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What to use instead of gmail?
(lemm.ee)
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That's a little confused. From what I remember, it's the server that matters, not the domain when being blocked. If you self-host this is a problem, but not if you use your own domain on a commercial service.
The "MX records and such" are all a function of domain management. You'll have to do this whether or not you self-host.
Some TLDs that are well known for spam get blocked. If you stick with a .com, you will usually be fine if you are using a decent mail server.