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this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
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I don't know your friend, but he may feel like he's losing you as well. The world is burning and cishet men have trouble finding a place to be safe. We assume they don't need one, but most of the space they have is not good.
It's hard to do what I'm going to suggest when you are suffering as well, so put yourself first. Forget any groups, treat you two as your community and ask what exactly is bothering him. What happens that make him feel oppressed? How does you supporting another community harm him? If anything else, his pain is real, he can't put it into words and end up invalidated. That's actually a point you have in common, you may start there.
agreed. imo cishet men (especially white men) tend to have their problems completely overlooked and invalidated by our community just because they are comparatively privileged, but that’s not right. they absolutely do have problems they have to deal with too, plenty of which are from the patriarchy, and i think that just talking to him about what he’s feeling is totally the best way to go about this.
I mean they're also the group that features the ringleaders of the worst shit happening.
And I'm sure that comforts them when the mental health crisis gripping them leads to another suicide or more alcoholism or drug abuse. I know when I'm struggling with the weight of everything in dealing with I tell myself "Well, at least white people control the economy and nation." And then all my problems go away and I continue happy knowing I can oppress minorities and women /s
i don’t follow. that doesn’t mean all of them are terrible? i’m sure all the men who feel like they can’t talk to anyone about their problems like sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, and unfair expectations from a patriarchal society are really comforted by the thought that it’s people just like them that cause others unbelievable suffering. that’ll really boost their spirits!