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Dev creates astrology-powered CPU scheduler for Linux, makes decisions based on planetary positions and zodiac signs — sched_ext framework informed by lunar phases, cosmic weather reports, and dynamic (www.tomshardware.com)
submitted 5 days ago by bss03@infosec.pub to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
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cross-posted from: https://thebrainbin.org/m/nottheonion@lemmy.world/t/1376014

‘Why let mere mortals decide CPU priorities when the cosmos can guide us?’ asks the developer.

To be clear, the point of this is to demonstrate the power and flexibility of a new Linux feature in a "haha only serious" way.

Zampieri is clear that this GPL-2.0 licensed project is a “scientifically dubious, cosmically hilarious” work. It definitely isn’t recommended for use in production systems - not because of bugs, but because it works as intended… The dev is still looking to add “more cosmic chaos” to scx_horoscope, so contributors are welcome.

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[-] Deebster@programming.dev 44 points 5 days ago

Element Effects

Zodiac sign elements create elemental affinities and oppositions:

Boosted Combinations (tasks thrive under compatible elements):

  • 🔥 Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) × CPU tasks: 1.5x boost
  • 🌬️ Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) × Network tasks: 1.5x boost
  • 🌍 Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) × System tasks: 1.4x boost
  • 💧 Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) × Memory tasks: 1.3x boost

Hang on - Aquarius, the water-bearer, is an air element? I'm beginning to think this astrology stuff doesn't make much sense.

I like that water is responsible for memory, like how homeopathic medicine works.

[-] Atlas_@lemmy.world 22 points 5 days ago

Uhh, clouds? Duh

[-] zlatko@programming.dev 6 points 5 days ago

I thought you get less power in clouds but ok

[-] ellen.kimble@piefed.social 2 points 4 days ago

Aquarius is the water bearer - the one who carried and distributes it - not water itself. The circulation of ideas (air) rather than emotions (water.)

this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2026
285 points (98.0% liked)

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