How does anyone believe in monogamy nowadays? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by DudePluto@lemm.ee to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world

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Not talking about being with one partner at a time. Talking about the idea of finding "the one" and being with them your whole life.

50% divorce rate. 97% of people (in the US) don't wait till marriage, so most of us have multiple sexual partners prior to the one we stick with. Many have children with more than one partner.

How can anyone look at the world and think, yeah, there's one that's meant for everyone and just one?

Also hope I don't come across disrespectful. If you do believe in monogamy, I am interested in hearing from you. I'm just buzzed and thinking about my own love life and being curt

Edit: Speaking to the idea that it's the "natural order" or default. Not that it can't work in individual circumstances, especially when we've been programmed for decades

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[-] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 16 points 1 year ago

the little fine print on all of our relationships that reads "If you're into other people this contract is null and void?"

How do you define "being into them"? Looking and finding them attractive, or fucking them without your partner knowing?

[+] DudePluto@lemm.ee -7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Being into them is being attracted to them which, on an instinctual level, is wanting to fuck them

Edit: simplified, obviously, you can be attracted to someone in a more emotional way but some would argue that's still wanting to partner with them in some way

[-] SnakeRattleNRoll@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

I think that's more of an age thing. Im nearly 40 and in a damn near perfect marriage for 15 years now.

We have friends that we absolutely find attractive. Frankly speaking, we all take care of ourselves and it shows.

Im not looking to bang any of them, and my wife isnt either (granted, as she says, but we have a very strong relationship). We're happy being friends, being comfortable going to the beach, hitting the gym together, etc. We're all very happy in our monogamous relationships (minus one couple, because he fucked around and is now in the 'finding out' stage). Life isnt porn?

It sounds like you're more grappling with maturity, and maybe a bit of heartbreak.

[-] Rocinante@lemmy.one 9 points 1 year ago

I'm confused. Are you saying people who are monogamous aren't allowed to be attracted to other people by your definition? Or are you saying why are people choosing to be monogamous over having multiple partners at the same time?

[-] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 3 points 1 year ago

Being into them is being attracted to them which, on an instinctual level, is wanting to fuck them

So what? As you say, is instinctual. As long as you're not drooling and you don't act on it, it's not a problem. And any person demanding otherwise is toxic and not worthy of your time.