How to phrase this...

Women's behavior towards men's emotions is like...it's their very very favorite TV show, but they hate almost all of the episodes. They want you to be emotional, they want you to be in touch with your feelings...until you actually do, and she throws the remote through the screen because it's not one of the very few episodes of this show that she likes.

There are words I just don't say out loud in any context anymore because of this. "Love" is one of them. One of my exes would throw a three act opera of a shit fit if I said something like "I love jalapenos on pizza" because "You'll say you love PEPPERS but not ME!" Well yeah, Tiffany; 1 because the word has different meanings when applied to food vs applied to a person, and 2 we've been dating for five weeks at this point; I'm still in the stage of trying to determine if you're sane enough to get serious with, and early exit polls aren't looking very promising." So I say things like "I really enjoy jalapenos on pizza" and I sound like a cyborg but I'm not sitting through another fucking meltdown like that.