If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For those of you who don't know, the Blahaj Zone admin team runs a matrix space for gender diverse folk. Similar to lemmy, it's designed with a few "official" channels, but is otherwise a community curated space, with channels run by our members. You don't have to be a blahaj zone user to join.

If you're already a matrix user, you can head straight to our application room https://matrix.to/#/#gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone, or by searching for #gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone from within your matrix client.

If you're new to matrix, you can find some more details and an instruction video on how to get up and running here https://chat.blahaj.zone/c/genderverse/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15223477

We need more transmasculine people (and people in general) on here. If you know a transmasculine person please get them to check this place out. Spread the word!

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

So, let's keep it simple to start.

How have you been? Where are you in your journey?

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts for a while but we won't get into that.

I've just hit 6mo on HRT and last week I learned...

drumroll please

I finally love myself! Something that has taken me 30 years to learn to do. And that final piece of the puzzle was to embrace myself as Olivia ❤️

So, how have you been? What's on your mind?

• O✌🏻

If you've found some new resources regarding being trans (any aspect of it), link to 'em down below. Sharing is caring, woo hoo.

Personal tips/anecdotes of things you've found useful are also welcome.

User dandelion posted this link in a comment on MTF, and I figured y'all would be interested in this (especially to the eggs out there).

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

i know people here have a sour taste over hexbear but im so happy to see trans spaces on the fediverse popping off, im so done with corporate social media and its great to see.

love seeing hundreds of trans people vibing

Do you keep them, destroy/delete them, lock them away? What are you doing with your photos of your old self?

Personally I'm a bit torn. On one hand I want to keep them because they are still memories, on the other hand I never want to see them again. So I will probably lock them away/archive them somewhere.

But what about you?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).

With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.

I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it's a necessary step to get better.

And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like "how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable" and so on.

And now I'm here, asking you for similar experiences you've had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it's a normal thing to feel (hopefully).

So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/14307939

A user posted some incredibly good science on DIY HRT, I have verified them, they wish to stay anonymous.

Please take a look at their post! I know people have a vendetta against hexbear yada yada yada but please take a look at the post, it is very good information.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I tried to put some feelings down in words. It's a bit dark; I hope that's OK.

A ship sailed over waters deep
Beneath a graying sky;
A sightless pilot at the helm
Dreaming of distant shores.

The clouds rolled in, the waves grew tall,
Yet onward pushed the boat;
What else to do for a lonely crew
Who knows no other home.

Insidious breakers beat the prow,
The sailor's grip grew tighter.
Far away from an unknown port
The ship began to founder.

To stay with these worthless timbered bones,
A barnacled prison cell,
Would bring an end to a pointless voyage,
And beautiful dreams as well.

One step, so small, into the dark,
Leave the ship to the ocean grim.
It matters not what the morning brings
For I was born to swim.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13998559

Reaching Out For Help

After much consideration and fighting with my brain, I've decided that it's okay to ask for help in hard situations. So, I'm making this in hope that I receive at least a little bit of help. I'm asking for money, friends, and any advice you can give me. Everything counts and will help me during this rather terrible time. I'm Uni (name TBD) and I'm a 16 y/o transgirl unfortunately situated in the USA. You may know me as a regular on the Blahaj Matrix chats going by "Miss Universe".

So a little bit (a lot?) of backstory to sort of explain my current situation. My egg cracked October last year and it was both the best and worst thing that has happened in my life so far. Being a minor means that I can't really do anything about the fact that my egg cracked, I'm fully relying on the people around me to help me (which has failed). Put simply, as a minor I have absolutely no control over my body or my life, I have no money, no experience, and nowhere to go.

I came out to my mother and step-father (my parents are divorced) February this year, and while they seemed to be supportive at first they semi-recently turned on me and have been mostly unsupportive since then.

As for my father and step-mother, they are both actively transphobic republicans. I have no plans on coming out to them until after I turn 18, and it would be unsafe to do so before then.

Basically, as of now I have basically no support from anybody in my life and I'm completely trapped as my dysphoria gets worse with each passing day.

With my situation sort of explained(?), why am I actually here? Pretty much I'm here because I need money. Money for clothes, makeup, just stuff that can hopefully help me alleviate some of my dysphoria until I'm able to afford to do so myself (which as a minor is difficult). And also I suppose gas, in case it comes to it and I need to run away, even for a short period. I'm also looking for advice, I don't really know what to do and it would be really nice to have at least some semblance of what I could be doing right now.

I don't really know if any of that made sense, I'm bad at organizing my thoughts and even worse at asking for help. If you have any questions post them in the comments and I can probably answer them.

You can support me here on Buy Me a Coffee if you so wish, and/or with advice in the comments. Every donation counts.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13974203

Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that.

Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included)

• My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.)
• One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time.
• I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network.
• I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination
• I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect

This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice.

Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity.

As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.)

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options.

So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places?

Feeling really nervous about it but its hard for me to access it outside of these options, I just hope that the order actually goes through and that its not a scam and that I can finally start to change my body. Sorry to make a bit of a vent post but ya'll are awesome and I don't know anyone irl who would listen <3 Edit: The order didn't go through but they haven't taken my money so I don't think it's a scam, if anyone has some sites they can recommend which ship to the UK I'd really appreciate it ❤️

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13900215

I did it. I came out to everyone that matters. No one has cut me off or thrown me out. The process took about 6 months longer than I thought it would, but we are here, on the other side of that long tunnel. But instead of flying out of the other side, speeding my way towards a full transition, I'm maybe two steps further transitioned than I was six months ago. No momentum.

And oh boy am I tired. Long talks with good friends, debating theology with my pastor, answering questions, calming fears, it's a lot of social energy.

Can I just stop being trans for one bloody moment? I need a breather. But no, that's not an option, the dysphoria is not abated. So onward I press, taking the hard path, the good path, the slow path. I can be a Christian and trans. I can keep my support network and transition. I don't have to lose my wife and kids, we can make this work.

But

it's

so

slow

.

I've been transitioning as slowly as possible for 30 years, but I'm ready to drop my masc and make a mad dash to the other side. I'm ready to throw out the guy clothes, take E, get an orchi, laser my face. I know different people experience womanhood differently, but I feel like I haven't gotten to experience it all, despite leaning hard on that GNC wall for all my masc years. And so I don't ask people to call me Amber, she/her, because I don't feel like I deserve it. Once I'm over there, then I'll ask. Once I malefail. But this mindset is holding me back. Insisting on maintaining all my relationships and support network is holding me back. My wife working her way through her own theology and gender issues is holding me back. And I can't lose those, so I limp along, dragging the shattered remains of my masc alongside me.

I thought for sure that putting myself out there would free me to go be myself, that I would be zooming, but instead I'm still plodding along, just now with extra scrutiny.

Last night I dreamed I was a kid, and instead of hiding and building a masc, I was demanding to be myself. Little dream me was so sure of herself, so ready to fight everyone who would tell her she couldn't be who she really was. I could use her energy right now, and her willingness to fight for herself.

My family tends to be sprinkled throughout the different levels. My wife, grandmother and son, easily number 1 in support of my transition and identity.

Many of my cousins I grew up with are level 2.

Father and stepmother are level 5 - possibly level 6 when I was a child - still figuring that one out as new traumas surface.

Everyone else hovers around 3 - 5.

Just remember, I'll always be a level 1 for you ❤️

Level 1: completely supportive

Level 2: mostly supportive but lacking some knowledge, or some transmedicalist attitudes due to ignorance, not malignancy

Level 3: neutral, not supportive but not opposing either, or "supportive" transmedicalist

Level 4: leaning oppose, but no forceful interventions, or refuse to gende you correctly but used neutral pronouns

Level 5: misgendering, not accepting you as their daughter or son, but still pretend to be "loving" misgendered you

Level 6: disowning or physically beating or etc, most extreme measures

(Stolen, with love, from the user Cormier643 on Reddit. Felt like this was a great way to get discussions going again ❤️)

-Olivia ✌🏻

Taken from a Press Release by the group:

LONDON, 1 July 2024—Two young trans activists scaled the NHS England’s London headquarters at 133–135 Waterloo Road in London on Friday to stage a protest and have remained there ever since. The group, now made up of seven young protesters, all 18 or under, has one simple message: Trans Kids Deserve Better: we are not pawns for your politics.

The powerful direct action has been organised by the “​​Trans Kids Deserve Better” network, which is calling for: access to gender affirming healthcare for trans children and young people, protection from discrimination and disrespect in their daily lives and the right to be heard in all decisions that affect them.

Their protest comes in the wake of the government using emergency powers to ban all access to puberty blockers in the UK, a move that was supported by Labour’s Wes Streeting, likely to be the next Secretary of State for Health. It also comes in the context of a General Election campaign where trans people and trans youth have been used as ‘culture war’ talking points, but not allowed to speak for themselves.

“We are staging this protest to remind politicians and voters that we’re real kids, not just political talking points. We may not have a vote, but it is our lives that are at stake,” said one of the activists staging the protest. “Gender-affirming healthcare is a matter of life and death for us, and we hope that our actions will bring awareness to this fact and encourage others to fight for the healthcare and dignity that we are so shamefully denied.”

This is a reminder to follow rule three. Rule three says not to post negative news articles without a call to action or way to help.

Firstly, these posts attract the wrong kind of crowd. It tends to get into insult and negativity territory real fast. They get a lot more engagement from outsiders, and that leaves more chance for shitty things to be thrown at members of our community.

Secondly, these posts affect trans people's mental health negatively. If there's nothing we can do to help, it makes no sense to constantly consume media like that. It makes life feel hopeless. Digital self-harm is real and a problem for many of us.

There are many places to consume this media, and frankly it is rather hard to avoid in online trans spaces. This community is not the place to post them.

If your post is found to violate rule three, it will be removed.

Before you post a news article, think "How would this make other trans people feel? Does it promote anger, hopelessness, or negative reactions? Does it have a way to change this situation for the better?"

First and foremost, this is a community to support, love, and provide resources for trans people. Anything that puts that in jeopardy will be removed.

This isn't to say cis people aren't welcome on here, but that most posts and discussions were made with primarily trans people in mind. It's okay to ask respectful, good-faith questions and to be genuinely curious about trans people. To be a good ally, you must listen with open ears and be willing to accept it when you're wrong. Remember that you are a guest here, and as such be respectful and kind towards the trans people whose home this is.

What this community is not:

1. This is not a place to be a transmedicalist and gatekeep being trans. Trying to divide up the trans community to be against each other is a way to weaken us as a whole.

2. This is not a place to "debate" being trans or trans people. Our existence and right to be ourselves is a given.

3. This is not a place to be a TERF. You are not welcome here and will be permabanned for spouting TERF rhetoric.

4. This is not a place to be a jerk and spread negativity. Don't say mean things or insult others, trans or not.