953
Offering solutions is annoying
(lemmy.world)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2023
953 points (94.9% liked)
Comic Strips
23833 readers
190 users here now
Comic Strips is a community for those who love comic stories.
Rules
-
π Be Nice!
- Treat others with respect and dignity. Friendly banter is okay, as long as it is mutual; keyword: friendly.
-
ποΈ Community Standards
- Comics should be a full story, from start to finish, in one post.
- Posts should be safe and enjoyable by the majority of community members, both here on lemmy.world and other instances.
- Any comic that would qualify as raunchy, lewd, or otherwise draw unwanted attention by nosy coworkers, spouses, or family members should be tagged as NSFW.
- Moderators have final say on what and what does not qualify as appropriate. Use common sense, and if need be, err on the side of caution.
-
𧬠Keep it Real
- Comics should be made and posted by real human beans, not by automated means like bots or AI. This is not the community for that sort of thing.
-
π½οΈ Credit Where Credit is Due
- Comics should include the original attribution to the artist(s) involved, and be unmodified. Bonus points if you include a link back to their website. When in doubt, use a reverse image search to try to find the original version. Repeat offenders will have their posts removed, be temporarily banned from posting, or if all else fails, be permanently banned from posting.
- Attributions include, but are not limited to, watermarks, links, or other text or imagery that artists add to their comics to use for identification purposes. If you find a comic without any such markings, it would be a good idea to see if you can find an original version. If one cannot be found, say so and ask the community for help!
-
π Post Formatting
- Post an image, gallery, or link to a specific comic hosted on another site; e.g., the author's website.
- Meta posts about the community should be tagged with [Meta] either at the beginning or the end of the post title.
- When linking to a comic hosted on another site, ensure the link is to the comic itself and not just to the website; e.g.,
β Correct: https://xkcd.com/386/
β Incorrect: https://xkcd.com/
-
π¬ Post Frequency/SPAM
- Each user (regardless of instance) may post up to five (5 π) comics a day. This can be any combination of personal comics you have written yourself, or other author's comics. Any comics exceeding five (5 π) will be removed.
-
π΄ββ οΈ Internationalization (i18n)
- Non-English posts are welcome. Please tag the post title with the original language, and include an English translation in the body of the post; e.g.,
SΓ, por favor [Spanish/EspaΓ±ol]
- Non-English posts are welcome. Please tag the post title with the original language, and include an English translation in the body of the post; e.g.,
-
πΏ Moderation
- We are human, just like most everybody else on Lemmy. If you feel a moderation decision was made in error, you are welcome to reach out to anybody on the moderation team for clarification. Keep in mind that moderation decisions may be final.
- When reporting posts and/or comments, quote which rule is being broken, and why you feel it broke the rules.
Banned Artists
The following artists are banned from the community.
- Jago
- Stonetoss
It should be noted that when you make reports, it is your responsibility to provide rational reasoning why something should be removed. Saying it simply breaks community rules is not always good enough.
Web Accessibility
Note: This is not a rule, but a helpful suggestion.
When posting images, you should strive to add alt-text for screen readers to use to describe the image you're posting:
Another helpful thing to do is to provide a transcription of the text in your images, as well as brief descriptions of what's going on. (example)
Web of Links
- !linuxmemes@lemmy.world: "I use Arch btw"
- !memes@lemmy.world: memes (you don't say!)
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Concurrently, constantly telling a rational problem solver problems and not letting them offer solutions ALSO takes a mental toll on the listener.
It's bidirectional. It probably will result in compassion fatigue.
The problem is 9 times out of 10, your problem solving won't help because they've already thought of the fix or you don't have enough of the nuance involved to offer a viable solution. So to insist on offering, means that your partner now has to balance your ego and how to tell you "yeah I know" or why your idea won't work.
Top the rational thinker, the problem is "I need to vent my emotions in a healthy manner" and the rational solution is "listen" and if the problem transitions from "I need to vent" to "I need help" then you can work on a solution together.
The core problem, as always, is communication.
If you want to vent, or gain some compassion and care, and you're talking about your problems to a problem solver - say it.
Don't say "I have problem A and I don't need solutions". Say "I know what to do with this, but it's very frustrating and I need your support". Yes, just like that. Admit, with words, that you want them to care for you. That's it.
If you're a problem solver, and you know the other person is often willing to just vent, or if you're not completely sure your advice is wanted, ask it.
Don't say "Just do B, problem solved". Say "I might have some ideas on how to help you. Do you want my advice or should I just be there for you?". And then if they want it - go for it! Don't expect them to be ignorant of simple solutions; most likely they already thought them over, and either dismissed them for reasons not obvious to you from the first glance, or they already made it part of their plan.
Talk such things through, it will do wonders. For both of you.
I completely agree that you need to communicate. But that is outside the issue posed by the previous poster who said that it's too emotionally taxing to just listen when you want to problem solve. Their comment implies that the conversation has been had, they know their partner just needs to vent, but being the listener their partner needs will cause "compassion fatigue"
So I attempted to rephrase it so that the "rational problem solver" could satisfy their "need to problem solve in contradiction to what their partner needs" by presenting it in a way that listening, is in fact the solution, to the problem at hand.
Fair, but let's be honest, most of the time a partner may not want to hear about a solution because they first want compassion and understanding. Be willing to listen, and your partner will talk about a solution when they are ready.
I can't speak to "most of the time" as I only have experience with my relationships. In my current one, problem solving and empathy both are used to great results.
ya, I think the person b4 you is jumping to conclusions a bit. What matters is what works for the couple, not some generalized assumption about their dynamic. The meme could have been in jest and if we want to give OP the benefit of the doubt here then it probably is