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this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2026
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Autism
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I'm not saying i have the answer to this, but i also worry about damaging the relationship in those cases. so i instinctively end up trying to validate something about the other's words, their situation, their values, the thought process which led then to their initial argument, or anything else i can think of. something like
if I'm honest i feel super awkward doing so after having argued/debated against their side. and I'm always afraid they'll call me out as a hypocrite, a pedantic simp, or just a plain idiot who doesn't pay attention to my own words....
and much of the time, the other person ignores my effort. at least that's no worse than if i didn't say anything extra.
but sometimes, their expression will change from confused/irritated to relieved. or they'll confirm that they were convinced by me and don't resent what I've said. so it can work.
Have you figured out how to accept compliments?
That one is easy: Say thank you with a Mona Lisa-smile, then go on about your day.
It's a pure formalism, because any interpretation of what they said, how they said it, of your own thoughts or feelings on it, is 100% pure speculation. Thus you simply accept it formally with a mild smile and a "thank you" and leave everything else (thinking about it, discussing it, etc.) for a later time.
It's very similar to how you're supposed to take/accept criticism.
I AM NOT MAKING THE SMUG ANIME FACE
on the outside, i just performatively say thanks. or more often deprecate myself.
meanwhile i try to remember the compliment and collect it in my memory with other compliments. gradually, in no hurry, i try to accept that those compliments are given sincerely.
it's worked for me in some specific topics of compliments, like my language ability or certain other skills. I've learned to feel that others sincerely appreciate my contribution in those areas.
but more general compliments or affection from others... I'm still working on accepting.