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Will this one-by-one system forever be our main thing or do you think we will break monogamy and maybe "team up" as groups or something?

And yeah polygamy is a thing but do you think it will catch on to "the upper class"?

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[-] neshura@bookwormstory.social -1 points 1 year ago

comment about polygamy

so how exactly does that correlate to excluding men from the equation? That was my point. The discussion was about polygamy and they A) brought up the patriarchy pretty much unprompted (I don't see how Polygamy is inherently patriarchal, most patriarchal societies are strictly monogamous and while more lenient on a man in case of an infraction of the monogamous relationship Society still punish them. I see that more as a result of the elevated standing of a man in a patriarchal society than from the alleged inherent polygamy) and then B) proceeded to be just as sexist as the alleged Patriarchy by excluding men from polyamory/suggesting men can already be with however many partners of whatever gender and sexual orientation they want (ask any gay guy: really not the case, having multiple relationships with people is in most countries considered adultery/cheating, so also a no on the "however many")

target baseless attack

if what I wrote comes off as an attack focused on a "target" I truly feel sorry for you, must be hard living in a world where everyone is out to get you. If you can't accept people challenging your beliefs without immediately being angered that is cause for serious concern, I've been there I'd know. Just on the opposite of the spectrum where you apparently are right now. Doesn't make the fanaticism any more healthy. If in your life so far everyone truly has been out to get you, you have my condolences and hope that the situation improves for you, in that case I'd suggest getting off the internet or liberally employing blocking instead of entering discussions.

issues raised

What issues raised? The only "issue" I see raised is the allegation that

1: somehow polygamy is based only in religion because it is patriarchal. I'm not well read on the religion part but polygamy being a patriarchal construct just isn't the case given historic precedent. More likely it's an elitist construct given how it is (when appearing) mostly prevalent in the higher ranks of society and not among the common folk and how among the elite women having affairs was also a thing, that was a lot rarer but still happened.

2: Somehow a patriarchal society will not allow polyamory. Technically part of a patriarchal society but more a byproduct of biology than a construct designed by men to oppress women. Polyamory not being prevalent is down to the same reason why in the past men accused their partner of cheating when the son of the blue eyed man had no blue eyes: There is an inherent biological drive to leave offspring. We might lose that drive some day but for now we're stuck with it. Since men don't have an easy identifier to make sure the kid is theirs (women physically push the child out of their body, pretty strong indicator for who the mother is) they resort to whatever option they have available. That also includes generally, as in not all men do this, (sub-)consciously preferring monogamous relationships over polyamorous ones. Now you could swap out a patriarchy for a matriarchy or any other societal blueprint and it would not change much in that preference. Upbringing can help mold that preference a bit but overall it's still there. So I can't see how blaming the patriarchy helps here, monogamy and patriarchy are correlated, not causally linked. One does not cause the other but where one appears, the other also happens to appear (at the very least in one direction: in patriarchal societies monogamy appears).

At this point I'd highlight something that might help understand why Polygamy isn't inherently linked with the Patriarchy: There is a rough 50/50 split between males and females in the human population (yes I'm ignoring homosexuals and non-binary here, won't matter for the point I'm making, it'd simply change the numbers to 47/47 or whatever the percentages are). Most men have a biological drive to leave offspring (ignoring external factors making them decide against it such as poverty or bad environment) which works out to roughly one possible woman per man to be in a relationship (assuming all men actually manage to get into a relationship by behaving accordingly). If we introduce Polygamy suddenly there is a "lack" of women a man can try to get into a relationship with for sub-average men. Naturally those men will be dissatisfied that one man is "hogging" multiple women for himself, therefore uniting them in the common goal of getting rid of polygamy so they can have a change.

[-] June@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I brought up patriarchy because ~~polygamy~~ polygyny (one man, multiple wives) is inherently patriarchal. Same as ~~polygyny~~ polyandry (one woman many husbands) being matriarchal. While polyamory is genderless and everyone is free to pursue their own relationships.

This isn’t a controversial take. I never excluded men from the equation, I simply pointed out that polyamory is different from ~~polygamy~~ in that women can have more than one partner as well, something that polygamy doesn’t allow.

The rest of your comment here is word salad and idk what you’re getting at. But the basis of your offense is rooted in ~~a~~ my own misunderstanding of the ~~conversation and~~ terms being referred to.

Edit: I got some terminology wrong and thought polygamy was one man multiple women, but the term just refers to having multiple spouses. Polygyny is one man multiple women. Which def means I took the conversation down a weird hole.

[-] neshura@bookwormstory.social 1 points 1 year ago

polygamy (one man, multiple wives) is inherently patriarchal. Same as polygyny (one woman many husbands)

right, I can see why we talked past each other. When I hear polygamy I understand that as one person with mutiple partners (imagine the spoke of a wheel) whereas I understand polyamory as a web. I don't differentiate between the genders because frankly it doesn't make a lick of sense to do so imo. If you're gonna be fine with one you should be fine with the other type of deal.

Word salad was mostly me not even knowing how the second person chpping in here got seemingly so offended and trying to overexplain.

Wouldn't really say it was an offense, got offended by the second person accusing me of a "baseless attack" though. Just tired of both extremes so I get pissy when I see either (the "all men pigs" and "women belong to the kitchen" extremes). Definitely should have asked for clarification though.

[-] June@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Got it, yea. The definition here def matters for the conversation.

I agree that if you’re ok with polygamy, you should be ok with the other types of non-monogamy. But, with polygamy in particular being practiced predominantly by religious folks (namely Mormons and Muslims) the philosophy is centered around the man being in charge. Women are not allowed to have multiple partners, even among the wives. The husband is the only partner they’re allowed to have. Hence the commentary on patriarchy and me taking the time to specify that women and non-male gendered folks have a different experience with polyamory.

As a polyamorous person myself, I personally don’t find polygamy or polygyny to be ethical in practice because they both restrict what all but one can do with their bodies.

And to be clear, I don’t think matriarchy is any better than patriarchy. Both result in the oppression of one group of people for the benefit of the other. It just so happens that western society is built on predominantly patriarchal principles, so it gets brought up a lot more.

Apologies for interpreting your reply as offense too. I know where you’re coming from and have a few topics that I feel similarly on. I’ll admit that I do get in on the ‘all men suck’ train when the context and company are on the same page as me but that honestly has more to do with my own gender journey than it has to do with actual men (and the people I’m with in those times understand that). I know a lot of good men, I just don’t want to be lumped in with them anymore.

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this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2023
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