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this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2023
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Since I feel the sudden urge to vent, I've never forgotten staying at this one homeless shelter several years ago.
We found out much later after the place was shut down that they'd actually been receiving more than adequate donations the entire time, but the staff was just taking it all home with them and telling us that there was no food to give. They could do one or sometimes two meals, but never much, never more, and not dependably from day to. They had none.
So obviously we believed them and since this was just...the position we were in, I was taking the money I was technically required by agreement to save for a place and using it to buy food for myself and anywhere from 1 to 4 of the other residents.
One of them was Gabriel, who came in with the clothes on his back and a guitar. Gabriel was religious, but one of the painfully few who put the kindness part first and he was very sweet and tended to be walked on for it and to become depressed for being taken advantage of.
When he took his guitar around looking for gigs, I went with him for moral support. When one of those was a church, I sat in with the flock even though the related trauma makes my skin crawl. When winter drew close, I bought him what I still think was a pretty snazzy jacket.
I split a meal almost daily for months, because I'm not going to see anyone hungry when I can afford it, even though none of us could really afford it and doing so was imperiling my future. When he found out the fiance he doted on was banging his best friend while he himself was homeless, guess who was there to cry on immediately.
I don't regret any of those, to be very clear. I'd grudgingly do it again, because people matter more. But to think to check up on him some years after we parted and find him thanking god for looking after him during that time was a direct slap in the face. Over a decade later, it still stings.
Of course it would be god. Looking after each other like sentient, suffering beings, that's god's doing, personally stepping in to work his mysterious ways. I only take the blame for the bad shit.
As a total stranger, thankyou for looking after Gabriel, even after being so mistreated yourself. You clearly have a lot of compassion and kindness to offer the world, even if it's not always respected by its recipients (although it sounds like Gabriel may not have had the skills or ability to fully comprehend it). I hope you're in a much better place and able to extend your kindness even further and without neglecting your own needs in the process.
Wow. I can see how that would've stung. It just feels so irrational! And, there's no need for them to drop their god schtick when acknowledging someone's effort. He could've just as easily have said "I thank god for putting people who cared around me"