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Best apps for private messaging
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reason for them not appearing is that xmpp is a largely relaxed platform, that is, all implementations are not equally strict. some may implement certain extensions, others may implement other. encryption (omemo) is a common one that most implement, but then client (the user apps like gajim) may or may not implement them correctly, or they may have a fallback (first communication between 2 clients maybe is not encrypted), and other different problems with encryption being flaky (firstly, it is not perfect forward secrecy, it is a bit prone to failure (messages unable to decrypt), etc.), hence it is not recommended much.
For the first communication not encrypted there's an easy solution: force encryption on your side and block unencrypted communications.
That's the nature of any federated protocol, and also what makes them highly desirable: there's no central authority to dictate what is a compliant client or change the deal overnight and enshitify your user experience. That said, XMPP+OMEMO is as universal as things get, so there's no real concern there.
Theres snikket as a solution to that