We're pretty much in the "find out" phase at this point. It's not pointless to make an effort to improve the world, but the reality is more and more people are so focused on trying to survive that there's no energy left.

I turn 44 next month, and the most purchasing power I've had was on the first day of my first job a month after 9/11. Newspaper editing was in retrospect a poor industry to go into, but what we faced starting 15 years ago is now what everybody's facing: the industries willing to pay for experience are niche, those jobs are only available if you met the right people in college, and everyone else is expected to smile and pay more than half their wages to housing.

I know every generation thinks they have things uniquely bad, but for those younger than me, the '80s and '90s were an era where people still bought a house to live in, not as a way to make money in three years. Starter homes were still being built. That's what we were told to expect. Work your ass off in your 20s and 30s, fix your housing costs and enjoy the income experience nets you.

It's a farce. My annual raise this year vis-a-vis my rent increase has left me with a singularly shitty choice: food or rent. No, I shouldn't have to get a roommate decades into my career. No, I shouldn't need a side hustle. Those are the options people immediately jump to, which comes with a starting proposition of: you don't deserve the basics your landlord did.

Fuck that. I'm not renewing my apartment lease. I'll find a vehicle I can live in and deal with the hassles of that instead of the first $20K a year I make after taxes and after insurance going to someone who got into the property market while it was about places to live instead of gambling.

I relay all this because the answer I found is not participating in the parts of society that will never benefit me. The only way I've found to lessen the existential dread is to question more and more assumptions that were fed to me growing up.