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this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2023
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Asklemmy
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Is cheating and having secret partners considered polyamory? If so, then it certainly exists abundantly amongst all classes.
A core tenant of polyamory is consent. Without consent from all partners to be in multiple relationships, it’s just infidelity.
So no, secret partners isn’t polyamory. Polyamory is a form of ethical, or consensual, non-monogamy, and infidelity is both unethical and non consensual.
Also you can be in a polyamorous relationship and still cheat. It all depends on what structure people are consenting to, where everyone's boundaries are. Granted it is more rare but it still happens sometimes. For example I have a pretty strict boundary where I don't want any of my existing partners to start dating any of my new partners until I've had a chance to establish the relationship dynamic between me and the new person. I would consider any of my partners crossing this boundary to be a type of cheating.
yep, polyamory has redefined cheating for me and it's much more grounded now than it used to be. cheating is breaking established agreements. in a monogamous relationship that's typically defined as infidelity. in ENM it can be just about anything and it might be different with each and every partner. the key aspect is that there's a mutual agreement and that agreement was violated.