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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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Still a valuable anecdote IMO. But a 50x decrease is substantial, especially for guys. Some guys might not have ever had 50 matches. More importantly, do you think you wouldn’t have had, or noticed, your high quality matches if your profile had stayed more broadly appealing?
The impact depends on the app, too. OkCupid has different algorithms than Tinder, and those might punish a particular person less. So switching apps up might work really well for some people.
But it’s also an unfortunate reality that dating apps are less useful than they used to be, largely because the companies are more focused on monetizing them than on providing the best experience possible. If you’ve tried a few apps, a few different approaches on each app, have had people review your profile and so on, and it’s still not working, then you should definitely focus your efforts elsewhere.
It was my goal to arrange an in person date pretty much ASAP assuming there weren't any massive red flags in chat. And, I certainly wasn't drowning in matches with my initial approach either, I absolutely had the time to go on a date with every match I got... Not like anyone was in danger of falling through the cracks. So, I don't think there was any danger that I wouldn't have noticed good matches.
I don't know. Maybe I'm also burying the hook here but I'm NOT college aged anymore. I was in my early 30s when I switched it up. There is a pretty big demographic shift of singles in that age range that makes it less unfavorable for men. Maybe it had nothing to do with my approach and I just coasted to greater success on the prevailing winds and have been wrongly taking credit for it. I dunno.
Without a doubt though, my own relationship with the apps themselves improved significantly when I stopped treating it like a game to win. It's so much easier on your mental state to stop micromanaging your image and just faithfully represent yourself knowing and coming to peace with the fact that a lot of people won't like you. Maybe it was age, but maybe it was just the maturity that came with age. Maybe you can get that maturity without necessarily having the age. I don't know. I don't have enough lives to do a properly controlled experiment.
Dating sucks, though. I don't ever miss being single. My heart goes out to all y'all.