This was always something I struggled with.

It's something I still struggle with. I'm getting better at accepting I'm tired almost all the time, but everything else I, much harder to accept.

I know fairness is irrelevant for this, but it just doesn't feel right that I have carefully plan my most meaningful activies because I'll be emotionless for two weeks if I do two protests in one week. Or that a date night could be ruined by an unexpected depressive period.

I sometimes wonder If I had everything I ever wanted would I actually be happy?

Happiness isn't about having things, I think. Of course being in a situation in which you have your needs met helps. Financial security, a partner, housing, food, friends, etc. make it way easier.

But most of the moments in which I was "happiest" weren't about "having" or the fulfilment of a specific desire. They were much more about experiencing community and feeling like I had agency.