little gift bag of a few things she liked (to be specific, a few candy bars and a 20$ gift card) and give it to her when it was time to open the gifts. She opened it, and looked at me in an annoyed way. "This is all you got me? Just candys bars and a goft card?" I was shocked by what she said. I was debating on whether I should give her her other present, but she had been extremely rude, so I decided to hold on.

I pulled her mom aside, and told her I was gonna wait until christmas, or maybe her next birthday to give her the gift because my neice had been rude. She asked me "Why cant you just give it to her now? You already bought it." I told her it was because her daughter was rude, and i didnt feel like giving it to her today. My sister got mad, and told me to leave the party then. I shrugged, and left.

Once I got home, i put the unopened box in my basement. I checked my phone, and my sister had called me an asshole for not giving my neice the car. I responded that her neice was rude, and I didnt feel like giving a rude eleven year old an expensive toy right now. My sister and my mom say i should just give her the toy, and im staying firm. They keep calling me an asshole, and Im starting to think im in the wrong.

So, reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SchemeLong4640 on 2023-09-22 22:44:54.

I (F27) am marrying my fiancé (F26) next October. We've had a very long engagement (3 years now) because we are paying for our wedding ourselves, and we wanted to take time to save up enough money to have the wedding of our dreams. I know that the wedding isn't everything, of course, and we are both so excited to be getting married regardless, but we figure since we only plan on doing this once, may as well go all out!

Now, my fiance and I both work in animal sciences and have always had a taste for the macabre. We've planned our wedding to have a sort of "dark nature" theme; our ideal decor includes lots of moss, mushrooms, dark flowers, even the occasional antler or skull (ethically sourced, of course! That's part of what makes them so expensive but we refuse to compromise on that). My dress is black, and I plan to walk down the aisle to Hozier's "Like Real People Do." We've booked a venue in a nearby national park and plan to have the ceremony deep in the forest with a reception at a nearby pavilion. Of course, my fiance and I acknowledge that our taste is weird and not what most people would do for a wedding, but we've talked long and hard about it and this is what we want.

Our friends are all excited with us, but the issue comes from both of our mothers. I'm the only daughter in my family and my fiancé is the only child in hers, so our mothers have both been excited to plan "their perfect wedding." Unfortunately, they disapprove of almost every decision we've picked, and it has caused quite a few arguments. My fiancé's mother has gone as far as to call my fiance crying about how she's "ruining her only chance to plan her daughter's perfect wedding."

Now, our theme is important to us, but not as important as our family's. Our friends have encouraged us to not back down and stick up for what we want, but neither of us want miserable mothers. WIBTA if I tell the collective moms that this is what we've decided on? Would it be easier just to change a few things?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Different_Pie_1375 on 2023-09-22 22:29:10.

My 13 year old daughter Vivian has always been a horrible sleeper. From a very young age she has never wanted to sleep in her own bed, she would come into my husband and I’s room and make some excuse as to why she wanted to sleep with us. Perhaps it was our fault we formed this habit by giving in to her, but anyways. For this reason we avoided letting her have sleepovers at other people’s houses for a long time. However this girl in her class was having a birthday party which involved a sleepover. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but Vivian insisted on going. I figured she’s a teenager now, she’s capable of taking care of herself. Fine. I told her that she could go, but that she better not pull any of the BS she normally does. She made her choice and would have to stay the whole night with no complaints. So the sleepover comes, we go to bed without hearing anything. I figured it’s going great and was relieved. At 2 AM I woke up to my phone ringing. I look at it and it’s Vivian. She said she ate too much at the sleepover and was feeling sick and wanted me to come pick her up. She said it wasn’t her usual nonsense, that she was actually sick but I didn’t believe her. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. I told her to go back to sleep and just tough it out for a few more hours, that I would pick her up in the morning. So what does she do? Goes into the friend’s parents room and wakes them up. Tells them that she’s sick and her mom is refusing to pick her up, so could they drop her home. Completely embarrassed me as a parent🤦🏼‍♀️. Now she’s mad at me for not picking her up and her friend’s parents think I’m some weirdo who doesn’t care about her daughter since they don’t know what Vivian does. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/refusingpauper on 2023-09-22 22:27:26.

I (M30) am close with my brother (M28) and his wife (F28). My wife (F30) and my SIL have been very good friends since they first met. They regularly meet up without me and my brother. I love the fact they are friends. We also meet up all together and we all get on well.

I suspected my wife was cheating on me. Long story short, this was confirmed with loads of evidence. I confronted my wife and she confessed. We are going through therapy.

Some of the evidence I found was on my wife's phone. While looking for evidence, I found messages between my wife and SIL. The messages show my SIL knew about the affair for months. In the messages she empathised with my wife. She said she would understand if my wife left me. She didn't exactly tell my wife off for cheating. My SIL didn't tell me. I didn't get any "anonymous tips" or hints or anything.

She didn't help my wife cover her tracks and she never lied to me to help my wife, but she could have told me and she chose not to. I don't think my brother knew.

My wife says its her own fault for cheating and my SIL was just being a good friend to her. My SIL says she has done nothing wrong. My brother backs up my SIL.

But I feel angry towards my SIL. It means 2 people who I'm close to have been deceitful to me. She helped to prolong my hurt.

So AITA for being mad at my SIL? Should I expect an apology from her?

Edit: 3 year old daughter. Married 8 years.

My wife said she got bored and fell out of love with me. But she said she realised her mistake after she cheated and now she wants to be back together. She said someone else would be lucky to have me.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/_advice4mepls on 2023-09-22 22:15:36.

My (30F) pregnant sister (34F) and her husband (42M) planned 2 weekend trips to visit me on the west coast - also as a pit stop to get to and from Hawaii. My sister (Jane) is pregnant and this trip is their babymoon.

Jane's husband (Charles); My husband 31M (Victor)

Background - I don't like how Charles speaks to or treats Jane in general. Charles often argues and raises his voice at Jane throughout the day about trivial things. I've talked to Jane about his behavior before and she's told me, "I realize how he sounds when he talks to people; we fight about it all the time" and "I think he needs anger management." It always ends with her apologizing or making excuses.

Weekend 1: The entire time we spent with Charles was quite exhausting and miserable for me. He argued with my sister multiple times. When Victor speaks, I can see Charles rolling his eyes, nudging Jane's elbow, and "whispering" snide remarks to her; he seems to think these all go unnoticed by us. He usually talks down to me, cuts me off, and enjoys flaunting his knowledge. My brother, mom, and some cousins also find him a difficult person to be around.

Charles and Jane leave my house and the next day I am overwhelmed by the stress and how uncomfortable Charles always makes me feel. Victor finds me crying and thinks they should not come back to sleep in our home because it is so stressful for me, but agrees we should still hang out with them out of our house. I cried about it because I don't want to put my sister in a difficult situation, especially with her being pregnant and trying to enjoy a vacation.

I end up telling Jane how I feel: "Charles is rude/disrespectful to you, me, and Victor. I still want to spend time with you while you're in town, but I need separate time to decompress after being with Charles. I love you but this is the boundary I need to set for this dynamic to work."

She cries and says if she doesn't sleep here, she will "need a break" from me.

I apologized to her and emphasized this is about needing a break from Charles, not Jane. (both during a phone call and text)

Charles calls me and it goes terribly. He talks over me. He tells me he is "disappointed" because I am "not supporting" my sister's pregnancy by not allowing him to sleep at my place. "Jane is bringing life into this world. Our feelings aren't what matter, Jane is what matters right now. If we don't sleep there, we won't be seeing you."

Weekend 2 starts today. I haven't heard from Jane. AITA?

TL;DR: I told my sister I need a break from her husband bc he's rude/disrespectful, and essentially told them to get their own place when they come visit

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/apex_female on 2023-09-22 17:20:23.

I (20f) go to a small liberal arts college. I am in my junior year but I'm trying to put myself on track to graduate a semester early with honors. I'm a psychological science major and spend a lot of time in that department. I work in the psychology department, the sociology/anthropology department, and for the admissions office. I'm currently working with a professor to set up my own research project that hopefully you all will one day see published (cross your fingers for significant results). I've designed this project mostly by myself with some oversight from the professor and I'm now introducing it to the lab team to carry out. I take 4 classes (one with a lab) and 1 is a 300 level class while the rest are 200 level. That being said I'm extremely busy and don't have a lot of extra time to mess around. If I can manage to find extra time it's either spent working on projects, eating, sleeping, or sometimes with my partner and/or friends.

This brings us to yesterday where I had an exam for my anatomy/physiology course. We had taken the same exam the day before in a collaborative group, but today we were to take it alone and make sure we went more in depth on the questions. I get to class and look over her notes on the exam for yesterday before taking a seat and waiting for her to pass out the exams (this is scheduled class time). She continues joking around with students for another 10 minutes before telling us that we're all going on a short walk to the local elementary to pick up her child as some sort of 'fun' field trip. I, in what I think is reasonably respectful way, ask her if this is required and if I can just take the exam. She goes on to say that her child is very excited to come to this class, but once again I ask if I can just take my exam instead so that I can leave early so I have extra time during my day. She agrees to let me stay in the lab and do the test while everyone else goes to pick up her kid. I'm the only one who stays behind, but I was fine with that.

For extra clarification, this was around 2:30 and due to my schedule I didn't have time to eat lunch today and it was very hot outside and had been given no previous notice of this excursion. In my head, I find it disrespectful of her to come to class and waste my time when I pay her the respect to not do the same for her. Additionally, I pay around $15,000 a semester to go here and don't agree with her using class time meant for learning to do activities like pick her child up from school. I mentioned my displeasure to another classmate today though and they found it ridiculous that I disagreed with her using the time to pick up her kid and insisting I stay behind to just get the exam over with. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Commercial_Math_2828 on 2023-09-22 18:16:02.

Hi there!!! I've been second guessing myself for a couple weeks now and decided to hopefully get other opinions on this. So... I 36(f) and husband 39(m) have 2 kids 16(NB) and 12(f). My husband's family and his whole extended family and going to DisneyWorld again, they have done this twice already. We all went the first time and the kids went with his family without us the second time. Earlier this year they started planning another trip and with everything going on in Florida politically and my child being non binary and very flamboyant about their sexuality I said Hell No! We talked with the kids about everything and they seemed totally in board and understood. My in-laws would ask here and there if I'd change my mind but I stayed firm with the support of the kids. Now flashforward a couple more months and my sister-in-law was very drunk and brought it up again stating my youngest told her kids she wants to go but doesn't want to cause conflict or just have her go and her sibling miss out. My equally as drunk husband told her no again and went off on her about why we couldn't do something else somewhere else that everyone can go and enjoy and then it was dropped. I have not talked with my kids about this, I'm not sure how to yet. My husband and I can't go no matter the circumstances bc of our jobs and finances but I am starting to doubt if I did the right thing for the kids. So reddit please help and let me know AITA for not letting my kids got to Disney bc of my beliefs???

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kindly_Dragonfly_803 on 2023-09-22 18:04:53.

My husband and I had planned on taking our daughter on an outing today, we both got off work and everything. My younger sister texted me asking if she could come over today. She is still in high school but she doesn’t have many friends. She’s also homeschooled. I told her she could come over later because we had plans during the day, and then I get a text from my mom asking why I didn’t invite her. We are all very close and I see my sister multiple times a week and ask her to do things constantly. Half the time she is too tired and doesn’t want to do what I’m asking her to do, and I always ask her what she wants to do but she never really has an opinion.

So long story short my mom is upset that I didn’t invite her and I told her that I just kind of wanted to do this outing with the three of us and that I would hang out with her later and she thinks I’m wrong for that so I’m just wondering if I am being selfish or if my mom is being over bearing? I do feel bad for my sister and I love her obviously but at the same time I don’t think I should be expected to invite her to everything that I do.