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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dry-Use8680 on 2023-09-25 15:45:38.
I 39F and my husband 38M had some of my relatives over a couple of weekends ago. Of the family that was over were two 16 year old male cousins. My husband has a fully decked out "man cave" with arcades, a pool table that flips into an air hockey table/ ping pong table. He allowed the boys to initially go upstairs and only play on his PS5. We have rules for all of the house and that's just respect our stuff and return it how you found it. The boys decided after an hour of playing ps5 they wanted to play ping pong. My husband is not confrontational but asked they be careful don't mess up anything. Then the boys removed the ping pong table and began playing pool. We hear them screaming and having fun and one of them we will call "A" yells "I hit that ball so hard that it popped over another". 30 minutes later I hear the air hockey table on and the boys are playing "A" being very rambunctious to the point several members had to tell him to calm down. I was cooking at the time but briefly went upstairs and told both they could have fun but chill out and not play aggressively. Both boys agree and continue to play air hockey. After they leave my husband notices huge scratches across the air hockey table and a huge scratch and dent in the pool table. I ask both "A" and "B" separately what happened. "B" stated he didn't want to snitch but that he didn't scratch up either table. "A" comes over later and after lying admits that he scratched the air hockey table by playing with the mallet or striker upside down. Mallets have felt on the bottom to avoid scratching, "A" used the plastic knob to play. The entire side of the air hockey table has about 40 deep scratches. I showed "A" the pool table and he apologized for roughhousing. I told him he could repay me via help with yard work and gardening bi-weekly until the end of the year. My lawn is maintained so it's really just time for us to talk, garden and make sure all is well in his world. I didn't expect money from him or his parents just ownership of responsibility.
Well, his mom has changed her tune and said while her son "A" admits to the damage am I sure it wasn't really "B". She stated he has ADD and can't be held responsible like other kids because he doesn't know better and asked for proof of scratches and invoices to repair. She also said gardening twice a month until the end of the year is too harsh. We live in a warm state even in Dec it's like 65 degrees.
I told "A" mom that if she feels her son helping garden is too much then I'll send her the invoice for repairs and thanked her for taking financial responsibility.
So, AITA for establishing a payment via gardening as a form of payback for a 16 year old who likely caused hundreds of dollars in repairs?
As someone now living in addiction and poverty as a result of having zero accountability enforced as a child, I am fucking furious that parents do this to their children.
Like get the fuck over your immediate comfort and punish the kid. The “only pleasure” parenting style is toxic and destructive. It produces crippled people trying to grow up at age 40, like me.
I’m just now starting to have the discipline and integrity of a well-raised 20 year old. Fucking selfish, horrible people these enablers. Ruining lives to avoid ten seconds of discomfort.