This, only chicken.

We have a pet chicken, and whoever has her on their lap is exempt from being asked favors that require moving

We may need at least one more chicken, since they do better with others. If any new ones are as cuddly and sweet as our current bird, we are fucked. No one will ever get anything done.

And yes, I know, "pet chicken". Kind of bonkers. If you'd asked me in October if I would be walking around my house with a chicken on my shoulder, I would have laughed at you. What's really hilarious is that we got her because of our other chicken. But the other chicken was actually a rooster, not a hen, and is anti social with other chickens, it turns out.

But I'll tell you this much. If you can see a little pullet bouncing across the floor, trilling and flapping its wings to hop on your lap for cuddles, and don't melt just a little, you're not human lol.

This little fucking bird (that's not so little now) gets up on my chest, nestles into my beard, and just trills when she's ready to sleep. How the fuck am I going to wake her up just because someone in the house is bleeding to death? Nope, the bird will wake up eventually, and mops are there to clean up blood. They can just put pressure on the wound and wait.