Which is why I don't feel bad for verbally abusing it when I say "text [name] don't forget to put those breadsticks away period if you don't eat them comma I will" and the infernal machine does a google search for that instead sending a text to [name] with the message "Don't forget to put those breadsticks away. If you don't eat them, I will."

Yeah assistant I wanted to see fuckin reddit threads loosely related to breadsticks and texting, I super didn't want you to do the thing I explicitly said to do.