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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/thorwra_0065 on 2023-10-03 14:49:21.

I live with my girlfriend and recently got a promotion at work alongside exams that I have to complete from work. I've started noticing I'm getting tired a lot more often and drained a lot more. I decided to have 2-3 days to myself to just relax and recharge each month so I don't get burnt out. With these days I would just stay at home, catch up on Netflix, play some video games, read etc. I won't even leave the apartment.

I mentioned this to my gf and her response was just what about if we wanted to make plans, what about if there was something happening that we wanted to attend. I just reiterated that I needed the time to myself to avoid getting burnt out. She asked what she was supposed to do when I had my day to myself and I just told her I'm sure she can think of something. I pointed out I wasn't kicking her out of the apartment, I would just be doing things to relax all day so she's free to do whatever she wants.

She just repeated that I was being unfair by have 2-3 days where I refuse to do anything without any concern for her despite her living with me. I just see it as me needing some time to recharge each month and if my gf asked for the same then I would understand.

AITA for taking 2-3 days a month to myself to just do nothing?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Big-Reflection2037 on 2023-10-03 15:57:23.

I (19f) told my sister(22f) her boyfriend(24m) makes me uncomfortable and no one was on my side.

So late last year my parents, my sister, her boyfriend and me went out for drinks and when we got back to my house me, my dad and my sisters boyfriend kept drinking in the kitchen. It started when he kept touching my thigh and calling me by my sisters name and I kept telling him I was not her and to stop touching me (my dad was just standing there and watching) after about 20-30 mins of that my dad left and I was honestly terrified that I was now alone with him so I started cleaning up the empty bottles to get ready to go to bed.

I don’t remember the details of the next part all I remember is that he made a joke or something about me being weak so I told him I’d prove I wasn’t … he was winded so I started laughing at him. He got up and basically tackled me to the floor and got on top of me, he held down my arms and told me to apologise so I did, I had gotten out of an ab#sive relationship only months before this and obviously this triggered a lot of stuff so I walked into the utility room because I knew I was going to cry. The light was off and he had followed me (I have no idea why and I don’t want to know what would’ve happened) I heard my dad come back out to the kitchen with my mum and I ran out and said I was tired and was going to bed, I got to my room and just started bawling a few minutes later my mum came in and asked me what was wrong and told me my dad had come into her telling her that my sisters boyfriend was being weird with me so obviously I told her everything that had happened, I told her I wanted to tell my sister the next day my mum told me not to because they were going on holiday in a few days and it would ruin her trip, the next day my parents were having breakfast and I joined them and basically what happened is my dad kept asking what I did and stuff and my mum was still telling me not to tell my sister.

So I didn't tell her until about 3 weeks ago and she got angry with me and I didn't end up going to my cousins 21st but I later found out my sisters boyfriend did. my sister has since blocked me on almost everything and my parents think I should reach out to her and explain more (I already told my sister I know it probably wasn't intentional but it still made me super uncomfortable. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family since and have been living with my boyfriend

AITA?

There are lots more details but I was trying to keep it as short as possible I'll post updates here.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Primary_Tumbleweed89 on 2023-10-03 15:43:09.

Hi all, quick update but a fair bit has happened in the last 24 hours (and it isn't good). First of all, thank you to everyone for your advice, I took it on board. Especially the stuff about setting our boundaries now and not taking anymore manipulation. There was some people questioning the need for a reveal scan, we just thought it would be nice for our first child. I understand that's not for everyone's liking but that's what we want to do.

Anyway, my sister called me on Sunday, I explained that my girlfriend should be allowed to have whomever she wants there. She reiterated the awkwardness of it at the scan, so I suggested a coffee meet up which she said she'd chat to my mum about. My mum turned it down and said it was "too formal". In her words, "I'm sure I'll meet them someday". She suggested we have two separate scans for each of the family, I turned this down because I thought it was gross. My girlfriend is not a test subject for other people's enjoyment. Then I said we'll book our own and invite who we want or have it just us. She then turned passive aggressive and said "fine, you do what you want, I've been nothing but supportive and my girlfriend is gonna want her family there for everything". I said this isn't true, she said she wants both families involved.

Knowing that they'd continue to try and make offers for the scan, I sent them a long message to both of them in a group chat. I've added the screenshots on the insane siblings subreddit which you can see on my profile. And as you can see in the reply from my sister, she attempted to gaslight me into feeling bad. After she said we part ways, I blocked her on everything. I'm not having that kind of influence in my life and certainly not subjecting my girlfriend to it. Especially if they're not going to respect our boundaries.

My mum called me a short time after and told me my message was condescending, cold and formal and didn't understand why I was "overreacting about the scan". Told me to not interrupt. Even a message I sent to her which was among the same lines as the one in the screenshot. I told her it's not just about the scan, it's about her overinvolvement in general. Clearly my sister left details out because she didn't know about my sister wanting to look after the baby every weekend and being insecure about the support from my girlfriend's family. She said we should all meet up to chat. I'm not having them bully me though, if I'm there to chat, I'm having someone in my corner. She said she didn't want us arguing but I said the ball is in my sister's court. My mum is attempting to play peacekeeper and has sided with my sister's erratic behaviour so neither of them I really trust.

As for the scan, my girlfriend and I have booked our own scan and we're having a reveal party next weekend where everyone is welcome. Although right now, I'm not inviting my mum and sister.

I've explained the situation to my dad and he's disgusted at them. My sister and I have different dads.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mountain_Nerve_3069 on 2023-10-03 11:47:44.

So there is this friend I’m traveling to Europe with, let’s call her C.

When we were booking accommodations, she was super strict on her budget and we ended up booking a bunch of cheapy studios.

I had a hard time sleeping in, and morning is the best time to call to my husband. So yesterday I woke up at 6, wrapped myself in a blanket and went outside of the Airbnb to the staircase landing at 6:30 to make the call.

I was trying to chat in low voice, wasn’t laughing loudly, nothing like that. Finished the call and snuck back into the Airbnb.

And before I left I turned the light on in the bathroom, so I have some light when I come back. It wasn’t shining into her eyes and I thought I was mindful and didn’t turn the hallway light or the living room light..

This morning she wasn’t talking to me and decided to go explore by herself because I’m so inconsiderate and selfish for walking up so early and opening the door, and that she could hear me talking outside of the Airbnb.

She suggested I don’t turn any light on, and better go to a coffee shop if I wake up before her.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/grizold on 2023-10-03 16:28:04.

For context I am 24 and Ex is 25. We broke up just over 6 months ago and we have 2 kids so we're still in contact. He's recently gotten into a new relationship with the girl he was cheating on me with for a while. He has known the girl for a while and she was 17 when they started seeing each other to start with. His parents don't know the reasons behind our breakup and she's 19 now.

Last week I went to pick up our kids from his parents as that is where he is currently living and his dad apologised for him not being there to hand the boys over to me, and that their dad was away for the weekend in a different city. I replied with oh it's fine. he mentioned he was seeing his GF at uni. I had absolutely no idea they weren't aware of her and his dad didn't say anything about it at the time. I'm guessing they've mentioned something to him when he's gotten back as he's sent me multiple texts of abuse saying Im trying to get in between his relationship. I have my opinions on the relationship but i've never voiced them as he's a very good dad to the boys and they don't spend time with his new girlfriend.

AITA.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wee162 on 2023-10-03 15:41:24.

I (M49) am getting married in March next year. I have never been married before, I am also a single parent to my daughter, now 15. Myself and my wife-to-be (F38) don't have much money, so we are doing quite a DIY-wedding (think community hall, BYOB, etc.). We are both absolutely fine with this, neither of us is that bothered about a fancy do.

Nevertheless, this will still cost us a few grand (around 5-7k, depending on how it shakes out). We were both also happy to pay for this ourselves, and did not ask anyone on either side of our family for money. However, my mum very kindly offered us 2k to help us out a bit, for which we were very grateful. We factored it into the budget accordingly.

However, since then, my grandmother died, and my mum came into a significant amount of money from the sale of her house. She came around the other day to say that she was giving me and my sister (F43) 5k each from the proceeds.

This is where the AITA crux comes: she also said that the 2k that she'd previously offered us should now come out of that 5k. I don't really feel great about myself admitting where my mind went: that is, that that 2k is now not really a gift -- it's either a) effectively coming out of my own money, or b) effectively my sister is getting 5k and I'm getting 3k (if that makes sense).

I think it's fair to me, though, to point out that my sister has always been the favourite, and is traditionally "a bit tight" in general, to be charitable. She has also never been married, and has no kids, for information; but I should also point out that I'm not in the least jealous of her for "lifestyle" reasons ("She gets to spend it on holidays etc.").

I didn't say anything at all, to either my mum or sister; I just bit my lip and said thank you very much to my mum. I don't really plan on saying anything, either. I must also confess, though, that it went through my head to say "well if she ever gets married, she better not get a one-off gift."

I guess I'm just turning to the AITA community to try and work through it in my head, and try and reconcile it inwardly with no malice. As I say, I feel kind of icky about myself right now for feeling the way I do. First-world problems and then some, you know? But I can't seem to shake that nagging feeling of injustice. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lazy_Sell_192 on 2023-10-03 14:23:26.

Name changed for privacy reasons.

I've been best friends with Sarah for as long as I can remember. We've been through thick and thin together, and I've always been her biggest supporter. However, recently, our friendship has hit a rough patch.

A few months ago, Sarah got engaged to her long-term partner, Mark. She was over the moon, and I was genuinely happy for her. She asked me to be her maid of honour, a role I was initially thrilled to accept.

However, as the wedding planning progressed, it became clear that Sarah was changing. She started turning into a bridezilla, making unreasonable demands, and expecting me to drop everything for her wedding. For example:

1. She wanted me to plan and fund an extravagant hen's night that was way beyond my budget.
2. She insisted that I wear an expensive dress for the wedding that I couldn't afford.
3. She expected me to handle all the DIY decorations for the wedding, even though I had no experience in it.

Our friendship deteriorated under the strain of wedding planning, and we had several heated arguments. Finally, I decided that I couldn't continue being her maid of honour, and I told her my reasons.

Sarah was devastated, and she accused me of abandoning her during one of the most important moments of her life. She said I was being selfish and that I should have stuck by her no matter what. Now, I'm torn between feeling guilty for letting her down and feeling like I needed to prioritise my own well-being.

AITA for not wanting to attend my best friends wedding as her maid of honour?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PomegranateOrnery904 on 2023-10-03 15:21:59.

My girlfriend (26 F) Sarah and I (26 M) have been dating for a few years now. Our parents are fine with the relationship, and there were basically no issues at all.

I asked her hand out for marriage today, and she said yes. She appeared excited enough for it, and then the conversation turned to what date we should perform the wedding in. I told her that we can fix a date after consulting both of our parents, and she appeared surprised.

She asked me what I want to consult the parents for, that we can just fix the date and inform them about it in that we're getting married that day. I told her I absolutely wasn't going to do that, and said it's not as if they'd refuse it anyway. They've already approved the relationship, but that it's important to consult them before setting a date.

She attempted to convince me to just decide it ourselves as it was "our life", but when I refused point-black to entertain her, she accused me of being a "Momma's boy" and that I can't think for myself. She got up and left, and hasn't contacted me since. It's been a few hours now.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mean_Courage1506 on 2023-10-03 13:55:02.

One of my oldest friends from school is having her engagement outing next week at a nightclub and each person is supposed to pay about 150$ for themselves. So between my husband and I that would be 300$. Thing is, while most of my class has that kind of money (it was a private school that I went to on a scholarship so we're in different classes financially) we don't. Sure we could pay it but it would put a serious dent in our budget for the month. I didn't expect to get invited in the first place (we haven't talked for over a year because she was going through a rough time and I wasn't there for her but only because my life was basically a poop storm at the time) so I was very excited to go so I can make amends with her. However, that was before I knew of the minimum charge each person has to pay to attend. I don't know what to do because I'm very embarrassed to tell her that I can't afford to go. WIBTA if I lie and give her a fake excuse about why I can't go? Edit: To put things into perspective, the cost is about 10% of our income since I'm a SAHM temporarily for health reasons, and my husband is the breadwinner.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Thick-Ad549 on 2023-10-03 15:15:26.

My cousin and I are seniors in the same highschool. He just moved to our school this year. Our school has a system in which students are ranked based on their grades and everyone knows the ranking. It's to motivate students to try harder.

I'm ranked 1 and I have been 1st for a while though it's a very close competition between me and rank 2 and 3. My cousin is ranked 52nd.

My cousin has started the habit that he will refer to us as rivals. He will tell people that we are rivals and it's really annoying. A few days ago when we were all visiting a family member, he was talking to our uncle about how exciting it is that we are rivals now. I told him sorry but we are not rivals. Rivals are people who compete for the same goal. Your goal can't possibly be the same as mine. You are not one of the people that I'm worried will take my rank. You are not one of the people which i try very hard to be better than so no you are not my rival.

He thinks I'm an asshole

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jalden99 on 2023-10-03 09:24:26.

So I 22M living Denver with my girlfriend, 23F. we both bartend, she works downtown at a hotel and tonight she was telling me about how this band that was playing at red rocks were staying at the hotel. she texted me, that one of them was flirting with her, which I don’t really see as a big deal since it’s pretty common in our industry, however like an hour later, she wanted to grab drinks with them and I said I wasn’t comfortable and she got pretty defensive saying that I don’t trust her and that when I grab drinks with people, she didn’t have an issue but I feel like this is a different situation and I genuinely was uncomfortable, so I just don’t know if I’m the asshole.

Edit: definitely interesting responses, I ended up saying I was uncomfortable just cause I have no idea what a group of random guys might try and she came home after she closed, I feel like it was the right call. Honestly iI don’t have trust issues we go have drinks hang hang out with friends separately all the time and In two years it’s never been an issue, it felt like too sketchy of a situation tonight and I hate trying to control a situation but It wasn’t a risk I was comfortable with, at the end of the day she is her own person and could have gone out if she wanted but I’m really happy she didn’t

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SeaNectarine6440 on 2023-10-03 15:13:12.

My wife and I each brought a daughter from previous relationships into our marriage. Despite being only a year apart in age, our daughters were completely different and that’s why I’m here.

My daughter has always been athletic and outgoing. Growing up, she played basketball, softball, soccer, volleyball, and even golf. In middle school, she picked up tennis and never looked back. I paid for her to have private lessons and when she found out how much I was paying for those lessons, she decided that’s what she wants to do as her teenage job. She’s now a junior, is one of the best players on her HS team, and teaching tennis lessons. She teaches elementary school kids and charges $75 per hour per kid. With her skills and outgoing personality, she has a waiting list of kids and makes about $1,200 a week. She could make more but I limit her hours so that she can concentrate on school.

My stepdaughter is reserved and not very athletic. We always tried to sign her up to the same sport and team with my daughter but she either objected or quit a couple of weeks in. I get it, sports is not for everyone so I never made her feel bad about it. She recently turned 16 and got a job at a burger place nearby. She’s making $13 an hour and brings home less than $200 a week.

My daughter recently decided that she wants to be independent by buying her clothes and electronics with her own money. Obviously she can afford the latest styles and gadgets. She recently brought herself the top of the line Mac. My stepdaughter is jealous of her sister and have been very vocal about it.

While we were bed last night, my wife said it was unfair one is making so much more than the other. I answered that there’s nothing we can do about it and it’s a good life lesson for the girls. My wife then suggested we have my daughter use her money to help my stepdaughter buy the same things or we cover the pay difference between the girls. I laughed because I thought she was joking but she wasn’t. We whisper argued for about an hour before we went to sleep. This morning she brought it up again and accused said I’m refusing because I’m playing favorites and that’s an AH move for a parent. We argued until we had to leave for work.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/racerelationslol on 2023-10-03 14:30:28.

I (25f) have a group of friends (all 24-26, 8 in total) that includes a guy, I’ll call him “Nick”. Nick has a girlfriend, I’ll call her “Josie” (24) and they’ve been dating 8/9 months. Nick introduced Josie to the group about 6 months ago.

Both Josie and I are mixed race, the rest of the group is white. Ever since we met Josie, she’s made really out of pocket comments to/about me concerning racially related things. Things like asking me if/why all my friends are white, questions about my mother’s (African) background, comments about how I do my hair, like how I shouldn’t straighten it. I always try to steer the conversation away from these topics and laugh it all off but she brings it up so often. Nick says she’s just trying to find a foothold in the friend group but I don’t see why she can’t try to get to know me (or anyone in the group) as people rather than just bringing up this irrelevant thing we have in common. I also pointed out to Nick that Josie and I may both be half African but not the same country in africa, it’s wildly different cultures, even if I was raised in an african culture which I wasn’t, it wouldn’t be one similar to hers so really it’s grasping at straws. And that’s to say nothing of the fact that it makes me uncomfortable.

Anyway, over the weekend we all had a boat day and we were having lunch. We were talking about school and I mentioned that one of the schools I went to had predominantly Asian students. Josie asked if there were any black students in my year and I said yes, but I didn’t know them very well. She then asked if the reason I wasn’t friends with them is because they thought I wasn’t “black enough”. I don’t know if it was that comment or the countless ones before it but I just felt so angry that she would once again take a conversation that everyone was participating in and make it into a race thing for no reason. I said, “no Josie that’s not why we weren’t friends. Frankly the only person I’ve ever met who is obsessed with my racial identity is you. And just so you know, it’s really creepy.” Josie tried to stutter an apology but I said the only apology I was interested in was it not being brought up again, and my bf jumped in and changed the topic.

Nick later took me aside and said I’d really upset Josie and she was just trying to bond with me. He said she has trauma (he didn’t got into detail) about her race and by humiliating her I’d made her really uncomfortable. I told him that that wasn’t my problem and I’m not going to be Josie emotional support “coloured” friend, and if he thought I should be then I wasn’t sure what that said about how he views me.

Nick is now mad at me for insinuating he’s racist and two friends have taken his side. I don’t think I was wrong for wanting Josie to respect me like everyone else but evidently people think what I said was harsh. Was it?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Turbulent-Ad-6954 on 2023-10-03 11:54:51.

Just to paint the picture I was engaged to a Japanese girl over 6 years ago. I traveled for work at the time and had met her while over there.

Things ended up not working out and we split and we don’t talk anymore. I believe she lives in LA and is happily remarried now. (I’m genuinely happy for her and her husband.)

However, having spent a considerable amount of time bouncing back and forth between Tokyo & the states throughout the duration of that relationship (5 years) I really grew to love the city and culture. Yes. I grew up being a nerd but I don’t care about any of that, just more the city itself. I’d learnt a good amount of the language while being there and had plans to return and travel to Osaka prior to the COVID shutting everything down. Full transparency, when it did shut everything down. I took two online courses just for fun to keep improving during the pandemic. If you don’t use it, you lost it being my thought.

Fast forward to the present, I’ve been happily dating someone going on 2 years and for the most part it’s been great. We just moved in together and she’s genuinely a wonderful partner. I consider myself really lucky but there’s just one thing that’s been a repeated point of contention..

She’s completely triggered (yelling type of angry) anytime Japan is mentioned. Whether it’s a food vlog, lofi, car spec, etc it’ll typically turn into her throwing a bunch of accusations about how I’m fucking obsessed and starts bringing up my ex.

Having spent years learning the language, I really try to be respectful to my girlfriend’s insecurities and I just do maybe 10-15min a day (not even) with a DuoLingo like app. It’ll always be in the other room and with headphones.

Last week, I found out I have to go back over to Osaka for work and will have a week afterwards to stay on holiday if I wanted. My initial reaction was excitement and offered to buy her a ticket to come join. She’s been receptive to the idea but it feels like a time bomb..

In case it needs to be said, Tokyo is MASSIVE. Osaka is like going to Chicago having dated someone in NYC. One person does not define an entire country. If this was NYC would you not want to go because I lived there years ago and dated someone?

I’ve tried being emphatic explaining how I’d love to bring her there and make new memories but she says I’ll just be thinking of my ex and that she hates the fact I’ve already been there.

I just want to go eat good food with her and have a great vacation with her. Some people never get to go and I’ve been very blessed. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bad_with_finances on 2023-10-03 11:29:00.

We were dating 4 months. I surprised them & took them to see an orchestra & a fancy restaurant Friday night to celebrate. I wasn't feeling well due to a new med I was taking for adhd, so I asked my partner to drive home. My partner thought the medication was a bad idea.

I noticed we’re in the left lane & saw cars passing on the right. I pointed out we’re in the left lane, that people were passing; my partner didn't mind. "I'm not worrying about all of them."

I responded "I'm not asking you to worry or be anxious about them, but usually the left lane is for passing or people going at/over speed limit, not people going the limit or under." The conversation went in a loop, as more people passed on the right to get around us, with my partner interrupting me several times.

I asked what the cost would be to move over to the right lane. The response was "nothing."

"I think it's inconsiderate when there's something you can do to make someone else's life better that costs you nothing, & you choose not to do it."

My partner disagreed that this was inconsiderate, replied this is driving for the conditions since the road was winding back there. Then drove the following 8 miles, down a mostly straight road, in the left lane, at the speed limit or 7-10 mph under.

We talked about it the next day, at which point they admitted 0 fault & disagreed that this was inconsiderate. Even after agreeing on the definition of "inconsiderate" being "when something costs nothing to you & makes other's lives better & you refuse to do it." They maintain no wrong was done, even after admitting that other people's lives would've been easier if we moved to the other lane & that changing lanes cost nothing.

How can you admit that other people's lives would've been made easier by a change to the right lane, admit that it costs nothing to do so, & still maintain that it wasn't inconsiderate to use the left lane for 8 miles of straight road while going below the speed limit?

I felt petty. This was an attractive, intelligent, great conversationalist. Someone I saw as a marriage prospect, outside of a minor attitude problem where they interrupt in conversation with a condescending/combative tone of voice.

It wasn't about driving at that point, it was a core value difference. If we can't agree on what is/isn't inconsiderate, we're screwed. There are times my partner criticized behavior from me that wasn’t great. I reflected, apologized, admitted I was wrong & changed.

I’ll make mistakes& behave poorly. I’m human: bad behavior isn’t a dealbreaker for me. It's when the stubborn need to be right is more important than being open to changing inconsiderate behavior.

I feel bad because I asked them to drive home, & now I'm criticizing you & breaking up with you over it? If I hadn't taken the pil, I would've been fine & in a happy relationship. My friend & therapist tell me I'm not the asshole, but they're my friends, & I pay my therapist, so I don't believe them.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_Signature_3566 on 2023-10-03 13:31:00.

My wife is turning 35 and she is having a get together at a bar with a bunch of her coworkers and friends to celebrate multiple birthdays that are close together. She kept implying that I needed to stay home to watch our son even though we've gone out multiple times and left him with babysitters. Finally, I straight up asked her if I wasn't invited to her birthday celebration. She said that there's tension between me and one of her coworkers (of which I was unaware until she said it) and that she didn't want me to attend to avoid drama. AITA for being upset that her coworker is getting the invite to her birthday party instead of me?

Edit: This is not sponsored by her job in any way. There are other spouses, boyfriends, etc. going. The person with tension is not being celebrated for her birthday. They also get together and go out as a group at other times throughout the year without me so the primary reason I'm upset is because she doesn't want me there to celebrate her birthday.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Future-Fold-6085 on 2023-10-03 11:40:44.

I didn't say that outright, but I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it. It's just my tone had given off a vibe that was asking her to fuck off.

I (18 M) was traveling on a train. There was hardly space for anyone to sit. A few stations later, when a couple of people had dropped off, there was breathing space, but there were no vacant seats left anyway.

A pregnant woman entered the compartment and was apparently looking for a seat. Mine was the one which was immediately visible when she entered, and the people who had adjacent seats next to me were much older.

I wasn't sure whether I should offer mine or not. I was just thinking through it when an old woman who was seated a little ahead asked her to take mine. She told the woman as in "Take his seat there, there's enough space for you to sit."

I didn't like that she was directly asking the woman to walk over and claim my seat, and I protested. I told her "Hey, you can't just ask tell someone else to claim my seat. It's mine, I get to decide."

She asked me whether I couldn't see that she was pregnant, and that as a young man I had the ability to stand. Everyone was eyeing me as if I had said something wrong, but I got pissed off. I wasn't having that nonsense.

I told her that I am not doing it, and she began to accuse me of not having respect for elders, etc. A few others asked me to give up mine too, but I didn't listen. I told the old woman that she has to mind her own business, to not interfere in my affairs, and that I have every right to remain there. She looked extremely cross and I probably came out with a bad impression on everyone, but I didn't like her attitude.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ejane07 on 2023-10-03 11:24:22.

For context I(29 F) and my sister (33F) have always gotten along great until yesterday. We were at my sisters house for a large family gathering, and as per usual all the children, including my sisters son “Jeremiah” (8 yrs) and my son “Lucas” (5yrs) were playing together. They usually get along really well and rarely fight.

For context my son also wears glasses as he is severely visually impaired and is almost blind without them.

As the children were playing yesterday I noticed Jeremiah and Lucas getting into a fight over a small truck. Lucas had it in his hand (keep in mind, this truck was Lucas’ that he brought from our home) so I asked him if he could give it to Jeremiah for a bit. Lucas looked at me however was hesitant and said no. At this moment, Jeremiah pushed his hand into Lucas’ face shoving him to the ground, then ripped his glasses off causing them to crack. I watched in shock. My sister came over a couple minutes later and asked me what had happened, so I explained it to her. To my surprise she didn’t ask Jeremiah to apologise or say anything really, despite Lucas being in tears.

About 5 minutes later I asked my sister why she didn’t do anything back there, which she responded that her son can work these things out himself and she shouldn’t have to get get involved. I got quite angry at her, and she responded saying “well maybe your kid needs to toughen up and stop being so fragile” so I told her he also broke my sons glasses to which she then replied “it’s not my fault your kid is blind and not my fault he didn’t share his toy” I told her she needs to parent her kid better by asking him to be less aggressive and rude and we left, leaving me to pay for a new set of glasses. I feel terrible about what I said, so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Any_Abroad_3503 on 2023-10-03 10:18:01.

Brand new to Reddit, but my sister suggested I post here to get the internet’s opinion.

I (44F) share two daughters with my ex-husband “Sam” (46M). One of our daughters, “Amy” (13F), is a big Swiftie. Like everyone else, I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to get tix to take Amy to the Eras tour.

The other day, Sam messaged Amy to say that his current wife, “Liz” had a friend on Facebook who was selling tickets. Amy called me very excited asking if we could buy the tickets. A little annoyed he went straight to Amy instead of checking with me first, but never mind.

I asked Amy to check exactly where Liz had seen the tickets for sale because I know there has been a lot of scams. Amy messaged Sam and he said it was all good because the seller wasn’t a random, but an actual friend of Liz’s. I then called Sam and re-iterated that there have been lots of FB scams with Swift tickets so was he sure it was legitimate. He assured me that it was fine because it was a friend of Liz’s from uni who she knew well. Ok, then.

Liz introduced me to the seller via FB messenger, and I sent the seller $1200 by bank transfer. I also booked flights for the show. Now here is where I was admittedly a bit silly. The seller contacted me again and said I needed to transfer another $400, which should’ve been a red flag, but I did it because I thought this was someone Liz and Sam knew personally.

Well, it was a scam. Someone had cloned Liz’s friend’s FB account. Liz messaged me to say she thought it might be dodgy, but it was too late. I later found out that Liz had seen the original post on a FB mum’s group, NOT posted to her friend’s personal page who she’d been connected to for years. This is really frustrating because I’d explicitly said these types of scams were happening. If I’d known, I would’ve double checked that they’d called the friend, not just linked up through FB.

Sam and Liz said they felt terrible about it.

Luckily, I was able to get a full refund on the flights, and my bank automatically put a hold on the $1200 because it was a large transfer so I could stop that, but the bank said the additional $400 could not be refunded.

I messaged Sam explaining that in the end, I lost $400 and asked that since I was acting on information from him that it was legitimate, I was wondering if he would compensate me for the loss. (Tbh, I would’ve been happy if he just paid for half of it).

He replied with. “I don’t think so. I know you got scammed and that’s unfortunate, but all we did was put you in touch with someone we thought had tickets.” I’m pretty annoyed that he’s acting like he had no role in this loss, but maybe I’m being unreasonable since maybe I should’ve been more wary?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hot-Mode-9327 on 2023-10-03 10:51:09.

My mom has two older kids, my half siblings, from her first marriage. They're twins and they're both 28 now. Their dad died when they were 6 and mom remarried when they were 10. I (16f) came along two years later, my sister (15f) a year after me and my brother (13m) two years after her.

I have never felt close to my half brother and sister. Being twins they were always super tight and had a bond that none of us could fully understand. Sometimes it made me feel a little sad that they were so close to each other but not us. I used to think that was the reason we weren't close but then I started to suspect it was more to do with us being half siblings and having a different dad. They were okay with us. They weren't bullying us or anything. They just never put any effort into the relationship and were always distant when we would try to get closer to them.

Once they moved out we hardly ever saw them. I maybe see them once or twice a year usually and even then it's rare for us to interact because they will say hi and move onto talking to other people or doing things. We're not on each other's social media's (though I tried). I don't have either of their numbers or anything. It's just how it is. Honestly, I stopped seeing them as half siblings a while ago and they really do feel more like my mom's other kids due to the lack of relationship.

A few years ago my siblings and I wanted to go stay with them for a weekend (they lived together until a year or two ago) but they didn't want us there. I remember finding out through an aunt that they had some of their paternal cousins over for an entire weekend sleepover. It made me sad because their cousins would have been close to my age and I didn't understand why they would spend time with them but not us.

So there's the background and I have grown to accept and understand that they don't need to be closer to us if they don't want to be. It doesn't make me sad anymore.

Anyway, my parents were invited to a destination wedding and my mom asked my half siblings if one of them could let the three of us stay the four days they would be gone. They said no and she would need to find another solution. Mom asked them a few more times and when I realized how often she was asking, I told her I thought she should stop asking. Mom asked me why and I told her they never wanted to be around us so I don't think they would want us in their space either. I pointed out grandma and grandpa would let us stay and she asked me why I'd say they (half siblings) never wanted us around. I told her they have never made the effort, have never kept in contact with us, and invited kids of similar ages as us to stay for sleepovers but never us.

Mom told me all that was the reason she should ask and try to convince them to spend the time with us. I told her it wasn't going to work and I didn't really want to stay with either of them now. She told me I should be appreciative and stop telling her to stop, basically. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/221_Honey on 2023-10-03 04:26:38.

My wife (35F) and I (32F) have been together close to 10 years but married for only two. When we moved in with each other years ago my wife and I shared tasks. She liked to take trash out and clean the bathroom. I organized things, did the bills, and cooking. The other tasks were picked up by who ever had free time. Yet over the last few months I have been struggling with the feeling I am the only grown adult in our home.

I am the one who cooks, does the bills, and now prompt any deep cleaning. If my wife does cleaning now she expects me to look at her work and tell her she did a good job. Almost like a kid wanted a gold star. Yet it’s hard to give her that praise when the living room looks like a tornado hit. What finally made me snap was a planned trip (she had asked for) to go to my family’s lake house. Before every trip she knows I like to clean up the house so we don’t have to deal with it when we come back. Yet when I came home the house was a mess. Nothing was touched.

I hadn’t expected a spotless house but at minimum dishes in the dishwasher or sink. Maybe trash set aside to go down or a load of wash ready for my work clothes. I explained my disappointment and frustration yet she didn’t seem to understand. Instead she asked if we were still going to the lake or not. I want to go to the lake house and said yes. So I started cleaning and after awhile she hopped in. Like her new normal she just cleaned the kitchen then laid back on the couch pulling up a phone app. I was still picking up trash around the house, gathering clothing for a wash at the cabin versus a wash when we got home, getting us packed, and grabbing snacks. I remember standing there as she spaced out. Not a care in the world for her while I was still busting butt to get us out the door.

And honestly… I snapped. I yelled at her about how she was lounging around while I worked. She yelled back how I didn’t tell her what she needed to do which just pissed me off more. I went as far as yelled that I wasn’t her adult to assign tasks or hold her hand. She was a big adult who could make choices. All during our ride she wouldn’t talk to me and kept playing her phone app. Currently I am on the porch writing this while my wife is peppering me with so many questions that I could write a wiki walkthrough steps on how to use the microwave, where plates are, and how to heat her pizza. Mind you she has been in the cabin before and knows that I don’t know this house that well either cause my family moves things constantly. Plus she is literally in her 30s and she can figure this out without me guiding her through. Am I the asshole for wanting my wife to act like the adult I loved and married?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BirdMommy2809 on 2023-10-03 05:31:30.

My (24f) best friend (26f) is engaged and has asked me to be her wedding coordinator. I plan events for a living and the wedding is in a year and a half. When my friend, Dee, and her fiancé, Ray, asked me to coordinate, I set up a dinner with the bride, groom and their parents. Dee, Ray and I had been discussing the potential budget for what they had envisioned. Dee’s parents are putting up 1/3 of the money and Dee and Ray are putting up another 1/3. Rays mother said she couldn’t afford to help with the wedding and Dee’s father assured everyone that his father (Dee’s grandfather) stated he wanted to help with whatever other expenses were needed. I informed everyone that my job was the please the bride and groom and I would not under any circumstances go against their wishes or make a decision without their consent. At the time everyone seemed to be on the same page. Fast forward 6 months to last week. Dee and I settled on centerpieces for the table settings. I was at the store picking up material when I ran into Rays mother. We started chatted and I showed her the centerpiece idea (a lot of what we’re doing is DIY to cut cost). MIL made a face and said she didn’t like that and had her own ideas for what we could do. I told her I didn’t quite care. If she wanted to tell Dee her ideas and Dee tells me she’d like to change the centerpieces I’d do what I needed to do, otherwise I needed to go. A few days later I got a call from Ray saying I was out of line and if his mother wanted a certain kind of centerpiece than I should have brought that to Dee not told his mother I didn’t care about her wants for the wedding. I asked Ray what Dee had to say and he said she couldn’t talk right now but he was sure she agreed. I’ve known Dee since we were 12 and she’s never had a problem telling me when I am wrong. Dee’s mother called me and said I was being a bit of an asshole. Dee won’t answer my calls and I keep getting a call from an unknown number who I am assuming is Rays mother. I think I did exactly what I would’ve wanted someone else to do especially knowing my mother likes to butt in where she has no say. But maybe I could’ve said it nicer? AITA? Edit: I work in event planning not wedding planning. I am not getting paid to do this. I was asked by my friend. “Being tact” is not apart of my job. The company/person who pays for the event gets an opinion and that’s all. I’ve had one instance like this in my professional life and I handled it the same way. I’ve been told trying to be polite can sometimes come off as being a doormat or that person may think they can get away with bullying me into the idea. Just for the people who keep mentioning I need to be more professional in my job

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRApharm2023 on 2023-10-03 04:00:15.

I am a pharmacist and we moved to CA this month. To practice in CA, we have a separate exam (CPJE) which has pretty piss poor pass rate (like 50-60% pass rate). I started studying a month ago on my free time but it's limited since we also have two children (3y and 6mo). I initially opposed the move due to the CPJE exam horrible pass rate and suggested we don't move until AFTER I passed.

Well, here we are. He couldn't wait for the promotion and wanted to come here. He's in bigtech so we're in the bay area. He makes decent money (200-250k give or take depending on bonuses, places us in solid middle class in the bay area). I told him I can't work because I have to pass this test (test date is Nov 6, but if I fail, then I have to retake it after another 1.5 mo or longer). I'm staying home to study and I do the pick up and drop off for our kids at daycare.

He's saying we should pull them from daycare so I can watch them as a SAHM. I told him I wouldn't have time to study. He then said I should just go get any part time job. I told him I refused to work some minimum wage job because we don't NEED that money. It would only generate like 400-500/wk or around 20-25k per year - which is a nice bonus but not necessary for us.

He says I need to stop being a freeloader and contribute to the home. I told him he was being unreasonable because I am the primary caretaker of our two kids before and after daycare and do all the chores at home already - no different than a SAHM who have kids in K-12. Plus the reason I am jobless is because of him and I initially opposed the move.

We're currently at a standoff. He's wants me to financially contribute to the family by either watching both kids all the time or telling me to work at some random job (ie. mcdonalds) and that results in way less time studying and possibly ruining my career for good.

So am I an AH for refusing to work?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad-River8515 on 2023-10-03 04:34:19.

I (20f) have 4 siblings on my father's side. My father (77m) was married to Maria when he was younger and had 3 children with her. After a few years my father and his wife decided to get a divorce, it was amicable for the sake of the kids, but my father still loved his ex-wife very much. A while later, my father dated this other woman, Ana, and ended up having a son with her, Leo. Their relationship didn't last long and my father chose to wait until Leo was a bit older to introduce him to his other kids. He did so when Leo was 6, but his kids didn't take it very well.

My mother met my father a while later, they dated and she fell head over heels for him. He broke things off with her claiming to still love Maria and saying he wanted to try again with her. A few weeks later he called my mom saying he missed her and wanted to see her. I was the result. He didn't believe I was his, he wanted a DNA test and said my mother was lying. I was born and they did the test, it came back positive. Even then he never tried to approach my mother nor meet me. My mother insisted that he should give me his last name and he kept refusing to do so, so she took him to court. It was a very bloody thing, he lied several times, said she tried to baby trap him even though he was the one to approach her, lied about how much he paid for child support for his other kids, turned down visitation rights, etc.

I never really missed having a dad, I have a great mother that always gave me love and affection. I asked about him and my mom was always very honest, saying that she contacted him and asked him to meet me, but he refused. I was a bit sad, but the thing that really hurt me was not knowing my siblings. I asked my mother if I could at least meet them and that's how I found out that my father had never told them about me. My mother said that he and Maria got back together and he said that Maria didn't want the kids to know.

When I turned 18 my mom said that she had found my siblings’ facebook accounts and that we could send them messages explaining the situation. I honestly don't crave a relationship with my siblings anymore, so I chose not to. I explained to my mom that I want to wait until he dies and show up in style at his funeral, preferably wearing a black dress with heels, huge sunglasses and a hat. I feel like the people that admire him should know how he really is. Also, even if he doesn't put me on his will, as one of his children, by law I have to appear at the hearing anyway.

Maybe I'm an asshole for wanting to do that to people that love him and are mourning him and I sort of feel bad about that, but I feel like his name should be dragged through mud for what he did and the only way to do that would be in a place where everyone in his life is gathered and they can't manipulate the events through the grapevine of gossip. So AITA for wanting to expose my father at his funeral?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/8billionaliens on 2023-10-03 07:30:23.

I received some messages asking for an update on the tiny void baby I adopted a year and a half ago.

Unfortunately for me, the fall out of telling people the actual reason eventually led to myself and my ex splitting. Fortunately, I think it was by far the best outcome.

I ended up naming her Freja, and she is still the light of my life. For the last year and a half, we've battled hard to get her healthy. She's had her shoulder and jaw realigned, 6 teeth removed due to extreme dental issues, and we've finally managed to get her ear infections under control after 9 rounds of medication and a surgical cleaning. I spent around 5k getting these issues fixed, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

She has also gone from being extremely underweight (2.6lbs) to a healthy 7.7lbs. She is my baby, whole world, and it's hard imagine what my life would be like without her.

Previously she would only eat the worst food you could buy, we've managed to get her to eat premium grade wet and dry food, as well as transition onto eating some real food (fish, chicken). She plays now, loves anything that has feathers, and is always extremely grateful for any new thing she is given, be it a small toy or a new cat stand.

She has 2 sisters now, and 2 dog brothers who she loves to terrorise. She has become a "the sky is awake, so I'm awake, so GET UP!" child, no sleep ins allowed. She is my teddy bear and sleeps in a king size bed every night!