How does anyone believe in monogamy nowadays? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by DudePluto@lemm.ee to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world

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Not talking about being with one partner at a time. Talking about the idea of finding "the one" and being with them your whole life.

50% divorce rate. 97% of people (in the US) don't wait till marriage, so most of us have multiple sexual partners prior to the one we stick with. Many have children with more than one partner.

How can anyone look at the world and think, yeah, there's one that's meant for everyone and just one?

Also hope I don't come across disrespectful. If you do believe in monogamy, I am interested in hearing from you. I'm just buzzed and thinking about my own love life and being curt

Edit: Speaking to the idea that it's the "natural order" or default. Not that it can't work in individual circumstances, especially when we've been programmed for decades

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[-] DudePluto@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

I don't believe that it can't be done, it obviously can. There's just this idea that it's the natural state, or what humans are instinctively given to, and that just seems... incorrect?

[-] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 2 points 1 year ago

If you're defining it as "is mandatory to shut down desire for other people after you pair up", of course is wrong. It's impossible.

[-] Rocinante@lemmy.one 1 points 1 year ago

What are you relying on for natural state? Other animals? They kill off other competitors. If humans let instincts guide their actions then there'd be more violence with emotions driving decision making than brains.

[-] SCB@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

So I've reread this whole thread, and I do agree with you that monogamy is forced and unnatural, but I also accept that I am in the distinct minority there.

The important thing is that there is no one right answer. You find what works for you, and a partner who wants what you want, and you make it work.

The making it work is the key part here. I married my actual, literal best friend, and it's still a lot of work. A lot of talking, assuming good intent when they hurt you, and trusting them to care enough to have your best interests at heart.

It's not easy and you'll fuck up, and so will whoever you date, and that's okay. Life is about learning and growing, and we all, always, have more learning and growing to do.

Wishing you luck.