What to do with 4yo when we put down the cat? (fedia.io)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Maestro@fedia.io to c/parenting@lemmy.world

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I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).

In a few weeks we'll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We're wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he's in school? What's appropriate for a 4 year old?

On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don't mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don't want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.

Any tips?

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[-] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 weeks ago

Have him say goodbye to the cat but don’t have him present for the euthanasia.

[-] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 weeks ago

My parenting philosophy is that to earn children's trust, you must be truthful with them. Parents are also tasked with protecting children from too much pain. In practice, this means giving them the truth in a way they can process.

Tell them well in advance.

On the day let them hug the cat as it leaves. Tell them this will be the last time.

In the best case, they will be sad and angry. They might also be confused. Let them.

The above poster gives good advice.

this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2026

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