All of this resists easy categories because we are talking about people and societies (which are both incredibly complicated).

The position that "genitals are the only thing that matters in all cases" is very much not a position I agree with. I had such bad bottom dysphoria that I got the surgery. But I have friends who are gender conforming, sexy women that don't experience bottom dysphoria and have no plans for surgery. They are no less trans or less women because of it.

In the community, the term "non-op" is often used to refer to people who can get where they want to be without surgery (wish it had been me, would have been a lot less work), and "Pre-op" / "post-op" for people who do want it, depending on status.

You may very well have talked to people who said "my surgery was everything, I needed it so much and that was what I needed to feel happy". That's a completely legit way to feel, I don't want to downplay that. For me personally, hormones were almost as important; for a lot of people hormones are The Thing, for others it's attire and presentation and social interaction.

I can't give you simple answers. There aren't any.