The organization does suck, I do agree with that. It still needs a lot of UX improvements too. Though you can turn off read indicators in the settings, and I feel like it is a lot faster then commenting on Lemmy. Lemmy being written in rust is actually causing a lot of issues. It's not a good language for web applications and it's really starting to show. It also hasn't prevented security issues either.

Synapse, the most up to date matrix server, is really slow and resource intensive for sure. But, it's currently in middle of being replaced with Dendrite. It doesn't support all the bleeding edge features, but Dendrite has caught up enough to be able to run servers just fine now. In fact Dendrite is light enough to be ran in the mobile Element client, or at least that's the plan in the near future while they work on p2p. You can read more about it here: https://matrix-org.github.io/dendrite/faq