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Why is this happening to me?!
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A pastafarian holding back vampires is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in the Dresden files.
A pastafarian would just get garlic
No. The Pastafarian would already be protected due to copious amounts of ingested garlic while enjoying the holy daily portion of ramen.
Perhaps, though the Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a rhetorical device than something people tend to sincerely believe.
It’s hard enough in vampire fiction to find true believers in conventional religion.